homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | Register | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » AS: Dear Marvin ... The Hell Host Problem Page Thread (Page 2)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: AS: Dear Marvin ... The Hell Host Problem Page Thread
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

 - Posted      Profile for Marvin the Martian     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
Dear Marvin

I have lots of work to do but find myself drawn irresistably to the Ship and other sundry websites of the genre I believe is known as "social networking".

How can I prevent myself from being distracted?

Dear chuckoffski,

Are you a sockpuppet of itokakekikokukro? you certainly have a very similar problem. Suspiciously similar, even. Remain exactly where you are while I check your IPs. Check complete. Do not concern yourself. No agents will visit. Honest. The sound of rotors overhead is nothing to be alarmed about.

Yours ominously,

Marvin

--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 29844 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032

 - Posted      Profile for Anselmina     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Dear Marvin
I am a church minister but I know one day they will rumble me and I will find myself having to work for a living.

Could you suggest another career for a power-mad, control-freak, who only works on a Sunday?

Anselmina (the Barely-Reverend) (Take that whatever way you want....)

--------------------
Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!

Posts: 9930 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

 - Posted      Profile for Marvin the Martian     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
Dear Marvin
I am a church minister but I know one day they will rumble me and I will find myself having to work for a living.

Could you suggest another career for a power-mad, control-freak, who only works on a Sunday?

Anselmina (the Barely-Reverend) (Take that whatever way you want....)

Dear Ansermenow,

You seem ideally suited for a job as stadium manager for an American Football team.

Yours lackadaisically,

Marvin

--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 29844 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
kingsfold

Shipmate
# 1726

 - Posted      Profile for kingsfold   Email kingsfold   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Dear Marvin,

I want to get release my inner hellion, but it seems to have gone missing. What do I do?

Yours worriedly,

[ 10. May 2011, 13:34: Message edited by: kingsfold ]

Posts: 4442 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

 - Posted      Profile for Marvin the Martian     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by kingsfold:
Dear Marvin,

I want to get release my inner hellion, but it seems to have gone missing. What do I do?

Yours worriedly,

Dear kongsfled,

Yes, this is a common ailment in those who see their need to become more Hellish than they already are. Fear not! You may yet avoid the "seasonal veg and nice merlot" ending normally reserved for those who fail.

The first thing to realise is this: if your "inner Hellion" has gone missing, then it does not need to be released! Quite the opposite, you must track it down and recapture it! I recommend the Central Line at about 5:15pm on a Wednesday as a good place to start looking, followed by the middle lane of the M25 near Heathrow.

If you can get through both of those without reacquiring your Hellish tempers, then try going to Runcorn. It's frigging horrible, is Runcorn. Ain't nobody gets out of there still being all sunshine and lollipops. It's the sort of place that would make St Francis kick the dog.

Yours educationally,

Marvin

--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 29844 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176

 - Posted      Profile for BessLane   Email BessLane   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Dear Marvin,

I was recently told that I was not quite as unpleasant as Zombie Hitler. This was obviously hurtful in the extreme since my quest for perfection requires me to be at least as, if not more, unpleasant than that. Is there some way I can achieve this state of unpleasantness without a megalomaniacal quest for world domination and the involvement of voodoo priests?

Moderately unpleasantly yours,
BessHiggs

--------------------
It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs

Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

 - Posted      Profile for Marvin the Martian     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by BessHiggs:
Dear Marvin,

I was recently told that I was not quite as unpleasant as Zombie Hitler. This was obviously hurtful in the extreme since my quest for perfection requires me to be at least as, if not more, unpleasant than that. Is there some way I can achieve this state of unpleasantness without a megalomaniacal quest for world domination and the involvement of voodoo priests?

Moderately unpleasantly yours,
BessHiggs

Dear BossHogg,

There are some who are just so perfectly evil that no-one can ever improve on them. Zombie Hitler is one such legend. You're obviously not going to be anywhere near as unpleasant, especially if you don't want to go for the megalomaniacal quest for world domination, voodoo priests or no.

My advice would be to accept your station in life and focus on small, localised unpleasantness. You'll soon be less popular in your (erstwhile) friend's mind than any undead dictator you'd care to name [Smile] .

Yours locally,

Marvin

--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 29844 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

 - Posted      Profile for comet   Author's homepage   Email comet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Dear Marvin:

Did you know people expect you to pay for stuff like telephone and internet and electricity? even groceries and car repairs! Not only that, you have to keep paying over and over. what the hell's with that?

stingily,
comet

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17022 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

 - Posted      Profile for Marvin the Martian     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
Dear Marvin:

Did you know people expect you to pay for stuff like telephone and internet and electricity? even groceries and car repairs! Not only that, you have to keep paying over and over. what the hell's with that?

stingily,
comet

Dear Currys,

Yeah, you've got to pay for stuff. People don't work for free, you know. Pay your way or get off the planet!

Yours capitalistically,

Marvin

--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 29844 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
LRP
Shipmate
# 5013

 - Posted      Profile for LRP   Email LRP   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Really had a good giggle with all these problem's and reply's.

Well done Marvin.

Posts: 414 | From: Yorkshire lass, born and bred. | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
Check out Reform magazine
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
  ship of fools