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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Everlasting....
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Grateful for the arrival of his eighth martini, Satan sat at the bar, hoping to quell the raging case of Ken that he had, wondering only what had possessed him to come to El Gaucho.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
"Gaucho pants really aren't YOU, dude," said the Tiki god statue, perched at the end of the bar.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Barnacle-like creatures were now emerging as Moochie's pustules receded, so horrifying that the customers thought this was Satan's work, but he didn't notice as he was too deeply in conversation with the Tiki.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"Kick 'em!!!", yelled Dave the musician to his musical partner Steve (who had both been having a drink in the bar), as the creatures made their way towards them, "Aaaaaaaargh...f*** f*** f***...aaaarghohhhhh!!! I meant the creatures!!!"
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plug plug
Posts: 522 | Registered: Mar 2014
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Resplendent in his calfskin Gaucho pants, Satan broke off his Tiki conversation to besplatter his suede shoes with vomitus.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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Urfshyne
Shipmate
# 17834
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Posted
Omit us? How dare you omit us from your conversation!
Posts: 98 | From: Maidenhead - lost | Registered: Sep 2013
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Sat I on the stool beside Satan (I, now postmodernly inserted into the narrative), noticing not only the gin-reeking pool about his suede-clad hooves, but also from his ear a strange, viscous, yellow effluent.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"Lu 'ent turned up yet", said Ken's friend Bernard, who he had invited by phone, along with their other friend Luis, for a game of golf.
"We'll just have to start without him", said Ken, relieving himself in Satan's ear canal.
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plug plug
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Algae, to the silent, stunned horror of the room, began to drip from Satan's other ear, Ken's presence having so upset his internal ecology.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
[Punting]
Gyved now to the table leg by Gionanna, having been distracted by Satan beset by a bad case of Ken, Mouchie in great alarm pulled at the table, sending in flight both Giovanna and dinner.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"Dinner's been ruined for everyone", said Ken as he looked out from inside Satan's head (where they had set up a golf course) into the restaurant, "The owner of the restaurant is ringing an exorcist. He's calling Ed, the cheapskate.
"Well, good luck with that", said Bernard as they both began sniggering.
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plug plug
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
"Ingots, I promise you, Senor Eduardo," pleaded Gustavo, owner of El Gaucho (and cousin to Giovanna's tango victim), "just remember, he is not just a drunk, he is Satan , and I think that either he had a bad oyster, or he is possessed. "
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"Ed has no idea what he's doing, Father Guiseppe", said Anna the taxi driver, who had driven many miles to get help from the aforementioned priest, an experienced exorcist who was an Italian clergical version of Ray the policeman, "We need your help. Finish your Cornetto first though. I don't want ice-cream on my seats".
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plug plug
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
"Eats!" Satan slurred aggressively, "gimme the wors oysters ya got!" oblivious to the convergence with which he was about to deal.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
"All cleaning supplies on deck," cried the bartender, spurring staff and patrons to enact an emergency plan, putting plastic drop cloths, trash bags, air freshener, cases of paper towels, 6 bottles of spray cleaner, a bottle of Pepto Bismol, a crystal rosary, and some clean, used clothes all around Satan.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Tantamount to pandemonium, the atmosphere of satano-centric frenzy afforded Giovanna (sensing danger) the opportunity to make for the exit, only to be blocked by seasoned cop Ray and his delicate sidekick Bert, causing Giovanna to think, Yoda-like, "Up is the jig?"
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"The jig is up-a, you demons!" said Father Giuseppe, holding a crucifix in one hand and eating a Cornetto with the other, "I command-a you (Chomp chomp) in the name of Jesus (Chomp chomp chomp) to come out of him-a!" (Chomp).
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plug plug
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Omphalically positioned in El Gaucho, Mouchie started to question the wisdom of his fifth absinth as he tried to assess the scene: he, shackled to the table leg, a team of staff and customers attending to the nauseated Dark One as an exorcism was commenced by someone who looked like Guido Sarducci, Giovanna in conversation with two undercover cops(?), one of whom looking callow and nauseated, and who is that woman wearing dark glasses and trench coat who just entered from the kitchen, holding in her left hand a Biretta?
[ 08. September 2017, 01:35: Message edited by: Pangolin Guerre ]
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
Etta, who had found her way into the kitchen through the back and scoffed a load of Cornetto's while she was there, held up the biretta in her hand and shouted across the room, "Father Giuseppe, you left this at the Cornettoholics Anonymous meeting!"
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plug plug
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Tingling with anticipation, that her vengeance upon her sociopathic sister Giovanna was at hand, Teddy appeared from the bussing station, brandishing her pistol, screaming at all, "You call that a biretta, but this is Beretta, *********kers!" [Count the letters, figure it out.]
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"...Er, so I sent Ken and Bernard out to get some milk and we never saw them again", said God, standing by the gates of Heaven talking to St Peter, both of them unaware that Giovanna, who had been shot dead by her sister, was creeping through the gates into Heaven while they were immersed in conversation.
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plug plug
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
"On what passes for my soul, I swear I'll get Teddy for this!" Giovanna hissed as through the bars she squeezed.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Ed, more formally known as St Edward, though also nicknamed Ted and a few other things, was doing guard duty with his patrol hamster, the meanest rodent in Heaven (one of the survivors of Joshua's attack on Ai, bitter and scared for the rest of its life, so came by meanness pretty honestly, just watch the teeth).
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
Ethel, a previously unnoticed character in this saga,
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
"Saggy Ass Ethel", her nickanme, otherwise St Ethel, patron of saint of both saggy butts and sentence fragments.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
...Tsunami, her horse and Mary, Jesus' mother, decided to help in the search for Giovanna when it was realised that she was now on the loose in Heaven. "Ethel!", shouted Mary, as Ethel rode away on Tsunami, "You're going in the wrong direction! I'm sure she went the other way!" But it was no use. There was no holding back Tsunami.
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plug plug
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
"Am I in reality or is this all an absinthe-induced crazy dream", said someone, but who?
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Whomped decisively by Fr Giuseppe, Ken, defeated by his own indolence, even in his attempted possession of his boss, was vomited out across the room by Satan, distracting the others from Giovanna's corpse.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
"See this here tablet", Satan said, "I put back together one that Moses broke when he got all crazy upset when the people were worshipping cow when he was up on the mountain, and there are these additional commandments you guys don't know".
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"Now listen while I read out the additional commandments", said Satan, vomiting out Bernard and and two sets of golf clubs in addition to Ken,
"11 - Thou shalt not fail to give Ken a severe
beating with his own golf clubs.
12 - Thou shalt not fail to give Bernard a severe
beating with his own golf clubs.
13 - Thou shalt not fail to give Ken a severe
beating with Bernard's golf clubs.
14 - Thou shalt not fail to give Bernard a
severe beating with Ken's g.... Hey! Where do you two think you're going!"
Ken and Bernard unsurprisingly weren't planning on hanging around, but ran as fast as they could towards the railway station, got on the first train available and were never seen in El Paso again.
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plug plug
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Gaining entrance to Heaven was not all it was cracked up to be (bit boring), so Giovanna accepted Satan's invitation to discuss a business proposition over drinks - something about revenge on demons and sisters - always a juicy proposition - and mischief in Heaven could 'til later.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Erring on the side of sinful excess, the bucket-sized (rather dirty) glasses of drink were overflowing, and there were these little floaties in them which they chewed and swallowed competitively until they were droolingly, sputteringly, outrageously and I must admit, rather fetchingly, drunk and singing together, though the harmonies were a little sharp.
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Arpeggios extemporised rung from Satan's throat (he has a surprising range) accompanying Giovanna's assault on the Mad Scene from Lucia di Lammermoor, earning the two a stern warning from Giacomo, the bartender, "You can drink, but do not do that to bel canto!"
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"Antonio's Restaurant!?", said Mary, as she and Ethel got into the lift that went from Heaven down to Earth, to hunt for Giovanna after it was reported that Giovanna had been seen in Rome with Satan, "You must be joking, woman! Have you seen their prices!? I wish we'd brought some sandwiches now."
"Mary, this lift is going up, not down", said Ethel.
"It can't be", said Mary, "You can't go any higher than Heaven. Oh Ethel, are we going mad?"
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plug plug
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
(A desire of this thread is to do just one sentence in each response and to use the last letter(s) of the previous sentence to start the next isn't it?)
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
(It appears that I've earned slapped wrists).
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plug plug
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
"Tsk, tsk", said Ethel, "of course we're going mad, so much so that the people writing our story are getting all going at each other - we're driving them bonkers I think - but let's ignore them and get back to the narrative".
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"I've been expecting you", said Insanity, as Mary and Ethel stepped out of the lift onto the supposedly non-existent floor above Heaven.
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plug plug
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Endeavouring to tip-toe, and saying shush, well, it didn't work, and they were discovered as they fell through the floor, holding apples (where'd they come from?).
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
"Rome, ah, Rome... That's where my crimes began," said Giovanna to Satan, sipping her martini, "You know that one of my ancestors was a catamite of Sixtus?"
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
"Six Tuscany tickets, for me, my dolls and my teddies - that's the deal - and throw in some sweets for us too", said a five year old Giovanna to the local Mafia crimelord, who was shaking with fear, in Giovanna's memory flashback, "or you know what will happen".
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plug plug
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Penned in by circumstances, Satan began to wonder what happened to Urfshyne, Golden key, Amanda, et al., that they might relieve him of this bothersome tale... wanting revenge upon Ken, taking the talented but dangerous Giovanna on board, and then a nice vacation... perhaps Oahu...
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
"A human being, lacking Satan's powers, can only stick her fingers into so many pies at the same time," Amanda answered.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Reduced to thumb-twiddling as she waited for a drink refill, Giovanna remarked, "I didn't think the apocalypse would be this stupid".
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
"Piddly little thing, really," in an Alan Rickman voice Satan mused.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
"Use da force, Luke, use da force" - said Harry Enfield during his less-than-successful audition to play Obi Wan Kenobi.
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
No biped, however, would stand the chance of a snowball in hell when auditioning before the Prince of Darkness.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
"Nessie of the Loch", the quadruped Nessie confirmed as she signed in for her audition; meanwhile, intervening as requested, Golden Key scheduled Satan for rehab at a lovely off-world spa after this last audition, on the deluxe, million-year plan.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
An acupuncture treatment was set up for Satan at the spa, followed by a massage, mudbath, seaweed wrap, and one of those ex-foliation treatments, which ran into trouble on account of his rather unusual skin.
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
Al Skinner, assigned to Satan's exfoliation, thought, I've had some strange client's over the years, but Jeez...
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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