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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: Vicar duped into having sex
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multipara
Shipmate
# 2918
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Posted
Too bloody right I'm ageist-the older the better.
Be assured, O Mousethief,that the average priest's housekeeper (and God knows they are few and far between these days) is a widow of impeccable character who is not going to bother with after-hours clerical fumblings! Now how do I know?-from the horse's mouth (various geriatric aunties and whatnot).
cheers,
m
Posts: 4985 | From: new south wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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jugular
Voice of Treason
# 4174
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Posted
Your auntie's are horses? How curious!
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We’ve got to act like a church that hasn’t already internalized the narrative of its own decline Ray Suarez
Posts: 2599 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2003
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multipara
Shipmate
# 2918
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Posted
Retired brood mares, ectually.
Posts: 4985 | From: new south wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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Gambit
London Shipmeet King
# 766
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Clyde:
I've been on this Ship for a long time now and not once has anybody tried to dupe me into having sex. Is there something wrong with me and do I need counselling. ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
try...to...restrain...self
Yes
damn....failed
Gambit
(only just saw this and couldn't resist)
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There is a little bit of my mitral regurgitation that is forever yours.
Wiblog: Now being updated less than regularly (again).
Posts: 1105 | From: the best bar in Heaven | Registered: Jul 2001
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
The problem is that she played the organ to well and that is why he was duped.
{stupid typo}
[ 15. May 2003, 14:54: Message edited by: Nightlamp ]
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
I don't understand this priest's contention he was "duped" into sexual intercourse. It's like saying he was "duped" into dancing ballet.
Now, I *do* have several theories that might explain his claim, in order to make things more clear, at least to me:
(We must assume this vicar knew nothing of sexual intercourse.)
1) HYGIENE: He was eating tacos in the nude and dripped Cholula sauce on his willy and his housekeeper offered to clean it off for him. (However, this contradicts Pyx_e's wonderful "hot sauce as a sexual aid" experience in T'n'T, so perhaps not.)
2) RELIEF: His housekeeper complained of itching in a highly sensitive area and asserted that nothing but the Vicar's "personal finger" would suffice as relief.
3) EMPATHY/VISUAL AID: Obviously, vicars have to interact with community youths, and what better way to appreciate their questions and concerns about sex than to "try it out once or twice"?
4) GAMBLING: He lost a wager.
Other theories may occur in time.
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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29
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Posted
Perhaps one of those merry japes from "The Miller's Tale"? Various body parts stuck out windows and so forth?
Sieg
Posts: 5592 | From: Tallahassee, FL USA | Registered: May 2001
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Joyeux
Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kenwritez:
<snip>
(We must assume this vicar knew nothing of sexual intercourse.)
<snip>
And he already has children from his own marriage? Come to think of it, they could also reflect on his ignorance in this area...
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Float?...Do science too
Posts: 4318 | From: over th... no, there! | Registered: Dec 2002
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Astro
Shipmate
# 84
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Posted
Well after several years of married life Marie Stopes discovered that she was still a virgin and so decided to set up those sex clinics, so perhaps the vicar had no prior knowledge of what he was doing. (While his wife knew what he had not been doing ![[Smile]](smile.gif) )
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if you look around the world today – whether you're an atheist or a believer – and think that the greatest problem facing us is other people's theologies, you are yourself part of the problem. - Andrew Brown (The Guardian)
Posts: 2723 | From: Chiltern Hills | Registered: May 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
You could dupe a vicar into having sex as follows:
1) Show him some egg shells filled with damp cotton wool
2) Give him a packet of mustard and cress seed and asked him if he would mind putting some seed into your eggs.
3) Once he has agreed, insist on having sex on the basis he has promised.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
.. if you use baby oil you get babies, so if you use vegetable oil do you get vegetables? (Or just Tory MPs).
FWIW I think he meant "duped" about the possibility of a baby. The only reason most vicars do not blow apart at the seems is that we can not bear the thought of being caught.
Has he at any point said sorry ?
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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TonyK
Host Emeritus
# 35
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
... Has he at any point said sorry ?
AFAIK, no.
And he denied paternity until the CSA (Child Support Agency, I think) forced a DNA test which showed he was 99.99% likely to be the father. He is now paying (enforced) Child Support.
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Yours aye ... TonyK
Posts: 2717 | From: Gloucestershire | Registered: May 2001
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Cosmo
Shipmate
# 117
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Posted
Andrew Brown in Zezebel's Trumpet (the Church Times for those who don't know the term) makes the sensible point that Fr Gray has either been massively deceived and placed into an impossible position by one of his parishioners (ie that she drugged him and, under the influence of that drug, cajoled or 'duped' him into having sex with her presumably without taking any precautions against contracting an STD or a child that he now has to pay for) or that he is an astonishingly persistant liar of great magnitude. There seems to be no middle ground.
That being said one can understand why he might be tempted to lie even if the affair had been consensual. His job provides him and his family of a wife and five children with a home and income and pension. If he steps down from that job he has no home, no income, no prospect of getting work anywhere else (he has, as far as I can see, no professional qualification to try to move into a different field of work) and is a figure of fun for the rest of his life. If he is lying, then one can see why the stakes might be high enough that he might do so.
Cosmo
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
Our Diocesan communications/ press officer was recently overheard to describe this ( and other such situations ) as “……. naughty Clergy will always come.” I am pretty sure he meant to add “along” to the end of the sentence, much to our amusement he did not.
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Caz...
Shipmate
# 3026
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Posted
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif) maybe not..... it's probably a fairly safe bet left as it is!
Posts: 1888 | From: here to there | Registered: Jul 2002
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
We have to feel little bit sorry for Mr Gray since he is going to be impotent as a vicar for years to come. If he starts any change that is opposed by a parishioner, all they have to is write to the Bishop and the process for depriving of his job could be started. There will be a number of subjects he won't be able to preach on with out people laughing at him and indeed as Cosmo he will be a figure of fun for years.
It is of course possible he really was duped.
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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Caz...
Shipmate
# 3026
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Posted
But how?? I know it's what we've all been saying but HOW does a man get duped into having sex? It does seem from the article that's the bit he feels he was duped into.... and I'd love to give him the benefit of the doubt but I just haven't heard any feasible explanation...
![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
Posts: 1888 | From: here to there | Registered: Jul 2002
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
We have to feel little bit sorry for Mr Gray since he is going to be impotent as a vicar for years to come.
Well hopefully that will save him from any more duping.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Adrian1
Shipmate
# 3994
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Posted
Pyx e. Good one that! I'm not sure that many of ny clergy friends would appreciate it though.
Cosmo. I see what you're getting at. Fr Gray probably doesn't have qualifications which would enable him to earn a living in any other sphere. This is perhaps the best argument yet for not allowing anyone to be ordained until they have spent at least 10 years earning their bread in secular employment and know enough about the world of work in order to make a return to it later on in life if necessary. At the same time however, it is clearly inappropriate in my view for Fr Gray to continue in parish ministry and, were I his Bishop I would see to it that he was removed from office if he didn't choose to resign. Behaviour unbecoming of a clerk in holy orders is a serious matter and, in this case, a cause of grave scandal. Apart from anything else, Fr Gray's actions have lost him the moral authority to teach, preach and lead the people of God.
Surely to goodness he could be offered early retirement with the offer a full pension? Not many clergy would refuse that unless they were particularly obstinate.
Much sympathy has been spent on Fr Gray over this issue. What about Mrs Gray though? Doesn't she deserve some sympathy? She must be feeling pretty betrayed I would have thought.
![[Wink]](wink.gif) ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif) ![[Embarrassed]](icon_redface.gif)
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The Parson's Handbook contains much excellent advice, which, if it were more generally followed, would bring some order and reasonableness into the amazing vagaries of Anglican Ritualism. Adrian Fortescue
Posts: 1986 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2003
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Gracious rebel
Rainbow warrior
# 3523
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Posted
quote:
There will be a number of subjects he won't be able to preach on with out people laughing at him and indeed as Cosmo he will be a figure of fun for years.
I hope there is a word missing in the above quote! (eg 'says' after 'Cosmo') otherwise I'm sure Cosmo will complain when he sees this. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Fancy a break beside the sea in Suffolk? Visit my website
Posts: 4413 | From: Suffolk UK | Registered: Nov 2002
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
Just a little thought - how many times was he duped into having sex. Or was it really just that once?
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
quote:
Just a little thought - how many times was he duped into having sex. Or was it really just that once?
Yeah, you know what they say: "Dupe me once, shame on you. Dupe me twice, shame on me." What do you want to bet he falls into the latter category?
I'm sure there was some dupe-licity involved on someone's part, don't you?
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Caz...
Shipmate
# 3026
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Posted
I was reading today that the affair actually went on for 8 years.
Goodness that's a long dupe...
Posts: 1888 | From: here to there | Registered: Jul 2002
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Mr. Spouse
Ship's Pedant
# 3353
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Posted
Yes, today's Sunday Mirror (my Dad buys it, honestly... ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif) ) repeated the claim that he was drugged. The item also said that he had been called before his Bishop and would probably be asked to take paid leave from his post.
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Try to have a thought of your own, thinking is so important. - Blackadder
Posts: 1814 | From: Here, there & everywhere | Registered: Sep 2002
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Louise
Shipmate
# 30
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Posted
8 years! You'd think he would have noticed. What was she drugging him with? Knock out drops in the Tanqueray?
"I think I'll just have shome more of thish very fine exshtra strength gin...! "
L.
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Now you need never click a Daily Mail link again! Kittenblock replaces Mail links with calming pics of tea and kittens! http://www.teaandkittens.co.uk/ Click under 'other stuff' to find it.
Posts: 6918 | From: Scotland | Registered: May 2001
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by madferret:
Yes, today's Sunday Mirror (my Dad buys it, honestly... ) repeated the claim that he was drugged. The item also said that he had been called before his Bishop and would probably be asked to take paid leave from his post.
The story was also in the Mail On Sunday ( ). The article, iirc, said that the fact that he'd had a child with the ex-church organist was common knowledge in the community and most people were happy to turn a blind eye until he'd either written or contributed to a piece railing against clergy immorality. After that someone felt compelled to grass him up for being such a hypocrite.
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by caz667:
Goodness that's a long dupe...
... as the actress said to the Bishop.
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
In the interest of academic research, I tried diligently all week-end to be duped into having sex. It is far more difficult than one would think. Despite my best efforts, I failed to be duped. After my experiments, my considered opinion is the vicar is lying.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
Sine,
my experimental results concur with yours.
But, as with all good projects, more research is still needed.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
We have to feel little bit sorry for Mr Gray since he is going to be impotent as a vicar for years to come.....
It is of course possible he really was duped.
The whole problem is that he wasn't impotent when it counted.
In the interests of science, Sine Nomine and ken, I would like to hear your duping strategies. I respect your abilities and wouldn't want to try something that hasn't worked for you.
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
What this issue really needs is not only the intrepid investigators Sine and ken, bravely putting their little all on the line in the name of scientific inquiry, but we need volunteers to actually attempt the duping of these brave lads.
[cue Barber's "Adagio for Strings"]
Who, who amongst our flock here will step forward and, in the name of sweet Reason, help our stalwart, handsome, virile, yet lonely young pioneers Sine and ken get to the bottom of this issue, tearing aside every encumbrance, until the tall, hard Truth is revealed in the glorious Light of Reason, until the sweet Valley of Ignorance lies open before the exploring hand of Science, aching for the first of many thrusts of knowledge, striving to pierce to the bottom of this delectable well, to plumb the very depths of this pearlescent mound of tender, Deepest Mystery?
[/cue Barber's "Adagio for Strings"]
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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
Kenwritez, I officially take back every not-that-mean thing I've ever said about you. You are a sick, sick little monkey.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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JimT
Ship'th Mythtic
# 142
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Posted
quote:
Officers were obliged to investigate claims that Mr Gray might have been drugged and had sex without knowing it.
Here is the essence of the "duped" argument. Because of the drugs, I didn't even know that I was having sex.
I can see this with women. I can't see this with men. I haven't done that many drugs, but I've done quite a few. I can't think of any that would be effective enough to erase my memory but not enough to make me "ineffective." What was this drug? A Flaming Bicardi Viagra Speedball?
Posts: 2619 | From: Now On | Registered: May 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
And not just ONE flaming Bacardi -- whatever it was you said. One a week for 8 years.
"I keep coming back from Widow Johnson's house with my pants gooey but I can never quite remember what happens. Suppose I'd better go back next week."
Kenwritez, I enjoyed reading your soft porn parody.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
Mousethief, you know what happens when you mention soft porn in the context of vicars having sex.
[WRIST SLAPPING SMILIE]
That's why I haven't said anything about kenwritez' strange affinity for bottoms, tempting as it is.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Owwww! ![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif)
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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JimT
Ship'th Mythtic
# 142
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Posted
It looks like he liked it. Do it again!
Posts: 2619 | From: Now On | Registered: May 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by JimT:
It looks like he liked it. Do it again!
sick sick sick.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
Waitaminnit! Will Mousethief claim he was duped into having his wrist slapped?! Ah ha!
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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by JimT:
quote:
Officers were obliged to investigate claims that Mr Gray might have been drugged and had sex without knowing it.
Here is the essence of the "duped" argument. Because of the drugs, I didn't even know that I was having sex.
I can see this with women. I can't see this with men. I haven't done that many drugs, but I've done quite a few. I can't think of any that would be effective enough to erase my memory but not enough to make me "ineffective." What was this drug? A Flaming Bicardi Viagra Speedball?
This suggests a modification to kenwritez' experiment. We need:
- a person drugged with whatever this miracle drug is,
- a person to be duped into sex and
- a person to be duped into sex having been drugged with the miracle drug
.
I believe we have our volunteers for the last two - toss of the coin for who gets to take the drug, boys - but the first two are waiting to be filled or otherwise.
Of course we need to know what might sucessfully dupe them and what wiles they can see through. It's the difference between:
"Avaunt, scheming lothario/seductress - you can't dupe me into your bed of shame." and
"What the??? Why am I lying in the wet patch?"
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Duo Seraphim:
It's the difference between:
"Avaunt, scheming lothario/seductress - you can't dupe me into your bed of shame." and
"What the??? Why am I lying in the wet patch?"
So you're saying that the miracle drug is beer then?
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Duo Seraphim:
In the interests of science, Sine Nomine and ken, I would like to hear your duping strategies. I respect your abilities and wouldn't want to try something that hasn't worked for you.
What doesn't work:
Are you up for a little duplicity?
Roll me over and dupe me again.
Is that a dupe in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
I've never been duped before, but I'm willing to learn.
and the ever popular...
Hi, sailor!
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
I know! I know! Please miss! (sticks up hand and waves it in air).
It wasn't the woman parishioner who duped him into having sex. It was his, er, heat-seeking missile. He hadn't had its function explained properly by his daddy so he didn't know it had a mind of its own. Er, at least I've heard that but my NCG mind doesn't understand it.
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This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.
Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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Dave the Bass
Shipmate
# 155
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kenwritez:
What this issue really needs is not only the intrepid investigators Sine and ken, bravely putting their little all on the line in the name of scientific inquiry, but we need volunteers to actually attempt the duping of these brave lads.
Actually, ken is not a vicar, so is a suitable candidate to do the duping. Obviously, he has so far failed to dupe his own vicar - who is, I believe, a woman - so perhaps we should see if ken can successfully dupe Sine into having sex.
Posts: 2162 | From: In a forest | Registered: May 2001
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
quote:
Originally posted by Duo Seraphim:
In the interests of science, Sine Nomine and ken, I would like to hear your duping strategies. I respect your abilities and wouldn't want to try something that hasn't worked for you.
What doesn't work:
Are you up for a little duplicity?
Roll me over and dupe me again.
Is that a dupe in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
I've never been duped before, but I'm willing to learn.
and the ever popular...
Hi, sailor!
I am most grateful for your input, Sine and for the opportunity to refine my technique next time I dupe someone into having sex with me.
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Arrietty:
Could I volunteer to drug mousethief and dupe him into having his wrist slapped?
Back, vile hoopster!
Reader alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
quote:
posted by DaveC:
Actually, ken is not a vicar, so is a suitable candidate to do the duping. Obviously, he has so far failed to dupe his own vicar - who is, I believe, a woman - so perhaps we should see if ken can successfully dupe Sine into having sex.
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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I came to Jesus and I found in him my star, my sun.
And in that light of life I'll walk 'til travelling days are done
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Duo Seraphim:
I am most grateful for your input, Sine and for the opportunity to refine my technique next time I dupe someone into having sex with me.
I did notice that "Is there dirt on the back of my jeans?" showed a certain promise.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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