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Source: (consider it) Thread: Cancer SUCKS
Martin60
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# 368

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Huia, I always awfulize, rationally I say. I find the anxiety and fears attenuate, whether they are realised or not. Paradoxically I don't anticipate events until they happen. I get numb until they happen. But I internally tell their story, extrapolate to them, explore and weigh them. I have to. I don't imagine what they will feel like. The imagining of them is horror enough. Lying in bed thinking that the hour glass is running out is enough. I have to think all the contingencies. The first night I got to being comfortable, dignified, painless was paramount. Non-negotiable. If that couldn't be obtained, I'd refuse nutrition and even ask to be put in a coma. That helped believe it or not.

God can do nothing more or less.

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Love wins

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Stercus Tauri
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# 16668

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Dear Dr ******, Please do not ever use the 'R' word - remission - in front of me again, or I will hit you. It will hurt. Remission is a threat; it means there is someone standing behind me with a gun, and I don't know if it's loaded or not. Try using the phrase,"No Evidence of Disease", or NED, which is accurate and unambiguous. I don't mind being a ned; it's a lot better than cancer.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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How does anyone get through cancer without having an anger-stroke. Bad tempers and strokes run in my family so that's one reason I don't get as frightened as some people do when it looks like the Big C. Deep down, I just don't think that's the bullet with my name on it.

But still. The delays. We're told so many stories about the importance of catching cancer early yet the powers that be, the receptionists on permanent power trips, have no...sense... of...urgency... at...all.

Three times in my life I found breast lumps, went straight to my doctor, had him say, "Hmmm, better get that biopsied," Only to wait months for the surgeon's schedule to fit me in.

This time my symptoms are in a less sexy area so I'll spare you, but they started about two months ago, after one month of waiting for them to go away, I called my doctor, after two weeks, I got in to see him, he sent a referral for a test and said I would be called in a few days. After four days I called the number he gave me in Cincinnati and they said, "Yes, we have the referral and we'll be calling you with your appt." I called back after four more days and the grouch who answered said I should have been calling some other number. I called that number and the answering machine said, "This is the clinic at the hospital, please leave a message." I left a message but of course haven't heard back and the thing is -- I have no idea what clinic in what hospital or even what city I'm talking to. I live about an hour away from Cincinnati, Columbus, Dayton and Chillicothe and we get referred to any and all of those hospitals from our local doctors.

The good news is that all my symptoms are gone now. I should be very grateful and really I am, but the stroke risk is high today, as ever, and it's many on behalf of some of you guys.

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Doone
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Twilight that''s really grim [Mad]
I pray you get your appointment soon [Votive]

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Martin60
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# 368

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I WRITE to everyone concerned. I explain them all to each other. The NHS is brilliant in an emergency but a tad less joined up after that.

NEVER wait.

Phone and email are USELESS. Write. Copy all parties.

Tell us everything Twilight.

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Love wins

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Latchkey Kid
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NT died last month - ovarian cancer
LB died the night before last - multiple myeloma
P will die before Christmas - pancreatic cancer

A difficult few months.

--------------------
'You must never give way for an answer. An answer is always the stretch of road that's behind you. Only a question can point the way forward.'
Mika; in Hello? Is Anybody There?, Jostein Gaardner

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Doone
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Latchkey Kid for strength and peace [Votive]
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Martin60
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Well. Here we are again. Second PSA test results abnormal, 6.5 (whatever that means, again I think) in 9 weeks. You guys are the first to know [Smile] Haven't the courage to Google [Smile] Biopsy Tuesday.

Life is going to get complicated for a while!

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Love wins

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Doone
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Sorry Martin [Tear]
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Martin60
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Dunno why, but that makes me smile Doone. Thank you.

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Love wins

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Bishops Finger
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[Votive] (is this allowed in Hell?)

Anyhoo....all the best, Martin. It's not just cancer that sucks, it's the waiting to find out as well (but you knew that).

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Prayers are always allowed on this thread. Here is one for you.

[Votive]

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Patdys
Iron Wannabe
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Fuck brain mets.
Fuck confusion.
Fuck having to break my parents hearts and look for alternate accommodation.
Fuck cancer.

And I add my angry prayer Martin.

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Marathon run. Next Dream. Australian this time.

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Martin60
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I love you guys, I really do.

A fear filled night, not as bad as two months ago. You can only take so much dread. After a while it's boring. Told me BIL at a party last night as he was pissed and boring in on how other things are going - being my mother's carer. Told the missus this morning as she was busy preparing the party yesterday. She compartmentalizes like a bloke! Files it away and gets on, which is actually comforting. I won't tell me mother till I'm dead.

The missus thought something was up because I had the occasional look of dread about me. I never leak knowingly. But everyone was going on about how hard it must be losing my job and looking after my mother and I usually bluff it out but I didn't have the energy because that wasn't at the top of the spike. So BIL took me out for a ceegar. Despite this going on since September 4th the missus forgets about it, which is good. I had until the final check that everything was all right said it wasn't yesterday.

Och well.

I thought of a good line for when I'm in the hospice to the question, "How're you doing?": "It should be "How're you dying?" I think", or may be just "How'm I dying? Just fine thanks.".

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Love wins

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Nick Tamen

Ship's Wayfaring Fool
# 15164

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[Votive] Martin

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Bishops Finger
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[Votive] Martin (Braveheart)

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Oh, Martin. [Votive]
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Huia
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# 3473

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Shit Martin, crying over my keyboard is going to cause something to short circuit or something.

Planning one-liners for the hospice shows me that while your body may be sick, your mind remains uniquely you, that is something I've always appreciated in your posts.

Huia
[Votive]

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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Martin60
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I'll be so embarrassed if I'm alive in six months.

A year would be unforgivable.

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Love wins

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Martin60
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Patdys, Patdys. Whose brain mets? One of your folks?

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Love wins

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Here's hoping for Martin's big day of embarrassment! May his face be red as a ripe tomato as we all tease him unmercifully, all day long.
[Yipee]

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Patdys
Iron Wannabe
RooK-Annoyer
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quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:

I thought of a good line for when I'm in the hospice to the question, "How're you doing?": "It should be "How're you dying?" I think", or may be just "How'm I dying? Just fine thanks.".

A good* hospice person will ask...
'Is there something I can do for you right now to make today better for you...'- That'll stuff you up.

Martin, it is ok to be scared. And I hope the result is much better than you are expecting. And it may well be.

[And me mum. But my Dad can't do without her. They are incredibly fragile and both breaking in front of me. So both of them.]


*Yes, I know. It's a generalisation.

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Marathon run. Next Dream. Australian this time.

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Stercus Tauri
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quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
I'll be so embarrassed if I'm alive in six months.

A year would be unforgivable.

Martin... Just remember that each one of us is just a single data point on a bloody great graph of survival stats. There are a few unlucky sods down in the bottom left hand corner who are dragging the line down, but a lot of us are floating around above the line; some close to it, but plenty well clear of it. If you bet against yourself now and then show up at a shipmeet, it could cost you a lot of beer.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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Nick Tamen

Ship's Wayfaring Fool
# 15164

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quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
I'll be so embarrassed if I'm alive in six months.

That's okay. The rest of us will be thankful. [Biased]

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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mdijon
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quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
(whatever that means, again I think)

It's not very high to be honest. If it's cancer it's very early. Either way you will be here in 6 months and 1 year and I'll bet you 5 pints at 1:10 odds for both time points.

(Unfortunately alcohol increases the risk of cancer but it reduces heart attacks and strokes, so balances out. In theory you could drink all 50 pints on one day and polish yourself off instantly but you won't win so the bet won't harm your health.)

Take it easy.

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mdijon nojidm uoɿıqɯ ɯqıɿou
ɯqıɿou uoɿıqɯ nojidm mdijon

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Martin60
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# 368

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Sheesh. I get the dreads twice in three months and you all go 'Dah'. And I get a Mars Curiosity rover with auger driven up my willy again on Tuesday.

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Love wins

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Martin60
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And Patdys, Patdys. Tears, shaking my head. You told us about this before I recall. And again. The useless bloody tears mate.

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Love wins

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Landlubber
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Martin - prayers today and through yet another wait for results. (Patdys and parents, praying for you, too.)

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They that go down to the sea in ships … reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Yes, it's Tuesday. I hope Martin's camera up the willie procedure is accompanied by the lovely anesthesia I had with camera up the colon. My husband says I asked the doctor the same question three times and told all the nurses they were beautiful. Yes, I'm one of those, "I love you, man," drunks.

Prayers for Martin. [Votive]

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no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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Stomach. They thought it was GERD (which means acid leaks from tummy to esophagus, gastro esophagus reflex something). Now they want a scope down to take a look. I don't like the word "neoplasm". Which is what they think they're looking for now. Had the barium swallow, which is chalk that coats the guts and allows xrays. They saw something, which I hope is the frog in my throat swam down for a minute.

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We must learn to live in harmony with nature. If we don't cease believing we can master and dominate it, life on Earth may be crippled or destroyed.
(formerly known more succinctly as "no prophet"), either way not be taken seriously. \_(ツ)_/

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Martin60
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# 368

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no prophet's flag is set so...

Keep telling the story here.

Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

--------------------
Love wins

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Jamat
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# 11621

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quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
no prophet's flag is set so...

Keep telling the story here.

Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

Hey Martin,
You are a brave man. Not much comfort when the body falls apart. This is not all saints of course but angry thoughts and prayers at the plague!
Jamat

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Jamat ..in utmost longditude, where Heaven
with Earth and ocean meets, the setting sun slowly descended, and with right aspect
Against the eastern gate of Paradise. (Milton Paradise Lost Bk iv)

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748

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quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

Could be worse... [Snigger]

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Lost in Space

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Stercus Tauri
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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

Could be worse... [Snigger]
You evil swine. You just had to post that, didn't you?

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
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I didn't have to.

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Lost in Space

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Martin60
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# 368

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quote:
Originally posted by Jamat:
quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
no prophet's flag is set so...

Keep telling the story here.

Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

Hey Martin,
You are a brave man. Not much comfort when the body falls apart. This is not all saints of course but angry thoughts and prayers at the plague!
Jamat

Thanks mate. Means a lot. I get so scared I can't breathe, think or sh.. Seeing the funny side with you lot helps. And being stark and real and dark and feeling the ... love. I took it a tad too far when my sister's Rottweiler was put down a week ago though, I was quite pleased with this on her FaceBook obituary: "I'll always be a part of her. Bitch bit me!". My niece wasn't ...

[ 16. November 2016, 23:09: Message edited by: Martin60 ]

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Love wins

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mdijon
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quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
"I'll always be a part of her. Bitch bit me!". My niece wasn't ...

Not surprised. Disgraceful way to talk about your niece.

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mdijon nojidm uoɿıqɯ ɯqıɿou
ɯqıɿou uoɿıqɯ nojidm mdijon

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Doone
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And there was me thinking you are quite the gentleman Martin [Snigger]

[ 17. November 2016, 18:00: Message edited by: Doone ]

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Stomach. They thought it was GERD (which means acid leaks from tummy to esophagus, gastro esophagus reflex something). Now they want a scope down to take a look. I don't like the word "neoplasm". Which is what they think they're looking for now. Had the barium swallow, which is chalk that coats the guts and allows xrays. They saw something, which I hope is the frog in my throat swam down for a minute.

They "saw something?" See, that makes me mad. They told you they saw something but they wont tell you exactly what for awhile. They should have just pretended total ignorance until the results come back. Jeeze.

I've had GERD (gastro esophageal reflux disease) for a few years now and it's tolerable so long as I don't do anything crazy like eat something with flavor. Every time my doctor suggests the tests you're having I say, "No no no no no, it's not that bad, I shouldn't have even mentioned it, don't bother yourself," and so on.

Let us know when you hear something.

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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No_prophet, we've been there all the way in my family, and I'm on that road personally myself. It's no fun, but even if they do find something (damn neoplasms) there is stuff they can do to try to reset the esophagus, which I did not realize from my google searching. So be of slightly better cheer.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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SusanDoris

Incurable Optimist
# 12618

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This morning I have read the last two pages. No prayers from me of course [Smile] , but many thoughts and hopes for outcomes that can be coped with. I understand the fears etc having had cancer many years ago.

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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by SusanDoris:
This morning I have read the last two pages. No prayers from me of course [Smile] , but many thoughts and hopes for outcomes that can be coped with. I understand the fears etc having had cancer many years ago.

Thank you, SusanDoris."Having had cancer many years ago," is one of the most encouraging phrases in the language. I was in the dentist chair, once, while waiting for a breast biopsy to come back and my hygienist causally said she had, had breast cancer a few years ago and it was really no big deal. I just loved her for that, because it wasn't the cancer I feared so much as the "big deal."
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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Double posting to say I just got a call saying my polyps were negative and I don't have colon cancer after all. I feel a peculiar lightness of being rather like falling in love. Can't wait till Son gets home from work so I can tell him. He was ten times more worried than I was. Hubs, on the other hand, had forgotten all about it and couldn't imagine why the hospital would be calling me of all people. Our family in a nutshell.

I'm a little embarrassed, as Martin thinks he will be after it's all over, but I embrace the embarrassment, in fact I sort of love the embarrassment and look forward to sharing it with Martin and No Prophet and anyone else who is the least bit worried.

Prayers for all and thank you for letting me fret here.

Posts: 6446 | From: Ohio | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Doone
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# 18470

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Twilight [Smile] [Axe murder]
Posts: 1814 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015  |  IP: Logged
Helen-Eva
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# 15025

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quote:
Originally posted by SusanDoris:
I understand the fears etc having had cancer many years ago.

I also had cancer quite a few years ago, which I mention to try to add more encouragement.

Prayers for Martin60 and Patdys and family. [Votive] [Votive]
Hurrah for every medical development that improves the odds.

[ 18. November 2016, 21:14: Message edited by: Helen-Eva ]

--------------------
I thought the radio 3 announcer said "Weber" but it turned out to be Webern. Story of my life.

Posts: 557 | From: London, hopefully in a theatre or concert hall, more likely at work | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
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# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
Double posting to say I just got a call saying my polyps were negative and I don't have colon cancer after all.

YES [Yipee]

Stay that way. [Big Grin]

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Martin60
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# 368

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Twilight. I can't breathe. And not because of fear. I just made an 'umph' noise and cried. Bloody self-piteous projecting wimp.

[ 18. November 2016, 23:35: Message edited by: Martin60 ]

--------------------
Love wins

Posts: 15116 | From: More Corieltauvi than Dobunni now. | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Martin60
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# 368

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Ken is the act to follow for me. A bloody hard one.

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Love wins

Posts: 15116 | From: More Corieltauvi than Dobunni now. | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Me too, Martin, I will always miss Ken.
Thanks everybody.

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Martin60
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# 368

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You're all bloody frauds, who the hell here HASN'T had or got a cancer scare or worse had their heart torn out by it? You're frauds because before I came along going AAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!! OH GOD NOOOOO!!!!! you were all frightfully British about it.

--------------------
Love wins

Posts: 15116 | From: More Corieltauvi than Dobunni now. | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged



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