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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: The Rev Gerald Ambulance Guidance Column
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
*Condescending sigh*I have said shall no doubt have to say again, There is nothing remotely exciting about my use of an earthly amanuensis to deliver unto you my anointed utterances, and unfallible decrees. If pseudepigrapha was good enough for SS Paul and Peter, I don't see why I shouldn't avail myself of its convenience. After all, it matters not who brings the word of the Lord, as we who labour in the pulpit are mere empty vessels, irrelevant conduits to pipe the Word of Truth into the equally irrelevant receptacles sitting in the pews. In the same way, it matters not who brings my word unto you, as long as it is mine, and not some counterfeit of human devising.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev Gerald Ambulance:
Did our Lord say unto St Peter "On this rock I shall build my mafia and the gates of St Ursula's High Pentecostal Reformed shall not prevail against it"?
Short answer: YES Long answer: Well duh! Yes of course He did. And if you can't find it in your bible then it just shows how little you know of our Lord. Viki ps Does anyone know if we decided who actually was the One True Church(TM) yet? I could do with buying a dispensation or two 
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Stoo
Mighty Pirate
# 254
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Posted
i don't sell them, sorry viki.
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This space left blank
Posts: 5266 | From: the director of "Bikini Traffic School" | Registered: May 2001
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Olorin
Shipmate
# 2010
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Posted
BB, thanks for spilling my secrets to the world. While you're at it you might as well tell Rev G that I'm not a virago, I'm a Sagittarius.
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I wrestled with God, and lost by two falls & a submission.
Posts: 390 | From: Hammersmith, London | Registered: Dec 2001
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Nunc Dimittis
Seamstress of Sound
# 848
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Posted
Dear Rev Gerald Ambulance,I reminded of you in the Styx, where I happened upon +Rodrigo... And thought with relief that I at last might unburden my soul to someone. You see, I seem to be causing conniptions and other distress disorders in several of your virtual flock, by virtue of certain dress choices. They seem to find it too overwhelming when I stalk into a room wearing fishnets, a black leather Victorian corset, suspenders, spiked dog collar, a black satin cloak, stiletto heeled thigh high boots (laced, of course), and with long black feathers trailing out of my hair. I cannot help my dress sense (I would have thought Coot would understand, given the whole bird thing and all). Why should it be so scandalous? What should I do to fit into this decent and goodly society? *bats long mascara-ed lashes* Or is it them that should change? Anxious and anguished, Nunc
Posts: 9515 | From: Delta Quadrant | Registered: Jul 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
*bump*
Dear Rev,
Have you forgotten about us? Or did you die, like Simon?
Anyway, I have this grave and dire problem, and I don't know what to do! I have this gin bottle, and it's empty, what should I do? If I filled it with water, could my local priestpray over it, and transform it into Gin? Or would you have to pray? Or should I just buy another bottle?
I'm so confused ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif) ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Viki
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
Well let's resurrect old threads....
I thought Rev Gerald was now doing something in the main magazine.
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Mister Rev., do you think it was unbibical for the USA to fight against the tyranny of GB? Or should we just have invited the King's men to sip some tea and crumpets with us, instead of throwing the whole batch and wasting it in the water in Boston?
Just curious. Thanks.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Well let's resurrect old threads....
I thought Rev Gerald was now doing something in the main magazine.
From the looks of it, not very much!
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
Empty gin bottle? I don't know what Rev Gerald would say - not having a clue what happens in that great mind - but from my perspective an empty gin bottle can only mean one thing. The gin bottle is empty.
as to what you should do? Buy 2 more: one for you and one for me. Bombay Sapphire. Why? cos those letters appear in the bible.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
Rev Gerald - looks as if your presence is required over in Mystery Worship (run out of gin) ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) and Heaven (in need of a few home truths) ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
Forget that. The Rev. Gerald is out to start his own church, much good it will do him.
In the past, the Coot has functioned as curate. Inasmuch as the Cure now seems vacant (probably one of those dead pocket burrows they have in England, though God only knows who dug the holes in the first place) I nominate her to the Living.
Coot, what say'st thou? If you accept, I could even be persuaded to change the title of the thread.
Or perhaps you might wish to start your own thread, so as to dissociate yourself from the minimalist negligable curacy of your predecessor?
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
as to what you should do? Buy 2 more: one for you and one for me. Bombay Sapphire. Why? cos those letters appear in the bible.
No, you are wrong. Buy one only and with the rest of the money buy a plane ticket and bring it to me.
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This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.
Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
Gerald
At least you're in hell for that's where you belong. I think you should take your head out of your arse and start addressing some real issues instead of pandering to other people's whimsical thoughts and ideas.
Perhaps Ambulance is a good surname for you - as you should be rushed in one to the nearest and most secure mental asylum.
Grrrrr........... ![[Flaming]](graemlins/angryfire.gif)
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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys
Let's all "Release Some Tension"
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
The good Reverend's clientele will be pleased to know that he may be found on the main website (you do all remember that there is a main site, yes?):
Rev. Gerald Ambulance
You may seek guidance there. May God have mercy upon you - Rev. probably won't.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Nunc Dimittis
Seamstress of Sound
# 848
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Posted
But Ruth, it's only too true: Rev Gerald has NO mercy on ANYONE. I have visited that page many times in the hope of gleaning more spiritual help. I emailed him copious times by clicking on the links.
All to no avail.
Lets face it: Rev Gerald Ambulance sets himself up as some agony aunt and then absents himself.
Yeah, up yours mate with a barge pole! Typical of these personality cult figures... I can't believe I was sucked into it for so long.
Posts: 9515 | From: Delta Quadrant | Registered: Jul 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
All too true, Nunc, all too true.
But there are responses with dates in late May on the page to which I linked, while the Rev has not been seen in these parts since February.
So again, I direct all the Rev's acolytes, well-wishers, stalkers and assorted hangers-on to his pages on the main site.
Thread closed.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Thread closed
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