homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | Register | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Community discussion   » Heaven   » The second coming?

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.    
Source: (consider it) Thread: The second coming?
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
A Ghanian bishop claims to be able to make men’s penises larger by massaging their groins with his hands.

Does it work, and if so on a more than temporary basis? Discuss.

Article here.

--------------------
Fearfully and wonderfully mad
Love the dinner, hate the din.
ن
blog

Posts: 8753 | From: Somewhere else | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

 - Posted      Profile for Bishops Finger   Email Bishops Finger   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Not a 'bishop' in any of the mainstream churches, it appears, but what an utter fruitcake.

Once again, 'Christianity' is brought into more disrepute.

Mind you, it's a possible mode of employment for The Barking Dog, when the time (O Lord! May it be soon!) comes for him to step down....

IJ

--------------------
The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

Posts: 9124 | From: Passing The Glums At The Bus Stop | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy

Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333

 - Posted      Profile for jedijudy   Author's homepage   Email jedijudy   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
Mind you, it's a possible mode of employment for The Barking Dog, when the time (O Lord! May it be soon!) comes for him to step down....

[Eek!]
NO! Nonononono. Orange one seems to already believe he's granted special privileges regarding putting his tiny hands where they don't belong.

BTW balaam, my ick factor is red lining!!

--------------------
Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.

Posts: 17814 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

 - Posted      Profile for Bishops Finger   Email Bishops Finger   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Sorry, jj - I must have thought this thread was in Hell, which is where the idea I proposed above truly belongs.

[Two face]

IJ

--------------------
The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

Posts: 9124 | From: Passing The Glums At The Bus Stop | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

 - Posted      Profile for Brenda Clough   Author's homepage   Email Brenda Clough   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
We need to start that long and doubtless full topic in Hell dedicated to things that Christians have done to put the faith into disrepute.

--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

Posts: 5625 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
sabine
Shipmate
# 3861

 - Posted      Profile for sabine   Email sabine   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:

A Ghanian bishop claims to be able to make men’s penises larger by massaging their groins with his hands.

Does it work, and if so on a more than temporary basis? Discuss.

Article here.

There's a word on the street for that sort of thing.

sabine

--------------------
"Hunger looks like the man that hunger is killing." Eduardo Galeano

Posts: 5843 | From: the US Heartland | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967

 - Posted      Profile for SvitlanaV2   Email SvitlanaV2   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Well, I imagine there are all sorts of spiritual practices and beliefs in Ghana, and I doubt that this pastor's particular carry-on has had the power to bring all of them into disrepute. Would Ghanaian Anglicans or Methodists actually care?

If Western Christianity can be undermined by any strange practice conducted by any religious group anywhere then that's rather unfortunate, to say the least.

Posts: 6414 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me,"
At least this is scriptural.

--------------------
Fearfully and wonderfully mad
Love the dinner, hate the din.
ن
blog

Posts: 8753 | From: Somewhere else | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

 - Posted      Profile for Bishops Finger   Email Bishops Finger   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I suspect Ghanaian Anglicans, Methodists, and doubtless others, might care a bit, if the 'bishop's' activities led to the loss of any of their own members (no pun intended).

IJ

--------------------
The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

Posts: 9124 | From: Passing The Glums At The Bus Stop | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged
SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967

 - Posted      Profile for SvitlanaV2   Email SvitlanaV2   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
You mean sheep stealing? If I may mix my metaphors, I should think that ship has sailed in West Africa. There have been exciting alternatives to Anglicanism and Methodism there for a long time.

OTOH, this pastor's particular 'ministry' might attract visitors from elsewhere, if they feel themselves to be in need of an extra special blessing.

Ecumenism can be a wonderful thing....


[Biased]

[ 17. October 2017, 20:12: Message edited by: SvitlanaV2 ]

Posts: 6414 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

 - Posted      Profile for Bishops Finger   Email Bishops Finger   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I did say if, but thank you for correcting me.

IJ

--------------------
The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

Posts: 9124 | From: Passing The Glums At The Bus Stop | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged
SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967

 - Posted      Profile for SvitlanaV2   Email SvitlanaV2   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
See it as a different perspective, rather than a 'correction'. I used the conditional tense after all.

The reality of so much Christian diversity must make for a very interesting context, though. Googling suggests that many of the historical churches in Ghana have already 'pentecostalised' themselves to an extent, as a response to the competition from the newer churches.

Some might argue that lively competition is actually healthy for the historical churches. The downside is that you get lots of whackiness in the mix.

Posts: 6414 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

 - Posted      Profile for Bishops Finger   Email Bishops Finger   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Thank you for your advice, and further correction.

IJ

--------------------
The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

Posts: 9124 | From: Passing The Glums At The Bus Stop | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged
SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967

 - Posted      Profile for SvitlanaV2   Email SvitlanaV2   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I didn't think that adding a few extra thoughts counted as a correction, but if you're trying to tell me I'm too bossy or too boring I ought to take the hint!

[Smile]

[ 17. October 2017, 21:28: Message edited by: SvitlanaV2 ]

Posts: 6414 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged
wild haggis
Shipmate
# 15555

 - Posted      Profile for wild haggis         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Nothing to do with denominations, etc.
This "Bishop" just a plain sexual deviant (if you read the article)- in many countries he would be in jail for his practices.

Not everyone who says Lord, Lord etc.

--------------------
wild haggis

Posts: 102 | From: Cardiff | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

 - Posted      Profile for mousethief   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I have found that my penis gets larger when people massage my groin with their hands. I should think most men do.

--------------------
“Religion doesn't fuck up people, people fuck up religion.”—lilBuddha

Posts: 63074 | From: Ecotopia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

 - Posted      Profile for mark_in_manchester   Email mark_in_manchester   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Can't say as I remember [Razz]

--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

Posts: 1531 | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

 - Posted      Profile for Amanda B. Reckondwythe     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Goodness! Miss Amanda is going to have to fetch her smelling salts if this thread continues in the direction it's turned. (No, she doesn't include amyl nitrite in her arsenal.) [Ultra confused]

--------------------
"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

Posts: 10269 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
I have found that my penis gets larger when people massage my groin with their hands. I should think most men do.

The effects are transient. Do I need more faith or do I need the treatment more frequently.

--------------------
Fearfully and wonderfully mad
Love the dinner, hate the din.
ن
blog

Posts: 8753 | From: Somewhere else | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

 - Posted      Profile for Piglet   Email Piglet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
One minute he's whipping teenagers to stop them being promiscuous, the next he's trying to enlarge people's gentleman vegetables.

The man's completely Dagenham - two stops on from Barking ... [Big Grin]

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19563 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

 - Posted      Profile for mousethief   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
Goodness! Miss Amanda is going to have to fetch her smelling salts if this thread continues in the direction it's turned. (No, she doesn't include amyl nitrite in her arsenal.) [Ultra confused]

I haven't noticed any turning.

ETA: Bravo, balaam, on the double entendre in the thread title.

[ 29. October 2017, 01:56: Message edited by: mousethief ]

--------------------
“Religion doesn't fuck up people, people fuck up religion.”—lilBuddha

Posts: 63074 | From: Ecotopia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kaplan Corday
Shipmate
# 16119

 - Posted      Profile for Kaplan Corday         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
A Ghanian bishop claims to be able to make men’s penises larger by massaging their groins with his hands.

Seems to be just a logical progression from the
once-popular pentecostal healing ministry of making a leg longer for someone whose problems allegedly resulted from having nether limbs of unequal length.

Posts: 3221 | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged
Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

 - Posted      Profile for Eutychus   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
This reminds me of the cartoon of a faith healer (in)appropriately laying hands on a suitably stunning-looking woman praying "Oh lawdy! heal her frigidity - but not just yet".

--------------------
Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

Posts: 17113 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

 - Posted      Profile for Curiosity killed ...   Email Curiosity killed ...   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
<pedant alert>
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:/
The man's completely Dagenham - two stops on from Barking ... [Big Grin]

On what route is Dagenham two stops from Barking? On the District Line it's three stops from Barking to Dagenham Heathway and four stops to Dagenham East and on the overground it's one stop from Barking to Dagenham Docks.

That's also a very Essex descriptor, Barking is only any stops from Dagenham coming in from Essex, as Dagenham is east of Barking.

(Sorry, have just spent the last five years working in that area, the last two partly based in Barking; that metaphor just made no sense.)
</pedant alert>

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

Posts: 13523 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

 - Posted      Profile for Piglet   Email Piglet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[sarcasm alert]

Oh all right then - a few stops on from Barking.

Happy now? [Big Grin]

[/sarcasm alert OFF]

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19563 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128

 - Posted      Profile for Baptist Trainfan   Email Baptist Trainfan   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
At this very moment my wife is drinking chocolate out of a mug like this.

Other patterns are available.

Posts: 9403 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

 - Posted      Profile for Piglet   Email Piglet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Killing me]

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19563 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged


 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
Check out Reform magazine
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
  ship of fools