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Source: (consider it) Thread: Everlasting....
Pangolin Guerre
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# 18686

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Grateful for the arrival of his eighth martini, Satan sat at the bar, hoping to quell the raging case of Ken that he had, wondering only what had possessed him to come to El Gaucho.
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Golden Key
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"Gaucho pants really aren't YOU, dude," said the Tiki god statue, perched at the end of the bar.

--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

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Pangolin Guerre
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Barnacle-like creatures were now emerging as Moochie's pustules receded, so horrifying that the customers thought this was Satan's work, but he didn't notice as he was too deeply in conversation with the Tiki.
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jrw
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"Kick 'em!!!", yelled Dave the musician to his musical partner Steve (who had both been having a drink in the bar), as the creatures made their way towards them, "Aaaaaaaargh...f*** f*** f***...aaaarghohhhhh!!! I meant the creatures!!!"

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plug plug

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Pangolin Guerre
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Resplendent in his calfskin Gaucho pants, Satan broke off his Tiki conversation to besplatter his suede shoes with vomitus.
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Urfshyne
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Omit us? How dare you omit us from your conversation!
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Pangolin Guerre
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Sat I on the stool beside Satan (I, now postmodernly inserted into the narrative), noticing not only the gin-reeking pool about his suede-clad hooves, but also from his ear a strange, viscous, yellow effluent.
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jrw
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"Lu 'ent turned up yet", said Ken's friend Bernard, who he had invited by phone, along with their other friend Luis, for a game of golf.
"We'll just have to start without him", said Ken, relieving himself in Satan's ear canal.

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Pangolin Guerre
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Algae, to the silent, stunned horror of the room, began to drip from Satan's other ear, Ken's presence having so upset his internal ecology.
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Pangolin Guerre
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[Punting]

Gyved now to the table leg by Gionanna, having been distracted by Satan beset by a bad case of Ken, Mouchie in great alarm pulled at the table, sending in flight both Giovanna and dinner.

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jrw
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"Dinner's been ruined for everyone", said Ken as he looked out from inside Satan's head (where they had set up a golf course) into the restaurant, "The owner of the restaurant is ringing an exorcist. He's calling Ed, the cheapskate.
"Well, good luck with that", said Bernard as they both began sniggering.

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Pangolin Guerre
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"Ingots, I promise you, Senor Eduardo," pleaded Gustavo, owner of El Gaucho (and cousin to Giovanna's tango victim), "just remember, he is not just a drunk, he is Satan , and I think that either he had a bad oyster, or he is possessed. "
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jrw
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"Ed has no idea what he's doing, Father Guiseppe", said Anna the taxi driver, who had driven many miles to get help from the aforementioned priest, an experienced exorcist who was an Italian clergical version of Ray the policeman, "We need your help. Finish your Cornetto first though. I don't want ice-cream on my seats".

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Pangolin Guerre
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"Eats!" Satan slurred aggressively, "gimme the wors oysters ya got!" oblivious to the convergence with which he was about to deal.
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Golden Key
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"All cleaning supplies on deck," cried the bartender, spurring staff and patrons to enact an emergency plan, putting plastic drop cloths, trash bags, air freshener, cases of paper towels, 6 bottles of spray cleaner, a bottle of Pepto Bismol, a crystal rosary, and some clean, used clothes all around Satan.

--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

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Pangolin Guerre
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Tantamount to pandemonium, the atmosphere of satano-centric frenzy afforded Giovanna (sensing danger) the opportunity to make for the exit, only to be blocked by seasoned cop Ray and his delicate sidekick Bert, causing Giovanna to think, Yoda-like, "Up is the jig?"
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jrw
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"The jig is up-a, you demons!" said Father Giuseppe, holding a crucifix in one hand and eating a Cornetto with the other, "I command-a you (Chomp chomp) in the name of Jesus (Chomp chomp chomp) to come out of him-a!" (Chomp).

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Pangolin Guerre
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Omphalically positioned in El Gaucho, Mouchie started to question the wisdom of his fifth absinth as he tried to assess the scene: he, shackled to the table leg, a team of staff and customers attending to the nauseated Dark One as an exorcism was commenced by someone who looked like Guido Sarducci, Giovanna in conversation with two undercover cops(?), one of whom looking callow and nauseated, and who is that woman wearing dark glasses and trench coat who just entered from the kitchen, holding in her left hand a Biretta?

[ 08. September 2017, 01:35: Message edited by: Pangolin Guerre ]

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jrw
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Etta, who had found her way into the kitchen through the back and scoffed a load of Cornetto's while she was there, held up the biretta in her hand and shouted across the room, "Father Giuseppe, you left this at the Cornettoholics Anonymous meeting!"

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Pangolin Guerre
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Tingling with anticipation, that her vengeance upon her sociopathic sister Giovanna was at hand, Teddy appeared from the bussing station, brandishing her pistol, screaming at all, "You call that a biretta, but this is Beretta, *********kers!" [Count the letters, figure it out.]
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jrw
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"...Er, so I sent Ken and Bernard out to get some milk and we never saw them again", said God, standing by the gates of Heaven talking to St Peter, both of them unaware that Giovanna, who had been shot dead by her sister, was creeping through the gates into Heaven while they were immersed in conversation.

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Pangolin Guerre
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"On what passes for my soul, I swear I'll get Teddy for this!" Giovanna hissed as through the bars she squeezed.
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no prophet's flag is set so...

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Ed, more formally known as St Edward, though also nicknamed Ted and a few other things, was doing guard duty with his patrol hamster, the meanest rodent in Heaven (one of the survivors of Joshua's attack on Ai, bitter and scared for the rest of its life, so came by meanness pretty honestly, just watch the teeth).
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Baptist Trainfan
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Ethel, a previously unnoticed character in this saga,
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no prophet's flag is set so...

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"Saggy Ass Ethel", her nickanme, otherwise St Ethel, patron of saint of both saggy butts and sentence fragments.

--------------------
Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

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jrw
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...Tsunami, her horse and Mary, Jesus' mother, decided to help in the search for Giovanna when it was realised that she was now on the loose in Heaven. "Ethel!", shouted Mary, as Ethel rode away on Tsunami, "You're going in the wrong direction! I'm sure she went the other way!" But it was no use. There was no holding back Tsunami.

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"Am I in reality or is this all an absinthe-induced crazy dream", said someone, but who?
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Pangolin Guerre
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Whomped decisively by Fr Giuseppe, Ken, defeated by his own indolence, even in his attempted possession of his boss, was vomited out across the room by Satan, distracting the others from Giovanna's corpse.
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no prophet's flag is set so...

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"See this here tablet", Satan said, "I put back together one that Moses broke when he got all crazy upset when the people were worshipping cow when he was up on the mountain, and there are these additional commandments you guys don't know".

--------------------
Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

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jrw
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"Now listen while I read out the additional commandments", said Satan, vomiting out Bernard and and two sets of golf clubs in addition to Ken,
"11 - Thou shalt not fail to give Ken a severe
beating with his own golf clubs.
12 - Thou shalt not fail to give Bernard a severe
beating with his own golf clubs.
13 - Thou shalt not fail to give Ken a severe
beating with Bernard's golf clubs.
14 - Thou shalt not fail to give Bernard a
severe beating with Ken's g.... Hey! Where do you two think you're going!"
Ken and Bernard unsurprisingly weren't planning on hanging around, but ran as fast as they could towards the railway station, got on the first train available and were never seen in El Paso again.

--------------------
plug plug

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Pangolin Guerre
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Gaining entrance to Heaven was not all it was cracked up to be (bit boring), so Giovanna accepted Satan's invitation to discuss a business proposition over drinks - something about revenge on demons and sisters - always a juicy proposition - and mischief in Heaven could 'til later.
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no prophet's flag is set so...

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Erring on the side of sinful excess, the bucket-sized (rather dirty) glasses of drink were overflowing, and there were these little floaties in them which they chewed and swallowed competitively until they were droolingly, sputteringly, outrageously and I must admit, rather fetchingly, drunk and singing together, though the harmonies were a little sharp.
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Pangolin Guerre
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Arpeggios extemporised rung from Satan's throat (he has a surprising range) accompanying Giovanna's assault on the Mad Scene from Lucia di Lammermoor, earning the two a stern warning from Giacomo, the bartender, "You can drink, but do not do that to bel canto!"
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jrw
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"Antonio's Restaurant!?", said Mary, as she and Ethel got into the lift that went from Heaven down to Earth, to hunt for Giovanna after it was reported that Giovanna had been seen in Rome with Satan, "You must be joking, woman! Have you seen their prices!? I wish we'd brought some sandwiches now."
"Mary, this lift is going up, not down", said Ethel.
"It can't be", said Mary, "You can't go any higher than Heaven. Oh Ethel, are we going mad?"

--------------------
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no prophet's flag is set so...

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(A desire of this thread is to do just one sentence in each response and to use the last letter(s) of the previous sentence to start the next isn't it?)

--------------------
Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

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jrw
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(It appears that I've earned slapped wrists).

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plug plug

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no prophet's flag is set so...

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"Tsk, tsk", said Ethel, "of course we're going mad, so much so that the people writing our story are getting all going at each other - we're driving them bonkers I think - but let's ignore them and get back to the narrative".

--------------------
Maybe I should stop to consider that I'm not worthy of an epiphany and just take what life has to offer
(formerly was just "no prophet") \_(ツ)_/

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jrw
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"I've been expecting you", said Insanity, as Mary and Ethel stepped out of the lift onto the supposedly non-existent floor above Heaven.

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no prophet's flag is set so...

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Endeavouring to tip-toe, and saying shush, well, it didn't work, and they were discovered as they fell through the floor, holding apples (where'd they come from?).
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Pangolin Guerre
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"Rome, ah, Rome... That's where my crimes began," said Giovanna to Satan, sipping her martini, "You know that one of my ancestors was a catamite of Sixtus?"
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jrw
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"Six Tuscany tickets, for me, my dolls and my teddies - that's the deal - and throw in some sweets for us too", said a five year old Giovanna to the local Mafia crimelord, who was shaking with fear, in Giovanna's memory flashback, "or you know what will happen".

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plug plug

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Pangolin Guerre
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Penned in by circumstances, Satan began to wonder what happened to Urfshyne, Golden key, Amanda, et al., that they might relieve him of this bothersome tale... wanting revenge upon Ken, taking the talented but dangerous Giovanna on board, and then a nice vacation... perhaps Oahu...
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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"A human being, lacking Satan's powers, can only stick her fingers into so many pies at the same time," Amanda answered.

--------------------
"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

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no prophet's flag is set so...

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Reduced to thumb-twiddling as she waited for a drink refill, Giovanna remarked, "I didn't think the apocalypse would be this stupid".
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Pangolin Guerre
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"Piddly little thing, really," in an Alan Rickman voice Satan mused.
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Sipech
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# 16870

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"Use da force, Luke, use da force" - said Harry Enfield during his less-than-successful audition to play Obi Wan Kenobi.

--------------------
I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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No biped, however, would stand the chance of a snowball in hell when auditioning before the Prince of Darkness.

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

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Golden Key
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"Nessie of the Loch", the quadruped Nessie confirmed as she signed in for her audition; meanwhile, intervening as requested, Golden Key scheduled Satan for rehab at a lovely off-world spa after this last audition, on the deluxe, million-year plan.

--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

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no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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An acupuncture treatment was set up for Satan at the spa, followed by a massage, mudbath, seaweed wrap, and one of those ex-foliation treatments, which ran into trouble on account of his rather unusual skin.
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Pangolin Guerre
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Al Skinner, assigned to Satan's exfoliation, thought, I've had some strange client's over the years, but Jeez...
Posts: 656 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016  |  IP: Logged



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