homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | Register | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Community discussion   » Heaven   » When I am supreme dictator of the world (Page 2)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: When I am supreme dictator of the world
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

 - Posted      Profile for Amanda B. Reckondwythe     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by MarsmanTJ:
All train company CEOs will only be paid if all train journeys on their network cost less than the cost of petrol to drive the aforementioned journey in a 20mpg car.

And their weekly salary should be docked $1.00 (or local equivalent) for each minute each train runs late during that week.

--------------------
"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

Posts: 9982 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Anyone who shows the slightest sign of road rage or nasty, discourteous driving will be condemned to drive a Mini-Cooper for the rest of their days.

That's not punishment! I love driving my Mini Cooper!
[Razz]

Yeah, well, you're obviously not Compensating For Something like these assholes are.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19643 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

 - Posted      Profile for Sioni Sais   Email Sioni Sais   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Anyone who shows the slightest sign of road rage or nasty, discourteous driving will be condemned to drive a Mini-Cooper for the rest of their days.

That's not punishment! I love driving my Mini Cooper!
[Razz]

Agreed, minis, even the new ones have style. Force them to drive a Vauxhall Corsa. Horrible, cramped and according to Gwent Police, who know about this kind of this, the most easily stolen car of all.

--------------------
If someone takes a shot at President Trump will his bodyguards shout "Donald Duck"?

Posts: 23736 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Gee D
Shipmate
# 13815

 - Posted      Profile for Gee D     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
But who would want to steal one or a Mini of any vintage either?

The original Minis were cheap little cars - a good concept for a teenager's first car but badly engineered and even more badly put together. The new ones are rather over-priced status symbols, but of a much better quality than the original.

--------------------
Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican

Posts: 6270 | From: Warrawee NSW Australia | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ugh. The point is size, people. Anyone who thinks possession of an SUV is grounds for driving like an asshole deserves the tiniest, most unterrifying car of all. I'd make it a trike, but they'd just annoy everybody by being slow.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19643 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

 - Posted      Profile for no prophet's flag is set so...   Author's homepage   Email no prophet's flag is set so...   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I think I will ban cars. Then command that a chairlift and gondala system be created. And canals in place of roads. Skating to work in the winter. Canoeing in the summer. For certain people, perhaps giant catapults.

--------------------
Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

Posts: 10435 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

 - Posted      Profile for Brenda Clough   Author's homepage   Email Brenda Clough   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
What, you don't like mass transport? I adore light rail, streetcars, and subways. (But I realize that my ideal is the full appurtenances of civilization, the highway systems, the transport, the cities, the theaters, all for me. No crowds.)

--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer

Posts: 4745 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy

Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333

 - Posted      Profile for jedijudy   Author's homepage   Email jedijudy   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Lamb Chopped reminded me how aggravating and terrifying huge lifted pickup trucks and SUVs are when they are aimed at my little car...then I see the driver is texting!! [Eek!]

This supreme dictator will deny them access to anything but a landline for a month. If they do it again two months. Third time, six months. I'm a benevolent dictator...to the sane drivers.

(I figure driving safely around unsafe drivers and preventing accidents should earn me some sort of extra points for saving their lives. Right?)

--------------------
Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.

Posts: 17557 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
What, you don't like mass transport?

The giant catapults will do for mass transport.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19643 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Helen-Eva
Shipmate
# 15025

 - Posted      Profile for Helen-Eva   Email Helen-Eva   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Lamb Chopped reminded me how aggravating and terrifying huge lifted pickup trucks and SUVs are when they are aimed at my little car...then I see the driver is texting!! [Eek!]

This supreme dictator will deny them access to anything but a landline for a month. If they do it again two months. Third time, six months. I'm a benevolent dictator...to the sane drivers.

(I figure driving safely around unsafe drivers and preventing accidents should earn me some sort of extra points for saving their lives. Right?)

You are WAY too nice. Texting at the wheel warrants immediate withdrawal of oxygen privileges in the interests of the greater good.

--------------------
I thought the radio 3 announcer said "Weber" but it turned out to be Webern. Story of my life.

Posts: 577 | From: London, hopefully in a theatre or concert hall, more likely at work | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

 - Posted      Profile for Schroedinger's cat   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I would introduce a single law that was "Don't be a dick". So texting mobile drivers would be total dicks, and be banned from cars, phones and being inside for at least 6 months.

Politicians who continue to be dicks would get a slapping appropriate to their crimes. Most of the front benches, for example, would be disallowed from holding any office or having any role whatsoever, due to their entire blundering incompetence.

Similarly, people who get on their phones in a quiet carriage would have to spend a week surrounded by noise day and night.

Everyone offending gratuitously would also have to wear a t-shirt saying "I am a DICK" for their entire punishment.

--------------------
Blog
My books for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18244 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

 - Posted      Profile for no prophet's flag is set so...   Author's homepage   Email no prophet's flag is set so...   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
When I am supreme dictator I will change "dick" to "donald". Don't be a donald! No-one should ever be a donald. And there will be haircuts. The best haircuts.
Posts: 10435 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504

 - Posted      Profile for St. Gwladys   Email St. Gwladys   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[tangent]Darllenwr reckons the best punishment for using a mobile whilst driving is on the spot destruction of the mobile's SIM card AS WELL AS a large fine, driving ban, etc [\tangent]

--------------------
"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)

Posts: 3242 | From: Rhymney Valley, South Wales | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged
Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

 - Posted      Profile for Moo   Email Moo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I would insist that while road work is being done, temporary lanes will be as wide as standard lanes.

I was terrified driving through a construction zone with narrow lanes and huge trucks in the other lane. I'm sure I irritated a lot of people by driving at the speed that felt comfortable to me under the circumstances.

Moo

--------------------
Kerygmania host
---------------------
See you later, alligator.

Posts: 19950 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

 - Posted      Profile for Sioni Sais   Email Sioni Sais   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Gee D:
But who would want to steal one or a Mini of any vintage either?

The original Minis were cheap little cars - a good concept for a teenager's first car but badly engineered and even more badly put together. The new ones are rather over-priced status symbols, but of a much better quality than the original.

Of course they were cheap! The design is as old as I am and it stood up very well to other cars of its day, such as the A35, Minx and original Ford Anglia, which were all larger and poorer to drive. Was any cheap car built well in those days?

--------------------
If someone takes a shot at President Trump will his bodyguards shout "Donald Duck"?

Posts: 23736 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Helen-Eva:
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Lamb Chopped reminded me how aggravating and terrifying huge lifted pickup trucks and SUVs are when they are aimed at my little car...then I see the driver is texting!! [Eek!]

This supreme dictator will deny them access to anything but a landline for a month. If they do it again two months. Third time, six months. I'm a benevolent dictator...to the sane drivers.

(I figure driving safely around unsafe drivers and preventing accidents should earn me some sort of extra points for saving their lives. Right?)

You are WAY too nice. Texting at the wheel warrants immediate withdrawal of oxygen privileges in the interests of the greater good.
You are WAY too nice. The punishment is to be dangled naked from a hoist, small cuts to be made to the body then to be lowered, one inch at a time, into a tank of hungry piranhas.

To be televised as a deterrent to others.

--------------------
Fearfully and wonderfully mad

ن
blog

Posts: 8563 | From: Proxima b | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

 - Posted      Profile for no prophet's flag is set so...   Author's homepage   Email no prophet's flag is set so...   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
How's your day going Balaam?

--------------------
Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

Posts: 10435 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Gee D
Shipmate
# 13815

 - Posted      Profile for Gee D     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
balaam, The Midden?

--------------------
Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican

Posts: 6270 | From: Warrawee NSW Australia | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

 - Posted      Profile for Zappa   Email Zappa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
And then those people who drive at 80 kph (yeah, you muricans can do the math/s) in the 100 kph zones ... then don't slow down in the 50 kph zones, then you catch them up again in the next 100 kph zone [brick wall]

They are bound for the salt mines

[ 21. April 2017, 05:45: Message edited by: Zappa ]

--------------------
shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18576 | From: scarily close to 40° | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

 - Posted      Profile for Schroedinger's cat   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Zappa:
And then those people who drive at 80 kph (yeah, you muricans can do the math/s) in the 100 kph zones ... then don't slow down in the 50 kph zones, then you catch them up again in the next 100 kph zone [brick wall]

They are bound for the salt mines

I term them Wongas, because they only seem to have Won Gear.

And yes, they irritate me too. They are worse when you overtake them (staying within the speed limit), and then they catchup to you again, and are all angry about why you passed them and are now holding them up.

Utter dicks. The salt mines are too good. They should be made to walk to them.

[It strikes me that, post-revolution, the wall is going to have to be larger than Trumps, so many people need to be first against it]

--------------------
Blog
My books for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18244 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755

 - Posted      Profile for Graven Image   Email Graven Image   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
People who park in handicapped spaces who are not handicapped, Yes young man in the pick up truck who jumped out leaving engine on and music loudly playing on the radio while he ran into the store to pick up a quick six pack of beer. I am talking about you.

No driving, no radio, and no beer for three months. No you may not hitch a ride with anyone else. If you are out walking around you must wear a hat that says, " I am a young self centered twit who should be thankful for my good health."

--------------------
Notice to police, Should my body ever be found on a jogging trail, know that I was murdered elsewhere and my body dumped there."

Posts: 2547 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

 - Posted      Profile for Amanda B. Reckondwythe     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Graven Image:
People who park in handicapped spaces who are not handicapped, Yes young man in the pick up truck who jumped out leaving engine on and music loudly playing on the radio while he ran into the store to pick up a quick six pack of beer. I am talking about you.

Impound the vehicle -- should be easy to do, as he conveniently left it running. And one month of volunteer service in an assisted living facility.

--------------------
"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

Posts: 9982 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

 - Posted      Profile for Brenda Clough   Author's homepage   Email Brenda Clough   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
More practically, if you see such a thing and have a cell phone, take a picture. Be sure you get the license plate clear in the shot. Email it to your local parking authorities.

--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer

Posts: 4745 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

 - Posted      Profile for no prophet's flag is set so...   Author's homepage   Email no prophet's flag is set so...   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Coffee pods and bottled water. If you buy it, you must eat the pod or bottle. We will be watching.
Posts: 10435 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
But if I eat the bottle what will I then refill?

--------------------
Fearfully and wonderfully mad

ن
blog

Posts: 8563 | From: Proxima b | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668

 - Posted      Profile for Stercus Tauri   Email Stercus Tauri   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
What, you don't like mass transport? I adore light rail, streetcars, and subways. (But I realize that my ideal is the full appurtenances of civilization, the highway systems, the transport, the cities, the theaters, all for me. No crowds.)

Looks like your Supreme Dick-tator in Washington is doing his best to wreck California's transit system by pulling funding just as they are ready to start work on upgrading the railways. One of my first acts will be to provide free rail travel for all and impose extreme vetting and psychological screening on anyone who dares to apply for a driving licence.

--------------------
Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

Posts: 808 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

 - Posted      Profile for Pigwidgeon   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
One of my first acts will be to provide free rail travel for all and impose extreme vetting and psychological screening on anyone who dares to apply for a driving licence.

Dear Supreme Dictator, please start in Phoenix. We haven't had passenger train service here since 1996. (And our drivers would never get licenses if they had to get through extreme vetting and psychological screening.)

--------------------
Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9013 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
simontoad
Shipmate
# 18096

 - Posted      Profile for simontoad   Email simontoad   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
When I am Supreme Dictator of the World, I will probably get someone else to do the job for me and they will get tired of getting none of the credit and poison my food.

--------------------
The opinions expressed above are transitory emotional responses and do not necessarily reflect the considered views of the author.

Posts: 607 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
Check out Reform magazine
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
  ship of fools