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Source: (consider it) Thread: Mis-heard Scripture
Al Eluia

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# 864

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A few days ago I was listening to a dramatized reading of Genesis on YouTube. At one point what I thought I heard was God promising Abraham his descendants would be as numerous as "the sandwiches on the seashore." Of course I quickly realized the narrator said "the sand which is on the seashore," but for the rest of the day I couldn't get the image of a beach covered in sandwiches out of my head.

Any other good stories of mis-hearing Scripture?

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Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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This clever thread idea might get better traction in Heaven. Hang on to your colored ribbon markers!

Mamacita, Keryg Host

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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

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Al Eluia

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I concur.

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MrsBeaky
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# 17663

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Mine is more of a misread than a misheard. I have on several occasions found myself praying for God to untie our hearts rather than unite them (it's a verse in the OT somewhere!)
Interestingly it has actually been quite a fruitful focus for contemplation... [Hot and Hormonal] [Smile]

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"It is better to be kind than right."

http://davidandlizacooke.wordpress.com

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Huia
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Not Scripture, but my mother's young cousin came home from Sunday School and announced to Mum and her new boyfriend (whom Mum was trying to impress) that they had sung, Jesus Bitches Shine that morning.

It didn't put the boyfriend off - they later married and he was my Dad. [Tear]

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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Pigwidgeon

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quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
Not Scripture, but my mother's young cousin came home from Sunday School and announced to Mum and her new boyfriend (whom Mum was trying to impress) that they had sung, Jesus Bitches Shine that morning.

It didn't put the boyfriend off - they later married and he was my Dad. [Tear]

Huia

Maybe I'm just slow (or perhaps I've never heard the original) -- what should this have been?

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Gill H

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I’m guessing ‘Jesus bids us shine’ (you in your small corner, etc)

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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Aravis
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My brother thought Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were thrown into a burning fiery thermos. I'm not sure how old he was at the time. I'm also not sure whether they still use that story in Sunday School!
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Piglet
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Shadrach, Meshach and to bed we go? [Big Grin]

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alto n a soprano who can read music

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SvitlanaV2
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In one Youtube video the controversial N.O.I. minister Louis Farrakhan amuses his black congregation by referring to 'Shadrach, Meshach and a bad negro'. It's obviously a pun, not a mistake on Farrakhan's part. He 'corrects' himself for comic effect.

TBH, I do think it's unlikely that a regular adult churchgoer who reads his or her Bible is going to 'mis-hear' Bible readings during worship. You get poor pronunciation of names, but most laypeople who do the readings are usually halfway decent. If they start badly they either improve with practice, or they give up.

Hymn titles and lyrics provide good material for mistakes. Gervaise Phinn tells the story of some little schoolkids at Christmas who think the Christ Child's names is Wayne. Why? Because they know a song called 'A Wayne in a Manger'!

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Huia
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Pigwidgeon - sorry. It was Jesus Bids Us Shine .

At the time it was a very popular hymn to teach children here.

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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Pigwidgeon

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Thanks, Gill H and Huia. I had never heard of that and could not figure out what it might be.

Meanwhile... in the parable of the Good Shepherd, I used to wonder why the bad shepherd abandons the sheep and fleas. What do the fleas have to do with the story?

quote:
John 10:11-12, Revised Standard Version
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hireling and not a shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees; and the wolf snatches them and scatters them.



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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Eutychus
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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
Shadrach, Meshach and to bed we go? [Big Grin]

No, no, Shadrach, Meshach and a bungalow.

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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

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RdrEmCofE
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Lettuce pray? The piece of cod which passes all understanding?

and Suffer little children to come unto me. I was once asked, "Why make children suffer just to be allowed to approach him"?

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Love covers many sins. 1 Pet.4:8. God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, not holding their sins against them; 2 Cor.5:19

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SvitlanaV2
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Apparently it's a thing to mishear (or misread) all kinds of motor vehicles in the Bible. What would Jesus drive?
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Nick Tamen

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My parents had a recording of 4-year-old me telling the nativity story. Apparently, the wise men brought Jesus some gold, Frankenstein and money.

When my son was maybe 5 years old, he was sitting next to me in church when the reader announced the reading: "Romans 3, verses 1 through 12." (Or whatever it was.) He leaned over to me and asked "Why are they fighting?" "What?," I asked. "The numbers, why are they fighting?," he asked again. Seeing the puzzled look on my face, he said "She just said 3 versus 1."

His slight smile after that told me he was quite proud of the pun.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Crotalus
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The RSV rendering of 1 Cor 15:37 'a bare kernel' always brings to mind the opening scenes of Powell and Pressburgers 'The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp'.
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no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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What's the H for in "Jesus H. Christ"?

Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.

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Eutychus
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A not-very-literate former inmate in our church whose past was not generally known once gave a big clue when she misread ange (angel) in a verse as agent ([prison] officer).

[ 27. January 2018, 16:50: Message edited by: Eutychus ]

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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

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kingsfold

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That reminds me of a holiday in Germany a few years ago. My German is a) a little rusty and b)not really up to scratch with matters more biblical/ecclesiastical.

The reading was about Johannes der Teufer. Not being familiar with the word Teufer, my brain went for the nearest related word I did understand....

And I was rather confused as to why we had a reading about John the Devil when that part of the Gospel should have been John the Baptist....

(der Teufer = the Baptist, der Teufel = the devil)

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Al Eluia

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quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
What's the H for in "Jesus H. Christ"?

Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.

Christopher Moore in his novel Lamb explains that the H is for Hallowed and that it's a family name.

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Piglet
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quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
What's the H for in "Jesus H. Christ"?

Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.

No, no - it's Harrow be thy name. [Big Grin]

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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Pigwidgeon

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I always thought it was Harold, but then I realized that Harold is an angel.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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L'organist
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Mis-heard? Rather mis-pronounced: at Pentecost we heard about "visitors from Rome; cretins and arabs..." - cue much stifled laughter from the choir stalls.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Hedgehog

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When she was very young, my niece, listening to the priest at communion (who was repeatedly muttering "body of Christ") decided that he was saying "take a bite."

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Dennis the Menace
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Was at a funeral many years ago when the person reading the eulogy, not written by him, referred to the 'scared heart' church instead if the 'sacred heart'!

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"Till we cast our crowns before Him; Lost in wonder, love, and praise."

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Pigwidgeon

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quote:
Originally posted by Dennis the Menace:
Was at a funeral many years ago when the person reading the eulogy, not written by him, referred to the 'scared heart' church instead if the 'sacred heart'!

A friend of mine experienced similar. Her ordination invitations announced that she was being ordained to the Scared Order of Deacons.
[Eek!]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Stercus Tauri
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Many a choir director must have yelled at the singers to put back the comma in the line from Handel's Messiah that goes, "And we like sheep..."

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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jedijudy

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# 333

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I've seen printed information that I belonged to the Untied Methodist Church.

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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.

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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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More revisionism than mishearing, but still amusing:

Supposedly, a newspaper article about a championship game between two Catholic high schools was given the headline "Blessed Virgin Crushes Holy Infant".

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

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Sparrow
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quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
More revisionism than mishearing, but still amusing:

Supposedly, a newspaper article about a championship game between two Catholic high schools was given the headline "Blessed Virgin Crushes Holy Infant".

[Killing me]

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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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L'organist
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And presumably the winner of that match could go on to play that splendid Jesuit institution Mount St Mary - a fixture in a friend's calendar that always caused by hilarity.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Piglet
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How many of you who sing in choirs can put your hand on your heart and say you've never sung "most highly flavoured gravy" instead of "most highly favoured Lady" in the Christmas carol Gabriel's Message?

Be honest now! [Two face]

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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Gill H

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And of course we all hold our breath when the reading mentions how Jesus was baptised by John in the Jordan...

... not by Jordan in the John!

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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L'organist
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# 17338

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And how many singers aven't got the giggles during a rendition of Jesu, joy of man's desiring over pronounciation of the line born by thee, our souls aspiring? (say/sing it aloud) [Eek!]

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Sioni Sais
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The common hymn phrase "Defender of the weak" always brings to mind a footballer who had a particularly good game last Saturday.

[ 31. January 2018, 12:02: Message edited by: Sioni Sais ]

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Stercus Tauri
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During my brief stay in the school choir, when singing the lovely "Puer nobis nascitur", we were asked to place a little less emphasis on the second syllable of the third word.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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Baptist Trainfan
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All depends on how you pronounce your Latin consonants, I s'ppose.
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Enoch
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Although both are theologically entirely worthy sentiments, it's not surprising IMHO that the first of these, a chorus, has not really caught on and the second, a hymn, has died out of use.

The Chorus
'Pierce my ear Lord'.

The Hymn
'Behold the Bridegroom cometh in the middle of the night'
Perhaps you are purer than I am, but I defy anyone these days, to sing that with a straight face, and particularly not when they get to the next line,
'And blest is he whose loins are girt, whose lamp is burning bright'.

It's a pity. The intended meaning is excellent, and it comes from ancient sources. But..... The choice of words make it almost sound like a musical setting of something from the Song of Solomon.

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Brexit wrexit - Sir Graham Watson

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L'organist
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# 17338

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And then there are some hymns which have problematic verses re-written - for example Come, thou holy Paraclete which in the original version has this as verse 4
quote:
What is soilèd make thou pure,
What is wounded, work its cure,
What is parchèd, fructify;
What is rigid, gently bend,
What is frozen, warmly tend,
Straighten what goes erringly.

[Snigger]

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Pine Marten
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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
How many of you who sing in choirs can put your hand on your heart and say you've never sung "most highly flavoured gravy" instead of "most highly favoured Lady" in the Christmas carol Gabriel's Message?

Be honest now! [Two face]

[Hot and Hormonal] we certainly did in rehearsals last Advent...

quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
And how many singers aven't got the giggles during a rendition of Jesu, joy of man's desiring over pronounciation of the line born by thee, our souls aspiring? (say/sing it aloud) [Eek!]

Our previous organist/director of music made a point once of saying, beware of this, so of course it was even more hilarious every time we saw the words! [Big Grin]

And when she was very young my eldest daughter used to belt out: Sing the panda, sing the panda, sing the panda to the King of Kings... [Smile]

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Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. - Oscar Wilde

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L'organist
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# 17338

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...Known to the youth in our place (who encounter it at school) as Zinger-Zanger

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Mr Clingford
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# 7961

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The ancient psalm from London:
"The Earth is the Lord's and everything, innit".

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Ne'er cast a clout till May be out.

If only.

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Stercus Tauri
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There are regional variations, such as in the west of Scotland:

The earth belongs unto the Lord
And all that it contains;
Excepting the West Highland piers,
For they are all MacBraynes.


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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

Posts: 903 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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It was my son who came up with "the Lord lift up his continence upon thee..."

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20051 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Rossweisse

High Church Valkyrie
# 2349

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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
How many of you who sing in choirs can put your hand on your heart and say you've never sung "most highly flavoured gravy" instead of "most highly favoured Lady" in the Christmas carol Gabriel's Message? ...

Yes, but I was very young then.

The real problem line is "And one was slain by a fierce wild priest" in "I sing a song of the saints of God." (I also have a tendency to make up new verses to "Earth and All Stars," viz.: "Plumbing and pipes/Loud flushing toilets/Sing to the Lord a new song!")

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I'm not dead yet.

Posts: 15079 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Galloping Granny
Shipmate
# 13814

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quote:
Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
Many a choir director must have yelled at the singers to put back the comma in the line from Handel's Messiah that goes, "And we like sheep..."

A small boy whose mother was practising around the house for the choral society's "Messiah" asked her "Mum, all we like sheep, don't we?"

GG

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The Kingdom of Heaven is spread upon the earth, and men do not see it. Gospel of Thomas, 113

Posts: 2629 | From: Matarangi | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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quote:
Originally posted by Al Eluia:
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
What's the H for in "Jesus H. Christ"?

Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.

Christopher Moore in his novel Lamb explains that the H is for Hallowed and that it's a family name.
The first time I used a computer at a new job I typed in my family name and the spell checking programme offered "Hallowed". The person mentoring me ( an ex Anglican Priest) and I laughed so loudly the whole office got involved.
[Smile]

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10369 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sparrow
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# 2458

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The hymn which has the chorus "Our God Reigns" has the title in our church of the Plumber's Hymn.

- "I got drains!"

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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Posts: 3149 | From: Bottom right hand corner of the UK | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
georgiaboy
Shipmate
# 11294

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Some 'of a certain age' may remember the anthem 'Lo, Star-led Chiefs' (which was always rather fun to sing).
It begins with the unforgettable line 'Lo, star-led chiefs Assyrian odours bring.' (Where did composers find such lyrics?)

In the midst of rehearsing this, the conductor stopped us all and said 'Will the tenors kindly hold on to the ass of the Assyrians for an additional count.'

It was difficult to get things back on track after that.

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You can't retire from a calling.

Posts: 1674 | From: saint meinrad, IN | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged



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