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» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Circus: The Elegance of Language (Page 1)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Circus: The Elegance of Language
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Going on one of my favourite walks, I found myself smiling again at the notice pinned to a gate which says 'Please ensure gate closure'. Not satisfied with a mere 'Shut the gate!' the notice-poster is obviously a person of fine words.

Can you think of other examples of how language can be used elegantly, rather than bluntly, to get a message across. The next poster can provide a more eloquent way of saying:

Shut up!

and then post their own instruction or phrase to be beautified.

[ 12. February 2012, 01:03: Message edited by: Imaginary Friend ]

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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When I was on Iona as a vollie one of the maintenance vollie's was I think German. Therefore when he painted a bench the notice did not say "Wet Paint" it said "Sticky"

Jengie

--------------------
"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

Back to my blog

Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549

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quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
Shut up!

Refrain from further locution

Is that the kind of thing you mean?

Dogs must be carried

--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams

Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Please ensure that your canine companion is cradled in your arms.

Queue up!

--------------------
Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176

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AS music sooths the savage breast, so too shall the formation of an orderly line quell the unease of a random gathering.

All employees must wash their hands before returning to work.

--------------------
It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs

Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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[tangent]
quote:
Originally posted by Dafyd:
Dogs must be carried ...

What if I haven't got a dog? [Frown]

[/tangent OFF]

Back to the game:

The return to a hygienic condition of the manual extremities is required in preparation for the resumption of operational activities.

Keep off the grass

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Kindly avoid applying pedal extremities to the lawn.

Go boil your head.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Please apply wet heat to your head until it is suitably soft.

Stop teasing the baby!

--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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Kindly refrain from tantalizing the toddler.

No Smoking

--------------------
"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.

Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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I rather like the French turn of phrase: 'Defense de fumer', but given that we have to post in English:

All persons are kindly requested to ensure that no noxious substance enters their oral orifice.

Keep clear!

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
WhateverTheySay
Shipmate
# 16598

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Do not crowd the area in front of you.

Silence in the library

--------------------
I'm not lost, I just don't know where I am going

Posts: 872 | From: Lost in Space, without a map | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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This place of literary excellence and learning is not a place for auditory exclamation.

No Entry

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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We invite you to consider, and hopefully enjoy, the experience of considering and deciding on an alternative route of ingress, as this one is currently unavailable.

I don't want to dance with you.

Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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No one can answer that one better than Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein.

Slight tangent -- I've always been amused by the "Elopement Precaution" sign posted in hospital mental wards. In other words, be careful of who might follow you out the door.

No right turn on red

--------------------
"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.

Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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Dextral progress is forbidden in the presence of rubineous luminescence.

Beware of the dog

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Be cognizant of the fact that a canine dwells here which is not a dog that would be classified at the Westminster Dog Show as a "toy" but rather as a "working dog"- an alert, large breed specifically working security. Our security not yours.

Trespassers will be prosecuted

--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Chelley

Ship's Old Boot
# 11322

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Arrestment warning: desist your presence here!

Smart dress only

--------------------
"I love old things, they make me feel sad."
"What's good about sad?"
"It's happy for deep people!"

Sally Sparrow to Kathy - Doctor Who

Posts: 2870 | From: Wonderland, UK | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged
Bob Two-Owls
Shipmate
# 9680

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Evidence of elegance essential.

Danger 10000 volts

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Excuse us, madam or sir, but the thing you are looking at is carrying an extremely large amount of electrical current; touching, licking, or otherwise interacting with it would be inadvisable.

Yield to pedestrians in crosswalk

--------------------
“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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At the point where the hard, metal cans that you are propelling meet with the soft, squishy elements attempting a traversal, allow the squishiness in preference to your metalicity.

Private - staff only

[ 17. October 2011, 18:44: Message edited by: Schroedinger's cat ]

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549

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Employees of this business have the privilege of using this space without intrusion.

If you can read this notice you are driving too close

--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams

Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017

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Kindly decrease your proximity until these words are no longer clearly visible.

No food or drink inside.

Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Please feel free to enjoy the food and beverage items of your choice before entering this establishment.

Trespassers will be shot

--------------------
“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Uninvited visitors will suddenly be well-ventilated.

We reserve the right to refuse service to anybody.

--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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Employees of this establishment are the final arbiters of the suitability of potential clientele.

No smoking

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Bob Two-Owls
Shipmate
# 9680

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A pipe of baccy rich and thick
fills any man with cheer
but also makes the ladies sick
so kindly don't smoke here

Contains small parts

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Please keep this product from young children who tend to put everything in their mouths. And adults who gnaw on pens and pencils.

Don't make me tell you again, young man!

--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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While I - and clearly you - delight in the sound of my voice, and the necessity to replicate previous utterances of mine for the sake of enabling your time-limited brain to obtain the truth of my words.

Warning - pickpockets operate in this area

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
WhateverTheySay
Shipmate
# 16598

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Keep watch of your pockets and bags, for undesirables with intent to steal from them may be within the vicinity.

Keep your dog on a lead

--------------------
I'm not lost, I just don't know where I am going

Posts: 872 | From: Lost in Space, without a map | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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Canine quadrupeds must be suitably restrained.

Buy one, get one free

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
jbohn
Shipmate
# 8753

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Kind sir or madam, if you should (wisely, in my opinion) choose to purchase one of these items, please know that you shall, indeed, receive another, or second, one of them at no further expense to you.

Turn off cellphones.

--------------------
We are punished by our sins, not for them.
--Elbert Hubbard

Posts: 989 | From: East of Eden, west of St. Paul | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
Warning - pickpockets operate in this area

I was thinking "mind the gap" or "Metro opens doors" myself.

Anyhoo, let's go with "Please, for the sake of all involved, depower all portable communications devices. Yes, you. Yes, that device. Yes, really. No, "silent" does not count. Yes, now."

Mind the gap

[ 19. October 2011, 06:00: Message edited by: AristonAstuanax ]

--------------------
“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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When alighting from this conveyance, please be aware that there is no continuous solid ground and therefore no continuous safe passage between this conveyance and the nearest platform.


stop, look, listen, before you cross the road

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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This one is real, and was once visible on tens of thousands of noticeboards and timetables all over the British railway system:

quote:

ADVICE OF SHORT PLATFORMS
A train may, on occasions, be formed with more coaches than can be accommodated at some stations during the course of its journey. Before alighting, passengers should take care to ensure that the station platform is immediately adjacent.



--------------------
Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Pax Romana
Shipmate
# 4653

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quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
...
stop, look, listen, before you cross the road

We advise you to desist walking and ascertain if any wheeled vehicles are likely to squash you into an unrecognizable mess before you attempt to put yourself in front of said vehicles.

Fire Door - Keep Closed

Pax Romana

--------------------
********************
I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
James Thurber

Posts: 4598 | From: New York City | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
WhateverTheySay
Shipmate
# 16598

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This entrance must not be left ajar, for it has been designed to prevent the spread of flames in case of fire.

No noise after 11pm

--------------------
I'm not lost, I just don't know where I am going

Posts: 872 | From: Lost in Space, without a map | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged
Stetson
Shipmate
# 9597

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Sixty minutes prior to the stroke of midnight is the appropriate time to commence refrainment from disruptively audible activities.

Yankee Go Home

--------------------
I have the power...Lucifer is lord!

Posts: 6574 | From: back and forth between bible belts | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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The Northeastern part of the United States is, I am told, a delightful, pleasant place to be. I am told that New England is beautiful in the fall. In fact, seeing as you originate from there, you would know all of this, and I am sure that you would be delighted to return.

Now please wash your hands

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Please would all those using the facilities ensure that they perform stringent manual ablutions using the provided basin, soap dispenser, water and fluffy towel, before exiting.

caution hot water

[ 22. October 2011, 11:48: Message edited by: Chorister ]

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
agrgurich
Shipmate
# 5724

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As you consider the proprtties of this H2O, please pondfr the possibility that its temprtature msy spprosch that of lava.

post no bills

--------------------
Life is a comedy to those who think & a tragedy to those who feel.-Horace Walpole

AJG

Posts: 4478 | From: Michigan's Copper Country | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
WhateverTheySay
Shipmate
# 16598

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The notice board that you see before you is for the benefit of the local community. Therefore we must politely request that you refrain from attaching any notices of payment to the board.

Take your shoes off indoors

--------------------
I'm not lost, I just don't know where I am going

Posts: 872 | From: Lost in Space, without a map | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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Kindly differentiate between outer wear and inner wear, in perticular with reference to foot coverings, when transitioning between the external and internal environments.

Nothing to declare

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504

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Only use this method of egress if you are not carrying any items of contraband material or are carrying no more than the permitted levels of taxable commodities.

may contain nuts

--------------------
"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)

Posts: 3333 | From: Rhymney Valley, South Wales | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged
churchgeek

Have candles, will pray
# 5557

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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
This place of literary excellence and learning is not a place for auditory exclamation.


But what if you discover something that will absolutely rock your little sub-section of your broader section of the academic world?

--------------------
I reserve the right to change my mind.

My article on the Virgin of Vladimir

Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
churchgeek

Have candles, will pray
# 5557

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quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
may contain nuts

Perchance you shall find in this product some fragments of the fruit of a nut tree, which, if your immune system is prone to misinterpret as a threat, you ought to avoid.

Hard hat area

[ 22. October 2011, 20:22: Message edited by: churchgeek ]

--------------------
I reserve the right to change my mind.

My article on the Virgin of Vladimir

Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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quote:
Hard hat area
Cranial armour in the form of an approved chapeau is considered essential in the present environs.

Water under the bridge.

--------------------
Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/

Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by no_prophet:


Water under the bridge.

Shame we are restricted to English, Aqua sub pontis has a ring to it. Oh well, here goes.

The structure by which one may proceed from this side of the stream, river or canal passes over said interruption to passage on dry land.

Horses for courses.

--------------------
"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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The appropriate variety of equine quadruped is recommended for the desired event outcome.

Keep left (on the road)

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Pax Romana
Shipmate
# 4653

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When operating an automobile, you must maneuver the vehicle over to the left side of the road you are traveling on and remain on the left side of the road for the duration of your journey.*

No food or beverages allowed

Pax Romana

*However, if you are operating an automobile in the United States, you had better move over to the right side of the road if you want to avoid some very nasty consequences.

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I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
James Thurber

Posts: 4598 | From: New York City | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
Stetson
Shipmate
# 9597

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Material intended for consumption via the oral orifice should be kept away from these premises

Rule Britannia

Posts: 6574 | From: back and forth between bible belts | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged



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