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Source: (consider it) Thread: SoF Quotes File
Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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From the irrepressible RuthW in Hell:

quote:
It's so much nicer to be admired for one's faults than one's virtues.


--------------------
--Formerly: Gort--

Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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quote:
Originally posted by Cymruambyth:
There are days in the summer when I think that 'Manitoba' is actally the Cree word for "Did you ever see so many mosquitoes in your life?"



--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110

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A Pyx_e gem from the current raging Hell thread.

quote:
We are way past "white flag of surrender" land and are currently galloping through "foaming at the mouth" land with "doing 60mph in to a brick wall" land clearly insight.

I can't watch.



--------------------
Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?

Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420

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Foaming Draught, on a Circus thread about new beatitudes:

quote:
Blessèd are the wankers, for they shall have a lower incidence of prostate cancer.


--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
fnk

Ship's Errand Boy
# 10377

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quote:
Originally posted by icklejen:
in f1 thread in circus, fnk said "i don't think God wants Kimi to be world champion"

[Killing me] sad, but true. what a summary!

Oh wow! My first quotable quote [Smile] Thanks icklejen.

--------------------
You can lead a horse to water,
but you can't make it enjoy the view

- Love This City, The Whitlams

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Rosamundi's story:
quote:
Easter Saturday Vigil Mass, in a convent chapel, very quiet, very peaceful, very beautiful. I was sat behind someone who appeared to be auditioning for a new Harry Enfield character, "I'm considerably holier than thou." Chapel veil, scapular the size of a small tablecloth, very ostentatious devotions before Mass.

Just into the first reading, her mobile phone rang, incredibly loudly, with possibly the most inappropriate ringtone ever, not quite "Bring your daughter to the slaughter," but close. And, of course, the wretched thing was buried at the bottom of her bag, so it took forever to find it, and I nearly ruptured something trying not to laugh whilst Reverend Mother glared daggers from the front.


"I'm considerably holier than thou." [Killing me]
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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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A fabulous exchange from the Eccles Corpus Christi thread.

quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
quote:
Originally posted by John H:

(Though as a good Lutheran, I should point out that I believe the Lord gives us his body and blood to eat and drink, not to parade around the streets.</end polemic> [Smile] )

He does indeed, but there's nothing wrong with publicising the menu of a place where a good meal can be had.


--------------------
Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

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Jon-with-no-h

Ship's freakin' deacon
# 11506

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I haven't been here long enough to collect such gems, but my favorite from an emai list I'm on: "If you're going to live in fear, at least learn to spell."

--------------------
God is good; everything else is a lesson.

Posts: 80 | From: West Missouristan | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged
FreeJack
Shipmate
# 10612

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On the Photos of Shipmates thread, from Cosmo and Wannabe Heretic.


Wannabe Heretic: plenty of lovely lasses there who could do with a guy who doesn’t beat around the bush.

Cosmo: Is that another fetish or merely the crie de coeur of hideous experience?

Wannabe Heretic: Oh dear. It did cross my mind 'somebody might choose to think of a filthy interpretation' but then I thought, oh no, these are good clean-minded christian folks.

Cosmo: I'm only glad to provide a service. Serve, serve, serve; it's all I do.

[ 17. June 2006, 09:30: Message edited by: FreeJack ]

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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[Killing me] Thank you FreeJack (and Cosmo) I would have missed that one.
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420

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Kenwritez posted this gem in Purgatory today, in response to a new Ship mate who had outlined a "Jesus good, Old Testament Bad," etc., approach to Christianity:

quote:

Jesus good
Me cheating on my wife because my inner Jesus wants to bang the waitress, bad. If Mrs KW finds out? Very, VERY bad.

[Killing me]

--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

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Patdys
Iron Wannabe
RooK-Annoyer
# 9397

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The cheesemeister on Chesterton,

quote:
To him, Christianity wasn't a chore and a strain - it was something that illuminated his whole being, bringing laughter and joy and hope. In an age where Christianity is more akin to constipation than laughter, we desperately need more like him.



--------------------
Marathon run. Next Dream. Australian this time.

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samara
Shipmate
# 9932

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From the TICTH thread, this exchange must be preserved:

quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
Do we have some boundary issues?

I do but they're towards the bottom of page two (legal) on my Issues List.


--------------------
Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading).
Courtesy of Trouble in China

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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If Sine decided to join in "Let's [not] offend", he'd kick all our asses up, down, and sideways.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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FreeJack
Shipmate
# 10612

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At last a definition of MOTR.

quote:
Originally posted by Saint Bertolin:
I more meant that MOTR places will have crucifers instead of the other servers if there's a shortage, whereas traditionally, the Crucifer is the least necessary for Carthlick ceremonial and in many places, was only carted out on biggies.

quote:
Originally posted by Autenrieth Road:
Excellent, thank you Saint Bertolin, I've recently been wondering if my calling St. Z "MOTR" was accurate -- you have confirmed that I'm spot on, and we are so precisely MOTR that the line-painter coming down the middle of the road can judge his accuracy by us.


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Nonpropheteer
6 Syllable Master
# 5053

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quote:
originally posted by Ken:
It is a a heap of absurd philological speculations strung together with completely invalid logical leaps and leavened with schoolboy howlers that would fail an A-level history exam. <snip> You'd be better informed if you examined fetid dingos kidneys.

[Killing me]
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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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(avert your eyes if you are faint-hearted)

Max gets slipped a Mickey, and Janine makes her support more "Hellish":
quote:
Yah, yaaaah, ye stupid wad of dried-up snot on a mildewed used tampon suspended between the buttocks of a particularly unclean hyena!

Whatever you thought you were pulling, spiking that juice, you failed!

You didn't harm the young man in the end, so your inept attempt at (*koff*) "humor" blew up, which is about what's expected when the "joke" is put together by someone with the care, skill, brains and foresight of a castrated Chihuahua on Viagra!

And -- you vile oozing gangrenous pustule of a sub-human -- if your goal had been to "have" the young lady, you failed there, as well! Hah! I bet you couldn't get laid if you were the only man stranded on a resort casino island hosting a Hooker's Convention, a Nymphomaniac's Retreat and a Sex Therapy Seminar for Middle-Aged Horny Women



--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420

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Ken has a tendency to have me rolling on the floor screaming, as with this recent exchange in Ecclesiantics.

To the question by Divine Outlaw Dwarf:
"And what on God's earth are 'dudes' and 'chicks'?"

Ken responded:
A blatant example of the tendency of "youth workers" who try to fake the language of teenagers to get it horribly wrong.

Everyone who tries to commit an act of church youth-work should be forced to watch the episode of Father Ted with that caravan and small and far away in it. At least six times.

[Killing me]

--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

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Callan
Shipmate
# 525

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This from Presleyterian:

quote:
The bad news is that Janine just quoted a political statement made by a movie star that appeared in a magazine read only in the dentist's office. The good news is that she reminded me of a great mascara tip I read in Isaiah Berlin's column in Cosmo.


--------------------
How easy it would be to live in England, if only one did not love her. - G.K. Chesterton

Posts: 9757 | From: Citizen of the World | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Bullfrog.

Prophetic Amphibian
# 11014

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From A.F Steve:

quote:
Don't think for a minute that you are going to get under my skin and start a childish word-war with me; opinions this fundamental are not changed because liberal weiners and right-wing nut-jobs have juvenile flamewars over the wire, or wave around giant fly-swatters in parades.


--------------------
Some say that man is the root of all evil
Others say God's a drunkard for pain
Me, I believe that the Garden of Eden
Was burned to make way for a train. --Josh Ritter, Harrisburg

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FreeJack
Shipmate
# 10612

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quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
I'm an Anglican. I don't nail my colours to the mast. I pin them to the noticeboard.

Which no-one reads.


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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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It all depends on how you look at things.

Regarding the humble moose, on the "Emotional Responses" thread:
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
Existential dread

I look at that towering, ugly head, those blank, yellow eyes and I realise the universe is a sick joke by a mad god, our lives a meaningless scribble across an indifferent chaos.


quote:
Originally posted by Nonpropheteer:


adoration

I look at that towering, noble head, those golden yellow eyes so full of life and raw power, and I realise the universe is a diverse creation by a loving God, and our lives indescribingly enriched by thoughtful narration that is Moose.



[ 09. July 2006, 16:03: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420

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I shall admit I always look forward to contributions by Divine Outlaw-Dwarf, but this one (related to Catholic and Evangelical camps in the C of E) was particularly spot on:

quote:
I'm well aware of A-Cs who regard Protestants in much the same way Pooh Bear views Heffalumps; they're not actually sure what they are but they know they don't like them.


--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

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MSHB
Shipmate
# 9228

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quote:
Kelly Alves in Emotional Responses:
I just want a moose to really, really like me.



[ 10. July 2006, 03:23: Message edited by: MSHB ]

--------------------
MSHB: Member of the Shire Hobbit Brigade

Posts: 1522 | From: Dharawal Country | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783

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Kelly Alves, after swallowing a fly while pleading that her previous post in "Today I consign to Hell" be included in the Quotes file:

"coughquotesfilecough cough"

[ 16. July 2006, 01:26: Message edited by: Crackers & Goat Cheese ]

Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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quote:
posted by Spiffy da WonderSheep:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
She thinks she's so damn smart.

It's this thread, it inflates my ego. [Hot and Hormonal]
I find the thread a good letter-out of head steam, actually.

--------------------
I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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quote:
Originally posted by Crackers & Goat Cheese:
Kelly Alves, after swallowing a fly while pleading that her previous post in "Today I consign to Hell" be included in the Quotes file:

"coughquotesfilecough cough"

Wiseguy.

This was the brilliant quote that nobody saw fit to immoralize. (Sigh.) In response to Nonpropheteer asking how big my foot is:

quote:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Big enough to kick ass, and small enough to fit up many. Where does the line start?




[ 16. July 2006, 04:41: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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From ther ship-of-fools' classics collection

Tomb sniffs at one of Kenwritez's marinade recipies on "Ewgh", the original cannibal thread to be found in Limbo:
quote:
That is one of the most disgusting recipes for a marinade I have ever read, Ken. Shoot, I wouldn't soak a dead man's dick in something so foul.




--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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O man, I'd forgotten how funny we could be! [Killing me]

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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A real keeper, from the film The Big Kahuna: Phil Cooper (Danny Devito)insructs an overzealous young Christian on character:

Phil: The question is, do you have any character at all? And if you want my honest opinion, Bob, you do not. For the simple reason that you don't regret anything yet.

Bob: Are you saying I won't have any character unless I do something I regret?

Phil: No, Bob. I'm saying you've already done plenty of things to regret. You just don't know what they are. It's when you discover them. When you see the folly in something you've done. And you wish you had to do over. But you know you can't because it's too late. So you pick that thing up and you carry it with you. To remind you that life goes on. The world will spin without you. You really don't matter in the end. Then will you attain character. Because honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself all across your face.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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TBK should be shown to every high school and college church group. IMNSVHO.

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I NSH-ly totally agree.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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Freak my biscuit.

What movie should be on IFC tonight when I was channel surfing?

TBK

What part of the movie's dialogue should be featured in the last act of the movie?

Kelly's quoted lines.

Freak two of my biscuits.

The movie was even better than I remembered it. DeVito, Spacey and the kid did an incredible job of holding your interest in shot after shot that happened in one hotel room.

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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[Yeah, it had been on earlier that evening in IFC [Big Grin] )
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ann

Curious
# 94

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quote:
I think I probably am the most Conservative, Liberal, Catholic Protestant on the planet. I like to think it's because God and I have an understanding about these things. He deals with the nasty, difficult ideas. I deal with the pretty outfits. [Big Grin]
From Corpus cani on the Christian Zionism thread.

[On reflection, the whole sentence is worth it]

[ 21. July 2006, 13:07: Message edited by: Ann ]

--------------------
Ann

Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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from Ken in Hell:

quote:
I think Myrrh must have been snorting powdered trollshit
[Killing me]

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
basso

Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228

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Sir Kevin, in the Circus, about over-testosteroned cyclist Floyd Landis:
quote:

Say it isn't so! Maybe he was just thinking about girls...


Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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From Purg's "Is Flying Sinful?"

quote:
Originally posted by MSHB:
Would make a great saying: "Just think: someone, somewhere in the world, thinks that what you are doing right now is a sin."



--------------------
Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
Barnabas62
Shipmate
# 9110

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From the rude Hellhosts thread, a RooK special.

I am low and vulgar, and Marv is enthusiastically rude, but Sarky is truly gifted in the art of being nasty.

--------------------
Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?

Posts: 21397 | From: Norfolk UK | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Ags

Knocked up
# 204

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And the inimitable Marvin here

quote:
I got an idea. How 'bout you go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut, and leave us to worry about which threads should and shouldn't stay open. OK?
[Overused]

--------------------
I think that we are most ourselves at our best, because that is what God intended us to be. The us we really like, the us that others love to be with. Moth

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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420

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On a thread in Heaven, where riverfalls was writing of having seen a unicorn and a flying saucer and having had contact with faeries, Ariel's response had me rolling on the floor:

quote:
Don't talk to me about unicorns and flying saucers. Blasted unicorns keep ruining my garden trampling all over it and eating the herbaceous borders, and last week I had a flying saucer land at midnight in the back of it, three little green men got out, clearly very drunk, left a seriously dodgy crop circle in the grass and woozed off again giggling like anything. I'm sick of it and so are the flower fairies, they're thinking of going on strike if any more of the herbaceous border is eaten.


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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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quote:
Bubblepack

God hits you in the guts and tickles your fancy, rarely shows interest in your brain.

Sounds like a dodgy lover ...

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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

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comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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From Mad Geo on the Breasts thread in Hell:

quote:
Too bad you Brits didn't kill off the Puritans when you had the chance. Because the fuckers drive us crazy over here.
A truer thing was never said!

[ 05. August 2006, 01:01: Message edited by: cometchaser ]

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

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FreeJack
Shipmate
# 10612

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Cometchaser on the breast thread:

quote:

you got a problem with your man checking out boobs, go after Cosmo.

Comet

Whoops! eta: Cosmo the magazine, not the shipmate! [Hot and Hormonal]


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Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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I particularly enjoyed that being quoted with the smiley written out like that. Good stuff. [Razz]

From churchgeek, in the Ecclesiantics thread about changing churches:

"Is it about integrity? (or its pale imitation, purity?)"

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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Ok, again not a Ship quote, but such great sig potential thought I should run it past y'all:

quote:
My friend Tanner she says, "You know me and Jesus/We're of the same heart
The only thing that keeps us distant
Is that I keep fuckin' up"

--From the song Shame on You, Indigo Girls

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420

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From our wonderful multipara, on a Purgatory thread about why Roman Catholics do not swim the Thames (...even though I did so!) [Smile]

quote:
...the barque of St Peter is big enough for all of us from Octopus Dei to Ecclesia Dei to the geetar brigade. One of the risks of uniformity of belief/ritual/dress etc is to turn any church into a sect, and a potentially nasty one at that.


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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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quote:
Originally posted by FreeJack:
Cometchaser on the breast thread:

quote:

you got a problem with your man checking out boobs, go after Cosmo.

Comet

Whoops! eta: Cosmo the magazine, not the shipmate! [Hot and Hormonal]


there I go being all hot and hormonal again!
[Roll Eyes] nice to be quoted though!

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

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Eliab
Shipmate
# 9153

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Much as I disagree with the sentiment, I thought this was inspired:

quote:
mr cheesy on Orthodoxy:
Unfortunately when God was dishing out tact and humility you were away venerating something



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"Perhaps there is poetic beauty in the abstract ideas of justice or fairness, but I doubt if many lawyers are moved by it"

Richard Dawkins

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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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When I read this, I snorted Coca Cola up my nose.

quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
quote:
Originally posted by riverfalls:

We are a But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people;

Some are just a little more peculiar than others.


[ 08. August 2006, 20:56: Message edited by: Spiffy da WonderSheep ]

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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

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