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» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » 8D - VerseWorks - Do Not Go Gently into that Villanelle

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Source: (consider it) Thread: 8D - VerseWorks - Do Not Go Gently into that Villanelle
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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A Villanelle is a poem with a complex repeating pattern. One of the most famous examples - given in full in the link - is Dylan Thomas' Do Not Go Gentle into that Goodnight.

I have created this thread for us to try some acrobatics, have a look at the link and see what you can come up with [Smile]

They say the best of these types of poems are usually about obsessions ....

quote:

Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 2 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 4 (a)
Line 5 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 7 (a)
Line 8 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 10 (a)
Line 11 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 13 (a)
Line 14 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 16 (a)
Line 17 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Refrain 2 (A2)



[ 31. August 2014, 23:21: Message edited by: RuthW ]

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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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Are you suggesting a collective effort? Or individual pyrotechnics?

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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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I thought individual, or people could post parts for assistence to complete.

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19194 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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For example, here is a highly dodgy attempt:

The Optimistic Poet

What, oh my optimistic poet, will rhyme with orange ?
Or for that matter with the colour royal purple ?
You cannot simply write an address to a man called Goringe.

Nor will your audience be content to listen to any old whinge,
Or stand for verse that proceeds at a hurple.
What, oh my optimistic poet, will rhyme with orange ?

Bodging with half rhymes maybe clever, but sounds strange.
Through dictionary and thesaurus you fiddle and furtle,
You cannot simply write an address to a man called Goringe.

Did you aim too high, is it your wings the Sun's rays singe ?
Two verses more, roll up your sleeves, and gird up your kurtle.
What, oh my optimistic poet, will rhyme with orange ?

You battle through the thickets of linguistic sporange,
You've almost overcome the last hurdle.
You cannot simply write an address to a man called Goringe.

Suddenly discovering an East End muse called Ange
Is deeply contrived, and not remotely commercial.
What, oh my optimistic poet, will rhyme with orange ?
You cannot simply write an address to a man called Goringe.

[ 31. July 2014, 21:17: Message edited by: Doublethink ]

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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[Big Grin]

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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

Posts: 8909 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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Your turn ....

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19194 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
agingjb
Shipmate
# 16555

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Shanty

Chanting in error mystifies the quest
Ices and mirth the floating sea clouds yield
The moon is also silent in the nest

Round the white seas the wind pursues the test
Commands are altered and the songs are sealed
Chanting in error mystifies the quest

Strange words surround the geometric west
Lines direct poets to the dim field
The moon is also silent in the nest

High over Dorset buzzards soar and rest
Later the circling knife its castle pealed
Chanting in error mystifies the quest

The ale confounds the magic and the jest
Lights are extinguished by a feathered shield
The moon is also silent in the nest

Sleep is the outcome - play the single quest
And comfort puzzles when the wound is healed
Chanting in error mystifies the quest
The moon is also silent in the nest.


Tosh, of course. Written before the "new age" was so called - and mainly as a exercise in the villanelle. But even so I wonder if the last line could be placed in the right poem - I've tried it the ballade form (of which more, perhaps, later).

--------------------
Refraction Villanelles

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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That last line might work in the rondeau? It has 10 syllables and a decent final word to give reasonable rhymes (unlike foolish).

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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That seems like a challenge ....

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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I tried writing a villanelle once and it was a real struggle to make it work. The repeating lines need to tie in with what else you've got.

If I get time it might be an interesting challenge to try again.

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Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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I love villanelles ... might have to give this one a shot.

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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I will attempt to write a villanelle
Though it's a well-known tough and wily form
And then I'll try the dread result to sell.

I tell you, writing villanelles is hell
For one to whom the sonnet form is norm.
I will attempt to write a villanelle.

I can't pretend that this is going well.
Can poetic flower burst from this corm?
And should I try the dread result to sell?

I want my words to chime just like a bell
Instead they wriggle like a crippled worm.
I will attempt to write a villanelle.

The agony this causes none can tell,
Yet fighting stoutly through the verbal storm
I'll surely try the villanelle to sell.

You will have gathered this my purpose fell
In wrestling with this pestilential form:
I will attempt to write a villanelle.
And then I'll try the dread result to sell.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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Woooohoooo !

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19194 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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Take time to marvel at blue sky and sea;
The guide books proffer options that beguile -
There's just no room for writing poetry.

I'll browse through all the options, sipping tea.
This afternoon I'll walk the cliff-top mile:
Take time to marvel at blue sky and sea.

Silent, now, the giddy town behind me;
As I drink in the vista from this stile.
There's just no room for writing poetry.

The lark-song overhead fills me with glee;
Meandering, mazed and map-less in the meanwhile,
Take time to marvel at blue sky and sea.

Returned, I doze beneath a shady tree.
My notebooks languish in tumbled pile:
There's just no room for writing poetry.

I've ditched the email and the phone (hands-free).
Relaxed, at peace, I sip white wine, and smile,
Take time to marvel at blue sky and sea:
There's still no room for writing poetry.

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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

Posts: 8909 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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[Yipee]

Glad it's not just me !

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19194 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Yorick

Infinite Jester
# 12169

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Brava, QLib!

--------------------
این نیز بگذرد

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Jamat
Shipmate
# 11621

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This one is not strict but as good as I can say it.

All things shall be well again

As on the path of bleakness you endure
And struggle with your health and other things
And people seem so happy and secure
Yet greyness clings

All things shall be well

When something happens someday without warning
You find yourself again the odd one out.
With no one on the team you want to play for
And silence seems to shout
Give up

Still, all things can be well again

There may be something just around the corner
Or not, the case may never be resolved
But always there’s an unseen guide at work
Whose arms enfold
Who will not let the banks o’erflow the river
Or tea spill from the cup
To him you hold

And all things must be well.

--------------------
Jamat ..in utmost longditude, where Heaven
with Earth and ocean meets, the setting sun slowly descended, and with right aspect
Against the eastern gate of Paradise. (Milton Paradise Lost Bk iv)

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Starbug
Shipmate
# 15917

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Thank you. I needed that.

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“Oh the pointing again. They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?” ― The Day of the Doctor

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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Jamat - that was lovely and helps to make it clear that part of the point of form is made when we break away from it.

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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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On a more topical (hereabouts) note -

Everyone is selling laughter:
The frequent flyer is the banknote.
But it still rains the morning after.

'This is one to shake the rafter'
(Poster striped with blazoned quote).
Everyone is selling laughter

'You like Python? This is dafter!
You'll come out chanting lines by rote!'
But it still rains the morning after.

At the Fair where every crafter
Touts woolly sheep, ceramic boat
Everyone is selling laughter

In the bar 'I'm talking BAFTA!'
Producers with ideas to float
But it still rains the morning after

Venue? Hell! - but fame hereafter
So schmooze that judge and get his vote.
Everyone is selling laughter -
But it still rains the morning after.

Posts: 17253 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Jamat
Shipmate
# 11621

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If the slipper still fits why not wear it?
Though its old and stinking a bit
With the sweat of year or two’s toe jam
which isn’t affecting the foot

There is comfort and padding and lining
Though perhaps that is coming apart
The age of the slipper is showing
But no one can see in the dark

If the slipper still fits why not wear it?
To buy a new pair isn’t wise
If the present one still keeps the cold out
And it’s still fleecy on the inside

Though maybe it’s not quite so shapely
A little distorted and worn
If the slipper still fits why not wear it?
For two is much better than one.

--------------------
Jamat ..in utmost longditude, where Heaven
with Earth and ocean meets, the setting sun slowly descended, and with right aspect
Against the eastern gate of Paradise. (Milton Paradise Lost Bk iv)

Posts: 2978 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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That is an interesting piece, but you don't seem to be going for a villanelle ?

Perhaps you could start a new thread for uniquely structured verse.

Doublethink
Verseworks Host

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19194 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Jamat
Shipmate
# 11621

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Sorry will not post any more distractions.

--------------------
Jamat ..in utmost longditude, where Heaven
with Earth and ocean meets, the setting sun slowly descended, and with right aspect
Against the eastern gate of Paradise. (Milton Paradise Lost Bk iv)

Posts: 2978 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged
Jamat
Shipmate
# 11621

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Tosh.

The clock is ticking on that,
On whether the day will be fine,
And someone is feeding your cat;

A plait or a bun or a hat,
A look that is all but sublime,
The clock is ticking on that;

If your mood is quite manic or flat,
Or you're feeling just simply divine,
And someone is feeding your cat;

Some behave like a weasel or rat,
They simply step over the line,
The clock is ticking on that;

And thinking is not where it's at,
For everyone's seeking a sign,
And is someone feeding your cat?

When stuff you relied on goes splat,
You think you had better resign,
The clock is ticking on that,
And someone is feeding your cat.

--------------------
Jamat ..in utmost longditude, where Heaven
with Earth and ocean meets, the setting sun slowly descended, and with right aspect
Against the eastern gate of Paradise. (Milton Paradise Lost Bk iv)

Posts: 2978 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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oooh, like that one.

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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Yes, that's pretty cool! I like the tetrameter with that topic.
Posts: 24428 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Hip hop, or even, hop hip
I've just had a life changing op
And soon I will go at a clip.

Arthritis is like one long blip
When the limp becomes closer to hop.
Hip hop, or even, hop hip.

"Be careful that you do not slip
Lest a joint dislocated you cop,
And you'll never go at a clip."

My friends are quite fond of a quip
But the most fav'rite one that they drop,
Hip hop, or even, hop hip.

I can't reach my toenails to clip
Or walk to the handiest shop,
But soon I will go at a clip.

Be careful on plane and on ship-
No trying from great heights to drop.
I've been given a very hip hip
And soon I will go at a clip.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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We need something with a shorter line. Here's my attempt:

At the Dance

He inferred
she would try;
she demurred.

He was stirred,
which was why
he inferred.

"How absurd!"
With a sigh,
she demurred.

Vision blurred,
"She's just shy,"
He inferred.

From her word,
from her eye,
he inferred
she demurred.

--------------------
“Religion doesn't fuck up people, people fuck up religion.”—lilBuddha

Posts: 63199 | From: Ecotopia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Jamat
Shipmate
# 11621

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Cool variation MT!

--------------------
Jamat ..in utmost longditude, where Heaven
with Earth and ocean meets, the setting sun slowly descended, and with right aspect
Against the eastern gate of Paradise. (Milton Paradise Lost Bk iv)

Posts: 2978 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged


 
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