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Ah, here I am! In all my solipsism. I wondered where I was.

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Originally posted by 3rdFooter:
Besides where is the "mid-life" in eternal life?

Fr 3rdFooter (Ordained at 43)

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Originally posted by Zach82:
If Manchester United is supposed to be some charity for the unemployed, I think it is being fantastically generous in giving $500,000 to a man which, if he is like the usual sports player, has absolutely no other marketable skills whatsoever.

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Originally posted by Angloid:

It's a pity that the RCC is so hung up on literal translation that the new Missal is likely to sound like an A level Latin prose translated by Daleks.

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
For some reason (probably my perversity) whenever someone starts describing themselves as freethinkers, clear thinkers, rationalists, or what have you, I get this incredible urge to introduce myself, smile brightly and say, "So pleased to meet you. I'm a totally irrational psychopath myself."

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originally posted by El Greco, channelling the god Ra:

I tried alchemy to turn that yellow thing go green, but then I remembered the Green Fever, green paper evokes in the unlearned. I tried to turn the shining thing into water, but then it occurred to me that that would overflow the Nile, and we don't want that, do we? Last time such an amount of gold was turned onto water by our great ancestor Noah, it didn't go that well.

Then I tried to turn it into thin air, but I could not succeed. All the scrolls spoke about turning thin air into gold, and they had little information about the opposite procedure.

So, desperate as I see all I love go to the Underworld, I beseech you: Give me time to find the glasses of Ra. It is this great artifact, this great religious object, that this excavation is really all about. It is said in the ancient hieroglyphics of the City of the Dead, that the glasses of Ra, the first glasses ever made on the planet, which Ra the Ancient used when he came on earth because he had myopia, are to be found inside this excavation site. It's either here, or in Norway, the hieroglyphics aren't very exact.

When I find the glasses, I will put them on. And then we will be safe.

It's very easy really. So, please try not to kill yourselves and not be killed, while I am looking for the glasses of Ra in the catacombs. The hieroglyphics of the Necropolis say that when a person of great affinity to the Gods wears them, he can see right into the character of each person. So, when we find them out, we will know who belongs to the mafia, and we can turn them to the police. We will also know who slept with Tiger Woods, and if Obama is the Antichrist.

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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Language doesn't work like that. Hamburgers may have come from Hamburg, but no one is suggesting that beefburgers come from a place called Beefburg.

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Is it possible that some who appear to see through a glass darkly do so because the glass is filled with spiced rum?

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Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:

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Originally posted by "The Ship's Chaplain":
I really don't understand why people feel the need to swear though,

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It's fun and it gets the point across so much easier.

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it has always been my understanding that the greater the need to use profanities, the lower the intelligence. It makes perfect sense as obviously the lower the intelligence the more limited the vocabulary is likely to be.

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I am compelled to point out that your inane insistence that profanity is the hallmark of an uneducated mind is leading me irrevocably towards the conclusion that, due to your inherent inability to pique the interest of any fine ladies in your locale, your social habits must, perforce, consist of nothing more than online verbiage and enthusiastic masturbation. I am left with the conclusion that your defenestration is the only viable solution to our mutual problem, viz. your continued insistence on ludicrous vocabulary constraints.

Means "Shitting hell, you are one tedious wanker. Why don't you just take your stupid 'no swearing' bollocks and fuck off."

See, it's much easier and more to the point if I use profanity, isn't it?

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Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Dying at age 90 going Mach 1 with my hair on fire, pursued by the father of a supermodel I had deflowered.

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Originally posted by Yorick:
I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To write a Hell post to me
And if we go someplace to duel
I know that there's a chance
You won't do fencing with me

Then afterwards we drop into this Hellish little place
And have a post or two
And then I go and flame your ass
By posting something truthful
Like ‘you fucktard’.

I can see it in your eyes
You still despise the same old lines
You heard the night before
And though it's just a line to you
For me it's true
And never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever
lines to say
To tell the god-honest truth
So then I think I'll wait until you come onto
this board
And I can flame you

The time is right
Your posting fills my head
The mist get red
And oh the air's so blue
And then I go and say it all
By posting something honest
Like ‘you fucktard’…
’You fucktard’

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In today's politics, you are driven to the left by standing still.

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Originally posted by 3rdFooter:
Of course, if the sermon were directed by the Holy Spirit, then the words are not your own anyway.....

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Originally posted by pjkirk:
I don't know if the holy spirit is in the business of suing for copyright violations though.

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Originally posted by Jon in the Nati:
The Holy Trinity is not terribly litigious, but if it were, it would hire St. Thomas More, and he'd win.

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Originally posted by Jon in the Nati:
The Holy Trinity is not terribly litigious, but if it were, it would hire St. Thomas More, and he'd win.

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Good thing breathing is autonomic.

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I have to ask, and this is in all sincerity. You clearly find the leadership of the boards morally and intellectually deficient and do not agree at all with the way we do things (and will continue to do things) so why do you not shake the dust from your sandals and depart this place?

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Eutychus, in fine form:

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Originally posted by Apocalypso:
*Sings*

nibbling

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Wait. "ni" is "in" spelled backwards... "in" is "in" spelled backwards and reversed... "bb" stands for "Bulletin Board"... and "lg" is "jlg" without the "j" for "Jesus"

This is clearly satanic. A prayer vigil should be convened at once.

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Originally posted by Yorick:
I couldn’t see how talking about a real life bishop being horrid about another real life bishop would need a second Hostly warning by reference to another thread firstly warning about how naughty it is to talk about a virtual bishop on a thread about a real life bishop being naughty.

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I enjoyed that

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
That's just so Anglican. You can be a bishop and be iffy about the Virgin birth or the nature of the Trinity, but be impolite and you're out on you ass.

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Originally posted by Nunzia:
I start with a pure,white, spotless bowl, undefiled by chips or crazing.

Into that I pour Wheaties, representing Christ, the Champion of all those who trust in him.

Over the Wheaties, I pour milk, representing the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

Then comes the sprinkling of the raisins, as a reminder of the true vine and the husbandman.

I really, really want to throw in some sliced bananas, but I can't. I love bananas but I don't know what they mean.

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We are definitely not going to get a logically satisfying answer to the "problem of evil" from a God whose apparent response to suffering in creation was, "Ooo, lemme get in on that!"

...and then, from the Cross, asked basically the same question we're asking here.

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Jedi are overrated. I've gone over to the grey side.

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Originally posted by Max_Power on the Religious Indoctrination of Children thread in Purg, on why he became a Christian despite his atheist parents' attempts to prevent just that:
(I)n my early twenties I realised that there was more to life than nothing.

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...your Bible is suffering from a case of the translation stupids.

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Originally posted by Herrick:
IDIOT the girl at the checkout who couldn't scan my condoms, "Price check on Ansell condoms extra-small."

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Takes a big man to admit it, Herrick.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Originally posted by Barnabas62 on the "Calling my co-religionists to Hell" thread:
The bible is not a paper Pope.

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Originally posted by mousethief in Heaven:
And you could always get used meat from the pagan temples, apparently. "Only sacrificed once, on Sundays, by an old priestess."

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Originally posted by ken:

But of course orthodox Christianity leads to political left! We worship, as God, a man who identified with the poor.

Who came to preach good news to the poor, liberty to the captives, sight for the blind, and freedom for the oppressed. Who came to to so that the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them. Who said that it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. That the poor will inherit the Kingdom of God. That the Kingdom belongs to those who feed the hungry, give water to the thirsty, clothe the nacked, visit the sick and the prisoners. That the last would be first, and the first last. Who tells us to love our enemies.

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Originally posted by Anselmina:
Brother Joseph! You just not CLAIMIN' it! You just not CLAIMIN' the wealth that GAHD has set aside for YOU!

That money is OUT THERE!
That cadillac is OUT THERE!
That holiday in the Bahamas is OUT THERE!
GAHD's chil'ren should be livin' like the royalty they IS!
That penthouse suite is YOURS!
That two-storey villa in the nicer neighbourhood of Nazareth is YOURS!
No DONKEYS for God's chil'ren! It's HORSES!
No STABLES for God's chil'ren! It's FAHVE STAR HOTELS!

Mary CAN have that dress she always wanted!
You CAN have that new workshop you always wanted!
You DESERVE it!
So you NAME it and CLAIM it*, brother Joseph! It's GAHD's will!

*Provisional on filling out the attached standing order form for tithing your next five years' income to 'Greed-is-Good Ministries Ltd...'.

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Originally posted by NJA:
... these disciples had experienced many signs and wonders... prophecies, healings, joy, provision, angels, voices from heaven etc, etc yet none of these were seen as signifying the receiving of the Spirit, tobgtues was.

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glossographia - gotta love it

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“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” - Mark Twain

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Originally posted by Meg the Red:

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Originally posted by Spiffy:
On the whole, I'd say God has the tendency to speak to me through the boot to the butt as to any voice.

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Yuppers - my tuchis is likewise covered with holy tread-marks; I must spend a lot of time covering my spiritual ears and la-la-la-ing 'cause usually I only achieve enlightment through percussive maintenance.

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Originally posted by dyfrig:
I recognise these as words; they are even arranged in something like a sentence. Beyond that, all I am left with is the same sensation as one gets when hearing Jeremy Clarkson speak - that the sum total of human understanding has diminished over the last few seconds.

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Evensong on the 'why do you lurk?' thread:

We are all different.

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glockenspiel's reply: I'm not.

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Someone been watching Life of Brian?

[ 09. January 2011, 18:00: Message edited by: Chelley ]

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"I love old things, they make me feel sad."
"What's good about sad?"
"It's happy for deep people!"
Sally Sparrow to Kathy - Doctor Who

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I know you know the following, but sometimes you need to hear it, okay?

This is bollocks.

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Originally posted by Zappa:
Hosting

Zappa: stop it immediately.

hosting ends

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