Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Scene 5: The Census Cometh
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Virgin Mary: Donkey????
Oh Joseph, darling... you are such a tease! I nearly fell for that one!
Err... yes! Exactly! Just a little joke!
{sotto voce}
What did she expect? A limousine? Gah.
-------------------- Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Well Joe dearest, you'd better take the bags out and pack them in the lim... er....on the donkey and I'll do a packed lunch for on the way. How far is it to Bethlehem? Not very far?
-------------------- Can you have a white wedding in blue? (Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Jesus' evil twin
Nativity Play
# 3702
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Joseph: Yes, or I'll put your head in a vice and make you believe it.
Your choice.
Go for it, old man.
-------------------- Erin (of course)
Posts: 54 | From: my own room (finally!) | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Well, it's a bit of stretch. But nothing compared to the stretching needed to give birth to twins!
Ok, I can tell from your face that didn't go down too well. Must learn to reign in my comic genius.
Anyway, everything's ready. I'm exhausted.
Turns to pregnant bump.
I'll deal with you later, kiddo.
Lays out on bed.
-------------------- Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Serenely covers the sleeping Joseph with a blanket, tiptoes out and heads home to walk herself home to her parents' house down the lane. Well, don't forget she's pure and virginal!
I'm sure there was something we still had to remember to do...
-------------------- Can you have a white wedding in blue? (Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*sings in awful howl, reminisent of the cat* Tomorroooow, tomorroooow, it's donkey, tomorroooooow...
-------------------- ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Stable Cat
Nativity Play
# 3657
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Posted
*safe in her rafter perch, the cat, rather encouraged by the line about taking the cat, joins in the singing*
mmmmrrrrrrroooooowwwwwwww..........
-------------------- nicolemrw says "meow!"
Posts: 85 | From: the stable | Registered: Dec 2002
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Tealady
Nativity Play
# 3713
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Posted
Arrives with large mobile Gaggia espresso machine on a motorised trolley
Sorry I'm late, dearies, me arthritis is playin up summat rotten. One large decaff latte for Angel 1. Anything else? And I've lost a packet of Earl Grey somewhere...
-------------------- The tealady's coffee-grinder is a Spong...
Posts: 20 | From: Tea trolley | Registered: Dec 2002
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Passer-by 3
Nativity Play
# 3711
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Posted
[Enter stage left, showing signs of having had a drink. Exit stage right, still showing those same aforementioned signs]
-------------------- (W)
Posts: 30 | From: The Wings | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3 follows Passer-by 3 across the stage.]
Baaaaaaa.
-------------------- jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Angel 3
Nativity Play
# 3687
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Sheep 3: [Sheep 3 follows Passer-by 3 across the stage.]
Baaaaaaa.
(Angel 3 enters. She is wearing her pinstriped robes and carrying a large briefcase. She opens the briefcase and out pops a full sized office suite, complete with leather bound law books and a large filing cabinet. She sits down behind a splendid marble desk. A sign appears in mid-air "ANGEL 3 Consultancy Services. All Questions Answered") Baaaaah indeed. O Tealady - one of your coffees with double Scotch medicine, please.
(She picks up a census form left behind by Joseph. It is the thickness of a telephone book and the size of a tablecloth.)
Joseph's filled in some of this. Nosy old bugger, Herod - wants everything from Joseph's inside leg measurement to his bank account details. Can't see why Herod wants the former. Bank account details make more sense, but there won't be much left of it after Joseph pays the phone bill. Then there's the following:
"139 X: Give names of good looking daughters staying at your house tonight and their measurements. If no good looking daughters, go to question 140Y. If no daughters go to question 150Z. If children under the age of two years go to question 160Q. If no children at all go to question 165Q If children still unborn go to question 170B.
160Q: List names and locations of all children under the age of two years staying at your house tonight. If no children at all go to question 165Q If children still unborn go to question 170B.
170B. List names and expected birthdates of all unborn children staying at your house tonight.
Look, he's answered this one:
Jesus, the Messiah and King of the Jews - 25th December Jesus' evil twin, Cyril Letitia - 25th December
Go to question 170C.
170C. Please state location of all unborn children staying at your house on or about 25th December, this year.
Bethlehem, in Judea. Small inn next to the "Angel Arms" pub or in stable if no room at the inn."
I think I'll take this with me for safekeeping.
( She finishes her coffee, tips the Tealady and clicks her fingers. The office folds itself up back into her briefcase. She picks it up and flies off upstage right.)
-------------------- The artist usually known as Duo Seraphim
"Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est."
Posts: 76 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3 enters and sniffs around area where Angel 3's office was set up. Finds some pieces of paper left behind, which she eats.]
Baaaaaaaaa.
[Exits stage left to settle in with the camels again and sleep.]
-------------------- jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Techie1
Nativity Play
# 3688
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Stable Cat: *safe in her rafter perch, the cat, rather encouraged by the line about taking the cat, joins in the singing*
mmmmrrrrrrroooooowwwwwwww..........
A low growl begins from the sound booth. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....GRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr <stage whisper> Rags... no... what are you growling at??? Oh damn, the stable cat... What's he doing up here???
GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUFF... BAROOOOO!!! RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
A flash of white leaps from the sound booth toward the cat's perch in the rafters....
Mrrrrrowrrrrrr? Barrrooooooooooof! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Barrrooooooooooooooo! Marrrrrowrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Pfffft! Mrowrrrr!
Black and white fur flies and floats down onto the stage.
-------------------- seeing lights? hearing voices? i can help with that...mysticlisa
Posts: 18 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
'It's Oh So Quiet' - Björk version...
-------------------- ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Baby Jesus
Nativity Play
# 3729
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Jesus' evil twin: quote: Originally posted by Joseph: Hear that, kids? Daddy - well, sort-of-Daddy - cares about you!
You expect me to believe that in light of the fact that you've named me Cyril?
*Baby Jesus smiles sweetly to self, resisting the impulse to snigger - after all, that wouldn't be very holy now, would it. Cyril! *
-------------------- Few people know that Beethoven's daughter is really the Son of God!
Posts: 13 | From: the manger | Registered: Dec 2002
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Narrator
Nativity Play
# 3680
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Posted
Have you been paying attention?
Mary's in the family way - So off to hear what Liz would say.
Liz replied, "I'm pregnant too, And six months further gone than you."
Wise men from a land afar Then set off to seek a star.
Their chosen transport, bike and bus, Which made the camel driver cuss.
Joseph listened to the tale And downed another can of ale.
Then Mary went and had a bathe While Joseph showed us his new lathe
(Steve Tomkins thinks that Mary's chic He's got the hots, says his critique)
An angel then put all things right Which brings us to the scene last night.
Joseph's got a tax return With a warning very stern,
"To the town of David's line Go at once or face a fine."
They're ready now to hit the road Can the donkey bear the load?
The trouble is, as off they go, The Christmas traffic's always slow.
-------------------- Chapelhead
Posts: 90 | From: Prompt corner | Registered: Dec 2002
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