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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: SoF Quotes File
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Kenwrotez*:
quote:
BTW, I do a pulled pork BBQ so good it'll make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window.
*Thank you, Mad Geo
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Campbellite
Ut unum sint
# 1202
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Posted
Kelly Alves wrote: quote:
My guardian angels must hate their jobs sometimes.
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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?
Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001
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Niënna
Ship's Lotus Blossom
# 4652
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Posted
Tomb in hell:
quote:
Oh, I know all right. It's when you eschew the participal for the rhetorical flick-of-the knife that is the gerund that you feel, deep down, that you have arrived, grammatically.
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[Nino points a gun at Chiki]
Nino: Now... tell me. Who started the war?
Chiki: [long pause] We did.
~No Man's Land
Posts: 2298 | From: Purgatory | Registered: Jun 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
AdamPater, in a very silly moment:
quote:
There's a cloud outside. I hate that.
At least there's always a rainbow within.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
Shareman, on a Hell thread:
quote:
[He] made the Baby Jesus cry, and it woke me up, so I was pissed off.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Nobody does it like RooK:
quote:
You lot have all the self control of a lonely dog with peanut butter on its penis.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
Pyx_e: "The cross will bite them all on the ass at some point."
If ever I move to England, I want him as pastor.
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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
People with interregnums (cough, cough) please note - if you invite Pyx_e to be your new vicar you might end up being saddled with Kenwritez as well..... ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
(Luckily, I'm the same IRL as I am on the board.)For those clergy trying to increase membership, I can walk into the church and instantly double the size of the congregation.
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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
Reading this thread made me sorry that I never maintained a quotes file of my own - I've often laughed aloud at many Ship discussions.
This quote is "ancient" but so hilarious that I've never forgotten. It was on a thread in Mystery Worship about vestments, where someone asked the use for a maniple.
Joan the Dwarf replied that it was "to flick the crumbs away while saying, 'if Jesus can get in, then he can get out.'"
I also well recall dyfrig's telling a heated Ship mate "I think Erin is an insane bitch, but I shall happily watch while she eats you."
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Oh, an Erinism from years past, aimed at Intellect By Proxy, if I remember correctly:
"I can't do it. I can't flame a guy who publically admits he's got a tiny talliwhacker."
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by vascopyjama:
Well that's me in a nutshell. (I wonder if Julian of Norwich ever said that??)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
From Triple Tiara ('valid form of bigotry' thread in Hell)"
quote:
Quod scripsi scripsi , or, since i am a fuckwit, quod fuxi fuxi
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
IngoB on a current Hell thread:
Andreas, my link wasn't about giving you an opportunity to strut your philosophical and intellectual credentials. It was about demonstrating to you the sort of suffering you inflict on others. If you enjoyed that text, it has mainfestly failed its purpose.
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
From RooK, apon closing the TICTH thread. ( ![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif) )
Thread closed. Please don't start another one of these for a little while, lest I feel compelled to hunt you down and force feed you live porcupines through your eyeballs
kinda makes you think twice before arguing.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
Firenze, replying to a post (Teenage Embarrassment, Heaven) about Duck's mother placing a condom on a bicycle pump:
quote:
How can I break it to you? This doesn't stop babies.
Unless, of course, it is some sort of primitive marital aid. When I were a lad, we didn't have no Ann Summers shops doing they crotchless panties and vibrating thingies. We 'ad to make do with a pound of tripe and a bicycle pump.
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
I must say, reading through this thread (and so wishing I'd kept a file!), of those immortalised here the absolute best has to be Duo Seraphim's retort about how Martin's posts shall be revealed as a code regarding a secret of Fatima. But I also shall remember 'quod fuxi, fuxi' till my dying day.
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
I look forward to the publication of your book of quotable quotes, with suitable attribution of course! ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Ok, not a ship quote, but excellent sig potential:
quote:
I'm going to Hell because I'm a fuck up.
--some guy Kelly interns with, after he fucked up.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
Though I prefer to stay with Ship quotes, since the last two were not, I'll feel free to insert a 'non Ship' one (though it might not have the full impact for the young members as it would for those of my generation.)
This from a friend from Kerry (and uttered completely seriously) :
quote:
It's not easy being Irish, Elizabeth. I'm afraid I'm going to go to hell, and I don't even believe in God.
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
A year or so ago, one Ship mate (troll) was rambling a good deal, justifying everything on the basis of that he'd been a Roman priest, worked in the Vatican's congregation for the doctrine of the faith, then left to pursue this, this, and this...
I'm not positive, but I think it was Ian who made this response that made me fall off my chair. When said troll rambled, a bit incoherently, about a doctrine he'd misunderstood (or words to that effect), Ian responded: "It is a shame you did not ask Cardinal Ratzinger about that when you were still working at the Vatican."
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
From Spiffy, on "how do you pray?"
quote:
"Fer crying out loud! Jesus, I can tell you're an only child, you're always bothering me until you get your own way!"
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
From RuthW down in Hell:
quote:
US politics is a vile, nasty contest between two groups of wealthy, over-privileged people about whether the rest of us will be ground to a pulp beneath a jackboot or a hiking boot.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
From Janine in All Saints:
quote:
English is like Jazz. You don't have to know all the details of the Correct Classical Way to improvise a really good riff.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
From AdamPater:
quote:
Did Jesus say anything about handling willies anywhere though? Apart from loving your neighbour as you love yourself, of course.
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Whether or not the target deserved this, what a great line from Josephine:
quote:
But parking a bicycle in on the floor a Ferari dealership would hardly make the bicycle a Ferari, now would it?
Didn't think so.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
I do think we should imortalise
quote:
DORK in a rose unitard
from Merteger's interpretative dance in hell. The whole post is a classic - but this is also the perfect insult.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I'll probably spend a substantial amount of time in Purgatory for finding this funny, but here you go, from Zappa: quote:
Boy, does the baby Jesus Cry. And his daddy-o. And Spook.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Linguo
Ship's grammar robot
# 7220
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Posted
From Karl: Liberal Backslider, in the 'Too busy to church?' Purg thread:
quote:
Of course, some broken people prefer not to shout "I'm broken" in front of other people they don't know well, who may appear to resemble rather closely the people who broke them in the first place.
Posts: 997 | From: around and about the place | Registered: May 2004
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Hennah
Ship's Mother Hen
# 9541
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I'll probably spend a substantial amount of time in Purgatory for finding this funny, but here you go, from Zappa: quote:
Boy, does the baby Jesus Cry. And his daddy-o. And Spook.
Right there with you, Kelly...
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Never stand behind satan in a Post Office queue: the devil takes many forms.
Posts: 925 | From: The Henhouse, Beside The Seaside, Kent | Registered: May 2005
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sparkly_h
Shipmate
# 7997
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Posted
Doc Tor wrote in hell:
quote:
Do you actually read for comprehension or does the little god in your head just make up the answers for you?
Posts: 158 | From: Chichester | Registered: Jul 2004
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Catrine
Shipmate
# 9811
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Posted
I like this one from AF Steve (Heaven; whoever thought of that?)
Mushrooms. "Hey ma, there's some strange things growing on this turd over here. What should I do?" "Why Jr, Just pluck them and I'll add them to my beef roast!"
Posts: 2614 | From: Midlands | Registered: Jul 2005
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Max.
Shipmate
# 5846
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Posted
The sacred feminine (Moo)
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For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Posts: 9716 | From: North Yorkshire | Registered: May 2004
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) That would be Famous Last Posts, darlin'.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
This is as nice a synopsis of the human condition as I'v eseen in a long time-- from Lyda Rose--
quote:
I think various things happen to people who were scapegoats or scapegoaters in childhood. Some get the "I'm a goat" sign stuck on their back, and unhappily figure that that's life, while some scapegoaters figure putting people down in a great life strategy and live boring, rotten little lives. Others grow up to stick a sign on the front of their shirts that says, "I'm a goat. Fuck you boring sheep." Some of the scapegoaters grow up to think, "Hell. I can't believe I wasted my time on the sheep." I tend to look for people of these two positions now that I've socialized myself out of being goat or scapegoater. And as many of us have, I've been both to a certain degree.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Niënna
Ship's Lotus Blossom
# 4652
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Posted
Oooh! I was just about post the same one.
Brilliant, Lyda*Rose!
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[Nino points a gun at Chiki]
Nino: Now... tell me. Who started the war?
Chiki: [long pause] We did.
~No Man's Land
Posts: 2298 | From: Purgatory | Registered: Jun 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
The two most frustrating things about Pyx_e is (1.) he's married and (2.) he's not my pastor.
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:(in reference to the implications of a Chocolate Crucifix)
If it were made out of Fruit & Nut chocolate it would be a perfect representation of the Body of Christ.
P
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110
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Posted
Kelly is so right about RooK. As his "gift" to Max/103 for his reception, this from the Hell file is worth preserving.
quote:
Oh please. Max./103/Henrietta so squats when she pees.
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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?
Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
From Daisymae on the Da Vinci Code board, in the Mary Magdalene thread. quote:
Right through history, there are many women who have been real human beings.
Heh.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110
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Posted
And how about this rueful bit of self-awareness from SteveTom, on the Kerygmania thread on the New Testament, when he got support for a self-proclaimed "health-warning-necessary" minority view.
quote:
Even when I'm warning people that I'm talking rubbish, I'm talking rubbish.
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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?
Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005
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Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110
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Posted
A good day for memorable quotes - here's a beauty from Leetle Masha, in honour of her much beloved and respected spiritual director. At the end of a post on the Catholic Liturgiolatry thread
quote:
Leetle M.
Whose spiritual father of eternal memory said once, "We don't need no steenkin' High Church...we are all High Church and when we get to heaven, we shall be Higher Still."
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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?
Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
From one of the Ship Goddesses:
quote:
Presleyterian:
Getting a bauble is nice. Knowing one can get get oneself whatever baubles one wants is much, much nicer.
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
I swear to God, one of these days there's going to be a "365 Days of Spiffy" calendar, because the girl posts so many brilliant quotable quotes. Today's beauty is:
quote:
Hippie, for those who have never encountered the scent, smells like sandalwood and ass.
--Mamacita, from the hippie era, but smelling nicer.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
Back again. This one from Presleyterian, in Hell:
quote:
Because if someone professes to believe in the incarnation, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, you pretty much ought to accept them as brothers and sisters in Christ and leave the actual act of discerning and judging their faith to God.
Damn, that's good.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
On the Heaven thread about books, there were two delicious comments related to James Joyce's Ulysses.
In response to Angelica's question of "is there any point to Ulysses at all?," I loved Dubitante's
Any point to 'Ulysses'? Of course, it's to show off about when you're an English undergraduate. "You know, I so get that book..."
Better still, when Karl mentioned "Ulysses, which is like reading a Swahili phone book for all the sense I can make of it," I laughed aloud at Steve R's "That's quite unfair to the Swahili phone book."
I agree with Kelly that Pyx_e's comment about fruit and nuts was a gem!
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
The thread in Heaven about books is just too delightful... And this exchange is certainly worthy of preservation for posterity.
Rainbow Kate:
D.H. Lawrence and James Joyce both seem so utterly wrapped up in their own sexually repressed narcissism that I wanted to vomit. They'd both have been better off getting laid more often and writing a damn sight less.
Comet Chaser's response:
Wouldn't we all?
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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FreeJack
Shipmate
# 10612
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Posted
From the Heaven thread on Marriage and Babies,
posted by Always Waiting:
Ah, the shelf. It has hovered in front of me for some years now. Not so much immediately threatening as looming in the not-so-distant future, like a very large mountain at the end of a long, flat road. I can see it coming. It seems to be aiming for me.
My only consolation is that, by the sounds of it, there are several of us up there, so we can have a few drinks and a good time, and end up throwing things off the shelf onto the heads of the couples on the dance floor below us.
Posts: 3588 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Gill H
Shipmate
# 68
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Posted
On the Doctor Who thread in Heaven, from Callan:
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Honestly, he's supposed to be an enigmatic wanderer in space and time who fights evil, not a taxi service for amoral narcissists.
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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.
- Lyda Rose
Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
From the demons thread, by Jerry Boam, regarding people who misclassify epilepsy as demon possession:
quote:
In terms that such persons might understand: you are afflicted by a spirit of stupidity and a spirit of cruelty. Go look in the mirror and rebuke what you see.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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