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Source: (consider it) Thread: Hell: What I did on shore leave
Crœsos
Shipmate
# 238

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While the Ship was in drydock, I was away on holiday. I was travelling in Korea and attending World Cup games. I got to see Spain play South Africa [Smile] , the U.S. play Poland [Waterworks] , and Korea's second round win against Italy [Yipee] ! That was a wild game and wild crowd, though I was momentarily tempted to sell my ticket on the black market once I heard what the Koreans were willing to pay for them. (Over £1000, according to rumor.)

--------------------
Humani nil a me alienum puto

Posts: 10706 | From: Sardis, Lydia | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Smudgie

Ship's Barnacle
# 2716

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I think there is an urgent need to make a respectable woman of our Sophie. Though I feel sure that poor innocent Olorin has been lured in, it is now essential that he make an honest woman of her, especially with Olorin Junior on the way. Dyfrig, couldn't you and Moth come up with some legalese way of forcing his hand? Sue for breach of promise or something? The Captain could marry them, couldn't he?

--------------------
Miss you, Erin.

Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Miss_Molly

Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339

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The bill of divorcement must come before the House before it rises for the summer! The Admiral, for such I fear my injured spouse is, having hoisted his flag as a Rear Admiral of the Blue, is also an MP; so we must divide the House before he arrives. I have had a recent advisement he is even now posting home from Mr Burger's estate, having thrashed him thoroughly. I fear what may happen as his blood is still up!

*turns pale, dashes for the railing*

--------------------
"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"

Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899

Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Willyburger

Ship's barber
# 658

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quote:
Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
I have had a recent advisement he is even now posting home from Mr Burger's estate, having thrashed him thoroughly. I fear what may happen as his blood is still up!

Oh, was that the Gentleman who was at the door around lunchtime? Yes, I remember him. He was playing with my new puppy. His name is Cerberus and he's [Sunny] very friendly. [Sunny]

When you see him next, do tell him to drop by again. He left in such a hurry, he forgot his overcoat and his left shoe. [Devil]

--------------------
Willy, Unix Bigot, Esq.
--
Why is it that every time I go out to buy bookshelves, I come home with more books?

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Olorin
Shipmate
# 2010

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Smudgie:
quote:
Though I feel sure that poor innocent Olorin has been lured in, it is now essential that he make an honest woman of her, especially with Olorin Junior on the way.
. Poor certainly, but less of the innocent please [Snigger] . Olorin Junior! [Eek!] [Eek!] [Yipee] Am very good with kids. But I do feel rather thrust upon by events & other people's opinions. If she is married to a Homicidal Admiral's Rear, how will anyone get Parliament to issue a divorce. On what grounds anyway? Non-consummation?
Smudgie: why are you & RuthW convinced that I have breached anything of Sophie's (apart from her hymen) or that I led her anywhere that she was not moist & eager to explore? RuthW
quote:
charge of criminal conversation
Our conversations were passionate but hardly criminal.

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I wrestled with God, and lost by two falls & a submission.

Posts: 390 | From: Hammersmith, London | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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quote:
silly Olorin said
I do feel rather thrust upon....

I suspect the inverse is true, but far be it from me to try to drag you out of the Freudian quagmire you have inserted yourself into....
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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Too much of Rears and Vices, I think. [Snigger]

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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Clíona
Shipmate
# 2035

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I fear I may cause some consternation among the present ship's company as I cannot concur with Ruth's request for me to be of service in the proceedings, being as it is that it would be against my own interests. Olorin says:

quote:
Am very good with kids.
This is quite true. He has been a wonderful father to our triplets, Lucy, Lily and Lucas. I must ask Mrs Rear Admiral Aubrey to refute her claims, and send my errant husband back to me. Continuation of her quest would only compound problems.

Olorin, I will forgive you. [Angel]

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Starting (yet) again...

Posts: 1262 | From: Back in Dublin | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Miss_Molly

Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339

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When lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe her melancholy,
What art can wash her guilt away?

--------------------
"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"

Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899

Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

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<jj holding large bag of popcorn and a Coca Cola>

**munch, munch** ####sl-l-lurp###

*!urp!* oops, excuse me.

I don't seem to remember coming to an "R" rated movie today???

Oh well. **munch, munch**

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ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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quote:
Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
When lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe her melancholy,
What art can wash her guilt away?

Not a damn thing, dearie. No matter what she does, the boys'll still think she's a slut. And they won't care that she's sad after she put out. But you already knew that, didncha?
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Miss_Molly

Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339

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In the morning mist, a cloaked figure settles herself into the ship's smallest boat. In pity for her tears, a young midshipman has agreed to take the mystery lady ashore and see her safely to the Ursulines, where her shame can be concealed by convent walls.

--------------------
"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"

Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899

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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266

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*Yawn* some one has been reading to much Patrick O'Brian and Alexander Kent on shore leave.

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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Smudgie

Ship's Barnacle
# 2716

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Hey Jude, better be afraid...
That is my popcorn that you're munching.

Sophie, I'd give up on the convent idea if I were you. They have their standards, you know. I think you should restore Olorin to his former owner (and think yourself lucky you had such a narrow escape) and allow me to bring up your child. I, as a paragon of virtue, am well placed to raise the child to escape the sordid background of its parents.

--------------------
Miss you, Erin.

Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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Well excuse me for complaining but how is it that Smudgie gets a stereo?! I asked so nicely for one... but nothing! And dear Smudge - if you are going to listen to yours at that volume, at least have the decency to listen to real music not that [Puke] that you play night after night! And another thing - who stole my box of wine?! [Waterworks]

--------------------
Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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Your box of wine??! Saints preserve us, we have a Philistine aboard!
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Edward Green
Review Editor
# 46

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Perhaps she meant case ...

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blog//twitter//
linkedin

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dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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OK Clever clogs - I DID mean case and not BOX! But since the wine was in a cardboard box and not in a case, you can understand my wording!!!
Anyway, who's got it? I want it back. [Snigger]

--------------------
Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

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Stoo

Mighty Pirate
# 254

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I should imagine that the type of person who steals a box of wine is not the same type of person who would still have it in their possession.

<Burp>

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This space left blank

Posts: 5266 | From: the director of "Bikini Traffic School" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716

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quote:
Originally posted by Willyburger:
[QUOTE]Oh, was that the Gentleman who was at the door around lunchtime? Yes, I remember him. He was playing with my new puppy. His name is Cerberus and he's [Sunny] very friendly. [Sunny]

No, no, he looks like this. [Razz]

--------------------
My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity

Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Willyburger

Ship's barber
# 658

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CM, that thing looks like it'd be kitty chow in no time.

--------------------
Willy, Unix Bigot, Esq.
--
Why is it that every time I go out to buy bookshelves, I come home with more books?

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jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

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Yo! Smudgie! Check it out! I just popped another bag of popcorn. And! I have Hot Tamales !! I do share, you know.. All you have to do is ask! Have a Coke, there's plenty.

Look! Doesn't the person playing Sophie look real?? How do you think she cries on cue like that?

Oh, did you bring any chocolate with you??

<munch, sssslurp>

jj

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ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
JoyfulNoise & Parrot OKief

Ship's pirate
# 2049

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Anyone want some spare dampers then? [Snore]

--------------------
Written from my alternative universe.

Posts: 1101 | From: East Anglia in the UK | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Miss_Molly

Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339

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Pale and interesting, a feeble form languishes on a chaise longue in the convent garden.

--------------------
"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"

Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899

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Clíona
Shipmate
# 2035

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Meanwhile, back on board, a young harrassed mother of three toddlers thinks exasperatedly of tying them to the mast to stop them running about, wondering all the while just where this man who's great with kids has got to. Obviously, she did nothing to drive him away, being as it is that her father owns the largest fishnet stocking factory in the world.

Perhaps the other woman was too enticing for this poor, fickle man-creature.

Or perhaps he's gone ashore to seek his fortune for his ever-growing family.

Or *gasp* maybe he's followed the small boat carrying his forbidded love and is now in hiding in the convent, dressed, no doubt, in a suitable disguise? [Eek!]

--------------------
Starting (yet) again...

Posts: 1262 | From: Back in Dublin | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Olorin
Shipmate
# 2010

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Cliona, darling how nice to see you. Sorry I've been away, got tied up sniffing around. Had a slight accident I'm afraid with girl with flirty ankles (flighty thing, lots of tears doncha know), it seems that the 3 'ells might soon be having a new brother or sister. Terribly sorry old girl, rather let the side down by letting things stay up too long. You see she had fishnet ankles, and well........ that's how you caught me.
Seems the foolish chit has got herself locked up in a convent as a 'Maggie' as they say in old Ireland. Bit of a prison sentence really, so I am going to need your help to do the dashing thing and rescue the dashed girlie. I'll need a dozen pairs of your finest fishnets to make ropes, the baby changing board to surf on, and a pair of your pregnancy knickers to use as a sail.
I have my own mast, so away to the rescue.....

--------------------
I wrestled with God, and lost by two falls & a submission.

Posts: 390 | From: Hammersmith, London | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
blackbird
Shipmate
# 1387

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attended too many graduation and freshman orientation events, and filled out more financial aid and health forms than i care to think about.

also spent the night at Hampton Beach and saw Tower of Power, though, and that was my reward. but even that pales slightly when compared to getting back on-line today, the very day my husband drove off with both daughters for the week to visit his family (someone has to mind the dogs, right? [Big Grin] )...so here i am requesting permission to come aboard on my first night alone!

Posts: 1236 | From: usa | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged
Clíona
Shipmate
# 2035

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Now what should a lady do? I am torn between indignation that the father of my children should ask my help for rescuing his paramour, and the idea of any poor woman being condemned to do others' dirty laundry, even for nine months.

[Ultra confused]

The truth is, I love both of the others in this love triangle - but what is in my best interests?

And please, won't someboldy think of the children? [Confused]

Please - friends and kindly voyeurs - vote your preference here:

a) Will I give Olorin the supply of fishnets he asks for?

OR

b) Will I leave Sophie to the caring hands of the nuns?

[Help]

--------------------
Starting (yet) again...

Posts: 1262 | From: Back in Dublin | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Miss_Molly

Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339

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I almost hesitate to mention this, but a gentlewoman's honor requires me to note that I am not in fact laundering. My gentle birth and education, not to mention my charm and family connections, have prompted the Reverend Mother and the sisters to provide me with invalid boarder status.

After a few days of strengthening drinks, and bland but highly nourishing meals, clad in sensible maternity attire, and forbidden all occupation but a dawdle 'round the garden morning and evening, I am about to scream with boredom!

Please, dear shipmates! An angry husband, a lovable rogue, or a completely new conquest----vote me something to do!

--------------------
"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"

Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899

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Clíona
Shipmate
# 2035

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Dear Sophie,

As it seems we are being left to our own devices here, what do you say that we set up home together for our little ones, leaving the men out of the picture for the moment? Obviously, somebody has to think of the children, and as Olorin is already dumping me with the triplets, I can't imaging he'd be more reliable with only one...

And so, as you are a gentlewoman, and I am rich (well, it's my father's fortune, but hey) let's get our own cabin and wait for the new conquests together, shall we? We'll at least be able to have some good conversations.

--------------------
Starting (yet) again...

Posts: 1262 | From: Back in Dublin | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Miss_Molly

Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339

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From the Mother Superior of the Ursulines

To whomever Mrs Aubrey's fate may concern:

We regret to announce that Mrs Aubrey, just three months after giving birth to a fine baby boy, so far forgot her gentility, and the maternal behavior to be expected of even a Scarlet Woman, as to leave us and her infant. In the dark of a very stormy night, she made her way down to the docks. We hear from seamen that she attempted to engage an immediate passage, but was declined on the grounds of the danger. In the headstrong manner we had learned to expect of her, she then appropriated a small boat, rowing into the teeth of the storm, despite all pleas from bystanders. In the wind, rain, and high seas, it is almost certain that she drowned. A piece of whalebone from her corset washed up on the beach. We are preserving it as a cautionary relic. May we appeal to any one who may be disposed to forgive an infant its mother's sins to adopt her little son?

--------------------
"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"

Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899

Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Clíona
Shipmate
# 2035

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Oh my!

Olorin, Olorin, your love is gone...her boots no longer by the door...returns no more

Poor, distracted woman. Why didn't you rescue her before this could happen? Typical man...procrastinator!

And now look - a small, helpless infant at the mercy of the nuns. What do you say, oh wayward one, should we give him a home and try to bring him up to be a credit to the mother who bore him? Of course, I could find it in my heart to care for him, poor little thing.

Dear Mother Superior, send us the child. And, if ever you should hear from Sophie again, please tell her to come and visit.

--------------------
Starting (yet) again...

Posts: 1262 | From: Back in Dublin | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
sophs

Sardonic Angel
# 2296

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errr...Cliona seeing as i'm still in the same cabin as you we could both look after Sophie's little boy...and if Oroin is still here then i guess he could help....(provided he keeps to the mothers wish and calls me and Cliona "Miss") and isn't that a little boat just visible of the port bow? [Sunny] [Sunny]
Posts: 5407 | From: searching saharas of sorrow | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Smudgie

Ship's Barnacle
# 2716

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(Jedijudy, quick,*sniff* pass me the hankies.*sniff* I need at least half a *sniff* dozen *sniff*. Oh, and another tub of vanilla icecream while you're at it! )

Mother Superior, perhaps I should offer to take in the poor little waif. He would be brought up in a respectable home, ignorant of the errant ways of his wayward parents. Cliona is, I'm sure, a loving mother to her fatherless offspring but cannot offer the same care and nurturing that I can lavish upon the small child (not to mention the small velvet pouch of jewels hidden in his bootees). Send the child to me by return of post and I shall raise him as my own.

--------------------
Miss you, Erin.

Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Miss_Molly

Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339

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A plump woman pulls herself out of the water, and struggles onto the strand at the Isle of Wight. She wrings out the hem of her dress, combs her wet hair with her fingers and pins it up again. Resolutely she sets off for Smudgie's house...

--------------------
"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"

Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899

Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

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**sob** Here you go Smudgie. *sniff* *sniff*
Would you like some chocolate sauce for your ice cream? <dabbing eyes> This is better than "I Am Sam".

Does that soggy woman look a little "lost" to you?

jj...weeping not so quietly

--------------------
ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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Something really hellish better happen on this thread soon, or I'm sending it to Heaven.

And where has that bear with the mildewed dreadlocks got to?

Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Actually, Tomb, your warning there was pretty hellish.

[Flaming] [Paranoid] [Flaming]
[Paranoid] [Flaming] [Paranoid]

Alexis

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716

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quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
And where has that bear with the mildewed dreadlocks got to?

[Confused] Who, me? [Confused]

--------------------
My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity

Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nanny Ogg

Ship's cushion
# 1176

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Sorry I've not been around for a while but I went landward for a bit to get some supplies seeing as I've been banned from the galley.

So now I'm set up for the voyage:

Real ale for liquid refreshment(Blacksheep, Gales HSB and Waggledance)

Bacon, white sliced bread and brown sauce for the butties (smuggled frying pan and camp stove into berth)

Coffee by the bucket load

Cheese and onion crisps (plus pork scratchings)

and not forgetting Belgian chocolate (because as we women need it). [Devil]

Now - who do I share it with and why? [Yipee]

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Buy me a beer and I'm you friend forever

Posts: 4137 | From: Away with the fairies | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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Well, first thing you have to do, Esme, is see if Ruth will let you back aboard. Then you can begin sharing comestibles.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

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For my 800th post, I would like to kick BabyBear and Tomb both out of their cabin, clean it, de-scale it and vacuum up all those hairy tumbleweeds floating around.
I need the hot tub for my sore ankle.
The few bottles of gin I found hidden in the cave-like structure,I shall sell to the highest bidder and use the funds to buy clean sheets ! Yuck.
So, go away. I can't hear you, so don't bother yelling.
No you can't have my cabin. I'm saving that for whoever wins my heart at Tigglet's Dating Agency.
Go away.
Now.
jj

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ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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Nice try, jj, but Dyfrig's already got the place all cleaned out for me, and I don't plan to share. I hear they're having fun over in the lifeboats, though.

Esme, providing I get my usual cut of the ale and the chocolate, you may of course reboard the ship. The butty makings you may keep to yourself - food with the word "butt" in it somehow has never appealed to me.

Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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OK Tomb, you want something hellish... here goes!

I am really angry that Smudgie gets away with listening to Meatloaf all bloody night long; I mean there are some of us who would actually like to get some sleep... and I'm sick of all the waterworks going on here... throw the children overboard and let's get back to some form of normality here... whatever normal is.

Why hasn't my cabin been cleaned? Who has got my 'case' of wine? - I was obviously far too nice in asking for it back... if it's not returned I shall be doing a Ship search... and I warn you, I have a gun and a very evil dog who needs some raw meat. [Devil]

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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nanny Ogg

Ship's cushion
# 1176

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quote:
Originally posted by Dolphy:
I have a gun and a very evil dog who needs some raw meat. [Devil]

Keep your dog away from my bacon or I'll make him choke on a pork scratching...

Anyway - why should you have your cabin cleaned? Some if us do it ourselves [Wink]

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Buy me a beer and I'm you friend forever

Posts: 4137 | From: Away with the fairies | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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For your information my dog is a 'she' !!!

And as for cabin cleaning, well I scoured it from top to bottom six days ago before I went on holiday... but have come back to find it wrecked... who's to blame?!! (my dog is champing at the bit here.... watch out all... raw flesh for supper tonight!) [Flaming]

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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nanny Ogg

Ship's cushion
# 1176

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quote:
Originally posted by Dolphy:
For your information my dog is a 'she' !!!

That figures - although at first I did think she was a he with bits missing....

Now where did I put that bottle of "Dog's Bollocks"? [Devil]

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Buy me a beer and I'm you friend forever

Posts: 4137 | From: Away with the fairies | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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HA HA! She has always been a she... although she now has bits missing...

Where is my cabin cleaner?!!

And more to the point - where is my case of wine?!

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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Stoo

Mighty Pirate
# 254

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finders keepers, losers weepers.

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Posts: 5266 | From: the director of "Bikini Traffic School" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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quote:
Originally posted by Dolphy:
OK Tomb, you want something hellish... here goes!

I am really angry that Smudgie gets away with listening to Meatloaf all bloody night long; I mean there are some of us who would actually like to get some sleep... and I'm sick of all the waterworks going on here... throw the children overboard and let's get back to some form of normality here... whatever normal is.

Why hasn't my cabin been cleaned? Who has got my 'case' of wine? - I was obviously far too nice in asking for it back... if it's not returned I shall be doing a Ship search... and I warn you, I have a gun and a very evil dog who needs some raw meat....

Sweetheart, I really don't give a damn about your offspring, your histoires de amour, or "your" cabin. I have been hanging by my toenails from the yardarm and don't need no stinkin' cabin. I haven't had gin in days. After a dicey spell when the withdrawal hallucinations caused me to do Unfortunate Things to several apprentices (I was nice to them), I am back to Normal. From my inverted perch, and with the stupendous clarity of infrared vision untainted by alcohol, I am now quite able to distinguish Shipmates from Food.

I don't have your damn wine, and even if I did, it would probably be inferior for my palate. If the bear hair in the cabin bothers you, Hoover it, then Spray. And there's nothing wrong with the bed that a little Lysol and a flit gun won't fix.

Neither your gun nor your dog frighten me. The last time someone shot me, I Ate Them. I'm sure your dog is a very nice little puppy and will run away when it sees me. If, on the other hand, it's a vicious sociopathic beast, I'm sure we shall get along famously.

And dearheart, what makes you think I want "something Hellish?" I am hellish, and that's all the validation I need or desire ) beats chest and knocks off a handfull of scales).

Yours sincerely
tomb

Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged



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