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Source: (consider it) Thread: SoF Quotes File
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Welcome to the cutest little craft on the interwebby thing.

Welease Woderwick, in kindly host mode.

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Earwig

Pincered Beastie
# 12057

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Otter is pure class.

quote:
Originally posted by Otter:
quote:
Originally posted by Signaller:
Or didn't someone say a little while ago that you (the USA) don't have doors at all?

Yes, we lost them in the Great Door Blight of '73. Where once we had doors of all kinds - pocket, bi-fold, hollow-core, steel, and more, today we live in a blighted landscape, where a portal with a door is a special thing and privacy is lost, lost, like the mighty, um, something or other that we lost.

Cherish your doors, my brethren! Cherish them! Polish them lovingly, oil their hinges, take pleasure in the sensual sliding of their mechanisms, grasp their knobs firmly, and turn them slowly, yet sensually, and, and . . .


Posts: 3120 | From: Yorkshire | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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One person's opinion, but beautifully written:

quote:
Originally posted by Ariston
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
I'm afraid I never understood the difference between "passed away" and "dead" and why people get so upset about the two. I always assumed they meant the same thing.

What's the difference?

People you like die. When you wail, rend your clothes, and wonder what kind of a sick fuck God would kill your friends with cancer and car accidents before their 18th birthdays, they are dead. Killed. There's no passing on, no crossing the veil, just death.

People you don't actually like, or like only because they're related to you, or whom you just think need to hurry up and die already like a civilized lady or gentleman pass on, silently in the night, like a southern belle's farts—nobody ever has to care, nobody really notices it happening, and, if they do, they know enough not to say anything. "S/he passed on" is like "bless your heart;" if it's not part of your cultural tradition, you don't understand that it's actually an insult to the deceased. Here, a translation:

"Marylou passed on last night"
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that"

does NOT mean:

"Marylou is dead"
"I am genuinely distraught right now"

but rather

"I'm bringing the funeral salad"
"I'll grab some chicken from Church's on the way over. Now, remember, extra cherries on top, Robert likes those."

And, even if I know people aren't from my cultural background and probably don't share my set of implied slights, I still hear it—and, it seems, so do they. "Passed away" isn't something you say to make it go easier; it's something you say when that person has really and truly faded into the past and is no longer part of your life. It's a little nicety you use to act like you care because society says you should when, in reality, adding those extra three cherries to the top of the green marshmallow fluff because you might as well use up the rest of the jar shows more respect.

People you give a shit about die. People you're glad to have in their graves passed on. To speak the truth, even gently, even with your voice cracking, is to respect the dead and the life they were never allowed to have.



(Awww, thanks Kelly. Next time, though, could you get your code right? Also, you left out the "t" in my name. It's okay, somebody fixed that for you, no no, I won't hold this against you forever.
—A.)

[ 30. July 2013, 21:30: Message edited by: Ariston ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Yes, because my stupidity always seems to trump my kindness somehow. [Roll Eyes]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Justinian in Dead Horses:

quote:
In order for reconciliation to happen, Christians have to stop trying to smack LGBT people in the face as a point of policy. Because as things stand the conversation is something like this.

"Moderate": You two should learn to get along.
Christian: *smack* Absolutely. We should all love one another. *Smack*
LGBT: He's hitting me in the face. I can't get along with someone who hits me in the face.
Christian: *smack* It's my religion. Now I'm offering my right hand to shake and make up. *smacks with left*
LGBT: Ow! No I can't take the hand of someone who smacks me in the face.
"Moderate": Why must you be so unreasonable. There's only us. We're all brothers and sisters.
Christian: *smack* I couldn't agree more. Jesus came to preach the brotherhood of all and I can't turn my back on that any more than I can the instructions to smack you in the face. *smack*
LGBT: F**k this. I'm out of here. I'll shake hands with those of you that don't try and smack me in the face.
"Moderate": Why must you be so unreasonable? He's only doing what his conscience dictates. He's just been influenced by his education, upbringing, and culture is all.
LGBT: *Ignores moderate and shakes hands with the few Christians who do not try to smack him in the face*
Moderate: We must be a good influence to the next generation. Work together and it can come true.
Christian: *smack* Sorry. It wasn't personal. My book told me to.
LGBT: You know what I want to see for the next generation and how I want to see them be better? By making sure that people don't get smacked in the face.
Moderate: Can't we all just get along? I mean look at you. Why are you a Christianophobe?
LGBT: Because he keeps smacking me in the face.
Christian: *smack* As I said. It's not personal. It's what the bible says.



--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

The best rape awareness lecture I ever heard-- given to a group of 18 years and over men and women-- began with an attractive young man asking the following question: "guys, if you are making out with your girl on the couch, and you are about to do it, and her parents' car pulls up in the driveway, what do you do?"

The guys chuckled and said they got their pants on as quick as they could and acted like nothing was happening. There was pretty much universal agreement about this.

The speaker whipped right around "Did you hear that, ladies? because that Big Lie number one. If a guy tells you that once he starts he can't stop, ask him what he'd do if his mom walked in the room."

And the girls let out a collective gasp-- like "Holy shit! That's true, isn't it?"

--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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It doesn't really matter whom she's referring to, it's the imagery that counts:

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
I watch him arguing a miniscule little point that we all stubbornly refuse to get and I can practically hear his asshole slamming shut like a sphinctoral singularity. and I just cackle and cackle....



--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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Jedijudy wanted salmon. I told her to come on over, but as she's coming from Florida, to bring fruit. Then Ariston lays down a threat:

quote:
comet, I have attacked bear cubs in front of their mothers. I have chased whole families of bears down mountains. When I come for my salmon, it will not be with blue crabs or Old Bay in hand; bribery, I fear, is for cravens. I will take what is justly mine because I say it is with nothing more than a volume of this year's supplement to the New Catholic Encyclopedia and a broken umbrella for protection, and it will not have been the craziest thing I have ever done.
it's the umbrella that scares me.

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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I thought this was a pearl of beauty in a generally fairly diseased oyster.

quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
I have found Existentialist theology singularly unhelpful. Important place to visit but terrible place to live.

What? Because it tells you that you are lost if you trust to yourself, that there is neither hope nor true happiness outside of God, and that all your attempts to reduce God to the level of your pathetic and limited human reason are doomed to failure simply because He is infinite and we are so terribly finite? Or is it because it claims that these terrible truths are true, that it makes demands of your life and requires action in accord with certain values, which flies in the face of the mindlessly happy, value-free, there-is-no-truth form of late postmodernism you sometimes claim to follow?

Despair can be good, if you know how to use it. It's a sign you still care, that you realize that there is something fundamentally Not Right with the world, and that you haven't given in to the Happy Happy Fun Vision of Spending for Joy! that would numb the few remaining parts of you that can still feel, that are still human. It's a sign you want to be more, that you have to be more, but are stuck with what you have and what you are, with no recourse within the world to save you. Sure, it's just a bit tricky to pull this off when every rational means you have tells you you should give in and look for a way out, not a way forward, but, just perhaps, that's why hope is an infused, supernatural virtue, something that reason can never really lead you to, but only God and His Holy Spirit.

And then you figure out which skulls to crack first. So much evil and stupidity in our world, so very little time.



--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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How can we fail to archive this next little gem of exegesis?

quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
quote:
Originally posted by Mudfrog:
And just where does it say "And Jesus said, 'You have heard it said that thou shalt not lie with a man as with a woman', but I say unto thee, it's OK now."?

quote:
Again Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. 15 Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.”
I hold that to include both cocks and strap-ons.



[ 18. August 2013, 01:35: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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... no comment.

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:


Irony is what the sticky up the arsy is made from. This is why it yields so rarely.



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
basso

Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228

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Kelly is usually a quoter, but today she's a quotee.
On Lutheranism:

quote:

In short, if we changed the names of Lutheran churches, how the heck would the Lutherans know which church to go to? [Big Grin]

[sp]

[ 21. August 2013, 01:50: Message edited by: basso ]

Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Caveat poster.

quote:
HELL THREAD WATCH, with your Host orfeo

The results are now back from the lab. As we suspected, this is not a Hell thread. It has merely had a thin Hellish patina applied over the top and is actually an All Saints thread being passed off as Hellish to attract unwary posters.

Folks, we can't emphasise this enough: be careful out there. There are lots of dodgy characters in the marketplace, trying to part you from your hard-earned posts with these sorts of counterfeit threads. While this mightn't have been a great job - some of the Hellishness would rub off on your fingers as soon you touched this thing - there are some far more sophisticated operators out there who set up much more elaborate cons. Don't post until you're sure, and if in doubt consult a professional.

orfeo
Hellhost



[ 21. August 2013, 05:10: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Caveat poster.

quote:
HELL THREAD WATCH, with your Host orfeo

<etc>


[Overused]

--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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[Killing me] [Killing me] [Killing me] [Overused]

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Gamaliel:
It reminds of the old joke about the bloke in Hell who is taken on a tour so that he can chose which of the rooms to spend eternity in.

We've already had that at least twice on the Old Jokes thread in Heaven. Is there no board that this old joke isn't going to crop up on?

Purgatory: discuss the implications of what people must have done to merit being sent to a particular room, and the likely distribution of denominations.

All Saints: please pray for the people in these rooms and for a new harrowing of Hell.

Ecclesiantics: what were they wearing and was it Earl Grey tea?

Kerygmania: there wasn't any tea in the Bible, but there's a passage in the obscurer part of Leviticus which everybody skips because it's boring which might refer to this.

The Circus: poll! which room would you choose to be stuck in?



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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[Killing me] [Killing me] [Killing me] [Overused]

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Gamaliel:
It reminds of the old joke about the bloke in Hell who is taken on a tour so that he can chose which of the rooms to spend eternity in.

We've already had that at least twice on the Old Jokes thread in Heaven. Is there no board that this old joke isn't going to crop up on?

Purgatory: discuss the implications of what people must have done to merit being sent to a particular room, and the likely distribution of denominations.

All Saints: please pray for the people in these rooms and for a new harrowing of Hell.

Ecclesiantics: what were they wearing and was it Earl Grey tea?

Kerygmania: there wasn't any tea in the Bible, but there's a passage in the obscurer part of Leviticus which everybody skips because it's boring which might refer to this.

The Circus: poll! which room would you choose to be stuck in?



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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This was very cute in its way.

quote:
Originally posted by Anglo Catholic Relict:
quote:
Originally posted by Chesterbelloc:
It's just that I think it should be possible to discuss the Catholic teaching on homosexuality without those who hold to that teaching being ipso facto labelled homophobic as if that were offensively self-evident.

This is true. It is very easy to assume that people choose to be Roman Catholics, but the evidence is very clear that many are born this way, and have no choice whatever in the matter. Even suggestions that Catholicism owes more to nurture than nature are fraught with difficulty. To then blame Catholics for having the cross they have, or indeed to make it worse by accusations of being abominations before the Lord because of how God made them, strikes me as grossly unfair.


--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
basso

Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228

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LutheranChik tells it like it is, about tipping in the good 'ol USofA:
quote:

I found this mind-numbingly fuckwitted response from a Real Christian[TM], the kind who leave morally improving/damnation-threatening tracts on restaurant tables in lieu of actual tips:

[Paraphrasing]: "My Lord requires 10 percent of my resources. Why should I give more allegiance to man than to God?"

First of all, fucking Einstein, the biblical notion of a tithe is nothing like leaving a percentage gratuity to your waitperson for a meal. So maybe your fundamentalist homeschool cipherin' and Bahble-larnin' classes left a little something to be desired.

And in our part of the country the average waitperson is usually some hardworking,educationally/vocationally disadvantaged, stressed, income-insecure parent who depends on tips to survive and even then has to share them with other equally hardworking, disadvantaged staff like busboys. Those are the people, fellow citizens and neighbors, you seem to be accusing of sinful, arrogant competition with the Almighty God's Own Self for your ultimate loyalty. What sort of ignorant, self-righteous, unsympathetic asshole would do that? Oh, yeah -- that'd be

you .

And that's even assuming you are indeed a Pharisaical tightass with genuine, if wingnut, religious convictions instead of just an average socially stunted cheapskate who nonetheless uses God as a convenient excuse to act like a tightfisted prick to people around him struggling to earn a living wage.

I wonder if there are busboys in Hell? Sounds like the perfect career trajectory for you, you cheap, sanctimonious bastard.


Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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I see potential for a bumper sticker here.

quote:
Originally posted by Leaf:
(I will try to make this as much about you as possible, because I'm feeling charitable about your need for attention.)



--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Sometimes, even in Hell, you come across logic that is absolutely impossible to counter:

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
I've felt like calling him here a time or two, but it is like arguing with a teenager. I mean, how can one? They know everything and are always correct.
And, quite frankly, I think he gets a bit of a chubby every-time he gets called here. This is not something I wish to be responsible for.




--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ann

Curious
# 94

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Leaf chiding someone in Hell:
quote:
Your constant wailing and railing against God has gone on here for almost seven years. Wow. It actually makes me marvel even more at the magnificent mercy of God, who somehow puts up with you. I'd have reached for the Big Bag of Lightning Bolts long ago.


--------------------
Ann

Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696

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He's confusing the real God with Thor. Obviously.

--------------------
a theological scrapbook

Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged
Earwig

Pincered Beastie
# 12057

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quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:
I think if the UK is afraid of playing second fiddle to Germany in the EU, then they are just being diplomatically lazy. The EU is hardly a German instrument for European control. It's more like a political mosh pit, where Germany is a big, fat, hairy dude not moving much when being bumped into. There's really plenty of room for others to pogo though...

I nearly snorted diet coke all over the monitor.
Posts: 3120 | From: Yorkshire | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Indoctrinate your kids all you want. They still will make up their own minds.


Cautionary wisdom from Mousethief.

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
He's confusing the real God with Thor. Obviously.

Thor has a hammer. You're thinking Zeus.

--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Stejjie
Shipmate
# 13941

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Is it wrong that when I read this from IngoB, I slightly warmed to the idea?
quote:
It's not like Richard Dawkins gets visited by Archangel Gabriel, who slaps him around the room a bit until Dawkins sees the errors of his ways.
Think I just made baby Jesus cry...

--------------------
A not particularly-alt-worshippy, fairly mainstream, mildly evangelical, vaguely post-modern-ish Baptist

Posts: 1117 | From: Urmston, Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696

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quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
He's confusing the real God with Thor. Obviously.

Thor has a hammer. You're thinking Zeus.
Thor is a lightning dude. Don't know about Zeus.

--------------------
a theological scrapbook

Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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The New Rebels:

quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
TICTH the guys who thought, "It's three in the morning. We've had a great night out. I know, let's fix a damaged bike rack."

What the world needs is more mad, middle-of-the-night public-spiritedness! [Big Grin]



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
The New Rebels:

quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
TICTH the guys who thought, "It's three in the morning. We've had a great night out. I know, let's fix a damaged bike rack."

What the world needs is more mad, middle-of-the-night public-spiritedness! [Big Grin]


Flattered as I am to be quotested, can the record please show that that was in the "Today I consign to Heaven" thread? [Razz]

--------------------
"What is broken, repair with gold."

Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged
Tukai
Shipmate
# 12960

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quote:
Originally posted by David:
Nearly everyone says it needs to be changed, some of them even have a clue what they're talking about; the question is how to change it.

David was referring to the election system for the Australian Senate, but it could refer to anything you like.

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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.

Posts: 594 | From: Oz | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
The New Rebels:

quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
TICTH the guys who thought, "It's three in the morning. We've had a great night out. I know, let's fix a damaged bike rack."

What the world needs is more mad, middle-of-the-night public-spiritedness! [Big Grin]


Flattered as I am to be quotested, can the record please show that that was in the "Today I consign to Heaven" thread? [Razz]
If I wasn't so wonderfully flawed, I wouldn't entertain y'all as much as I do.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Shameless quotes file bid. [Big Grin]

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
please take the grocery store discussion elsewhere.

  • Heaven: Which grocery store is full of the most elderly people?
  • AS: self-checkout PTSD support group
  • Purg: Do grocery stores pander towards select clientele and is that okay?
  • Eccles: Are Tescos uniforms correct for the liturgical season?
  • Keryg: Abraham shopped at Waitrose; But Jesus was an organic farmer's market kind of guy.
  • Hell: I stood in line for 3 hours and I'm SCARRED FOR LIFE
  • Dead Horses: would you shop at a store that hires lesbian choral singing female clerics who volunteer for Planned Parenthood?
  • Circus: Find the Spam Aisle!
otherwise, STFU about it here.

comet
Hellhost



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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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Powerful stuff here from comet, on the 'Fuck you Horseman Bree and the anti-Americanism you rode in on' thread in Hell, in response to mousethief:

Mousethief: ...I am accountable for my kids and my dogs. I am not accountable for the gun nuts.


comet:
I don't completely agree. To a limited extent we are responsible for our gun nuts. Each and every one of us. So we vote for the right things, and we push for change. Personally, I'm all about bringing firearm education back into the schools so that we raise people who aren't freakishly weird about weaponry. I have tried to bring this idea to the policy makers and so far, no one will hear it. But I'm trying. Because I DO believe that as much as my small voice Can be heard, it should. because those gun smugglers are akin to my misbehaving dog, as far as our international community is concerned.

unfortunately, I don't get to just have the little fuckers put down.

More than that, though - more than policy and voting and all of that jazz, we do what you and I and many others are already doing, MT. We raise educated, knowledgeable children who are capable of thinking their way out of a wet paper sack and we give them the tools to make change happen. Because it ain't going to happen overnight. we need to take the long view.

So we model the right behavior and we have long conversations with our kids and we "indoctrinate" (Thanks, Yorick) them into our line of thinking so they can further the change we start. we get them to choose not be be criminals or slack-jawed Fox-bobbleheads because we arm them with the skills to make the right choices, for themselves.

You see, that's what the knee-jerk black-or-white conservatives are failing to do. they are saying "NO!" to their kids without teaching them WHY. Because they don't have good arguments for WHY. They just have cookie-cutter sloganeering they've taken on faith; but kids rebel and they look deeper. Those messages don't work.

Remember the common view on homosexuality even from back when we were kids? go to a school and talk to kids now. things have changed. it's slow, but it's happening. Even the kids of homophobics are no longer really spouting those hateful lines, not in the numbers where it used to be socially acceptable. Even the redneck kids will hang out with a gay kid and not feel the need to fear him. big change starts small. but it happens.

and that's how, long term, we will win. Because we'll arm the next generation.

Revolution begins at home.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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(lightening things up for a moment)

I like this:

quote:
Originally posted by Zach82:
...though he always posts with an authoritative tone, he actually never has anything interesting to say. He's like the internet made incarnate that way.



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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

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LeRoc

Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216

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On the thread about whether we should evangelize dolphins:

quote:
Originally posted by TheAlethiophile:
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
how would you propose to communicate with your possible new flock?
[Ultra confused]

Babel fish. [Cool]
[Big Grin]

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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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Pyx_e in Hell, in his own inimitable style:

quote:
From my perspective reading your stuff it is like watching a squirrel shove acorns up his arse while howling and squeaking as he forces them up there.

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orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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Rook on his own sense of humour:

quote:
My wife even sneered at me for all my annoying laughter, and immediately picked it out as my "being an insufferable smartass" laugh. How she differentiates it from my "saw an old lady fall down" laugh, I cannot guess.


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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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quote:
Originally posted by Dark Knight:
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
quote:
Originally posted by Dark Knight:
all we can do is make jokes about how y'all fornicate with moose.

Fun fact: Moose kill more people every year than grizzly bears. Maybe there's a connection?
Moose take the failure to stay and cuddle much more seriously?
[Big Grin]

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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OK, usually I try not to repost Hell snark, but if someone aimed an insult this creative at me, I can't help but think I would be a bit flattered.
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
[OPEN: The Sydney Opera House, in silhouette at sunrise.]

[DRAMATIC ZOOM - in on a lone figure wrapped in thin, sheer fabric blown in such a way that it both presses the fabric against them and causes the excess to seem to defy gravity.]


Evensong: [Turns head from chin held high, facing against the howling wind, to staring crazy-eyed directly into the camera.] "DESPERATION. The scent of reality not being as we insist it is, but we'll never admit it. DESPERATION."

[SMASH CUT: All black, with the outline of a uselessly-shaped bottle emblazoned with the label (DES∙PURR∙Ḁ∙SHUN) ]

[Flash disclaimer in nigh-unreadable size and font]
Harmful if ingested. Do not apply directly to posts, as general irritation may occur. Call your cleric or therapist if you suspect a dependency is forming. Not for use for people that have any sense of introspection or self-respect. Please post responsibly.



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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Personally I don't want to look like a really bad petty tyrant. If I'm going to be a tyrant, I at least want to be a high quality one.


[Overused] (speechless)

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Two quarterbacks trying to get a touchdown in Hell, and it's the rainbow-wigged clowns in the stands doing the wave that keep scoring all the points:

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Anyway MT here is a link to a helpful earworm. Hope it helps.

If anyone posts more earworms on this thread, I'm going to enforce a new rule that all posts must derive their content from the lyrics of Tori Amos. If I have to keep reading this stuff, I think it's only reasonable that at least ONE person somewhere has a chance of enjoying themselves.
quote:
Originally posted by Patdys:
assholes are cheap today



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Zach muses on the behavior of his lascivious gay cat:
quote:
Originally posted by Zach82:
The other cat doesn't seem to appreciate these romantic advances very much.

My cat (yes, we are burdened with 3) silently watches and judges. He's always been a pretty conservative Presbyterian.



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Pooks
Shipmate
# 11425

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Continuing on Zach's cat, this reply is as sharp as it can be. Vintage Mouse!
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Patdys:
quote:
Originally posted by Zach82:

My cat (yes, we are burdened with 3) silently watches and judges. He's always been a pretty conservative Presbyterian.

Our kittens were born conservative Presbyterians. Then after a while they become liberals- once they had opened their eyes.
Amazing grace!

Posts: 1547 | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I think Zach's cat is gonna wind up part of our collective oral history, right up there with RooK's mouse.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Earwig

Pincered Beastie
# 12057

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If you don't read Eccles, you miss out on some good stuff:

quote:
Originally posted by Leaf:
...Anglicans have a kind of "blast zone" understanding of consecration: if the bread wasn't on the altar, it isn't considered to be consecrated.
...

quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
quote:
Originally posted by TomM:
quote:
Originally posted by Angloid:
I don't know what current practice is at Southwark Cathedral, but some years ago at big diocesan eucharists, assistant priests would stand in front of the altar each holding a chalice or ciborium to be consecrated along with those on the altar itself. The 'blast zone' was obviously understood to include everything in the bishop's line of sight.

Likewise, I don't know the current practice, but I think the justification there is those assisting priests are concelebrants, each with their own small blast zone. Whether the bishop's range was that broad was never clarified in my hearing...
Hmmm.

Name: Consecrate Mass Elements
Components: S, M, V
Range: Line of sight
Area of Effect: All intended elements within range

That's from the classic Players' Handbook; might have changed with 2nd Ed. of course.


Posts: 3120 | From: Yorkshire | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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Ah, Martin. These days, I am growing to appreciate elements of your style.

quote:
Originally posted by Beeswax Altar:
the Jubilee concept is bat shit crazy.

quote:
Originally posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard:
Africa in particular needs that cheiropteran faeces insanity.



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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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We have the best exegetes anywhere.

quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:
My vote is to axe 2 Kings on the basis of it being the most soul-destroyingly depressing book in the Bible:

Executive summary:

quote:
A was a bad king who led Israel into sin. He died and B became king. B was a bad king who led Israel into sin. He died and C became king. C was a bad king who led Israel into sin. He died and D became king (etc. etc. etc.)

So in the end the LORD decided He'd had enough and carted the whole filthy lot of them off into exile. The End.

I wouldn't mind doing away with Lamentations either. Sheer unmitigated doom and woe with a couple of encouraging verses in the middle.


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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I dare you to argue.

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Friends don't let friends walk around with nose danglies.



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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Am I going to have to pay protection money?

quote:
Originally posted by Arethosemyfeet:
That's a lovely false dichotomy you're constructing there. Shame if anything happened to it.



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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by NJA:
The clocks going back actually did some good - the stork hit most of SE England a 6:30-7:15am before rush hour really got going with kids.

Yes, it was billed as The Worst Stork to Hit Britain Since 1987. Reports of giant birds rampaging through towns and woodlands knocking down trees left, right and centre, under the cover of darkness, are still coming in. Householders with gardens have been asked to check that their properties are secure and particularly to check carefully under any gooseberry bushes.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged



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