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Disclaimer: I have no opinion as to whether this jibe applies to the target, I just thought it was really funny. Also, it's not like a lot of us shouldn't think this over :

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Originally posted by Yorick:
When you stand before your Lord in Final Judgement, [Shipmate], what are you going to say when He asks you why the fuck you wasted so much of your and everyone else's miserable time being a fucktard on the Ship of Fools instead of doing something useful like boiling your head?

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The Bad Samaritan - New Conservative version

A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of gay bashers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.

A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side and said 'Bloody Good Show!'. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, whipped out his cameraphone and said 'hehe I must tweet this pic'. But a Filthy Librul Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him.

The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and if there's any money left over give it to charity, but for Heaven's sake don't give any money to the Gay Bashers' Benevolent Fund or the local clergy who're all in favour of that sort of thing.'

And at that point the priest and Levite went batshit insane, crying, 'Come and see the filthy Liberal intolerance inherent in the system! Help Help! We're being repressed! Will no-one support traditional country sports anymore?'

And the Landlord said unto them 'But don't you think that persecuting innocent people who've never harmed you is a shitty sort of thing to do?'

And they replied 'Hey, who are you going to believe? Our interpretation of the Bible or your own eyes? Such vile worldliness!'

And the landlord shook his head and turned away saying 'You're total tossers'

And the priest and the Levite nearly had an orgasm on the spot saying "Oooh ooh oooh! More persecution! Did you hear what he said to us! That's filthy librul persecution, that is!"

And the landlord said unto them 'Right! I've had enough! Out! Sod off! We don't serve promoters of gay bashing in here!'

And the priest and the Levite said 'OOOh Oooh! -we've come in our robes!'

And they went away highly satisfied that they'd been properly persecuted, and that it was all the fault of 'The World' teh Gheys and filthy liberals.

Amen

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I thought puritans were totally opposed to the joy of sects.

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Originally posted by churchgeek:
Marvin the Martian, in Hell :

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I thought puritans were totally opposed to the joy of sects.

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Originally posted by Pegasus:

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From the article:
Jeffrey John, the Dean of St Albans, was under consideration for the post and would have replaced the Right Rev Tom Butler, who retired earlier this year.

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As the Rev Spooner once said, "And now let us pray for our queer Dean..."

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Originally posted by jedijudy:
Sparrow posted this good advice in Heaven:

I always remember reading some time ago, something to the effect that: "look at the lifestyle of the vicar. If he drives a bigger car, or lives in a more luxurious style than the poorest of his congregation, then run a mile"

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Originally posted by Alfred E. Neuman:
You know, one of the signs of advancing age is an inordinate obsession with the past.

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Alfred E. Neuman

This had me busting up! True dat!

[code...argh!]

[ 13. July 2010, 15:22: Message edited by: duchess ]

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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party

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Originally posted by Michael Astley:
When purgatorial discussions fall apart it tends to be when people invest more emotionally in their posts than actual reason.

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Originally posted by Chapelhead:

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Originally posted by ken:
I really think that the Ship has been far too soft on Evangelicals recently.

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So long as you remember to love the Evangelicals but hate the Evangelicalism.

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Originally posted by RadicalWhig:
... a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

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Leaving the church of your upbringing and forefathers is like disowning your beloved yet slightly insane grandma. It's very painful.

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Originally posted by PhilA:
...

Jesus is not my boyfriend
He's my God and my king
And to him my praise I'll sing
But are we closer than a flea is to a rat?
Gerald is the one I love like that

Oh Gerald is the one that I will snuggle
He's the one I'll sing a love song to
Jesus is the one that I will worship
So lets not confuse the two

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An institution whose dome is supported solely by men is going to have trouble communicating effectively with a world where women hold up half the sky.

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Originally posted by Snow Leopard:
Goodness, is that really the plural of "penis"? My husband only had the one, so we didn't have much occasion to wonder what the plural was.

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Joyeux, I apologize if you already got this,( ) but I coudn't find it anywhere but Anna B's sig and NEEDED to save it:

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"Jesus did not barf all over the woman taken in adultery"---malik3000

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Originally posted by Yorick:


I should warn you that if you hereby reply to the effect that in your opinion the RCC should instead punish paedophilia by excommunication and reporting it immediately to the authorities, I shall arise from my desk, drive to my neighbour’s farm, steal his goat and sacrifice it forthwith on an altar to the god of fucking utter cluelessness.

Don’t make me do it.

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Please do - we could sell tickets.



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Garden. Room. Walk

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Joyeux, I apologize if you already got this,( ) but I coudn't find it anywhere but Anna B's sig and NEEDED to save it:

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"Jesus did not barf all over the woman taken in adultery"---malik3000

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No worries!

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Float?...Do science too

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Originally posted by lilBuddha:


Brevity is the soul of wit? If the converse is also true, then you lot would post for pages each.

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It must be hair-raising to have a g-string break on an instrument you hold between your legs.

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Originally posted by PeteC:

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Originally posted by Boogie:
Choc is wrapped.

Choc is posted.

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Choc will come again?

Getting my coat

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I think this would make a great sig.

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Originally posted by lilBuddha:


Brevity is the soul of wit? If the converse is also true, then you lot would post for pages each.

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Originally posted by Cottontail:
Let everything that has breasts praise the Lord!

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No comment, I just wanna stare up and admire that, like this:

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Shellfish are shopping on the internet?!

Man, anyone can get a PayPal account these days.

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Originally posted by RadicalWhig:
Even if you base your belief on the Bible or on church creeds, at some point you have to make a decision rooted in your own, very human, reason. Otherwise pink inflatable penguins will eat all your invisible four sided triangles with a ding-dong mouse cup boat. Then the wazerhitters will fitje your hontlebutt, and you'll be inverted to a blue-sized apple coffee fart. It's a short slide from there to taking Young Earth Creationism seriously.

If you once abandon reason, where do you stop?

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Originally posted by Organ Builder:

Religion is like the power tools outside my office. In responsible, capable hands beautiful things can be created. In the hands of idiots, body parts are going to start flying.

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Originally posted by Firenze:

Pink Coyote had been named in line with the custom of the first thing the father saw when told of the birth. It was unfortunate that his parent had just come off a mescalin bender.

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Originally posted by Beeswax Altar:

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originally posted by Yerevan:
As opposed to the whole world gathering around some fluffy syncretist concept of the divine, having a big group hug and breaking into "I'd like to teach the world to sing". That ain't gonna happen either.

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But don't you see...if the evil Roman Catholic Church sold all its artwork, it could actually buy the world a Coke!

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

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What "message"? Are you trying to evangelise me? Burn in heaven you bigoted ass-licking god botherer.

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Originally posted by duchess:

Why can't we get cool Atheists like Penn & Teller on SoF?

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Originally posted by Meg the Red:

However, in my reality, apple butter is what happens when you live in an apartment and are envious of people who have lawns and gardens and apple trees and then oh my goodness one of those people posts an offer on freecycle pleading folks to relieve him of a superabundance of apples and you reply goodygoodygoody and ride on over and find that others have nabbed every apple within easy reach and it's hot and muggy and the mosquitoes have made you a human buffet and you decide gee those windfalls don't look so bad so you cram both panniers full to bursting and get home and realize that you've no fridge space for the apples and so you have to do something with them now and they're really tiny and kinda bruised and damn they're sour so apple butter it is so you spend the next 45 minutes washing and coring then you stew down a vat of the loathesome little suckers then realize sh*t oh dear you haven't a food mill anymore so they all need to be forced through a succession of sieves and by the time you've permanently damaged your right arm doing that your husband is home and commenting that it seems like a lot of work for something he doens't really like and you contemplate a winter of eating gallons of apple butter on everything including your breakfast eggs and you curse eco-friendliness and your wastenotwantnot ancestors and contemplate developing a nice cozy relationship with a keg of whisky which you will probably end up mixing half and half with you-know-what just to use it up dammit.

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Originally posted by Apocalypso:
Muslim, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Wiccan, Tao, and atheist, we are all still baboons half-a-cell down.

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Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I think you might say we're approaching the after-dinner phase of this Hell thread, and the coffee is being passed around.

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Hear- freaking- hear, duchess:

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Originally posted by duchess:

Why can't we get cool Atheists like Penn & Teller on SoF?

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Originally posted by basso:

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Hear- freaking- hear, duchess:

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Originally posted by duchess:

Why can't we get cool Atheists like Penn & Teller on SoF?

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Okay, I just have to ask. If Teller were on SoF, how would we know?

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Originally posted by Miffy:
there is therefore a very real possibility that she could wander into a broom cupboard under the mistaken impression that she is in the queue for the New Transcendant Alternative Knit-Your-Own Navel workshop in Soulspace. Should you see her, speak to her kindly, steer her round, point her in the direction of the nearest Nice Cup of Tea and All Will Be Well.

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
...on a lighter note, Lyda Rose demonstrates her familiarity with Shiply ebb and flow:

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Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I think you might say we're approaching the after-dinner phase of this Hell thread, and the coffee is being passed around.

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The coffee went cold.

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

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Originally posted by RadicalWhig:
There's someone out there tonight who needs to do something for God. It's no accident that you are sitting at home watching this show. That's God's plan. He's trying to reach you, trying to help you get a hold on your life. Maybe you feel that your life is out of control. Maybe you need a miracle. Well that's why God is here tonight. He's here tonight, ladies and gentlemen, and He's anointed me to bring this message to you.

Perhaps you waiting for God, saying "I want to do something for God". Maybe you can't do on a missions trip. Maybe you are too old, or too poor. But you can do something for God. Right now. No matter how little you have, you can give it to God. That's right. Give it to God. God wants you to go to your computer and click on the donate button. Or call in. The lines are open now to take your pledges. It might be just a 1000 dollars. It might be 100 dollars, or 50, but you know that the best thing you can go is give it to God, so that I can continue God's work. You can be a partner in God's work, through me, and together we can reach the lost.

Now, I know what you are thinking, you are thinking, "Pastor Whig, I want to serve God, but I can't because I need that money for rent or groceries". Now that's the devil talkin'. That's the devil trying to bind you to the present illusion of this world, so that he can get between you and God's blessing. If you send me your rent money, send me your grocery money, God will return it to you in abundance. God says that He wants you to live abundantly, but he can't do that if you let the devil keep you clinging to this world. Be bold for God. Dedicate your rent money as an offering to God, through me, and God will bless you abundantly. Remember the widow's mite. Remember the parable of the talents? God's gonna take your mite and give it back to your many times. So don't delay. You might not get another chance.

Maybe you are sick. Maybe you think you need that money for medicines. But that's just the devil's lies. I remember one time I was in Little Rock, preaching the word of God, and this woman came up to me and she said, "Pastor Whig, I'm so sick and I'm broke and I don't know what to do" - and I felt God just appear to me, and God told me what to say. You see, this woman was trusting in medicine, in man's wisdom, and not trusting in God. I said, "Throw away that medicine. Trust in God. Give that money you would have wasted on the devils potions to God. Give it as a faith offering, a seed offering to God - make a covenant with God, and God will honour His covenants." And she did. She gave two hundred and fifty eight dollars, which was every cent she had, to God's ministry. And I know in my heart that God will have blessed her and healed her.

Are you like that sick woman? Do you need God's blessing tonight? Do you need God's healing tonight? Then sow that seed for God. Invest faithfully in God, and God will invest in you. Click that donate button now. Keep calling in with your pledges. The lines are open and our trained prayer counsellors are ready to take your calls

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Originally posted by sabine:
What about the strip joint near ground zero? I know, I know <searching for the proper verse> 'Tis better to have a naked pole dancer close to "holy ground" than a veiled woman worshipping God

sabine

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I'll have to confess to being a little bemused at the entry of "beauty" into the question of holiness. Saying a very beautiful place didn't strike you as holy is like saying a blue room didn't strike you as being around 90 degrees fahrenheit.

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You do realize that if that 18% is a correct estimate that more people believe that Obama is Muslim than actually live in Canada.

A fun poll would ask how many people think he's Irish.

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You do realize that if that 18% is a correct estimate that more people believe that Obama is Muslim than actually live in Canada.

A fun poll would ask how many people think he's Irish.

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wish granted



I love the 'ancestral home' bit

[ 20. August 2010, 16:02: Message edited by: fletcher christian ]

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'God is love insaturable, love impossible to describe'
Staretz Silouan

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Originally posted by Boogie:
A lovely word from Foxymoron - imagineering - from here .

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Originally posted by fletcher christian:

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You do realize that if that 18% is a correct estimate that more people believe that Obama is Muslim than actually live in Canada.

A fun poll would ask how many people think he's Irish.

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wish granted



I love the 'ancestral home' bit

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I've got an aunt <snip>. Said aunt has no children, is divorced, lives with her parents, has no medical insurance, and has alienated every single other member of the family. She lives in a constant state of anger and fear.

We pity her deeply and try to hide from her as much as possible at family events.

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