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Source: (consider it) Thread: (more) sex before marriage
# 18725

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Originally posted by Gramps49:
Your past is quite a barrier for her, I take it.

I would hope she can get beyond it.

I don't actually think it is. Perhaps it would be if I had more of an "illustrious" past, but in truth it's rather banal.


I am also thinking that your partner may also have two other concerns. One is that she may be concerned that she can perform as well as your previous partners, but you know no one person can match any other person's performance. You have much more experience than she apparently has, and that can be threatening to her. Two, given your experience, can she be assured you will stay committed to her should you do marry?

Like I said, you have presented several obstacles for her. Are you willing to give her the time to work through them?

This is actually the part of the whole topic we've found (at least from what I can tell) to be the easiest to discuss, and whilst she (understandably) has her hang ups about experience or lack thereof, one positive that I've been able to impart from my experience is that it takes practice and even if you've been with someone else before you're still both starting from zero and the first time with anyone new is unlikely to be any good; more likely it's going to be more than a bit awkward. If we were to marry (long, long way off) I think I'd personally much rather rule out sex on the wedding night and enjoy the wedding and get suitably merry without worrying about what may happen later.

As for commitment, obviously I'm wary of hubris, but I wasn't unfaithful in previous relationships so there's nothing to suggest that I will be in the future; it's a "conservative" (in quotes because I'd prefer to think of it as universal) moral of relationships that I probably hold above anything else.

The more I get to know the less I find that I understand.

Posts: 48 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2017  |  IP: Logged
# 16840

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
......I find that there is a constant viewpoint running through Scripture that treats sex as something more valuable, more important, than just bumping uglies and sparking nerve cells. The fun and pleasure is definitely there (see Song of Songs) but sex is treated as something--shall I say, not to be wasted? Maybe that's a horrible choice of words. But it's analogous to the kind of wine you'd want to serve at your wedding, not at some weekend booze-up, fun as those might be. Enjoy it, sure--but don't cheapen it. And yes, I know that most people here would consider a non-married but serious relationship good enough. I don't think the Bible does, though.

And that's largely because I think the Bible views sex as performative--it doesn't just belong in marriage, it creates marriage, creates a union we normally refer to as marriage. So the question of premarital sex from that viewpoint becomes "Now that you've done it (like gobbling your food instead of taking more time to enjoy it), why don't you at least fold your napkin neatly" and tie up the legal and social loose ends. And leaving such a sexual partner is akin to divorce, not to a simple breakup. Which raises the question of how many divorces is too many, and what it does to a person to be involved in multiple sexual breakups...

I've probably offended somebody. I'm sorry.

You haven't offended me, on the contrary, those are inspired paragraphs IMO

If a person passionately believes they must wait until Christmas Day to open their presents then that belief is to be respected. If someone doesn't want to go along with that then maybe it's better to party at a different house with different rules.

Most humans have an underlying bohemian tendency in them which is at war with the *other*. The old 'order/chaos' thing, a place where religion gains much of it's traction.
St Paul alludes to that somewhere in his Letters.

Change is the only certainty of existence

Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged

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