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» Ship of Fools   » Special interest discussion   » The Circus   » Famous Headlines of Weirdness (Page 1)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Famous Headlines of Weirdness
Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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We had for a while a thread about Famous BBC RSS Feed headlines, and assorted ones.

I keep coming across new headlines in the media which I consider worth sharing with the wider Ship crew, and imagine you might encounter those as well and wish to post them, possibly with our own brief and insightful comment, like in the previous thread. I hope I'm not mistaken, and am really looking forward to discovering your curious finds and clever observations! [Smile]

* * * * * * *

Thus: Welcome to the wonderful world of strange, not quite thought-through or well-structured tag lines.

May I start, please? [Yipee]

I've just found this, from Reuters:

Plane broke up in mid-air after noise - investigators

That's why I love silent compartments on trains. They definitely should have them on planes too.

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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So the plane broke up after the noise-investigators?

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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If think it makes sense to assume it broke up after noise, especially as planes are known to be somewhat on the silent side. But then YMMV.

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Old, but sweet.

Man falls off bicycle

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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Chapelhead

I am
# 21

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One of our local papers genuinely had

Body found in grave

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At times like this I find myself thinking, what would the Amish do?

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North East Quine

Curious beastie
# 13049

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On Tuesday, the notice outside a Dundee newsagent read "Baptist Rocket Kills Dundee Cow"

A cow, believed spooked by the noise from a firework party hosted by a Baptist church, broke through a fence, fell down an embankment and died. The Dundee Courier even carried a photo of the dead cow.

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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Sky News has just been featuring "Screams in Scotland as Clooney Has a Sarnie".

Who or what was in the sarnie to make the Scots scream has not been revealed.

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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668

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An old favourite stuck on the fridge door for years was from the New York Times: "Creative Tension Grips Yonkers". With certain Goon Show overtones, it seemed somewhat unlikely. (Just checked with Auntie Google, and for once, my memory was good - it's real!)

In NEQ's territory, there was the Press & Journal's legendary "Giant neep found in Turriff", but I don't know if that's verifiable.

I liked the Dundee cow story. Was it a presbyterian or Wee Free cow, I wonder? Could be bad for ecumenical relations.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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North East Quine

Curious beastie
# 13049

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Originally posted by Stercus Tauri;

quote:
In NEQ's territory, there was the Press & Journal's legendary "Giant neep found in Turriff", but I don't know if that's verifiable.
It's not true. The giant neep hailed from Crathie. It was a Balmoral green top neep, measured 37 inches in circumference and weighed 22lbs. Also, in fairness, news of the neep wasn't front page news, but was tucked away in the farming section.

Although Turriff hasn't produced any neeps worthy of report by the P&J, it did lay claim to a giant tattie, weighing 2lb 7oz, which was displayed in a shop window for three weeks in 1936. I imagine it was quite the talking point in Turriff.

(Translation - neeps =turnips, tatties = potatoes)

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Stetson
Shipmate
# 9597

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Attack on Paris an assault on the city itself

I think I know what they're trying to say, ie. it's an attack on the spirit of the city, but the headline as written doesn't even work as a meaningful redundancy. Just a redundancy, full stop.

link

[ 14. November 2015, 19:44: Message edited by: Stetson ]

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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From the "Mirror Daily" (not to be confused with the Daily Mirror):

Mass Extinction Would Affect Massive Animals More

So smaller animals enjoy extinction more? Or it doesn't hurt as much? What?

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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Today, the BBC News website offers us:

Beethoven disrupts anti-migrant rally in Germany

Pretty spry for an old man.

As if that wasn't enough, the first paragraph of the story reads:

quote:
German police are taking legal action against theatre staff in Mainz for disrupting an anti-migrant rally by singing Beethoven's Ode to Joy.

What?

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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Weird. [Disappointed]

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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The city newsletter that comes with my water/waste bill had the headline "Roof rats meeting in January." I was quite disappointed to read on and learn that this is an informational meeting for (human) residents, and not a gathering or rodents.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From the BBC News site:

Police 'not prepared for honour crime'

At least one group of people not doing 'em! That's a relief.

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Cottontail

Shipmate
# 12234

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A couple of years back, the BBC website had the succinct-to-the-point-of-meaninglessness headline:

Bat Walk Ha-Ha Fall Man Sues

A man who fell down a ha-ha ditch at a stately home in the dark after the end of a walk to spot bats was suing the stately home. Makes perfect sense now.

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"I don't think you ought to read so much theology," said Lord Peter. "It has a brutalizing influence."

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The Phantom Flan Flinger
Shipmate
# 8891

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China may be using sea to hide submarines.

Cunning. Very cunning.

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http://www.faith-hope-and-confusion.com/

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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Icelanders flock to religion revering Sumerian gods and tax rebates

Obviously Valhalla not coming across with the financial incentives these days.

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From Reuters:

'No fingerprints!' chant migrants in Italy

The nation-wide biggest, weirdest Christmas choir ever?

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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BBC News frontpage:

'Whip' organisers of Iglesias Lanka gig

This left me puzzled. Where's the verb? Or is there one? A group called 'Whip' are the organisers of the concert? An eccentric Iglesias now doing a BDSM show, Madonna-like?

It is actually this:

quote:
Sri Lanka's president says the organisers of an Enrique Iglesias gig should be whipped as punishment over the behaviour of some female fans.
Which is just as strange!

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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Seen on tonight's MSNBC crawl:

Man falls to death while distracted by electronic device in San Diego.

I **told** you that the electronic devices they have in San Diego are especially dangerous!

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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BBC again very cryptic:

Death quiz man, 86, 'woman's husband' [Paranoid]

Absurd? Gruesome story here, if interested.

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668

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Have to admit to being irresistibly drawn to this headline after being sent the sad care home story link.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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There have been similar headlines before, but it is always a classic:

Fight breaks out at New Jersey anti-violence demonstration

I don't think they are doing it right....

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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From the BBC:

Giant Mao appears in China countryside

Suddenly, I have a plot for the next Godzilla movie.

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451

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quote:
Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:
China may be using sea to hide submarines.

Cunning. Very cunning.

I only just read this, and had myself a great OLL (Out Loud Laugh)

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Oinkster

"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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Seen on this morning's CNN crawl:

Clinton, Sanders running neck in neck in Iowa

It's about time those two put their heads together, don't you think?

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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From the BBC:
Penguin scraps degree requirement

I'm still trying to work out if that's a very demanding Antarctic bird or if one has previously needed to be highly qualified to work in the manufacture of small chocolate biscuits.

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Sipech:
From the BBC:
Penguin scraps degree requirement


All that work for nothing.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Just seen on BBC online:
quote:
Dog poo DNA test launches in Barking
Actually I have nothing to add.

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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Also from the BBC website:

India school mauling leopard escapes

The question of why a school in India would maul a leopard becomes trivial compared to the question of how, exactly, a school escapes.

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From BBC News:

Swiss vote on foreign criminals law

There could be an apostrophe missing, couldn't there? I hope voters will say no to a law that's brought forward by foreign criminals! - At least they've got a vote on it...

[ 28. February 2016, 07:22: Message edited by: Wesley J ]

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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From the BBC:

Star Wars victorious at Empire awards

I want to make some sort of joke about the Oscars striking back, but I can't quite make work out the precise wording.

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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I watch the local news over breakfast each morning (no, it doesn't put me off my food). There are two stories that you can rely on to appear every morning: (1) somebody got shot last night; and (2) somebody's house burned down last night.

Imagine my satisfaction when the following appeared on the crawl: "Suspect shot while house burns." Talk about two birds with one stone. [Devil]

Lately we can rely on a third story also appearing every morning: "Driver caught going wrong way on freeway."

I can hardly wait to see the crawl: "Driver shot while car catches fire going wrong way on freeway."

[ 08. April 2016, 19:39: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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Daily Mail Owner Considering Yahoo Bid

That's its demographic after all.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From the Grauniad:

Prince Sister says artist had no known will

We always thought he had quite a will of his own, but now we realise he was totally will-less.

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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From the Western Telegraph

John Thomas in trouble over penis pictures

Is anyone surprised?

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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From the BBC:

Tim Peake to control rover from space

Poor doggy...

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From Reuters News:

China trains 'fishing militia' to sail into disputed waters

Why are Chinese railways fishing for militia? Oh... I see!

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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Olympian 'drove drunk with shotgun'

I did not think it was weird until I saw that the report came out of Australia. I really expected the US to sweep the medals in the Driving-Drunk-With-Shotgun event.

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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My local paper provided this thought-provoking headline this morning:

Rent of D.A.'s ex-wife probed

I had no idea you even could rent a D.A.'s ex-wife! I think I'll have one at my next party!

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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Americans to buy Swansea

Why on earth they would want it I'm not sure.

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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From Reuters:

Oxford museum exhibits roast under newly cleaned glass roof

Not some historical 'roast' exhibited (whatever that might be!), but just some very high temperatures in the Oxford University Museum of Natural History. A bit disappointing. [Paranoid]

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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From the Telegraph:

"Woman left in bathroom as baby attempts to find birth mother with help of Facebook."

O cruel (but clearly very computer-literate) baby.

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Qoheleth.

Semi-Sagacious One
# 9265

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The Tragedy of the Commas:

quote:
For one Friday every month in 2016, the Pope visits people who have suffered as part of his Holy Year of Mercy.
(Channel 4 News Facebook page)

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The Benedictine Community at Alton Abbey offers a friendly, personal service for the exclusive supply of Rosa Mystica incense.

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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From the Telegraph: "Punch and Judy booth to close after 130 years because puppeteer is fed up with kids throwing rocks at him."

I'm amazed he put up with it for so long.

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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From the BBC today:

Star snapped before and after explosion

Charlie Sheen just can't stay out of the headlines, can he?

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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This is rather poetic:

Pastor Who Believes God Punishes Gays for Their Sins With Floods Has Home Destroyed by Flood

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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Proof indeed of the existence of God.

Quoting from the linked article:

quote:
Perkins was forced to escape by canoe earlier this week when water poured into his southern Louisiana home.
What? You mean he couldn't just walk on the water?

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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Another misplaced modifier on this morning's headline crawl on the local TV station I love to hate:

Sen. Jeff Flake says he can't vote for Trump on several interview programs this weekend.

Well of course not, Jeff. You have to go the polls to vote.

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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