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Source: (consider it) Thread: SoF Quotes File
Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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From craigb's call to hell:
quote:
Originally posted by Callan:
The Prayer Book. Keeping Nyarlathotep at bay since 1662.



--------------------
Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
Yeah, I used to send PMs to SoF assholes threatening to ban them and signed the messages, "In Christ's Love."

I once had a charismatic curate write me a "letter of rebuke" (as he termed it) that ended with the valediction "under the Blood."

Meditation on that phrase raised New Possibilities of Creative Expression for me. If I ever show up on CNN because of an axe murder, it will be because of the clergy.

I read this at work and ending up slapping myself, it was so funny. I then thought of some clergyperson calling somebody a compost heap and signing "washed in the blood" and other such nonsense...then I peed myself and cried.

Darn you tomb. Darn you to heck.

[eta: swear words omitting because of personl hang up]

[ 28. April 2006, 00:45: Message edited by: duchess ]

--------------------
♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party

Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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From da Spiff (waxing philosophic in Hell):
quote:
Just 'cause you don't got a set of balls to sit on don't mean that the rest of us are passive-aggressive wusses whose spines, in a medical engineering feat, have been replaced with boiled spaghetti noodles, and whose brains have been replaced with a voice recorder that spouts useless platitudes and misogynistic opinions whenever your knee jerks.
[Killing me] [Killing me] [Killing me]

--------------------
--Formerly: Gort--

Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Wet Kipper
Circus Runaway
# 1654

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Corpus Cani, in that thread about finding the love of your life:
quote:
It's better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all, but it's a damned sight worse to have loved and lost and know that it's your own dumb-ass fault that you've thrown away a most precious gift.
[Frown]

--------------------
- insert randomly chosen, potentially Deep and Meaningful™ song lyrics here -

Posts: 9841 | From: further up the Hill | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Niënna

Ship's Lotus Blossom
# 4652

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This was a lovely gem from Barnabus:
quote:
I'm well up for God speaking through people outside the church. The biblical limit appears to be Balaam's ass. That should give all of us pause for thought.



[ 30. April 2006, 07:38: Message edited by: Niënna ]

--------------------
[Nino points a gun at Chiki]
Nino: Now... tell me. Who started the war?
Chiki: [long pause] We did.
~No Man's Land

Posts: 2298 | From: Purgatory | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
Hazey*Jane

Ship's Biscuit Crumbs
# 8754

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Spiffy's at it again:
quote:
You know, I finally figured it out!

A summary of this thread:

Craigb: yo' momma!
J: You're a dick.
Craigb: I didn't mean yo' momma, I meant yo'momma.
Everyone: That's the same thing!
Craigb: It is not! God told me so! And he said yo'momma!
Everyone: You're a idiot.
Craigb: But God Said!
Everyone: What to the power of ever.

That last line was class [Smile]
Posts: 4266 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Yeah, I think I might find myself throwing "what to the power of ever" into my regular conversations from now on. [Big Grin]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
basso

Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228

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Louise, commenting on craigb's ministry:
quote:

it's like finding a coelacanth in the garden pond


Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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From A Feminine Force in Purg:

quote:
Are people selfish to have kids if they know they stand a 50% chance of becoming a statistic?
This just cracks me up!

Comet

(edited to clarify: what's funny is the "50% chance of becoming a statistic" part, not the very serious discussion it was a part of)

[ 10. May 2006, 03:27: Message edited by: cometchaser ]

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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"my farts are more coherent than your ramblings."
(Spiffy da Wonder Sheep)

What a wonderful oneupmanship sig. that would make.

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Papio

Ship's baboon
# 4201

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"I can assure that True Christians will sing anything so long as it hasn't got a good beat and you can't dance to it."

from Trudy Trudy (I say unto you)

--------------------
Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page

Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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Thanks Papio! My second time in the Quotes File ... I still get excited!

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Corpus cani

Ship's Anachronism
# 1663

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Pasco, on dealing with laundry stains...

Back at home, we seem to have a third time lucky mentality. "One day I'll beat ya, sonova bleach."

Cc

--------------------
Bishop Lord Corpus Cani the Tremulous of Buzzing St Helens.

Posts: 4435 | From: Trumpton | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Corpus cani

Ship's Anachronism
# 1663

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quote:
Originally posted by Papa Smurf:
Corpus Cani, in that thread about finding the love of your life:
quote:
It's better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all, but it's a damned sight worse to have loved and lost and know that it's your own dumb-ass fault that you've thrown away a most precious gift.
[Frown]
Ooh! Just noticed this!

Thanks Pop. I'm in the Quotes File! [Big Grin]

The quote is tragically true to this day, but I live in hope that she might return from whichever end of the earth she sought to escape me. She married a sheep farmer.

Corpus.
(I blame Spiffy. For everything. Ever.)

--------------------
Bishop Lord Corpus Cani the Tremulous of Buzzing St Helens.

Posts: 4435 | From: Trumpton | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hazey*Jane

Ship's Biscuit Crumbs
# 8754

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Karl LB on the advantages of life in the UK
quote:
One of the things I love about this country is that neither the wildlife nor the weather tends towards the homicidal.

Posts: 4266 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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quote:
Originally posted by Corpus cani:

(I blame Spiffy. For everything. Ever.)

I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything!

--------------------
Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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Apprentice 'in the garden', from her 'proud to be a canadian" thread in Purg:

quote:
last time I tried to hear Jerry Falwell speak, I could swear I felt Christ's fingers in my ears and heard him going "lalalalalalalalala"
[Big Grin] she's fun!

Comet

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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WIthno disresect to Neil, I just thought this was a really funny post:

(From Karl: Liberal Backslider
quote:
Neil, for goodness sake. I've got AS and I could see that that post wasn't literal, except of course that it was. [Smile]


--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Another Spiffleism:
quote:
Sorry, Marton, the position of ADD Poster Child has already been --- OOH! SHINY!


--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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She thinks she's so damn smart.

quote:
Originally posted by Spiffy da WonderSheep:
Honey, I'm a free-agent bitch, thank you very much.



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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And just to break things up:

"... all mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated; God employs several translators; some pieces are translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice; but God's hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for that library where every book shall lie open to one another."



John Donne,

"Devotions upon Emergent Occasions" (1623),

XVII: Nunc Lento Sonitu Dic*nt,Morieris.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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I dunno, Kelly, I don't think that last one was quite as snappy as the others you quoted.

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169

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This just struck me as funny:
quote:
There are those who would agree with you. Most of them are getting help in psychiatric hospitals.
(Schroedinger's Cat on the "Superfool" thread in Hell.)

--------------------
Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.

Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
samara
Shipmate
# 9932

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mr cheesy on the "Iran to mandate" thread:
quote:

In the name of all that is holy, I disown you and all your pathetic opinions.

Yup, that sums up my feeling for a lot of posts.

--------------------
Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading).
Courtesy of Trouble in China

Posts: 439 | From: Canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110

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Spiffy rocks - and is on a fantastic roll! Here she is on being encouraged to participate in cat food (dont ask).

quote:
Fifteen pounds of fur and claws would take their exception to my presumption out on the more tender bits of my anatomy.


--------------------
Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?

Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
She thinks she's so damn smart.

It's this thread, it inflates my ego. [Hot and Hormonal]

--------------------
Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
kentishmaid
Shipmate
# 4767

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I know this is ludicrously vain, but I'm inordinately proud of this one. When I was sending those first, tentative, flirtatious emails to my now husband, I excused myself by explaining that I was 'merely a Freudian slip of a girl'.

--------------------
"Who'll be the lady, who'll be the lord, when we are ruled by the love of one another?"

Posts: 2063 | From: Huddersfield | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Check the fist page or so of the thread, kentishmaid, I quoted myself about four or five times. Becuse the people around here just don't appreciate Real Brillince.

Speaking of which-- this gem by Kenwritez needs to be worked into the Ship mission statement somewhere...

quote:
Most times I'm full up to here (gestures) with all the round-robin bullshit bickering I see on the Ship. The same arguments. The same invincible ignorance. More of the same assholes, just with different names. Like trying to corral a roomful of methamphetamine addicts with rage control issues. How Erin and the admins have survived this long without climbing a tower and shooting people is a miracle, a testimony to God's grace, strict gun laws, and the power of self-medication.



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
infinite_monkey
Shipmate
# 11333

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quote:

Go forth... multiply, you sad little creatures.

AdamPater
Heavenly Host
quote:

(Giving his reluctant blessing to the dating thread.)

[ 25. May 2006, 04:21: Message edited by: infinite_monkey ]

--------------------
His light was lifted just above the Law,
And now we have to live with what we did with what we saw.

--Dar Williams, And a God Descended
Obligatory Blog Flog: www.otherteacher.wordpress.com

Posts: 1423 | From: left coast united states | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

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I used 'What to the power of ever' to Hugal last night and he likes it. I did, of course, remember to attribute it to the Spiffmeister. [Overused]

(I was watching Queer Eye at the time, and just thought it was a very Carsonesque phrase.)

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Campbellite

Ut unum sint
# 1202

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I really like IngoB's current tag line:
quote:
Before you explain your new theological idea, let me tell you three things about it: One. It was already propounded by a fifth-century Syrian monk. Two. He expressed himself better than you will. Three. He was wrong. - Jaroslav Pelikan


--------------------
I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?

Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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I love IngoB's sig too!

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Rainbow Kate just posted this one!


quote:
I appreciate that you gave birth to me; any reason you didn't give me up for adoption?


--------------------
Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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From Callan on a now-deleted Styx Thread:

quote:
...is there some archive of queeny melodrama to which your post could be consigned in perpetuity? Comparing a tiff on an internet discussion board to our Lord's Passion is just a teensy bit OTT, don't you think?


--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
noneen
Shipmate
# 11023

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i love this one by RoK in a hell thread, and haven't seen it quoted already:
quote:
Hark! The mating cry of the windbag.


--------------------
... 'but Father, Jesus drank wine at Cana and danced' ... 'Not in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, he didn't', Father replied

Posts: 472 | From: ireland | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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I rather liked this from Erin's statement on the Styx 'purpose of hell denied' thread:

quote:

the Ship's Offenderati

Kind of like a low rent illuminati throwing a hissy fit I imagine ...

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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From Vikki Pollard on the Dating thread ... I particularly liked this image for the analogy at the end:

My Grandma once came home from shopping to see the hens staggering round sideways, clucking and falling over (sort of like the Toronto Blessing but with chickens).

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Josephine

Orthodox Belle
# 3899

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When Twilight said this (on the Heaven thread about why people post in Hell):

quote:
Hell simply gives some of us a place to go.
it just hit my funny bone.

--------------------
I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!

Posts: 10273 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Campbellite

Ut unum sint
# 1202

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Dang! Josephine [Chief Bully and Queen of Hell] beat me to it.

[ 28. May 2006, 00:15: Message edited by: Campbellite ]

--------------------
I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?

Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Gwai, in a thread about "Taking the Lord's Name in Vain":

quote:
Honestly what bugs me most is if I stub my toe and say "shit!" and then get told not to use my Lord's name in vain. Now of all things I am sure of, shit is not the name of my God.


--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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This from Gordon Cheung-- just thought it ahs a certain flair:
quote:
...and not just Roman Catholicism, of course, but any variant of Orthodoxy, Protestantism or Whatsatubthumpianism that teaches such a view.


--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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Another Gordon Cheng, although it doesn't really work if you don't see the excerpt of Callan's post that he's replying to:

Call the paramedics over, Lennie. We're going to need about five commas here, right now.

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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quote:
Originally posted by Erin
For I am the kindest, most generous power-that-be ever.

I dursnt make further comment ...

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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
The Great Gumby

Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989

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From Posy, on Superfool's "Bush is Gay" thread in Purg, commenting on the rights and wrongs of gay politicians legislating against gay marriage: (OK, the introduction's a bit lengthy, but the quote's well worth it)
quote:
Originally posted by Posy:
Isn't it on a par with a social smoker supporting a smoking ban? Although they enjoy the occasional fag, they are always planning to give up, and think that the ban will help them.

[Killing me]

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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman

A letter to my son about death

Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Liberty

ship's football fanatic
# 713

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in f1 thread in circus, fnk said "i don't think God wants Kimi to be world champion"


[Killing me] sad, but true. what a summary!

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"I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly"

Posts: 1879 | From: SW2 to 20009 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Triple Tiara

Ship's Papabile
# 9556

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Oh my! Another Rook-ism for posterity:

quote:
If the popular controversy had been about wearing kittens as earplugs, she would have worked that into something fuckheaded too.



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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.

Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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Erin's response is worth saving:
quote:
quote:
Originally posted by SuperFool:
Erin, you win. Your dick IS bigger than mine!

Well, that's what you get for being frugal. I mean, Good Vibrations has the Prince for only $30, spend a little money! You're worth it.
I blew coffee on my computer. The boss will be so upset. ( [Snigger] )

Comet

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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(Nice to know Erin supports the homegirls at GV, too)

And now, one of Tortuf's finer moments:
quote:
I think I ought to start a private board about getting along with one another. I'll call it the "Everybody Can Kiss My Ass" Board.


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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Papio

Ship's baboon
# 4201

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In his reply to me on the "Are You a Fascist?" poll, MonkeyLizard said:

quote:
OH NO! I was exposed to new ideas and they MADE ME THINK! [brick wall]

[Killing me]

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Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page

Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Dark Knight

Super Zero
# 9415

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This from Callan deserves preservation not because it is funny, but because it is succinct and just plain right:

quote:
This proves, I think, that liberalism can best be defined as anything a conservative disapproves of.



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So don't ever call me lucky
You don't know what I done, what it was, who I lost, or what it cost me
- A B Original: I C U

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Love is as strong as death (Song of Solomon 8:6).

Posts: 2958 | From: Beyond the Yellow Brick Road | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged



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