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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: AS: Dear Marvin ... The Hell Host Problem Page Thread
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Jen.
Godless Liberal
# 3131
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
Imagine my surprise and dismay upon discovering that I am not part of the In Crowd.
How can I it clearer to TPTB how amazing I am, and therefore gain access?
Yours,
Insecure in Manchester
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Was Jenny Ann, but fancied being more minimal.
Posts: 5318 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: Aug 2002
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Flausa:
Dear Marvin,
I'm a fat, lazy slob who needs some encouragement to lose weight. You're a skinny bloke, could you help?
Dorito Dolly
Dear Blobby,
The problem here is simple: you're so fat you have mass whether the higgs boson exists or not, and you're so lazy you get taken over by continental drift.
You want a tip on how to lose weight? PUT DOWN THE FORK.
Yours slimmingly,
Marvin
[ 09. May 2011, 13:39: Message edited by: Marvin the Martian ]
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jenny Ann:
Dear Marvin,
Imagine my surprise and dismay upon discovering that I am not part of the In Crowd.
How can I it clearer to TPTB how amazing I am, and therefore gain access?
Yours,
Insecure in Manchester
Dear Insecure in Some Northern Dive or Other,
Being part of the In Crowd is all about attitude and belief - specifically having the same attitude and beliefs as the other In Crowders.
It's something you've either got or you haven't. And babe, you have not. Learn to live with it is my best advice.
Yours excludingly,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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lily pad
Shipmate
# 11456
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
I have taken the day off work and yet my mind keeps thinking of all the things I have to do. I find myself day dreaming and planning what I will do when I am back at work tomorrow.
Please, can you wave a magic wand and help me get a life?
With thanks,
Lily Pad
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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!
Posts: 2468 | From: Truly Canadian | Registered: May 2006
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by lily pad:
Dear Marvin,
I have taken the day off work and yet my mind keeps thinking of all the things I have to do. I find myself day dreaming and planning what I will do when I am back at work tomorrow.
Please, can you wave a magic wand and help me get a life?
With thanks,
Lily Pad
Dear Launch Pad,
That's just sad. Really, really sad.
The first thing you need to do is clear your mind of all thought. Do this by focusing on the below dot for one hour*:
code:
.
Once your mind is completely clear, phone up a good friend to come over and bitch-slap some sense into you. Thinking about work on a holiday, indeed. Honestly ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) .
Yours disgustedly,
Marvin
*= or until your eyes start bleeding, whichever happens first.
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Ferijen
Shipmate
# 4719
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
I can't help but look at the respone to H&A day and think 'its not like the old days'. I remember the first H&A day like it was just yesterday. Then there was a proper In Crowd, not like today's young pretenders.
Can you recommend a remedy or am I going to die from the nostalgia of the violins inside my head?
Ferijen
Posts: 3259 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
We once had hoards of fuckwits and loonies on the boards who would spout all sorts of nonsense about CO2 spontaneously seperating out of air and other equally silly notions. I would sit and patiently explain the truth to them, not so that they would learn (some hope) but so that others would see my intellectual superiority and be amazed.
But, we banned so many of them that I now find that the only people I can discuss things with are intelligent and thoughtful individuals who carefully assess the evidence and with wit and clarity demonstrate the flaws in the arguments presented by others. I find that I'm now unable to so clearly demonstrate my obvious superiority.
Just what am I to do?
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ferijen:
Dear Marvin,
I can't help but look at the respone to H&A day and think 'its not like the old days'. I remember the first H&A day like it was just yesterday. Then there was a proper In Crowd, not like today's young pretenders.
Can you recommend a remedy or am I going to die from the nostalgia of the violins inside my head?
Ferijen
Dear Ferrisjen,
The good old days just aren't what they were, are they? Kids today don't know they're even logged on, that's their problem. They're all too lazy and creatively bankrupt to have a good time like we did in the old days.
But the solution is obvious. Stop expecting the kids to do it all, and start some fun stuff going yourself. What's the matter, too lazy or creatively bankrupt to do it? Pah.
Yours nostalgically,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
I've been trying to use the high-falutin' language used in Hell. Look..."**** ". But, it just doesn't seem to have the same effect coming from my keyboard. What is the problem? Is this a hopeless situation?
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Dear Marvin,
We once had hoards of fuckwits and loonies on the boards who would spout all sorts of nonsense about CO2 spontaneously seperating out of air and other equally silly notions. I would sit and patiently explain the truth to them, not so that they would learn (some hope) but so that others would see my intellectual superiority and be amazed.
But, we banned so many of them that I now find that the only people I can discuss things with are intelligent and thoughtful individuals who carefully assess the evidence and with wit and clarity demonstrate the flaws in the arguments presented by others. I find that I'm now unable to so clearly demonstrate my obvious superiority.
Just what am I to do?
Dear Alien Cressage,
Well, you're in a dilly of a pickle there, aren't you? You've banned and banned and banned until only the smart ones are left, and now you're having to have smart discussions with people who are more your equal.
While that really is your own damn fault, there are solutions. One is to reinstate the fuckwits and loonies, with all the attendant headaches. The other is to continue to ban and ban and ban until you, I and Wodders are the only ones left - Wodders so that you'll have someone to run intellectual rings round, and me so you'll have someone to whom you can demonstrate your superiority ![[Smile]](smile.gif) .
Yours slightly-less-smartly,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Dear Marvin,
I've been trying to use the high-falutin' language used in Hell. Look..."**** ". But, it just doesn't seem to have the same effect coming from my keyboard. What is the problem? Is this a hopeless situation?
Dear sithsuzy,
The problem is that you're constrained by the narrow-minded dogmatic view of the Heavenly. A true Host must take a... wider view. Become one with the Hellish Side, and you will find the powers you seek. May the Fucks be with you.
Yours pretty geekily,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Dear Marvin
When the little lad next door saw whatever mindless Star Wars episode it was and Jabba the Hutt appeared he thought it was me.
What punishment would it be appropriate to mete to the little swine, he is three years old so big enough for a thrashing.
yours engrossingly,
WW
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
Dear Marvin
When the little lad next door saw whatever mindless Star Wars episode it was and Jabba the Hutt appeared he thought it was me.
What punishment would it be appropriate to mete to the little swine, he is three years old so big enough for a thrashing.
yours engrossingly,
WW
Dear Jabba,
Feed the little sod to the Rancor.
Yours appetisingly,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Dear Marvin,
We once had hoards of fuckwits and loonies . . .
You used to store them somewhere? Looks like they still leak out from time to time.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Flausa
Mad Woman
# 3466
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
I once had delusions of grandeur, but couldn't handle the pressure. You seem to be quite deluded, any tips?
Flausa the Fairly Fabulous
[ 09. May 2011, 21:22: Message edited by: Marvin the Martian ]
Posts: 4610 | From: bonny Scotland | Registered: Oct 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
I believed that, after the fine example of problem page agony uncles set by Rev Gerald and Uncle Sine, you wouldn't be up to it and this thread would be really lame. But I realise now that I was wrong. How will you ever forgive me.
Yours cynically but repentantly,
Chorister
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ags
Knocked up
# 204
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Posted
Dear Marvin
I was browsing the gallery and found this pic of Wodders
I am now madly in love, but unfortunately I am a girl.
Can you help?
Yours (with palpitations)
Ags ![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
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I think that we are most ourselves at our best, because that is what God intended us to be. The us we really like, the us that others love to be with. Moth
Posts: 2707 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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Banner Lady
Ship's Ensign
# 10505
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
When I try to misbehave it never works. I fear that there might be a heavenly hand looking after me just a tad too well. What should I do?
BL (too good to be bad)
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Women in the church are not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be enjoyed.
Posts: 7080 | From: Canberra Australia | Registered: Oct 2005
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Flausa:
Dear Marvin,
I once had delusions of grandeur, but couldn't handle the pressure. You seem to be quite deluded, any tips?
Flausa the Fairly Fabulous
Dear Flawowser,
It may seem like delusion to the deluded, but I can assure you that my grandeur is quite genuine.
You seem to have come to terms with your delusion. Good for you.
Yours patronisingly,
Marvin
[ 09. May 2011, 21:23: Message edited by: Marvin the Martian ]
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
Dear Marvin,
I believed that, after the fine example of problem page agony uncles set by Rev Gerald and Uncle Sine, you wouldn't be up to it and this thread would be really lame. But I realise now that I was wrong. How will you ever forgive me.
Yours cynically but repentantly,
Chorister
Dear Sorblister,
Yes, Gerald and Sine were talented exponents of this genre, but you are quite right to recognise my inherent superiority.
As for your lack of faith, well I'm sure I can find it in my heart to forgive. Maybe. You know where to send the whisky.
Yours indulgently,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ags:
Dear Marvin
I was browsing the gallery and found this pic of Wodders
I am now madly in love, but unfortunately I am a girl.
Can you help?
Yours (with palpitations)
Ags
Dear Aaaaaghs,
Well, it's a slightly trickier operation than the other way round but if you can find a suitable organ donor I'm sure something can be arranged.
Yours medically,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Banner Lady:
Dear Marvin,
When I try to misbehave it never works. I fear that there might be a heavenly hand looking after me just a tad too well. What should I do?
BL (too good to be bad)
Dear Banana Laddie,
Heavenly hand my ass. Are you quite sure you really want to be bad, because I think you're subconsciously sabotaging your own attempts at evil.
Which means you're just one more fluffy bunny. Fortunately I know just what to do - get together a carving knife, some seasonal veg and a nice merlot and pop round to my place. We'll have a "rare" old time, after which I promise you'll never have a worry again.
Yours 'taste'fully,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
I'm actually enjoying this whole "Minor God of Chaos" thing that comes along with being a temporary Circushost. In **** , I'm almost sad that it might have to come to an end.
Please Marvin. How do I keep my newfound power from going to my head? I . . . I like Doing Stuff too much!
—Blooddrunk
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
Heavenly hand my ass.
Watch what you ask for.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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itokro
Shipmate
# 16135
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
It is past midnight and I have early lectures tomorrow morning, yet here I am, perusing the Ship. Every time I consider leaving to get some sleep, I spot yet more amusing products of Hosts & Admins day and am compelled to read further. Is it possible to remain a Shipmate without failing my degree?
Yours addictedly,
itokro
Posts: 74 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2011
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
Dearest itty-bitty teeny-tiny student:
Since Marvin is doubtless asleep in the arms of Lethe (I think that's his Wife) I will take it upon myself to answer in loco Hostis, as it were.
You really expected to join the ship and study for a degree?
Delusions set in early, don't they?
Yours faithfully,
The Real Hellhost
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Patdys
Iron Wannabe
RooK-Annoyer
# 9397
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Posted
The real hell host wouldn't sign his missives the real hell host becos his missives would carry the gravitas of the real hell host in every real hell hosty word. So, I might just point out that I haven't signed this pearl the real hell host and let you commoners draw your own conclusion.
And Pete, ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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Marathon run. Next Dream. Australian this time.
Posts: 3511 | Registered: Apr 2005
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:
Dear Marvin,
I'm actually enjoying this whole "Minor God of Chaos" thing that comes along with being a temporary Circushost. In **** , I'm almost sad that it might have to come to an end.
Please Marvin. How do I keep my newfound power from going to my head? I . . . I like Doing Stuff too much!
—Blooddrunk
dear Blooddrunk: at first it's so GRAND, isn't it? and you (and I) are getting all the good bits as temp H&A Day hosts. But when it's a daily grind of following shitloads of youtube links and reading dumbass screeds by people enamored by their own (false) belief in their brilliance, as well as fixing code because some people are too stupid to fart without assistance...
***breathe in, breath out...***
anyway.
count your lucky stars. temp hosting is sexy. regular hosting is hard work, and the pay sucks.
(she says while missing being part of the elite....*sigh*)
sincerely,
cometrocious, Retired Hellhost
Still all the bark, no more of the bite.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
Still all the bark, no more of the bite.
Oh good, so the Prilosec is working? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Patdys:
Nah, we had her spayed.
Well I think she's a diamond.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
...But when it's a daily grind of following shitloads of youtube links and reading dumbass screeds by people enamored by their own (false) belief in their brilliance, as well as fixing code because some people are too stupid to fart without assistance...
Preach it, sister!
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Barefoot Friar
Ship's Shoeless Brother
# 13100
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Dear Marvin,
We once had hoards of fuckwits and loonies . . .
You used to store them somewhere? Looks like they still leak out from time to time.
Rotflshmsfoaidmt!
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Do your little bit of good where you are; its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. -- Desmond Tutu
Posts: 1621 | From: Warrior Mountains | Registered: Oct 2007
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:
Dear Marvin,
I'm actually enjoying this whole "Minor God of Chaos" thing that comes along with being a temporary Circushost. In **** , I'm almost sad that it might have to come to an end.
Please Marvin. How do I keep my newfound power from going to my head? I . . . I like Doing Stuff too much!
—Blooddrunk
Dear BloodyDrunk,
Good. Good. Feel the chaos flowing through you. You only have a limited time, so take it for all it's worth. The Circus Hosts can always put things right again afterwards...
Yours chaotically,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by itokro:
Dear Marvin,
It is past midnight and I have early lectures tomorrow morning, yet here I am, perusing the Ship. Every time I consider leaving to get some sleep, I spot yet more amusing products of Hosts & Admins day and am compelled to read further. Is it possible to remain a Shipmate without failing my degree?
Yours addictedly,
itokro
Dear itokokotheclownokro,
You poor sad fool. Pete was right - there is no hope. You are now one of us. Sleep is irrelevant. Resistance is futile.
Yours somnambulantly,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by PeteC:
Since Marvin is doubtless asleep in the arms of Lethe (I think that's his Wife) I will take it upon myself to answer in loco Hostis, as it were.
Dear Peat,
While we all know that your dearest wish is to be just like me in every way, I'm afraid it's just not to be. I'm not a naturally gregarious Host at the best of times, let alone when I'm having to read all these damned support threads every day. Go and get your own band of concerned supplicants - these ones are MINE ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Yours territorially,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
Dear Marvin
I have lots of work to do but find myself drawn irresistably to the Ship and other sundry websites of the genre I believe is known as "social networking".
How can I prevent myself from being distracted?
--------------------
This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.
Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
Dear Marvin
I have lots of work to do but find myself drawn irresistably to the Ship and other sundry websites of the genre I believe is known as "social networking".
How can I prevent myself from being distracted?
Dear chuckoffski,
Are you a sockpuppet of itokakekikokukro? you certainly have a very similar problem. Suspiciously similar, even. Remain exactly where you are while I check your IPs. Check complete. Do not concern yourself. No agents will visit. Honest. The sound of rotors overhead is nothing to be alarmed about.
Yours ominously,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
Dear Marvin
I am a church minister but I know one day they will rumble me and I will find myself having to work for a living.
Could you suggest another career for a power-mad, control-freak, who only works on a Sunday?
Anselmina (the Barely-Reverend) (Take that whatever way you want....)
--------------------
Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
Dear Marvin
I am a church minister but I know one day they will rumble me and I will find myself having to work for a living.
Could you suggest another career for a power-mad, control-freak, who only works on a Sunday?
Anselmina (the Barely-Reverend) (Take that whatever way you want....)
Dear Ansermenow,
You seem ideally suited for a job as stadium manager for an American Football team.
Yours lackadaisically,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
I want to get release my inner hellion, but it seems to have gone missing. What do I do?
Yours worriedly,
[ 10. May 2011, 13:34: Message edited by: kingsfold ]
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by kingsfold:
Dear Marvin,
I want to get release my inner hellion, but it seems to have gone missing. What do I do?
Yours worriedly,
Dear kongsfled,
Yes, this is a common ailment in those who see their need to become more Hellish than they already are. Fear not! You may yet avoid the "seasonal veg and nice merlot" ending normally reserved for those who fail.
The first thing to realise is this: if your "inner Hellion" has gone missing, then it does not need to be released! Quite the opposite, you must track it down and recapture it! I recommend the Central Line at about 5:15pm on a Wednesday as a good place to start looking, followed by the middle lane of the M25 near Heathrow.
If you can get through both of those without reacquiring your Hellish tempers, then try going to Runcorn. It's frigging horrible, is Runcorn. Ain't nobody gets out of there still being all sunshine and lollipops. It's the sort of place that would make St Francis kick the dog.
Yours educationally,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176
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Posted
Dear Marvin,
I was recently told that I was not quite as unpleasant as Zombie Hitler. This was obviously hurtful in the extreme since my quest for perfection requires me to be at least as, if not more, unpleasant than that. Is there some way I can achieve this state of unpleasantness without a megalomaniacal quest for world domination and the involvement of voodoo priests?
Moderately unpleasantly yours,
BessHiggs
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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs
Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by BessHiggs:
Dear Marvin,
I was recently told that I was not quite as unpleasant as Zombie Hitler. This was obviously hurtful in the extreme since my quest for perfection requires me to be at least as, if not more, unpleasant than that. Is there some way I can achieve this state of unpleasantness without a megalomaniacal quest for world domination and the involvement of voodoo priests?
Moderately unpleasantly yours,
BessHiggs
Dear BossHogg,
There are some who are just so perfectly evil that no-one can ever improve on them. Zombie Hitler is one such legend. You're obviously not going to be anywhere near as unpleasant, especially if you don't want to go for the megalomaniacal quest for world domination, voodoo priests or no.
My advice would be to accept your station in life and focus on small, localised unpleasantness. You'll soon be less popular in your (erstwhile) friend's mind than any undead dictator you'd care to name .
Yours locally,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
Dear Marvin:
Did you know people expect you to pay for stuff like telephone and internet and electricity? even groceries and car repairs! Not only that, you have to keep paying over and over. what the hell's with that?
stingily,
comet
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
Dear Marvin:
Did you know people expect you to pay for stuff like telephone and internet and electricity? even groceries and car repairs! Not only that, you have to keep paying over and over. what the hell's with that?
stingily,
comet
Dear Currys,
Yeah, you've got to pay for stuff. People don't work for free, you know. Pay your way or get off the planet!
Yours capitalistically,
Marvin
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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LRP
Shipmate
# 5013
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Posted
Really had a good giggle with all these problem's and reply's.
Well done Marvin.
Posts: 420 | From: Yorkshire lass, born and bred. | Registered: Sep 2003
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