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Source: (consider it) Thread: When I am supreme dictator of the world
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

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... the nasty cretin who invented those bloody seals on milk, juice etc bottles will be first up against the wall ...

your pick?

[ 16. April 2017, 06:25: Message edited by: Zappa ]

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shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18576 | From: scarily close to 40° | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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The soul mate of the cretin mentioned above who invented the bubble packs that my medication is dispensed in.

Flogging's too good for them [Mad]

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 9725 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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They both colluded in the invention of "To open, pull here" on packages of bacon, luncheon meat, etc. sealed in plastic. The greatest force in the world pulling there would not be enough to open same.

To the cornfield with both of them. ("It's a Good Life" by Jerome Bixby)

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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God - for making so many fabulous tasting foods unhealthy. Surely carrots could have tasted like creamy chocolate or doughnuts?

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Garden. Room. Walk

Posts: 12269 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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Times Roman font will be illegal.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Jack the Lass

Ship's airhead
# 3415

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My first pledge will be no zits for the over 40s.

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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog

Posts: 5741 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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The person who invented those strips in the road that make the traffic light change when you run over them.

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

Posts: 9983 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
The soul mate of the cretin mentioned above who invented the bubble packs that my medication is dispensed in.

Flogging's too good for them [Mad]

I have a gizmo for opening medicines. It has a sharp edge for opening bubble packs; it has a ring you can lean on for those "press down and turn" bottles. I don't know what I would do without it.

Moo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.

Posts: 19951 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
The person who invented those strips in the road that make the traffic light change when you run over them.

This person must also be responsible for NOT having them detect bicycles and NOT having pedestrian signals ever change unless a button is pushed.

And not being able to put my elbow in my mouth.

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Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

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Garden Hermit
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# 109

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I can understand 'Murder' but not 'Mindless Graffiti'. I would have kept the Death Penalty for the 2nd Offence and got rid of it for the 1st.
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840

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Summary justice for anyone seen throwing plastic litter from a vehicle.

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Change is the only certainty of existence

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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668

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I can sort of understand the villainous VW employee who designed their dodgy emission control software, but his even more evil colleague - the one who designed my VW so you now have to remove the battery to change one of the headlight bulbs - is someone whose fate will be extremely unpleasant when I take charge. Try it on a dark, rainy night and you'll understand.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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HCH
Shipmate
# 14313

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No Prophet: Do you mean that when you use those buttons to summon a walk signal, they actually work?
Posts: 1442 | From: Illinois, USA | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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Anybody who drives a 4x4 but refuses to take it close to the edge of the road, to let others pass.

They should be banned from having anything larger than an i10.

--------------------
Blog
My books for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18244 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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quote:
Originally posted by HCH:
No Prophet: Do you mean that when you use those buttons to summon a walk signal, they actually work?

That's the problem. Half do nothing at all. The others make the little walking person become lighted up and now it is permitted for walking, and without button pushing no walky. While waiting I have sprained myself trying to kiss me elbow. Which should be possible.

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Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

Posts: 10437 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Lucia

Looking for light
# 15201

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(Is this just a heavenly version of TICTH ??)
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jedijudy

Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333

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Hmmm, it could be, Lucia. Depends on the punishments! [Snigger]

When I am supreme dictator, people throwing cigarette butts onto dry vegetation during a drought will be watering all the highway medians. With one bucket. Dipping water from the river which is xx miles away.

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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.

Posts: 17557 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
Albertus
Shipmate
# 13356

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quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
The person who invented those strips in the road that make the traffic light change when you run over them.

No, they're OK because you can jump on them to make it get to green (as ++Geoffrey Fisher was once seen doing when he was +Chester in the 30s!).

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My beard is a testament to my masculinity and virility, and demonstrates that I am a real man. Trouble is, bits of quiche sometimes get caught in it.

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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My daughter has declared her intent to Rule the World. (She was doing well with this, becoming a US Army officer and then going to law school but recently she had a baby and I trust this will divert her.)
When she brings the entire planet cringing under her iron heel at last, I intend to have her decree a standard ebook format. No more of this wandering between epub, mobi and PDFs, crashing computers and downloading illegible texts.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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And then she will banish them all to the cornfield . . . along with the first persons to use the nouns "text" and "trend" as verbs.

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
And then she will banish them all to the cornfield . . . along with the first persons to use the nouns "text" and "trend" as verbs.

And 'medal' arrrrgh!!

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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Tailgaters!

You know those folks who drive so close behind you that it looks as if they are trying to mate with your exhaust pipe.

I suggest firing them into geo-stationary orbit up with all those communications satellites.

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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

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Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
Anybody who drives a 4x4 but refuses to take it close to the edge of the road, to let others pass.

They should be banned from having anything larger than an i10.

Why bother with all that stuff about driving close to the edge of the road. Just ban all 4x4s

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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

Posts: 12816 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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the bald ponytailed hippies driving the 4x4s will get haircuts when I am supreme dictator of the world. And they will not be able evangelise about how marvellously they poop from eating the seeds of the organic obscure ancient indigenous grain they get from a homespun gut guru.

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Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

Posts: 10437 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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Cellphones and texting will be forbidden except in cases of extreme emergency, which you must prove or else face heavy fines -- payable to the Supreme Dictator of the World, of course!

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9016 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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quote:
Originally posted by Spike:
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
Anybody who drives a 4x4 but refuses to take it close to the edge of the road, to let others pass.

They should be banned from having anything larger than an i10.

Why bother with all that stuff about driving close to the edge of the road. Just ban all 4x4s
I can accept that some people find a justification for them. And use them properly.

--------------------
Blog
My books for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18244 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Albertus
Shipmate
# 13356

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So, in rural districts only. And to make the point, all must have a minimum 3/4in layer of mixed mud and dung on the underside and wheel arches at all times.

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My beard is a testament to my masculinity and virility, and demonstrates that I am a real man. Trouble is, bits of quiche sometimes get caught in it.

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Garden Hermit
Shipmate
# 109

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I'm going to ban anyone who has an Opinion which is different to mine.
Posts: 1410 | From: Reading UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
SusanDoris

Incurable Optimist
# 12618

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There is one crossroads I use almost daily, often twice, where too often the little ring of red lights for pedestrians to cross decides to turn itself off just before the beeps and green man are due. Now, put me in charge of the world and the first thing I'd do is make sure that a completely fool-proof system was installed there!! [Big Grin]
P.S. I have just phoned and reported the fault to the Highways Dept!

[ 18. April 2017, 13:01: Message edited by: SusanDoris ]

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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755

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Anyone who fails to clean up after their dog in public areas will spend the next ten years daily cleaning up the cages in the local animal rescue.

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Notice to police, Should my body ever be found on a jogging trail, know that I was murdered elsewhere and my body dumped there."

Posts: 2547 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
leo
Shipmate
# 1458

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I'll fine heavily people who leave wheelie bins out on the pavement 24/7 necessitating wheelchair users and blind people to go out on the road in order to pass them.

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My Jewish-positive lectionary blog is at http://recognisingjewishrootsinthelectionary.wordpress.com/
My reviews at http://layreadersbookreviews.wordpress.com

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Graven Image:
Anyone who fails to clean up after their dog in public areas will spend the next ten years daily cleaning up the cages in the local animal rescue.

I would include people who let their "pet" cats wander the neighborhood and use my planters as litter boxes, as well as killing birds.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9016 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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quote:
Originally posted by Garden Hermit:
I'm going to ban anyone who has an Opinion which is different to mine.

I'd ban anyone who has an opinion the same as mine.

--------------------
Blog
My books for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18244 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504

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I would put bollards around every dropped kerb to stop lazy drivers parking across them - VERY annoying when you use a mobility scooter. I would also take away the cars of all town planners and replace them with unstable mobility scooters so that they would "appreciate" bad cambers on dropped kerbs and how "undropped" many dropped kerbs actually are.

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"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)

Posts: 3242 | From: Rhymney Valley, South Wales | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
quote:
Originally posted by Garden Hermit:
I'm going to ban anyone who has an Opinion which is different to mine.

I'd ban anyone who has an opinion the same as mine.
I think banning all opinions is The Right Thing. No opinions allowed. Period. Full stop.

Everyone must get stoned, or act stoned. Then we light a fire, put food on sticks, cook it, eat it, have a nap (or a euphemism for napping), pick flowers, chase butterflies and then go for ice cream. There will be no eating from forbidden trees, it is the Only Rule, which is silly, but dictators are usually crazy.

[ 18. April 2017, 19:27: Message edited by: no prophet's flag is set so... ]

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Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

Posts: 10437 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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Cyclists who ride on pavements, drivers who park on pavements and (get this) drivers who drive on pavements too!

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If someone takes a shot at President Trump will his bodyguards shout "Donald Duck"?

Posts: 23736 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
quote:
Originally posted by Garden Hermit:
I'm going to ban anyone who has an Opinion which is different to mine.

I'd ban anyone who has an opinion the same as mine.
I think banning all opinions is The Right Thing. No opinions allowed. Period. Full stop.

Everyone must get stoned, or act stoned. Then we light a fire, put food on sticks, cook it, eat it, have a nap (or a euphemism for napping), pick flowers, chase butterflies and then go for ice cream. There will be no eating from forbidden trees, it is the Only Rule, which is silly, but dictators are usually crazy.

You get my vote. Unless voting is an opinion. Now I don't know.
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357

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Pedestrian buttons at intersections do not make the lights change sooner; they make the green light last longer when it turns on, giving one more time to cross. At least where I live.

My current If-I-Ruled-the-World fantasy concerns elderly Floridians and out of state tourists who slow to a near or actual stop at (or in the middle of) intersections while trying to figure out which way to go. "Elderly" in this case means anyone older than I am.

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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton

Posts: 504 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
roybart
Shipmate
# 17357

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Pedestrian buttons at intersections do not make the lights change sooner; they make the green light last longer when it turns on, giving one more time to cross. At least where I live.

My current If-I-Ruled-the-World fantasy concerns elderly Floridians and out of state tourists who slow to a near or actual stop at (or in the middle of) intersections while trying to figure out which way to go. "Elderly" in this case means anyone older than I am. [brick wall]

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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton

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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668

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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
Cyclists who ride on pavements, drivers who park on pavements and (get this) drivers who drive on pavements too!

And the joggers who run in the road because the ups and downs of the pavement upsets their stride. It's not legal to run them down here, but that rule will change when I take charge.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

Posts: 808 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
SusanDoris

Incurable Optimist
# 12618

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quote:
Originally posted by leo:
I'll fine heavily people who leave wheelie bins out on the pavement 24/7 necessitating wheelchair users and blind people to go out on the road in order to pass them.

I had a couple of interesting conversations with the Health and Safety Executive head office recently following an occasion when I had to walk in the road for about 50 yards*, and the law says that when a ppavement is obstructed, a proper safe place for pedestrians to pass must be set up. This is all to often ignored unfortunately.
* Luckily it was a Sunday and not many cars about at around 8:30 a.m. but normally it is a busy road.

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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Posts: 2855 | From: UK | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
I would also take away the cars of all town planners and replace them with unstable mobility scooters

Better still: "Public officials must use public transportation." No private limousines or jets.

There would be an instant improvement in bus, train and airline service.

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

Posts: 9983 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
I would also take away the cars of all town planners and replace them with unstable mobility scooters

Better still: "Public officials must use public transportation." No private limousines or jets.

There would be an instant improvement in bus, train and airline service.

Yes. And pay for them too. Then the prices would be reduced immediately.

Actually, any politician would have to experience the area they are responsible for. Transport would have to use public transport. Health would have have to regularly use the health system for problematic issues. Welfare would have to live on whatever the basic level was.

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Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18244 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sparrow
Shipmate
# 2458

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quote:
Originally posted by Zappa:
... the nasty cretin who invented those bloody seals on milk, juice etc bottles will be first up against the wall ...

your pick?

Ditto whoever invented that impenetrable triangular plastic packaging for sandwiches, requiring a pair of scissors to get into them.

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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Posts: 3067 | From: Bottom right hand corner of the UK | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
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# 14768

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quote:
Originally posted by roybart:
Pedestrian buttons at intersections do not make the lights change sooner; they make the green light last longer when it turns on, giving one more time to cross. At least where I live.

My current If-I-Ruled-the-World fantasy concerns elderly Floridians and out of state tourists who slow to a near or actual stop at (or in the middle of) intersections while trying to figure out which way to go. "Elderly" in this case means anyone older than I am. [brick wall]

Elderly always means anyone older than the person speaking. Except for my guest who doesn't want to go to anywhere with old people, which includes people 30 years younger.
Posts: 5614 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Helen-Eva
Shipmate
# 15025

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When I rule the world any work laptop that doesn't function will have to be thrown instantly out of the window into the atrium 8 floors down and the IT department will be based in the atrium 8 floors down.

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I thought the radio 3 announcer said "Weber" but it turned out to be Webern. Story of my life.

Posts: 577 | From: London, hopefully in a theatre or concert hall, more likely at work | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Anyone who shows the slightest sign of road rage or nasty, discourteous driving will be condemned to drive a Mini-Cooper for the rest of their days.
Posts: 19644 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840

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quote:
Originally posted by Graven Image:
Anyone who fails to clean up after their dog in public areas will spend the next ten years daily cleaning up the cages in the local animal rescue.

Alongside those who do bag it up only to toss the bag and it's contents into the nearest bush, hedge or tree.

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Change is the only certainty of existence

Posts: 2935 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged
MarsmanTJ
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# 8689

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All train company CEOs will only be paid if all train journeys on their network cost less than the cost of petrol to drive the aforementioned journey in a 20mpg car. Economy of scale should make this not an unreasonable challenge.
Posts: 230 | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Anyone who shows the slightest sign of road rage or nasty, discourteous driving will be condemned to drive a Mini-Cooper for the rest of their days.

That's not punishment! I love driving my Mini Cooper!
[Razz]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9016 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged



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