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Source: (consider it) Thread: 8D - VerseWorks - Renga: Collaborative Poem - or, If You Like Haiku, You'll Love....
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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The description of a Renga. Alternating stanzas of 3 lines/17 syllables with 2 lines, each of 7 syllables. But being Japanese, there's a little bit more to it than that. Let's give it a whirl.

Theme: Summer


Trees stand still
As the courtiers
Of an implacable emperor.

[ 31. August 2014, 23:19: Message edited by: RuthW ]

Posts: 17234 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
StevHep
Shipmate
# 17198

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Tired courtesans the drooping
Flower beds thirsty for light

--------------------
My Blog Catholic Scot
http://catholicscot.blogspot.co.uk/
@stevhep on Twitter

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Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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The soft and gentle
rain falls with mild sussuration
upon leaf mold

--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

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StevHep
Shipmate
# 17198

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Warm summer rains refresh tired
Earth, life renewed from above

--------------------
My Blog Catholic Scot
http://catholicscot.blogspot.co.uk/
@stevhep on Twitter

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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In the dusk of its single day
The crane fly dances
Against the glass.

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Chesterbelloc

Tremendous trifler
# 3128

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Slowly, in a flesh-warm sigh,
The stone breathes back the sun's loan.

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StevHep
Shipmate
# 17198

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Night sounds, night stillness.
Darkness and mild summer warmth
A fragrant garden

--------------------
My Blog Catholic Scot
http://catholicscot.blogspot.co.uk/
@stevhep on Twitter

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Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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honeysuckle scent lingers
and the sweet night-scented stock

--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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On the low bending branch
Those are red berries
That once were white flowers.

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StevHep
Shipmate
# 17198

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Hungry crows snatch at berries,
Black clad raucous destruction.

--------------------
My Blog Catholic Scot
http://catholicscot.blogspot.co.uk/
@stevhep on Twitter

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Nesting jackdaws chirp,
Chink and chirr metallic'ly,
Gossip to their mates.

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549

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Around bright orange bonfires
Neighbours gather to watch sparks fall.

--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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We're getting some good stuff here. Let's step it up ever so slightly. One of the features of renga is the subtleties of connection between the verses, which may be by association or contrast, but which always provide a new thought or perception. We have a good example in the berries - crows - jackdaws - sequence above.

I suggest we formalise this by using either the same word from the preceding verse* or something which is the same class of object (bird, flower, time of day etc).

*only the immediately preceding one. Every Renga verse is part of two poems: one formed by pairing it with the verse before, one with the verse after.

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Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076

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Wood crackles, Marshmallows
Roast below fall leaves,
And laughter in twilight.

--------------------
A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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A summer's day ends replete
As silence after laughter.

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Snorting and gurgling
in joyous abandonment
souls rejuvenate

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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StevHep
Shipmate
# 17198

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Joy too comes with the dawn.
Eyes shine with reflected light.

--------------------
My Blog Catholic Scot
http://catholicscot.blogspot.co.uk/
@stevhep on Twitter

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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A reminder to count those syllables. The fact that you think of a neat phrase and it turns out to be just too long or too short, and you have to rethink and, as Beckett says, Fail better - is precisely the point of the exercise.

The memory of summer
Is quiet as the light
Of sunless days.

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Harvesting machinery
Drowns crickets' chirp and bees' buzz.

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549

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Days of summer passed
Away on the stream of time.
All comes to harvest.

[ 30. July 2014, 18:38: Message edited by: Dafyd ]

--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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The scythe that sliced the corn stalks
Now rests by the graveyard wall.

--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

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StevHep
Shipmate
# 17198

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quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
A reminder to count those syllables. The fact that you think of a neat phrase and it turns out to be just too long or too short, and you have to rethink and, as Beckett says, Fail better - is precisely the point of the exercise.

The memory of summer
Is quiet as the light
Of sunless days.

* Tangent alert

According to the Haiku Syllable Counter the lines
Joy too comes with the dawn.
Eyes shine with reflected light.

Have 7 syllables each
* End of tangent

--------------------
My Blog Catholic Scot
http://catholicscot.blogspot.co.uk/
@stevhep on Twitter

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Gap-toothed drunken lines
Ivy-covered, grass buried
Inscriptions age blurred

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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quote:
Originally posted by StevHep:
* Tangent alert

According to the Haiku Syllable Counter the lines
Joy too comes with the dawn.
Eyes shine with reflected light.

Have 7 syllables each
* End of tangent

Good grief, what will they think of next? Anyway, based purely on muttering and counting fingers....

Briefly bright new ivy leaves
Flash like fish in a green stream.

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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Thirty six verses make up a renga. So if we can clock another 13, we can award ourselves the Japanese equivalent of knocking off and going to the pub.

Rain-bent montbretia laps
Over the path in a green wave
Edged with flame.

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Flame-edged clouds herald sunset,
Heaven's pyrotechnic show.

(I was trying not to steal all the Haikus)

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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The sun sinks slowly.
Behind the hills, liquid light drains
From the denim sky.

--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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The dusk cloaked downs breathe out
Shedding the burdens of time

[ 03. August 2014, 21:40: Message edited by: Doublethink ]

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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Long-eared bats chase
fluttering moths over the still
so silent barrows.

--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Ears twitch, listening intently,
Ladybird creeps up stem: pounce.


(Long-eared bats fascinate me, they can hear insects walking on leaves.)

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Watch my cats as they too
Crouch, patiently awaiting
A wind-blown leaf.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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Petals flutter down. A mouse
Scutters through. A cat pounces.

--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Night's denizens - owls,cats,bats-
Are on the hunt:
Small furry ones, beware.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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Something hunted in our dreams
But slipped the snare of waking.

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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Returns, magnified
As, in a darker dreamland,
We become its prey.

(I make that two more to go – and, when we get there, mine's a pint of Guinness and cider.)

--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Waking is such sweet relief
From dreamland's haunting visions.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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The warm summer night sleeps
To wake on a cool morning
Edged with autumn.

Qlib, it'll be a small sake and a gawp at a chrysanthemum.

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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OK we might as well continue with Autumn

Inevitable as the days
Which are drawing in,
The nights draw out.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 7765 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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Nooooo! We didn't finish with the two lines! Obscure Japanese phantoms will now rise from wells and pursue us!
Posts: 17234 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Swallows twitter, group in lines
Migrate at unseen signal

(Would that do as the final bit of the Renga?)

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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That'll do.

We can either attempt another 36 stanzas, or start another syllabic verse thread - haiku, say, or tanka.

Posts: 17234 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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It might be worth trying something like this, so a thread where someone specifies a form, then communally we try to create one following the rule. Once complete someone else specifies the form, and the process repeats.

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19150 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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The Alouette(French for Skylark) is a stanzaic invented form with an unusual meter. The form is syllabic with a recommended prominent stress in the 3rd syllable of each line. It was created by Jan Turner. The Alouette is:

stanzaic, any number of sixains.
syllabic , 5-5-7-5-5-7 syllables per line with the prominent stress in the 3rd syllable of each line.
rhymed, rhyme scheme aabccb ddeffe gghiih etc.
Month of August by Judi Van Gorder

Begun as month six,
eighth after the fix,
named for Emperor of Rome.
Just thirty-one days, in hot summer haze,
Augustus ascended his throne.

OK? Here's my attempt:

Oh, let not my cat
Sitting on the mat
Scratch my new expensive chair.
If she does, then she
Will no longer be;
Which will leave me half a pair*.

On the other hand
Playing in the sand
She's delightful and so sweet.
I love to stroke her
Soft touchable fur
From head to her furry feet.

*I have two cats

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 7765 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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In the soulless dark
You can't hear the lark
That flies, singing loud, on high
For your hate and spite
Both put out the light
And shut you off from the sky.

As to why you so
Chose to sail solo
On that lonely stream of bile,
I can only guess
But nevertheless
Must bemoan a jail so vile.

It's still no too late
Abandon your hate.
You can surely light a spark
One kind word or deed
Is all that you need
To sit no more in the dark.

[I'm not sure about this third syllable business, jacobsen – van Gorder certainly fails to convince in that respect: 'as', '-ter', 'for' ? You do a better job, but I don't think it's a form desigend for English]

--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

Posts: 8909 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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We appear to have de-Rengad, so I have started a new thread - to try out experimental forms.

Doublethink
Verseworks Host

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19150 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged


 
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