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» Ship of Fools   » Special interest discussion   » The Circus   » Clickbait Bible - A Kerygmaniacal Game (Page 1)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Clickbait Bible - A Kerygmaniacal Game
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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You know, those eye-grabbing, sensationalist headlines that just beg you to click on them and don't quite deliver what they promise?

Over on the Ship's FB page, there's a cartoon with several clickbait headlines for the Old Testament, to wit:

Why did this man order 300 cubits of gopher wood? The reason will shock you!

Israelites are halted at the Red Sea. You won't believe what happens next!

What clickbait headlines can Shipmates come up with? I'll start us out with one from Kelly Alves, riffing on all those cute-kids-and-animals links:

"Five thousand people refused to share lunch with each other... Then one kid stood up, and our hearts melted."

Let's give it a try....

[ 15. October 2016, 19:16: Message edited by: Mamacita ]

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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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Latest trend in wall-hopping! Also useful for extra bread and fish! You won't believe what baskets can do for you!

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Someone on the Facebook page asked for a sport themed one. All I could think of was David and Goliath. Hence:

"David's epic clapback at a sneering Samaritan's insults."

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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"Eating this mystery fruit will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!"

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Nigel M
Shipmate
# 11256

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Trump this: “You're Fired
Posts: 2826 | From: London, UK | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged
Nigel M
Shipmate
# 11256

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From the Hotmail Junk E-mail box:

Meet new people in your area - 3 day trial

Posts: 2826 | From: London, UK | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Someone on the Facebook page asked for a sport themed one. All I could think of was David and Goliath. Hence:

"David's epic clapback at a sneering Samaritan's insults."

"Five smooth secrets for vanquishing a Philistine. You won't believe what this kid can do!"

--------------------
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Itinerant Rabbi Shouts into Tomb -- What Happens Next Will Astound You!

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Oscar the Grouch

Adopted Cascadian
# 1916

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What the King saw from the rooftop. Shocking!

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Faradiu, dundeibáwa weyu lárigi weyu

Posts: 3871 | From: Gamma Quadrant, just to the left of Galifrey | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468

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In the beginning, it was dark. Then someone turned on the light.

But wait! There's more!

--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")

Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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Itinerant preacher casts out demons, but you won't believe what these pigs did next! [VIDEO]

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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Try this one weird tip to prevent the death of your firstborn.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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Get great tasting wine from just ordinary water! This one simple trick will show you how!"

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Undertakers hate this prophet's bones!

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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Inspired by Nigel M's links:

What this soldier looks like now is INSANE!

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged
Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Try this one weird tip to prevent the death of your firstborn.

This king rebuilt Jericho - AND added gates: here's how.

[ 16. October 2016, 18:31: Message edited by: Eutychus ]

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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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And some say long hair is unmanly! Read what happened to this war hero when his girlfriend made him cut his locks!

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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( ...wow, that's a weird verse) (to Euty)

Speaking of Jericho...

These soldiers' sweet trumpet licks really bring the house down!

[ 16. October 2016, 18:43: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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This guy may be short, but what he does with a sycamore tree is HUGE!

[ 16. October 2016, 19:19: Message edited by: Mamacita ]

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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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We all panicked when the auditor came-- but we never expected this!

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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These 120 men speak 15 languages! Here's how.

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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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What's your answer to the latest question driving the internet wild: is the coat... white and gold or blue and black?

(or red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and grey and purple and white and pink and orange and...)

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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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Shocking ways to happiness - don't try this at home!

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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Only child runs out to greet her returning war hero dad. What happens next will make you cry.

--------------------
Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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You won't believe how many ancestors this man has! #17 will shock you!

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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Lose pounds in just 390 days - the method doctors don't want you to know about

(pop-up, alternates annoyingly with the following):

You can't get more eco-friendly than this natural cooking solution. Save up to 100% on gas bills!*

==

*dysentry optional

[ 16. October 2016, 21:01: Message edited by: Eutychus ]

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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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Hot, single girl available for date - local to you!!! - Timnah Road, Enaim. Click to chat*

==

*Seals, cords and staffs accepted as down payment, caveat emptor.

--------------------
Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
jrw
Shipmate
# 18045

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The boy done good: How a trip to Egypt turned into a family reunion - and Our Kid's done alright for himself.
Posts: 522 | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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They spent the night in each other's arms--but when the morning came!

This would also do for Jacob and Leah, come to think of it.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Try this one weird tip to prevent the death of your firstborn.

This king rebuilt Jericho - AND added gates: here's how.
Oy. I was thinking of
this.

ETA: I'm beginning to think I might submit my stuff on this thread to a marketing position. [Devil]

[ 17. October 2016, 03:25: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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I got that one, LC.

I'm still stumped by mousethief's ancestor #17.

--------------------
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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Mind-blowing investment tips!

--------------------
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

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You won't believe what you can do with your tongue

[ 17. October 2016, 05:34: Message edited by: Zappa ]

--------------------
shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18917 | From: "Central" is all they call it | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Athrawes
Ship's parrot
# 9594

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Beautiful Queen Jezebel climbs a tower. What happens next will have you in tears! You won't believe what the Israelites let their dogs do!

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Explaining why is going to need a moment, since along the way we must take in the Ancient Greeks, the study of birds, witchcraft, 19thC Vaudeville and the history of baseball. Michael Quinion.

Posts: 2966 | From: somewhere with a book shop | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

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Don't know how to pray? Follow this simple guide!

--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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quote:
Originally posted by Mamacita:
I got that one, LC.

I'm still stumped by mousethief's ancestor #17.

Either of the genealogies in Matt, Luke. #17 was an arbitrary number of the sort in some kinds of click bait.

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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All he asked her for was a drink of water. You won't believe what she gave him instead.

All he asked her for was a drink of water. You won't believe what else he had in mind.

All he asked her for was a drink of water. You won't believe what he told her next.

[ 17. October 2016, 16:04: Message edited by: Trudy Scrumptious ]

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Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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Live your life according to these 10 simple rules. Number 7 is bound to upset some people.

--------------------
I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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Thanks mousethief. I was actually counting names in the genealogies because I thought #17 would be Rahab!

--------------------
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076

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He thought he had a marriage deal. What happens next is insane!

--------------------
A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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Crazed man ties up boy, plans to kill him, kills ram instead. Owner of sheep outraged!

--------------------
Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/

Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
MSHB
Shipmate
# 9228

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Guess who's getting into Paradise ... and he's got a criminal record!

--------------------
MSHB: Member of the Shire Hobbit Brigade

Posts: 1522 | From: Dharawal Country | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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Odd method restores your 20/20 vision: try this

(I actually just saw this exact clickbait headline)

--------------------
Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
MSHB
Shipmate
# 9228

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quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
Odd method restores your 20/20 vision: try this

(I actually just saw this exact clickbait headline)

"Here's mud in your eye!"

--------------------
MSHB: Member of the Shire Hobbit Brigade

Posts: 1522 | From: Dharawal Country | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Ancient prophet bemoans the meaninglessness of life .... 2800 years before Sartre!

--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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Syro-Phoenician woman BURNS Messiah with this sassy retort!

--------------------
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Interested in enlargement? Click here to learn more!

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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Tired of looking for love on Tinder? Try this one weird trick to win the girl of your dreams.

[ 22. October 2016, 00:10: Message edited by: Trudy Scrumptious ]

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Humble Servant
Shipmate
# 18391

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Miracle wilderness diet. How to face your fasting demons.
Posts: 241 | Registered: Apr 2015  |  IP: Logged
Humble Servant
Shipmate
# 18391

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quote:
Originally posted by Humble Servant:
Miracle wilderness diet. How to face your fasting demons.

Sorry, that should have been "40 day" miracle wilderness diet...
Posts: 241 | Registered: Apr 2015  |  IP: Logged



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