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Source: (consider it) Thread: Your personal Hell
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

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Someone mentioned Budweiser in Hell, and it made me think exactly what Hell would be like to be the ultimate deterrent for me...

My personal Hell is a huge trendy pub. There is thumping loud dance music. The only beer on tap is Budweiser, the wine is Blue Nun, and the only whisky is Bells. There is food, but every dish is fish. The coffee is instant, as is the tea. And as you stand there in pain, people insist on trying to discuss football and celebrities you've never heard of.

Yours?

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.

Posts: 17310 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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A 'disco' or whatever they are called now. Flashing lights, thumping music, jumping people, no conversation and no seats [Eek!] [Eek!]

Pure hell!

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Garden. Room. Walk

Posts: 12336 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged
Sparrow
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# 2458

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And the only TV is reality shows and talent contests.

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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Posts: 3075 | From: Bottom right hand corner of the UK | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
# 944

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And one of the couples at the next table says to the other, in loud voices so all can, sorry, *must*, overhear, "Our Tarquin and Jacyiiin'ta are so talented...the teachers say they are gifted and should be accelerated. They're far beyond all other kids in their year. You should hear his flute playing...and Jacyiiin'ta rides a pony like someone twice her age."

[ 04. June 2017, 08:00: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]

Posts: 7212 | From: Albury, Australia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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New Yorker carton I always liked: two men standing outside a door - "I'd ask you in, Smithson, but this is my own private Hell".
Posts: 17217 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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ManUre winning anything!

--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Eternal phone calls from helicopter parents whose darlings haven't done any work all year but simply MUST pass the class so they can be in cheerleading, football, safe sex club, or whatever the following year. Complete with threatening to report me to the district, and a school administration that throws me under the bus. Over and over, world without end, amen.

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God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean. --Acts 10:28

Posts: 62437 | From: Ecotopia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
St. Gwladys
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# 14504

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Someone whistling all the time. Especially tuneless whistling.
Holding music on phones, particularly the monotonous type or classical music which never finishes the bar or phrase but instead goes back to the beginning again.

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"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)

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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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A world in which the only written communication is the annual family "round-robin" [Projectile]

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

Posts: 23806 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564

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quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:

Yours?

I'm not sure we have quite the same ideas of Heaven, but our Hells are a pretty good match. Although you forgot to include the person who insists on telling you how drunk he is, how drunk he intends to get, or perhaps how drunk he was last night.
Posts: 4477 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged
Leorning Cniht
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# 17564

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My other personal hell would be sitting in my office trying to get some work done, but having a continuous stream of visitors appearing to ask me questions they should know the answers to, make trivial comments about something I really don't care about, or try to prioritize their own pet problem over any of the other things that I'm trying to get done.

Such interruptions are perfectly timed so that just as I get settled into doing something, another one comes along.

Oh wait - that's my job.

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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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My personal hell would be a cruise ship designed to carry huge numbers of people in a small space. There would be no opportunity for solitude ever.

Pictures like this make me shudder.

Moo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.

Posts: 19997 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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The food is cilantro (coriander) flavoured yoghurt, I have lost my glasses, the music is country gospel, and the only TV is televangelists.

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Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

Posts: 10501 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Ohher
Shipmate
# 18607

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As I am now Officially an Old Lady, though not of the "little" persuasion (and not retired, either), a hell I've been encountering IRL is this:

I am shopping, usually for specific items, and doing my best to track these down in some store. Another Old Lady rounds a corner with her shopping cart and parks it diagonally across the aisle, rendering exit impossible except by backtrack. She then plucks an item from a nearby display, holds it up, and remarks "Isn't this adorable?" or "Doesn't this look delicious?" (depending on the nature of the item and/or store) and attempts to coerce me into conversation.

She goes all hurt and offended when my response is "May I get by, please?" with a nod at her cart.

The same Old Lady will invariably engage at least one (often more) of the checkout personnel in extended discussion at the register.

So my hell is a store which Old Ladies use to meet their social needs, holding everybody up from just getting the wretched sh*pping done.

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Formerly Foolhearty. Back after somewhat less than 40 years in the wilderness.

Posts: 98 | From: New Hampshire, USA | Registered: Jun 2016  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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quote:
Originally posted by Sparrow:
And the only TV is reality shows and talent contests.

So, real life today, then?
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Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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My personal hell:

1. People make a living out of music while being crap.

2. A government would prefer that I die than be a burden to them.

3. My brain doesn't work properly, I can't think clearly.

4. Obnoxious people with vile and obnoxious views claim to speak for me and represent me.

5. I am valued for what I can produce, not what I am, who I am.

6. There is nobody who I can relate to around me.

OK, so this is my reality. I am in my personal hell. Enjoy.

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Blog
My books for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18309 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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I would be ushered into hell and, for my sins, given an endless list of people to telephone. I don't know them, and I have to talk to them about something they do not care about.

So basically working in a call centre I guess.

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Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

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L'organist
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# 17338

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Being forced to watch Marcel Marceau while bagpipes play loudly; an encore would be Charlie Chaplin films accompanied by Hammond organ playing.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Graven Image
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# 8755

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I go to the library and the only books on the shelf are romance novels. So I leave a go for a cup of tea and again just one offering Earl Grey tea, which tastes like the bottom of an ash tray to me. Driving home in the car and only two stations Christian rock, or conservative hosted talk radio. I stop for lunch and it is hot spicy Indian curry. Go home to watch TV and it is only the sports, or QBC programs. Finally it is to bed where the pillow is made a foam rubber and it is always hot.

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Notice to police, Should my body ever be found on a jogging trail, know that I was murdered elsewhere and my body dumped there."

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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096

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I live in a desert on the edge of starvation with my extended family. One day a Ute arrives filled with gunmen. They take me and my cousins to their camp, where they abuse us. One day, they give me a gun and demand that I shoot my friend or get shot myself.

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The opinions expressed above are transitory emotional responses and do not necessarily reflect the considered views of the author.

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Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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What movie was that? [Confused]

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

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romanesque
Shipmate
# 18785

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Not quite hell, but waiting with poorly children at A&E for hours while being subjected to daytime television is certainly not heaven.
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128

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Yes, WHY oh WHY do they have to have TV in A&E (and other hospital waiting areas?) [Projectile]

I want peace and quiet, espexially if I'm feeling unwwell.

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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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How else do you drown out the screaming, vomiting and flat lining beeps ?

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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19085 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
# 944

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I know Hell is being forever alone, but I would not mind it currently.

People who have no idea, or take no notice, of conversation markers. Especially those that end conversations. "Oh, well, okay then..." does not mean you are free to blabber on; and when added to me starting to turn away how can you not get the message?

But better than the person who strolls into my office [I work in a uni; we all have offices] and just starts blathering on. "You busy?", comes out after 10 minutes. "I am rather." I respond. "Well, you can't be as busy as me..."

Posts: 7212 | From: Albury, Australia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
venbede
Shipmate
# 16669

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quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
How else do you drown out the screaming, vomiting and flat lining beeps ?

You obviously haven't spent as much time in hospitals as I have recently.

The TV sound is turned off in the sets that more often than not are in hospital waiting rooms. The flickering images and subtitled inane dialogue remains.

Actually when I spent three hours in A & E this January in some physical agony, the mindless subtitles were a bit distracting.

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Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.

Posts: 3164 | From: An historic market town nestling in the folds of Surrey's rolling North Downs, | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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Once in, I suspect hell to be full of management consultants and a constant process of appraisal of things you didn't know you were supposed to have done.

And this is the way in.

[ 10. June 2017, 18:53: Message edited by: ThunderBunk ]

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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

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Jack the Lass

Ship's airhead
# 3415

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quote:
Originally posted by romanesque:
Not quite hell, but waiting with poorly children at A&E for hours while being subjected to daytime television is certainly not heaven.

Apologies for the tangent, but true story: when I had an op a couple of years ago, I was in the day surgery waiting room with all the other unfortunates due to be operated on that afternoon. We'd all been nil by mouth for hours by that point, and what should come on the telly but bloody Come Dine With Me. That wasn't very heavenly either.

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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog

Posts: 5743 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686

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quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
Yes, WHY oh WHY do they have to have TV in A&E (and other hospital waiting areas?) [Projectile]

I want peace and quiet, espexially if I'm feeling unwwell.

While I understand your exasperation, the answer is straightforward - distraction. Although, in my general experience, with the sound off.

A few years ago, I had some disturbing symptoms following a concussion, and my neurologist referred me for a CT scan - at 9pm on a Friday. (So, not A&E, but Imaging.) I showed up early, and was able to watch some of the opening period of Montreal vs Boston first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. I went in for the scan. When I came out, I sat in the waiting room to watch the rest of the game. We Canadians complain about our healthcare, but I've been fortunate in that my care has been timely, efficient, and accurate. AND I get to watch the hockey game! (How Canadian to stick around in a hospital to watch the end of a game.)

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
How else do you drown out the screaming, vomiting and flat lining beeps ?

In the USA, if the TV in doctor's waiting room is tuned to the news, it's invariably the hateful Faux News. Enough to **make** you scream and vomit! [Projectile]

--------------------
"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

Posts: 10055 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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I find hellish the intrusion that technology seems increasingly to be making into people's private lives.

My cell phone, for example, has taken to reminding me of where I am. I went for ice cream the other day and received a message to the effect that "You're at Coldstone Creamery, aren't you?" And a few nights ago I had dinner out, and I received a message saying I was at that particular restaurant.

Fortunately it does seem that you can turn off the feature on your phone that broadcasts your location to whoever wants to pick up on it, but doing so disables certain ostensibly useful apps.

But to me, the only useful app is one that doesn't spy on me. [Cool]

--------------------
"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

Posts: 10055 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
# 944

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Yes, I was encouraged by my phone not long after leaving a supermarket to rate it for the benefit of others. Oh, piss off! If the phone was so bloody smart it would know I'm not on social media [except using Twitter as a news feed] and have no desire to share my dull, though successful, experience in the fruit section with others.
Posts: 7212 | From: Albury, Australia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
sharkshooter

Not your average shark
# 1589

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quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
In the USA, if the TV in doctor's waiting room is tuned to the news, it's invariably the hateful Faux News. Enough to **make** you scream and vomit! [Projectile]

Ah, yes. CNN.

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Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. [Psalm 19:14]

Posts: 7680 | From: Canada, eh? | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804

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Stuck on an overcrowded intercity train with all the toilets backing up.
Posts: 3072 | From: "....hallelujah for all of my days......" | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Stercus Tauri
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# 16668

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A week in New York after a week in Orkney. I am still in recovery, but the outcome is uncertain.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

Posts: 812 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
Al Eluia

Inquisitor
# 864

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There was a Far Side cartoon where an orchestra conductor has just landed in hell. The devil is showing him into a room and saying, "Here is your orchestra, Maestro." Inside is a roomful of kids with accordions.

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An omer is a tenth of an ephah. (Exodus 16:36)

Posts: 1130 | From: Seattle | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Bene Gesserit
Shipmate
# 14718

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quote:
Originally posted by Al Eluia:
There was a Far Side cartoon where an orchestra conductor has just landed in hell. The devil is showing him into a room and saying, "Here is your orchestra, Maestro." Inside is a roomful of kids with accordions.

I've got a feeling that Gustavo Dudamel would think he had just gone to heaven if that happened to him!

Hellwords? "Strategic shifts" [Mad] [Mad]

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Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus

Posts: 378 | From: Flatlands of the East | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged
Bene Gesserit
Shipmate
# 14718

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Ah - apologies, I'm getting my threads tangled up!

My personal hell would be an eternity of management speak.

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Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus

Posts: 378 | From: Flatlands of the East | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged
Beautiful Dreamer
Shipmate
# 10880

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quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
How else do you drown out the screaming, vomiting and flat lining beeps ?

In the USA, if the TV in doctor's waiting room is tuned to the news, it's invariably the hateful Faux News. Enough to **make** you scream and vomit! [Projectile]
When I got my gallbladder out, they told me to come to the hospital to check in about two hours before I was originally scheduled I don't know why, but I know that this meant I had to be in a waiting room with the TVs on the televangelist station. The 700 Club with Pat Robertson, to be exact.

I don't know what was more painful-that or the recovery. At least I got a popsicle during recovery.

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More where that came from
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

Posts: 6012 | From: Outside Atlanta, GA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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Be grateful for news in A&E, even if its CNN, Sky or Fox: on my last trip to A&E in the wee small hours some sadist had changed the TV to a shopping channel so we had the same presentation about a steam mop over and over and over again [Ultra confused]

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4514 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Baptist Trainfan
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# 15128

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I DETEST ALL TELEVISION in waiting rooms and wonder whose idea it was to have it ... especially, as once happened in A&E, it was tuned to one news channel with the sound off, while the receptionist had a radio on, tuned to a different channel.
Posts: 8761 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged
hatless

Shipmate
# 3365

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Bells whisky has had some repellent advertising campaigns, but I like the semi-sweet nutty taste better than oily Teachers or the flavourless Famous Grouse. If you can't afford Caol Ila, Talisker, Ardbeg and other singles all the time, I reckon Grants is your best bet, and Bells and Johnny Walker Red Label reasonable economy options.

My hell pub would only serve Bushmills whiskey. And of course the beers of my youth: Double Diamond, Whitbread Trophy, and Watneys.

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My crazy theology in novel form

Posts: 4438 | From: Chingestorp | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
I DETEST ALL TELEVISION in waiting rooms and wonder whose idea it was to have it ... especially, as once happened in A&E, it was tuned to one news channel with the sound off, while the receptionist had a radio on, tuned to a different channel.

Years ago I was involved in a decanting programme taking elderly people out of the old mental hospitals and getting them back in the community [no comments about the evil politics of the scheme!] but my colleagues and I had a similar experience in a psycho-geriatric ward where there was a group of the elderly confused sitting around a TV [vision on, sound off] at one side of the and the nurses, carers [sic], etc sat chatting the other sid of the room with the radio blasting out. No wonder the poor old dears were confused!

Complaints were made.

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Posts: 48057 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

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Hell is where English beer is served cold, whisky is served on the rocks (without asking) and the only GIN is Gordon's. There are TV screens showing music videos with the sound off, while the sound system is playing different music at a volume just loud enough to make conversation impossible.

The food would be tasteless gristle burger where the lettuce has been in it long enough to be completely limp.

Hell is a place on earth: I have been in that bar.

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Fearfully and wonderfully mad

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blog

Posts: 8582 | From: Proxima b | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
leo
Shipmate
# 1458

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quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
I DETEST ALL TELEVISION in waiting rooms and wonder whose idea it was to have it ... especially, as once happened in A&E, it was tuned to one news channel with the sound off, while the receptionist had a radio on, tuned to a different channel.

I've experienced that too - with the bonus of heir both being turned off for the 2 minutes silence on November 11th.

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My Jewish-positive lectionary blog is at http://recognisingjewishrootsinthelectionary.wordpress.com/
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Posts: 22853 | From: Bristol | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
The5thMary
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# 12953

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quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
Yes, WHY oh WHY do they have to have TV in A&E (and other hospital waiting areas?) [Projectile]

I want peace and quiet, espexially if I'm feeling unwwell.

Many lifetimes ago (actually 2002), I was rushed to a local emergency room in Atlanta, GA for a serious case of gallbladder disease. I mean to say that I had had gallbladder disease for ages but this particular time was the last straw before I had to have emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed.

Anyway, I was taken in to the triage area and given a bed to await a surgeon. I was throwing up about every ten minutes and I felt so terrible. A big screen television set was above me and the channel was set to the Food Network! It was my pre-Hell experience. It stayed on that channel for hours until I finally begged a passing janitor to change it to something like the Golf Channel.

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

Posts: 3441 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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Team NZ have won the America's Cup (oh. yay [Roll Eyes] ) and there is to be a victory parade through the Christchurch CBD . The forecast is for cold and rain, the streets will be full because it's the school holidays, parking is already at a premium and the bus time table will be even more an exercise in creative writing than it usually is. In addition it will be noisy.

This is my idea of hell, so I am curling up at home with a book instead.

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 9785 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

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Drunken Yobboes, strobes and rap ... and dense cigarette smoke ...

or a committee meeting ... discussing canon law or any finances ... with Anglican bishops and archdeacons dominating proceedings

Yeah, nah ... I'd prefer the former if push came to shove

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and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18631 | From: scarily close to 40° | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

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(oh ... or a bunch of charismatics all wanting to hug me with the Hug of Yaysus)

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shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18631 | From: scarily close to 40° | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Caissa
Shipmate
# 16710

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I concur with Sartre, hell is other people.
Posts: 900 | From: Saint John, N.B. | Registered: Oct 2011  |  IP: Logged



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