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My favourite (quite well known) theology joke:

And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"

They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed."

And Jesus replied, "What?"

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Well, it's a new joke to me!

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Some say that man is the root of all evil
Others say God's a drunkard for pain
Me, I believe that the Garden of Eden
Was burned to make way for a train. --Josh Ritter, Harrisburg

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So all I can say is that the tone is set with the hosts. Kind of like if you will, working for a Japanese company is different working for a Finnish one except they both love being naked in the sauna.

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Articles, schmarticles! Bishops' a*ses were not ordained of Christ to be kicked, but we shouldn't let that get in the way of a little footie practice now and then. (I'm wearing my JDAKB bracelet: "Jesus Didn't Always Know Best".)

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Is there a Jesus version of Godwin's Law? There should be.

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Is there a Jesus Version of Godwin’s Law? If not, there should be.

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Kindly demonstrate the sleight of hand, changing facts on the ground and subversive tactics or go into the kitchen, put on the kettle and pour yourself a nice hot mug of shut the fuck up.

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Originally posted by mirrizin:
It always creeps me out a little when people take me seriously.

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The saints sing in chorus. The heretics sing out of tune. When we try to get the saints to sing a different tune, we disrupt the divine symphony.

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I think some folk believe that their "immortal souls" rest on this little interpretation of scripture that someone passed onto them, and so they're terrified of losing it. Any questioning of "the doctrine" (often delivered in Chick Tract style) may endanger their immortal happiness, so they fend off any and all questions. When a pastor allows his authority to rest solely on this reading of scripture, it gets even more psychologically complicated, and harder to root out.

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Surely there should be a few lines like "Your enemy, the Devil, is like a prowling Spinosaurus, with the big teeth and fearsome roar like this GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAARRRGGHHH"

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There once was a thread on the Ship
Where limerick writing was hip
But it sucked when the verse
Got increasingly worse
Till the poems submitted weren't really, in any true sense of the word, limericks at all.

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In my opinion, where Christianity has gone off the rails is when it's made a distinction between thought and action. I would really have a problem institutionalizing that sort of divide here.

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*Nicely? Did I just say "Erin" and "nicely" in the same sentence?

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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?

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I've always found the place to be characterised by iconoclastic scepticism, even when directed to one's own most cherished beliefs.

After all, what happens to Shipmates who treat their own beliefs as unquestionable? There is no 'universal truth' here.

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...What a waste of time: irony plainly sails over your head. It's probably gone on a futile hunt for your misplaced logic.

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No! No! Stop! My sides can't take much more!

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Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
...Getting quoted on this thread goes a long way to being recognised as an Innie.

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I feel self-satisfied as a Siamese cat after an orgasm.

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

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Originally posted by PhilA:
Can I please be an innie?

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Why yes, certainly you may.

If your real life is so dismal that you prefer spend most of your time online racking-up a huge post count, go right ahead. Virtual status is better than no status at all I suppose.

Of course a quick trip through the shipmate’s gallery and some of the support threads in All Saints reminds one that in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.

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I hope you drown in a bucket of apostrophes.

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Originally posted by Arrietty:
[qb] If you think you're in and say you're in, you're out.

If you think you're out but try to cover it up by saying you're in, you're out.

If you think you're in but say you're out so people won't think you think you're in, you're out.

If you say you're out and proud of it, you think out is the new in, so you think you are in, so you're out.

If outies think you're in and you try to pretend you're not in, you're out.

In or out, if you're on this thread you're a loser anyway so who cares whether you're in or out?

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Originally posted by Josephine:

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Originally posted by Po:

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Have you ever expressed love to someone—say, a child—with a ritual involving tiny bits of food and drink, background music, and a liturgy delivered in a somewhat theatrical voice? Or would that constitute child abuse?

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I gather you haven't participated in many teddy bear tea parties, have you?

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There are people who use sarcasm in the same way that Degas used pencil - a deft touch of insight and genius belying truth so poignant that even the pain of accepting its barb is pleasurable. These people have every clique clamouring to admit them, if not for direct appreciation then at least for fear of being outclassed en-masse.

Then there are people who think that they're being sarcastic, but really they understand the idiom about as well as a drunken hippopotamus in high heels can tap dance. These people aren't just usually "out", they are a convincing argument about why exclusion should happen at all.

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Ah, there speaks someone who has a civilised workplace. I have some friends in evil London law firms who would consider 20 to 25 minutes more as a career break than a lunch break.

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Out of interest, how do you manage to balance quite so many chips on your shoulders, matey?

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Mudfrog:
I think I've had enough now. I hate churches together. I hate the worthies and luvvies that come to the committee meetings and have no concept of what the people in the pews think.

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Karl: Liberal Backslider:
Well, look at it this way. God's given you some enemies to love and pray for as Jesus commanded.

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My first post to this thread!

I'd like to contribute this from Custard.:

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To nearly quote Dr Strangelove - the whole point of nuclear weapons is lost if you don't tell people about them.

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I put the T in TULIP.

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It's good to be armed with the truth, no doubt. Too bad so many brethren tend to shoot themselves in the foot with it.

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Originally posted by Anselmina:

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Originally posted by Amos:

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Originally posted by Chorister:


And don't be too spooked when the vicar announces 'there are three people in this marriage' - it's what they all say.

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Not me! That's crass.

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Yeah, when everyone knows it's five. Rook, his beloved, and the Holy Trinity. But they could stay in the Granny flat.

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If that bus to the next parish leaves and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of the church calendar.

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If Voldemort ever finds out that Snape has not only been working for Dumbledore but has protected Harry on a number of occasions, he's going to be, well, like, totally wroth.

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Originally posted by Amazing Grace:

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Originally posted by Trin:
While we're at it, you're also a snobby elitist if your signature or profile contains:

- latin
- a quote from a shakespeare (or similar)
- something copied and pasted to prove that you once exchanged banter with a high profile shipmate.

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Hmmm, I have a sudden desire to mosey on over to the Question Thread and ask if anyone can translate "Blow me, chickeybabe" into Latin.

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Probably no sooner had Jesus spoken most of his words intended for comfort, there were already people processing out the loopholes to further Mankind's endless I'm Better Than You contest.

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When I read Jungel I find myself wondering what I might get for tea tonight, and whose birthday comes next in our family: my mind skates off the page like a plastic knife off polished granite.

So I reckon he must be pretty good.

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Originally posted by comet:
I love Kelly.

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Probably no sooner had Jesus spoken most of his words intended for comfort, there were already people processing out the loopholes to further Mankind's endless I'm Better Than You contest.

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from the Purgatory accountability thread.

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Right back atcha, babe.

Also, you're the first person to quote me (other than myself) in a long, long time.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Originally posted by Real Ale Methodist:
God is Present, Sex is divine: but that does not mean I turn to my partner and say "This reminds me of one of Chrysostom's homilies".

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You all stand there and whine about the sky being green despite the whole fucking world saying, "look! see my sweater? that's blue. see how the sky is? that's blue too." and then you freaks say, "yeah, but my point is that the sky is green, not your sweater!"

it's like talking to a fucking magic 8 ball.

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gosh, Thanks, dw!

Mirrizin in Hell, on the salvation by faith/works neverending thing:

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Though if you link that theology to eternal damnation you make God out to be an incredible meanie.

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Originally posted by Gort:

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Originally posted by Davy Wavy Morrison:
I'm so thankful saccharine cliches are not banned...

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Barnacles aren't either. But every so often they have to be scraped off when the ship begins to lose headway.

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Originally posted by Ian Climacus:
And people wonder why I'm often quiet about my Christianity: no shame of Christ; shame of fellow Christians who are nutters.

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Originally posted by comet:
Never underestimate the ability of our fellow Shipmates to make a ten course meal out of crackers and cheese whiz.

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