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Source: (consider it) Thread: Difficult relatives
Jemima the 9th
Shipmate
# 15106

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Well, yeah alright, perhaps I was a bit tetchy. But my contention remains that maybe the mentally ill need psychiatric input, not fucking prayer ministry and prn diazepam.

Oh dear.

Posts: 801 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged
John Holding

Coffee and Cognac
# 158

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quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Old literature were my first independent reads. Dickens at 8 or 9 and Chaucer soon after. I encountered a number of words no longer currently used. Including niggardly. I am not offended per se by its use, but find it odd. It is homophonic with nigger and we humans tend to associate similar sounding words, which is why people mistake the origins of the two. So I find it odd to choose to use an archaic word sounding so similar to an offensive one.

While I agree that "niggardly" is a little on the archaic side, I have to question your implicit assertion that anyone hearing it will associate it with "nigger". I'm reasonably certain that in my part of Canada "nigger" hasn't been used in normal speech for a couple of decades, and that for a large number of people under the age of 25 or 30 it's a pair of meaningless syllables. THe only way I ever see it in print or hear it in speech is when (much) older people criticise unspecified "people" for using it, or referring to it, or remembering when it was in popular use a fair number of years before.

If a word has effectively died out of use, as it has here, how can other words be depredated because they sound like it?

John

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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You guys are amazing.

John, am I missing something, or is your abusive uncle personally effecting the semantic evolution of the word" niggardly"?If not, why are we still turning a thread entitled, " Difficult Relatives" into a review of the English lexicon?

I mean, I understand this is the Ship and these indeed are the things that provoke white hot rage around here-- but where does the desperate need for accuracy disappear to when the topic of " properly categorizing rants" comes up?

Jesus, word nerds, get a blog!

[ 24. April 2014, 15:56: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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Are we going to have to find a new name for Scunthorpe? [Biased]

--------------------
"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Not you, too!

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Oh for fuck's sake, people.

Be glad we're not related, or else you'd be seeing your exploits plastered all over this thread.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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relative (noun): a person connected to oneself by common genetics and/or marriage.

relative (adjective): considered or compared by reference to something else, such as the difference between the etymology of a word, its current meaning, and whether it is a homophone or near-homophone for a word with a different etymology or meaning.

relevance (noun): something that some relatives have in relation to this thread, and others don't.

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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

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The Phantom Flan Flinger
Shipmate
# 8891

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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
Are we going to have to find a new name for Scunthorpe? [Biased]

Yes, it's going to be called Smyfatherhorpe.

(Making an effort to drag this thread kicking and screaming back on topic).

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http://www.faith-hope-and-confusion.com/

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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017

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Jemima, were you answering a different page, or a different thread..?

This morning, I wished all my relatives dead, so I could just be left in peace. But that's a bit extreme, even for here.

I've regained some kind of... grip...
Wouldn't be adverse to falling through a time hole into another dimension, tho. Doctor...?

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Jemima the 9th
Shipmate
# 15106

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No, this thread, honest. I was on topic, even if everyone else was nattering (interestingly, as it happens) about Dickens and stuff. [Biased]

It turned out at the top of the page which made the post look even weirder than my original not-particularly-coherent rant at the DR.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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quote:
Originally posted by Taliesin:
Jemima, were you answering a different page, or a different thread..?

This morning, I wished all my relatives dead, so I could just be left in peace. But that's a bit extreme, even for here.

I've regained some kind of... grip...
Wouldn't be adverse to falling through a time hole into another dimension, tho. Doctor...?

Not only do I think you are not alone, but I think you have formed a good basis for a drinking game, there. [Big Grin]

Louie Anderson had a bit about wishing he had a gun that would kill people dead for five minutes, just for those moments.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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I've recently finished watching the first series of the French show, The Returned (season 2 is in the works apparently). There are a couple of instances of people finding that killing family members isn't permanent.

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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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After spending Easter with my family I've decided that they're all difficult.

I am the only perfect one.

Or vice versa.

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Thirty years ago I returned to the UK after a six year stint abroad. There were personal and professional reasons for moving to London in the south east, but high amongst them was keeping the length of the country between me and my sister (living in the north east.) It was that or a potential life sentence for sororicide.

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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Louie Anderson had a bit about wishing he had a gun that would kill people dead for five minutes, just for those moments.

A tranquiliser gun has much the same effect in practice.

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Hail Gallaxhar

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Lord Jestocost
Shipmate
# 12909

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I thought readers of this thread might appreciate Dysfunctional Families: the Role Playing Game.
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
I've recently finished watching the first series of the French show, The Returned (season 2 is in the works apparently). There are a couple of instances of people finding that killing family members isn't permanent.

It isn't a permanent solution. I'm sure the elimination of one troublesome relation merely opens a vacancy into which another one steps.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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jbohn
Shipmate
# 8753

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quote:
Originally posted by Lord Jestocost:
I thought readers of this thread might appreciate Dysfunctional Families: the Role Playing Game.

That's stellar, that is - if a bit close to home... [Biased]

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We are punished by our sins, not for them.
--Elbert Hubbard

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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That is fucking fantastic.

And did you read the comments? It's us! It's us!

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032

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quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
I agree, but who in the last, I don't know 50 years, would use niggardly without thinking about the word nigger? At best it demonstrates a profound lack of social awareness.
The very reason that the words are conflated is the same which should temper its use.

I would use the word 'niggardly' without thinking about the word 'nigger'. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Is there some reason why 'nigger' should come into someone's mind when the word 'niggardly' is used? (Apart from reasons of stupidity or ignorance, of course.)

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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Thread. In Purg. Exists.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017

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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
I've recently finished watching the first series of the French show, The Returned (season 2 is in the works apparently). There are a couple of instances of people finding that killing family members isn't permanent.

It isn't a permanent solution. I'm sure the elimination of one troublesome relation merely opens a vacancy into which another one steps.
I didn't want to kill one of them, I just wanted them all to be dead.

Or me. Either might have the same net effect, for me, anyway.

It felt, on that morning, that all of them just take my energy, relentlessly. It's not really true...
Mostly....

Do I sound like the mom in the dysfunctional family game yet???

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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quote:
Role: The trophy son
Consistency: High (always does exactly what he's told)
Capability: High (so much higher than everyone else's trophy!)
Charm: Low / irrelevant (better that he's seen and not heard anyway, he might distract from my vicarious glory)
Tapes tagline: "I'm so proud of you for making me look good!"
Destiny: Keep being successful, to distract from / excuse everyone else being dysfunctional.

I like it. It perhaps describes why, my socio-economic grouping having recently moved rapidly from A to C2, I find my father no longer speaks to me! Well, every cloud...

--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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quote:
Originally posted by Taliesin:
I didn't want to kill one of them, I just wanted them all to be dead.

Just today an acquaintance of mine said her whole family was dead, and sometimes she feels bad about that, and sometimes she is grateful.

I basically said "OMG you are the second person in 24 hours I have heard something like that from."

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017

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Ok, thank you, I now know I don't mean it.

I just get, you know, tired...

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orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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At one point, I was in danger of becoming the Trophy Son in my best friend's family.

I'm not kidding. And boy was it awkward.

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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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I haven't seen one of my sibs for 9 years, another for 7 (my choice): the children say the effect on our family has only been positive, but I sometimes find myself feeling guilty because I don't feel guilty about not seeing them.

The sib in the middle used to keep on about how awkward it made life for them, but I refused to rise to the bait. The other two are constantly pumping them for information about us which is having the effect of alienating the middle sib from them as well.

As my children point out, I have a core group of friends of nearly 50 years' standing - the two sibs I don't see seem to have a complete change of 'best friends' roughly every 3 years.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
At one point, I was in danger of becoming the Trophy Son in my best friend's family.

I'm not kidding. And boy was it awkward.

One of the bits of damage I am trying to undo is parental tendency to paint one sibling as a trophy in the other's presence. Boy, was it fun when Sis and I finally compared notes.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176

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Just popped in to bitch a teensy-tiny bit about my dear mother. She felt the most appropriate way to tell me that my dad had died was to send me an email. AN EMAIL FFS.

Seriously, who thinks like that? You email recipies, or cute pics of the cats or banal news about the weather. Not major, life-shaking, gut-wrenching, horrible news. [Mad]

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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs

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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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When my daughter accepted the hand of the man who is now her husband, she sent me an Instant Message. In its entirety it read "He gave me a ring." I immediately IM'ed back, "What is this HE? what is this RING?"

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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By email. Ouch.

Can I bitch about the stepson who has not even YET informed us about our granddaughter's birth (just turned two), and we've had to worm all the info out of other relatives he does bother to tell? God knows why. I suspect a certain someone told him a pack of lies about us, but at age 40 he ought to know better and investigate crap on his own.

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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chive

Ship's nude
# 208

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When I was a student my mother phoned to tell me my greatly beloved grandmother had died. I was hugely distressed, only to become more so as she then told me to get the train to another city and find my siblings as she 'didn't want them to find out over the phone.'

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'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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quote:
When my daughter accepted the hand of the man who is now her husband, she sent me an Instant Message. In its entirety it read "He gave me a ring."
"Perhaps you'd like to pay me the same courtesy" [Big Grin]

--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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quote:
Originally posted by chive:
When I was a student my mother phoned to tell me my greatly beloved grandmother had died. I was hugely distressed, only to become more so as she then told me to get the train to another city and find my siblings as she 'didn't want them to find out over the phone.'

Wow. We gotta start scoring this shit like Olympic gymnastic judges.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Dennis the Menace
Shipmate
# 11833

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quote:
Originally posted by BessHiggs:
Just popped in to bitch a teensy-tiny bit about my dear mother. She felt the most appropriate way to tell me that my dad had died was to send me an email. AN EMAIL FFS.

Seriously, who thinks like that? You email recipies, or cute pics of the cats or banal news about the weather. Not major, life-shaking, gut-wrenching, horrible news. [Mad]

A few years ago my Dad's only sister passed away and her son, my ditzy cousin, wrote letters to all our relatives to inform them of her death and to this day I have no idea whether she was buried or cremated or where her remains are. He just flatly refused to share that info.

Said relatives did not attend the memorial service, a couple of them were quite offended by the letter.

I was and still am devasted by this as aunty and I were very close.

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"Till we cast our crowns before Him; Lost in wonder, love, and praise."

Posts: 853 | From: Newcastle NSW Australia | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Years back, when my grandma died, someone on our end dorked up and forgot to inform a cousin that was distant to us but close to her. She chose to express her bitterness about this on her RSVP to my wedding invitation.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
basso

Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228

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My sister -- the one who notified me of the existence of my unsuspected brother a couple of weeks ago -- likes being the center of the family. All info should go through her. It took her a couple of years to let me know that my brother and his partner had had their second child. (Bro doesn't much want to have anything to do with me either.)
Sis hasn't coughed up new brother's contact info yet. Tracking him down will be a task for next week. Is it wicked to think of being able to call her and say ¨btw, I had lunch with T. the other day?¨

Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Very. Go for it!! [Two face]

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Helen-Eva
Shipmate
# 15025

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quote:
Originally posted by BessHiggs:
Just popped in to bitch a teensy-tiny bit about my dear mother. She felt the most appropriate way to tell me that my dad had died was to send me an email. AN EMAIL FFS.
[Mad]

My father informed me of my grandmother's death by text message.

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I thought the radio 3 announcer said "Weber" but it turned out to be Webern. Story of my life.

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Heavenly Anarchist
Shipmate
# 13313

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Several of my older siblings do not talk to my sister and her daughter. So when my mother was admitted to a hospice for her last few days I clearly asked them whether my sister knew she was there and it was confirmed that she did. So when my sister and niece did not show up in the next 2 days I tentatively approached my niece. They had not been told [Mad]

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Posts: 2831 | From: Trumpington | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged
Nicolemr
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# 28

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I have no problem with my siblings. My cousins however are a different story. Having trouble with my cousin now too long and complicated to get into but involving her take charge nature and her lack of faith in my brother's ability to handle things. It's all very upsetting and I don't know what to do.

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Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Autenrieth Road

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# 10509

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Tonight I'm googling "my mother is insane." I should probably also be googling "I am a sad codependent fuck" and "Enough of this shit".

I don't know how the fuck I got into the habit of always trying to just absorb it when she says irrational things. But I don't know what the fuck else to do, since trying to challenge what she says is just met with an impenetrable wall of refusal to acknowledge that she's said anything which is in the slightest way wierd.

Well, fuck this shit. I'm done being the codependent caring patsy.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Double triple quadruple fuckety fuck fuck fuck.

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Truth

Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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AR - I've been withdrawing in a situation like yours for about the last 3 or 4 years. From me, she now gets polite (perhaps sometimes even warm - I do my best) conversations about facts, and monosyllables about feelings and opinions - I'll no longer be drawn. She's just about starting to behave herself, which may be timely as she's no spring chicken.

I tried the same technique with the father, who as I may have mentioned upthread has now withdrawn entirely from conversation. That has its own recompense, I guess. It remains to be seen if this is permanent.

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Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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Take my mother in law...

PLEASE take my mother in law!

Her youngest child, a son of 40+, is in hospital awaiting a bypass operation on Tuesday and we are seeking blood donors of the right group. I was sitting next to her at lunch today at a neighbour's child's birthday bash and told her that a friend, M, was travelling into the city with me tomorrow to donate blood for the operation and she went all snooty in her attitude. M is of a different [and theoretically lower] caste.

Luckily she didn't say anything and anyway we speak different languages but I could have slapped her! M is giving up at least half a day's work and a pint or so of blood to help keep her son alive!

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Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Autenrieth Road

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# 10509

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Thanks, Mark.

Welease, apparently my mother is moonlighting as your mother-in-law!

When my father was having prostate surgery, my mother started calling and pestering the surgeon's office to be sure no black nurses would be assisting. My father eventually found out and informed the surgeon's office that my mother was to be no way involved in decisions for his surgery, and not to take her calls.

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Truth

Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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AR, change the subject in a more or less obvious fashion. More if you're feeling angry, less if you don't want to get into it that day. So...

Mother: "Your sister's behaving like a total idiot, don't you agree?"
You: "Nice weather we're having isn't it?"/"Have you seen my cell phone?" / "There was a leprechaun at the bottom of the garden today"

She will of course catch on, and likely punish you with angry silence for a while--but that can be a nice vacation. And eventually some learn.

My own example of this no longer brings up those subjects around me. It took about four years, but hey, it's REAL nice.

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Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Autenrieth Road

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# 10509

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Thanks, Lamb.

I'm completely sick of this shit. I'm sick of words being used in nonsensical ways, and I'm sick of there being topics I mustn't bring up, and I'm sick of the fact that my wonderful insightful best friend ALSO has topics that I mustn't bring up, and I'm sick of standing silently by while my mother refuses to pass the peace with black people at church, and I'm ever so fucking sick of trying to be helpful and complaisant and nice.

Sick sick sick fucking sick of it.

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Truth

Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Wodders, you deserve a medal for even sitting next to your Mother-in-law (Who likes me, for some reason [Eek!] ) And give M a big hug from his friend, Pete)

[ 04. May 2014, 15:30: Message edited by: PeteC ]

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Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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AR, you remind me that there are seasons in life. Welcome to the season of being pissed off! [Snigger]

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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quote:
Originally posted by Autenrieth Road:
When my father was having prostate surgery, my mother started calling and pestering the surgeon's office to be sure no black nurses would be assisting.

Is it so very wrong of me to be hoping that your mother one day is in trouble or distress with only black people in a position to help?

Is it even more wrong of me to hope that they don't help and say they understand she wouldn't want them to help?

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Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged



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