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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Scene 5: The Census Cometh
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Erm...er...Joseph
I don't drink tea!
But dear, you said "WOuld you put the kettle on for me, dearest, I'm dying for a drink and a sit down."
And then I EXPLICITLY SAID I was going to make tea.
So instead of wasting my time, next time I suggest you make your own drink.
![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
*Wanders backstage from dressing room with a smile and wicked glint in her eye carrying a large book of the type that has it's main use propping up a wonky table (it's secondary use is to send people to sleep with boredom) She also has a bag of water pistols ?
Mutters to self : The title of this scene does not appear to make sense.
Now I can understand Joseph having to produce a CIS25 for verification that he is a sub-contractor for British tax purposes but I fail to see why a P45 is relevant unless he is starting work in Bethlehem as a employee. ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Now if he does not have a P45 it would be appropriate to complete a P46 when he starts work for any new employer otherwise he will be paying emergency tax at base rate week 1 (which mean he will not have any tax allowance). Unless he is a student working during the vacation when he should complete a P38 for non deduction of tax.
Now if he is from another country he will have to complete a P86 in order to obtain a tax code, and a P85 on leaving the country in order to reclaim tax paid during his period of work in that country. Therefore he will need to have a P45 from his last employer, a P60 or a statement of earnings.
Now I ought to check the changes to family tax credit, maternity and paternity leave from April 2003 - oh and of course leave for adoptive parents.
Hmmmm - lets look at this again.... ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Takes out hip flask and reading glasses
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Angel 1
Nativity Play
# 3661
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
And Angel 1! A cup for you too.
Ta.
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Jenny Ann smiles sweetly
Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
With sweet serene smile of delight, BVM rushes off to the dressing room, carrying in her arms a huge carrier bag. She returns wearing a dazzling gown, high necked of course and down to the ankles, made of shimmering blue satin....and somewhat extended at the front. Blushing slightly, she twirls in front of Joseph
Well, what do you think?
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Angel 1
Nativity Play
# 3661
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Erm...er...Joseph
I don't drink tea!
But dear, you said "WOuld you put the kettle on for me, dearest, I'm dying for a drink and a sit down."
And then I EXPLICITLY SAID I was going to make tea.
So instead of wasting my time, next time I suggest you make your own drink.
come on you two, let's not fall out.
A
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Jenny Ann smiles sweetly
Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Decides just to drink the tea... after all, it's the first time he's ever made her a cuppa
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
With sweet serene smile of delight, BVM rushes off to the dressing room, carrying in her arms a huge carrier bag. She returns wearing a dazzling gown, high necked of course and down to the ankles, made of shimmering blue satin....and somewhat extended at the front. Blushing slightly, she twirls in front of Joseph
Well, what do you think?
Nice. But you owe me an apology over the tea.
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Well, what do you think?
*mutters* you look like a big snozzcumber...
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Well, what do you think?
*mutters* you look like a big snozzcumber...
Here, mate, want to insult my darling to my face?
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Oh Joseph, you like it! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
runs over and gives him a tiny pure-virgin-style kiss on the top of his head
Oh, and I am sorry about the tea, my sweet. It was my fault entirely, I should have said before. It's delicious, honest - I am growing to like tea. And you were such a sweetheart for making it Well, it's worth a lie or two, seeing as he didn't notice the price tag on the dress
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Well, what do you think?
*mutters* you look like a big snozzcumber...
More like a hyperactive bluebottle...
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3 emerges from stage left, where she has been hanging out with the camels, wanders over to the BVM and begins nibbling at the hem of her dress..]
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Here, mate, want to insult my darling to my face?
Yes, why? Do you want to join in?
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Well, what do you think?
*mutters* you look like a big snozzcumber...
Here, mate, want to insult my darling to my face?
Oh, my hero!!!!!!!!
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Angel 1
Nativity Play
# 3661
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Posted
shoos away the sheep by getting it to attack the fairy godmother
there's a good little sheep . . . .
A
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Jenny Ann smiles sweetly
Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
Puts down large officiallly boring book and takes another swig at her hip flask
A fight - I likes a good fight I does ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Here, mate, want to insult my darling to my face?
Yes, why? Do you want to join in?
Right. That's it.
Switches on buzzsaw.
Come over here and say that to my face.
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Angel 1
Nativity Play
# 3661
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
Puts down large officiallly boring book and takes another swig at her hip flask
A fight - I likes a good fight I does
hope you lose. . .!
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Jenny Ann smiles sweetly
Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Oh Joseph, you're such a .... man!
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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chief stage manager
Nativity Play
# 3658
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Posted
(to Musical Director:)
Your choice of nasty weapons from the props table.
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The original bessie rosebride.
Posts: 148 | From: stage left amongst the props | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*switches on Marshall 8x12 combo*
OK, wood-boy...
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
Moves chair closes to stage to get a better view
Come on! Get on with it!
All words and no action these men
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Gazes admiringly at Joseph
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3, startled and confused by the sudden loud buzzing noise, runs and butts at Angel 1 instead of Fairy Godmother.]
Baaaaaaaaaa.
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Angel 1
Nativity Play
# 3661
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3, startled and confused by the sudden loud buzzing noise, runs and butts at Angel 1 instead of Fairy Godmother.]
Baaaaaaaaaa.
oooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww, First aid!
A
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Jenny Ann smiles sweetly
Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002
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chief stage manager
Nativity Play
# 3658
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Posted
In the absence of First-aider (again), rushes to aid of Angel 1, with Crash Cart and all implements of life-saving.
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The original bessie rosebride.
Posts: 148 | From: stage left amongst the props | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Dives at Music Director, wielding buzzsaw.
Gotcha, you worthless lump of music-making phlegm! That's your lyre reduced to smithereens.
Now, crowd, should I show mercy - or take the guy's head off?
Turns to spectators, awaiting a show of .
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3, startled and confused by the sudden loud buzzing noise, runs and butts at Angel 1 instead of Fairy Godmother.]
Baaaaaaaaaa.
Way to go sheep!
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
If you're awaiting a show-off, Joseph, the crowd have one already on stage. You.
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Oh Joseph, you are so brave and manly. I think I love you.
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Show of thumbs!
(Nothing like an inability to type to add to the tension.)
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Herod
Nativity Play
# 3649
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Now, crowd, should I show mercy - or take the guy's head off?
Start by planing his feet, then slowly move up.
Just a suggestion.
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#I'm Herod the Great, I am, I am.#
Stoo
Posts: 159 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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chief stage manager
Nativity Play
# 3658
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Posted
yee, gads! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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The original bessie rosebride.
Posts: 148 | From: stage left amongst the props | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Oh Joseph, you are so brave and manly. I think I love you.
![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Angel 1
Nativity Play
# 3661
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Posted
performs huge deathbed scene, realises angels don't die, then decided to get up as she only has a grazed knee
right. now to add sheep to list of cast members that p**s me off. . . .
A
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Jenny Ann smiles sweetly
Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
I've heard that he needs a good scraping with a wire brush, Joseph darling.
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*breaks into 'Who Do You Think You Are' by the Spice Girls*
Just remember whom you are addressing, young man.
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Go on, Joseph! Sort him out!!!! He's been asking for this for a long time, jumped up little upstart!!!!!
Hands Joseph his turbo-powered drill
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
*breaks into 'Who Do You Think You Are' by the Spice Girls*
Just remember whom you are addressing, young man.
Err. Yes, sir. Good point, sir. Have a complimentary bookend, sir. Made it myself.
Mary, I think I've given this guy the lesson he needs. Let it never be said that I allowed you to be insulted publicly.
Now, let's get back to packing, yes?
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Cheep 3, terrified by the glitter of all the cheap trim on Herod's costume, takes a run at him, inadvertently knocking Fairy Godmother into the orchestra pit.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
[Knocks down Herod, exits stage left and hides in the middle of all the camels.]
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
The shirts are great! Apart from the pink one. You can take that back. I'll be damned if I'm going to walk around town looking like a wooft...
Stops mid-word. Glances nervously at disapproving Director.
Anyway, as I was saying, it might give the wrong impression.
Oh, and the trip is non-negotiable. Pregnant or no, we all have to go. So get packing!
Excuse me! I'll have you know Mr Director wears pink shirts, and no way is he...(ahem) ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
Sidles up to Mary, giving Joseph a suitably reproving glare en route.
A word in your ear, dear. Don't you get started on this ironing lark. Give him an inch and he'll take a mile. Oh, it starts innocently enough: "Be an angel, darling, and run an iron over these hand-embroidered linen gowns." Next thing you know, he'll have you chained to the wretched board 24 hours a day!
Oh, and if you have to do it, steer clear of those 100% cotton, Jermyn Street jobs. All those fiddlly collar stiffeners blocking the machine filter, and no engineers to be found for love nor money.
And they need ironing damp as well.
[ 13. December 2002, 22:01: Message edited by: Director ]
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Er... is that it?
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Err. Yes, sir. Good point, sir. Have a complimentary bookend, sir. Made it myself.
OK, that's better. Now lets put this unpleasantness behind us and move on with the scene before someone's dressing room mysteriously gets moved to near the bins out the back.
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Stable Cat
Nativity Play
# 3657
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Posted
*stable cat, startled by all the ruckas, leaps from open suitcase into the wings*
mrrrrrow?
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nicolemrw says "meow!"
Posts: 85 | From: the stable | Registered: Dec 2002
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Angel 1
Nativity Play
# 3661
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Cheep 3, terrified by the glitter of all the cheap trim on Herod's costume, takes a run at him, inadvertently knocking Fairy Godmother into the orchestra pit.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
[Knocks down Herod, exits stage left and hides in the middle of all the camels.]
MMMWwwwwwwwhahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah hahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha(evil laugh)
a
[Horizontal scroll nightmare...]
[ 13. December 2002, 22:04: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
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Jenny Ann smiles sweetly
Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Er... is that it?
'Fraid so.
He's threatening my dressing room... ![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif)
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3, terrified by the glitter of all the cheap trim on Herod's costume, takes a run at him, inadvertently knocking Fairy Godmother into the orchestra pit.
Picks herself up from amongst the music stands
What the...
Oh sorry - didn't see you under there.
Would you like me to get off of you?
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Once again, Sheep 3 hears a mysterious angelic chorus singing quietly "Preview Post is Your Friend" and wonders what it is. But at least she doesn't mess up the horizontal scroll.]
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep
Nativity Play
# 3667
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Posted
Rudolph peeks out from behind the stage curtain, wondering where all that ruckus is coming from. Looks around to see if any of those wise guys are around. Seeing none, Rudolph walks out on stage, sees a pile of census forms. Since there's no snacks anywhere around, Rudolph grabs a mouthful of forms and munches away.
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I may be just a purple sheep with a funny nose, but ThatsMrJuice 2U!
Posts: 110 | From: The Sheep Shed | Registered: Dec 2002
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Herod
Nativity Play
# 3649
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
Knocks down Herod, exits stage left...
<Dusts himself off>
Right. That's another one on the list then.
<Takes out small book>
"She-ep 3"
#He's making a list, he's checking it twice, gonna find out who's gonna get sliced...#
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#I'm Herod the Great, I am, I am.#
Stoo
Posts: 159 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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