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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: SoF Quotes File
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Sine instructs us in spelling:
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
There, there now. They're not so bad. Although their faux pas can be annoying.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Thanks, Twilight. I actually was mortified at my very long run-on sentence. Glad you liked it. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
"Why did the thread on Pat and Kate in The Amazing Race end up in Dead Horses?"
quote:
Originally posted by Mertseger:
However, I figured that no matter where I started the thread, it would end up here since as a gay, married, female clergy couple they need only start teaching evolution at an abortion clinic while singing "Shine, Jesus, Shine" to achieve full Dead Horse coverage.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Alternate reality:
quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
I'm still wondering how the hell you call someone to Hell if they spend all their time in Hell anyway.
I mean, supposing I ever wanted to do that.
What would I do, climb up to Heaven and bait them until they show up there, then dare them to be just as insulting and dog-pile-prone as they want to be, but force them to do it with a smile on their lips, a song in their heart, and a bunny in their pocket?
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Esmeralda
Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582
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Posted
Posted by Ariel in Purg:
quote:
I sometimes wish I could have a tape of silence that I could play at top volume to drown out some of the background noise that you inevitably get in a block of flats, or on public transport.
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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.
http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/
Posts: 17415 | From: A small island nobody pays any attention to | Registered: Jun 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
From Hugal in Heaven:
quote:
I think I'll give up paying attention to food scares and issue a blanket "Well, we'll die of something, we might as well enjoy the bit where we're still alive."
Amen to that!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Organ Builder
Shipmate
# 12478
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Posted
From Dogwonderer on the "Calling Anoetas" thread in Hell:
quote:
The only place you're likely to satisfy everyone is in a room full of mirrors.
I'm filing this for future use...
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How desperately difficult it is to be honest with oneself. It is much easier to be honest with other people.--E.F. Benson
Posts: 3337 | From: ...somewhere in between 40 and death... | Registered: Mar 2007
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Adam.
Like as the
# 4991
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Posted
Spiffy, on medieval Catholic religious reformers:
quote:
pretty much the first thing to go after the shoes was luncheon.
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Ave Crux, Spes Unica!
Preaching blog
Posts: 8164 | From: Notre Dame, IN | Registered: Sep 2003
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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267
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Posted
What? It's true! I'm doing scholarly-type study on the subject!
I actually came down here to post this bit from the current Hell Call, which gave me joy of both a literary and insult-ory nature.
quote:
Originally posted by OliviaG:
quote:
Originally posted by Anoetos:
Now, you can go ahead and call it a "flounce" or whatever other Austenism you may wish to employ but I'm going to declare victory and leave the field and you may all kiss my nether regions.
You know, Jane Austen's novels are available as searchable e-texts on the internet, and the word "flounce" does not appear in any of the six major works. Your nether regions obviously contain everything you know about Austen: shit-all. OliviaG
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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account
Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Ah, shit Gwai, you beat me to it.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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basso
Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228
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Posted
aj provides technical support in Heaven:
quote:
If you step on the cable carefully (the ethernet cable between the modem and the router) you can slow down the speed, in a similar way to when you step on a water hose the water pressure at the end drops. Problem is, when you take your foot off, the data that had built up around the squeezed bit can all hurtle down in one go, leaving you with a security patch, a McAfee update and the latest `must have' rendition of iTunes all in one go, before you've even responded to the first bobbing MSN messages for the day.
Not snappy enough for a sig, but advice worth keeping around nonetheless.
Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003
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Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110
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Posted
From the Nestorians thread in Purg, this lovely quote from Liverpool Fan
Turns out I'm a 100% Pelaganist, or however one spells it.
Well I'll be damned.
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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?
Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005
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Callan
Shipmate
# 525
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Posted
This, from Alogon, was priceless:
quote:
Isn't it strange: when the U.S. government gives aid to a poor American, the result is indolence. But when Hamas gives aid to a poor Palestinian, the result is a fanatical devotion even unto death, that makes the world tremble. We just can't win, can we?
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How easy it would be to live in England, if only one did not love her. - G.K. Chesterton
Posts: 9757 | From: Citizen of the World | Registered: Jun 2001
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Campbellite
Ut unum sint
# 1202
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Posted
In All Saints: I'm Confused thread
quote:
originally posted by Janine:
You make yourself sound like you can't even muster up enough faith to be a good atheist.
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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?
Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I'm seriously considering making this my sig:
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
Here's how I've managed to get through this thread:
(1) Read post. Feel blood pressure start to rise from anger.
(2) Think to myself, "liturgical dance."
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Pete Canada tried to post this one but it got lost:
Crooked Cucumber:
quote:
If God had wanted us to be a bunch of miserable, po-faced gits, he'd have made us all atheist
I may make that my signature!
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267
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Posted
In a rather redonk Hell call, a glimmer of light appears:
quote:
Originally posted by ken:
quote:
Originally posted by Trin:
Are we allowed enemies?
We must be because if we couldn't have any we wouldn't be commanded to love them ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account
Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Speaking of a scary-assed son-of-a- huckabee:
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
... geez he's like his own halloween costume.
you could threaten children with him.
"eat all your veggies or David Huckabee will get you!"
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
In the 2008 Death Pool thread from our one and only Campbellite:
quote:
Michael Jackson - Where but in America can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman?
[ 26. December 2007, 15:08: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
Infinite Monkey in Heaven:
quote:
I think pretty much EVERYONE does Hallelujah better than Leonard Cohen--his lyrics are genius, but his voice sometimes sounds like he was sucking on the bottom of a fish tank while he waited for the mic to show up.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by dogwonderer:
quote:
Originally posted by neil.pars:
there are countless disused or local christian recipes covering much of the year
as the year is largely a secular food zone
does anyone have (or want to create) date/person specific recipes
I have a date recipe. Date and walnut cake. But it may not be nutty enough for you.
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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account
Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
Kelly, on Tiger management, in Hell: quote:
Any agency that doesn't adequately prepare itself for human stupidity is bound to wind up in deep shit at some point.
I so wish this could be the signature line on my work email.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
(whyshucks. )
Ordinarily, I don't like to select quotes that single folk out, but as the target of this particular bon mot from Rook has shown a wonderful sense of humor about the issue in question, I'm trusting he'll smile at this:
quote:
Wha?
wubba wubba wubba (shaking head vigorously)
Max is not only talking about something other than a self-involved view of religion, but doing so in a manner that is, by all appearances, sensible and reasonable. I'm not sure whether to be affirming or to check for signs of his recent emergence from an alien pod. Has he really grown so much?
Quick, Max: I've just recieved a blessed sacramental wafer from a catholic priest, and I'm about to stuff it in my pocket and walk to the satanist bus stop... What do you do?
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
Sine, on the Gort thread in Hell:
quote:
Nothing is as it appears these days. Nothing. You think it's your charm and sex appeal turning them on but it's actually Levitra.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
Kelly, on Tiger management, in Hell: quote:
Any agency that doesn't adequately prepare itself for human stupidity is bound to wind up in deep shit at some point.
I so wish this could be the signature line on my work email.
It's wonderful, isn't it! I think I'll cross refer it to the Wycliffe Hall thread ...
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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?
Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Mm. RuthW on 'nice':
"Nevertheless, being nice is highly over-rated."
[Not sure I agree, but, it is snappy.]
[ 09. January 2008, 00:54: Message edited by: Jimmy B ]
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Spong:
Why, Lord? Why do you do it? Why do you let these idiots latch on to half a dozen verses of Scripture and proclaim themselves the True Believers (TM)?
Why do we have to go through it every damn time one of them discovers this board and thinks 'Wow, here are a whole load of people who are In Error, and I can teach them the True Path, even though I am an epsilon submoron with the IQ of a gnat and the emotional intelligence of a piece of 4 by 2?'
And how, Lord, how is it that you give them brains, and eyes, and ears, and hearts, and all of that, and they think 'Now what will make these people realise that they are In Error? I know - I'll put up some hackneyed bit of codswallop from Charismatics 101 that they have all seen a hundred times before, but my amazing powers of persuasion will mean that the scales will fall from their eyes, even though I do it in the most insulting way possible.'
Why Lord? Is this some sort of test? Because if so, I'm sorry but I've failed again...
![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif) with
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by OliviaG:
I could really, really use a drink... OliviaG
Honey, you're host material.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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mrs whibley
Shipmate
# 4798
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Posted
From apprentice jackanapes on the 'Christians and drunkenness' thread:
quote:
Re: "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery"
I spent years looking for this particular vintage but generally found only "...wine, which leads to self pity, rejection and hangovers", so I gave up. ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Fabulous!
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I long for a faith that is gloriously treacherous - Mike Yaconelli
Posts: 942 | From: North Lincolnshire | Registered: Aug 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Banner Lady:
US election coverage is certainly in overdrive - everywhere - even downunder. After watching the primaries and Hilary Clinton win; my husband turned to me and said "If a black American was elected as President I reckon he'd be assassinated within a year. And it would be the FBI that did it."
I had no idea he knew so much about American politics...
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110
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Posted
A RooK masterpiece from the Gort thread
quote:
It's like Hell sometimes has the power to transform people into 6-year-olds with a sugar high and not enough sleep.
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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?
Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
Our Spiffy on Literature:
quote:
Ah, Laurell K. Hamilton. I was a fan of her books, particularly the Anita Blake series (wherein the lead character is a half German half Mexican short, fat, heavily armed Episcopalian. I've thought about suing her for royalties).
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
LydaRose, on the "Good songs ruined by bad grammar" (or whatever it's called) thread in Heaven, during a discussion of the song, "What if God was one of us?"
quote:
As for God being a slob, perhaps the ubiquitous entropy of Creation might be considered a red flag.
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Esmeralda
Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582
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Posted
SpikeyPants on the Mondegreens thread in Heaven:
quote:
Four hundred children? No wonder Lucille left him!
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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.
http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/
Posts: 17415 | From: A small island nobody pays any attention to | Registered: Jun 2001
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
Ian Climacus on the Welcome in Eccles thread:
quote:
And if some fool blasts you, or rolls their eyes, because St Pretentious of Wankville didn't mention it in his book An Exact Guide to How Worship Must Be Celebrated to be Acceptable Before the Face of the Almighty and Any Deviations Shall Send You to the Place Where The Worm Devours and the Fire is Never Quenched, [revision 2.1354, 33 A.D., Self-Righteous Press], tell them to get stuffed:
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
On the Eccles folks' outing in Hell, Living in Gin compares both ends of the spectrum of liturgical intolerance:
quote:
The fact that you were born with a large altar candle up your arse instead of a King James Bible doesn't make you any less of an insufferable prick.
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Adam.
Like as the
# 4991
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Posted
A wonderful description of Hell from amber32002:
quote:
I've seen Hell... It reminds me of the wrestling matches on the tele where you wonder if the whole things's fake but you still don't want to be in the ring...
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Ave Crux, Spes Unica!
Preaching blog
Posts: 8164 | From: Notre Dame, IN | Registered: Sep 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
On the Eccles folks' outing in Hell, Living in Gin compares both ends of the spectrum of liturgical intolerance:
quote:
The fact that you were born with a large altar candle up your arse instead of a King James Bible doesn't make you any less of an insufferable prick.
Dammit, Geek ya beat me .
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110
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Posted
Did you notice this gem from LATA in Hell?
quote:
I'm a big fan of sin. It prevents a heck of a lot of bitterness later in life.
Now that's a thought to conjure with!
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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?
Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005
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Earwig
Pincered Beastie
# 12057
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Posted
On the C******* and Fucking thread in Hell:
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
And lo, the LORD did place a collect call to SIMON. And, after SIMON accepted the charges, the LORD said unto SIMON, "Build Us a SHIP, so that all who love Us can quibble endlessly about meaningless shit. It makes Us laugh."
Posts: 3120 | From: Yorkshire | Registered: Nov 2006
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by PhilA:
From comment #21 in the link in the OP:
quote:
They’re bullies, and they don’t realize that most normal people find humor in the frailties of the strong. Bullies, on the other hand, think that the frailties of the weak are hilarious.
I think sums it up very well indeed.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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basso
Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228
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Posted
Zach82, on yet another pointless Hell thread:
quote:
I don't like lima beans, ferrets, or chunky peanutbutter... perhaps I should start a hell thread...
Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003
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Joyeux
Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851
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Posted
Lamp Chopped, in Heaven, on a thread about dreams:
quote:
I didn't want the dragon. Or maybe I should say, I felt a bit sorry for it, but I didn't want to have to take care of it. But I got stuck with her.
I once got a Chihuahua in much the same way. In real life, I mean. And a rooster.
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Float?...Do science too
Posts: 4318 | From: over th... no, there! | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joyeux
Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851
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Posted
Sorry to double-post, but I just spotted this gem by Rossweisse in Purg thread (Rudy Giuliani).
quote:
Sometimes nothing but overstatement will do.
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Float?...Do science too
Posts: 4318 | From: over th... no, there! | Registered: Dec 2002
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I'm glad to note you're from Chicago. If you had been one of our Brit shipmates, "pissed" would have an entirely different (but appropriate) meaning!
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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