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» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Circus: Christmas is banned! (Page 1)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Circus: Christmas is banned!
Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829

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Every year, someone gets their knickers in a twist about a shouty missing-the-point tabloid headline about someone banning Christmas somewhere.

We don't seem to have had one thus far this year, so let's pre-empt it and have some fun banning Christmas.

We need to start with an august (or not so august) body that has banned Christmas this year - announced in tabloid headline style. The next person follows with the reason, then their august body for the next player to explain.

Let's start with

The Council of the University of Oxford have banned Christmas! because...

AG

[ 21. February 2010, 12:43: Message edited by: Imaginary Friend ]

--------------------
"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869

Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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The majority of the university neither know who Christ was nor what a mass is.

The Revd Ian Paisley has banned Christmas because . . .

--------------------
"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.

Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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...the Antichrist in Rome celebrates it so it must be of the Devil!

- - - -

The Meteorological Office has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Foaming Draught
The Low in Low Church
# 9134

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All the Ding Dong Merrilies are causing a High, and all the star-gazing wise men are causing a Lo!

Madame Dom's Discreet Establishment for Gentlemen has banned Christmas because:

FD

Posts: 8661 | From: Et in Australia Ego | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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.... all her customers have been naughty little boys.

PETA has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Drifting Star

Drifting against the wind
# 12799

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... they gave the vote to the turkeys.

The Environment Agency has banned Christmas because...

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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus

Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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...the slaughter of Christmas trees is depleting the earth's oxygen cycle.

The Court of The Lord Lyon has banned Christmas because...

Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Loveheart

Blue-scarved menace
# 12249

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"Hark the Herald" isn't registered with them.

St Edmundsbury Borough Council have banned Christmas because...

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You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 3638 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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Nobody has carried out any risk assessments.

The Scout Association has banned Christmas because ...

--------------------
"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
andythehat

Ship's Flying Monk
# 10399

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...there's no way they'd Be Prepared. Less than 3 weeks to go and nowhere near ready...

The Phelps clan have banned Christmas because....

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Get your warm fuzzy feeling here!

Posts: 302 | From: Cambridge, but now Malmesbury, Wiltshire | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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Santa's reindeer are obviously all pooftahs, to say nothing of the Elves!

- - - -

Robert Mugabe has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Satan certainly has never celebrated Christmas and won't begin now.

Bernie Madoff has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Leaf
Shipmate
# 14169

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even children weren't buying his bullshit growth numbers.

Wal-Mart has banned Christmas because...

Posts: 2786 | From: the electrical field | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged
fletcher christian

Mutinous Seadog
# 13919

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cos they reckon if you save your money you might live better....

Santa has banned Christmas because....

--------------------
'God is love insaturable, love impossible to describe'
Staretz Silouan

Posts: 5235 | From: a prefecture | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Loveheart

Blue-scarved menace
# 12249

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why should he be the one who works Christmas EVERY year?

John Cleese has banned Christmas because...

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You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 3638 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Jahlove
Tied to the mast
# 10290

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quote:
Originally posted by Loveheart:

[The Court of The Lord Lyon has banned Christmas because...]



"Hark the Herald" isn't registered with them.


[Overused]

--------------------
“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” - Mark Twain

Posts: 6477 | From: Alice's Restaurant (UK Franchise) | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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quote:
Originally posted by Loveheart:
John Cleese has banned Christmas because...

... he's nearly lost his head.

The Food and Drug Administration has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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Fruitcake has been exposed as a known carcinogen (finally!).

The U.S. Senate has banned Christmas because . . .

--------------------
"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.

Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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The angel host got past security to deliver the good news, and God is refusing to extradite them for trial.


The Pope has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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...with Christ's Vicar on Earth and the Mass, Christ's Presence is already covered.

The Tate has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
pimple

Ship's Irruption
# 10635

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...they think Banksy did it.

Katie Price (Jordan) has banned Christmas because...

[ 08. December 2009, 04:44: Message edited by: pimple ]

--------------------
In other words, just because I made it all up, doesn't mean it isn't true (Reginald Hill)

Posts: 8018 | From: Wonderland | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
pimple

Ship's Irruption
# 10635

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Correcting code. Banksy

--------------------
In other words, just because I made it all up, doesn't mean it isn't true (Reginald Hill)

Posts: 8018 | From: Wonderland | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Liberty

ship's football fanatic
# 713

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quote:
Originally posted by pimple:


Katie Price (Jordan) has banned Christmas because...

she needs to do something to get her photo in the tabloids - it's been a whole 36 minutes since they last covered her.


The Hosts and Admins have banned Christmas because...

--------------------
"I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly"

Posts: 1879 | From: SW2 to 20009 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Drifting Star

Drifting against the wind
# 12799

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they don't mind us offering them gold and frankincense, but...

The Guardian has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus

Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
Foaming Draught
The Low in Low Church
# 9134

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their typesetting spell-checker renders it Hcstrmasi

Virgins have banned Christmas because ...

--------------------
Australians all let us ring Joyce
For she is young and free


Posts: 8661 | From: Et in Australia Ego | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829

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...even coming but once a year is too much for them!

The Wee Frees have banned Christmas because...

AG

P.S. Drifting Star - [Snigger] [Killing me] [Overused]

--------------------
"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869

Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
kingsfold

Shipmate
# 1726

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people might enjoy themselves.


The National Health Service has banned Christmas because...

Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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...all this overindulgence is a national health risk.

The Secret Service have banned Christmas because...

--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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They have lost the laptop with the Christmas card list on.

Fabio Capello* has banned Christmas because

*England's soccer manager.

--------------------
"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
pimple

Ship's Irruption
# 10635

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...his team needs to focus on what is really, really important just now.

Osama bin Laden has banned Christmas because

--------------------
In other words, just because I made it all up, doesn't mean it isn't true (Reginald Hill)

Posts: 8018 | From: Wonderland | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Imaginary Friend

Real to you
# 186

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...he's fed up of being told he looks like Father Christmas.

Richard Dawkins has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough

Posts: 9455 | From: Left a bit... Right a bit... | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
fletcher christian

Mutinous Seadog
# 13919

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...he's too worried about feeding his own delusions rather than anyone else's.

Catherine Tate has banned Christmas because......

--------------------
'God is love insaturable, love impossible to describe'
Staretz Silouan

Posts: 5235 | From: a prefecture | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Loveheart

Blue-scarved menace
# 12249

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its a f***ing liberty! [Hot and Hormonal]

Bruce Forsyth has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 3638 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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...one old codger on prime time is enough.

The Society of Antiquaries has banned Christmas because...

Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Pax Romana
Shipmate
# 4653

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... it cannot be proven that Jesus was actually born on December 25, therefore it is scholastically incorrect to celebrate His birth on that day

Barack Obama has banned Christmas because ...

Pax Romana

--------------------
********************
I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
James Thurber

Posts: 4598 | From: New York City | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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He can't cope with two kids whose sense of entitlement exceeds the Presidential Budget.

The Labour party has banned Xmas

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076

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The rich and the multi-nationals benefit from it far more than the poor do.

The airlines have banned Christmas because

--------------------
A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Loveheart

Blue-scarved menace
# 12249

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they have to pay all their staff triple time

George Michael has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 3638 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

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.. last Christmas, he gave you his heart but the very next day.......

Sorry, but someone had to do it. You'll all be singing it to yourselves for the rest of the week now, even though you hate it. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Church of England has banned Christmas because...

[ 08. December 2009, 22:23: Message edited by: Spike ]

--------------------
"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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... the American Episcopal Church and various African provinces are fighting over who gets to hang their stocking closest to the Archbishop of Canterbury's.

The state of California has banned Christmas because ...

[ 08. December 2009, 23:49: Message edited by: RuthW ]

Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Arnie doesn't do peace anywhere.


My granny has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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...she's still recovering from the incident with the reindeer last year. (My gift to my Circus shipmates- ear worms for all! [Razz] )

McDonald's has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Loveheart

Blue-scarved menace
# 12249

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because everyone is eating turkey/goose etc instead of a Big Mac

Disney has banned Christmas because...

[ 09. December 2009, 07:18: Message edited by: Loveheart ]

--------------------
You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 3638 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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...it should be Bambi, not Rudolf.

The Orange Order has banned Christmas because...

Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tawny
Shipmate
# 11641

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It is too cold to march.

The NHS has banned Christmas because

--------------------
For health and strength and daily food
We praise Thy name, O Lord.

Posts: 167 | From: Bucks UK | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged
Loveheart

Blue-scarved menace
# 12249

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all that kissing under the mistletoe spreads germs

The Caravan Club have banned Christmas because...

--------------------
You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 3638 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
ruleone
Apprentice
# 15321

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... caravans don't have chimneys, and Santa always forgets them.

Greenpeace has banned Christmas!

Posts: 22 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged
Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549

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... Father Christmas delivers presents by air instead of sourcing locally.

Climate change deniers have banned Christmas because...

--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams

Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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No snow!


The Post office has banned Christmas because...

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

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... so many people are posting Christmas cards, they've run out of red elastic bands to throw on the pavement

The BNP have banned Christmas because...

--------------------
"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged



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