|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: Difficult relatives
|
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
|
Posted
When my mother was a small child some idiot showed her pictures of the Japanese atrocities in Manchuria. Those, combined with constantly being told that Japanese troops would invade NZ and rape all the women, left her with a fear and hatred of Japanese people. Then one day she was at a Eucharist in the Cathedral and the person standing next to her was a young Japanese tourist holding his son.
When it came time for the Peace she reached out and touched the boy's hand saying, "Peace be with you." She later said that, seeing the care the young man had for his son and the innocence of the child that they were people just like her, not the monsters of her childhood.
I think it was a very healing experience for her.
Huia
--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
|
Posted
Lamb and orfeo: ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Codependency number 9001: bringing my mother a piece of the communion bread (broke my piece in half at the communion station, ate one half, carried the other half back) because she won't take communion from our new, female, rector. Fortunately no-one pointed at me as I left the station: "EAT IT! EAT IT NOW!"
She did shake hands with the rector at the peace, and didn't complain once about hearing the service in a woman's voice instead of a man's voice, so I'm counting that as progress.
It's just impossible to know: am I being a loving daughter, or am I being an idiot co-opted by insanity? Alcohol isn't the issue, but dysfunction similar to that of alcoholic families certainly is, so I'm going to Al Anon to help myself.
--------------------
Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Caissa
Shipmate
# 16710
|
Posted
I think it is more the latter although I understand your rationale. Is your mother opposed to female priests or just this particular one?
Posts: 972 | From: Saint John, N.B. | Registered: Oct 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Autenrieth Road:
Lamb and orfeo:
Codependency number 9001: bringing my mother a piece of the communion bread (broke my piece in half at the communion station, ate one half, carried the other half back) because she won't take communion from our new, female, rector. Fortunately no-one pointed at me as I left the station: "EAT IT! EAT IT NOW!"
She did shake hands with the rector at the peace, and didn't complain once about hearing the service in a woman's voice instead of a man's voice, so I'm counting that as progress.
It's just impossible to know: am I being a loving daughter, or am I being an idiot co-opted by insanity? Alcohol isn't the issue, but dysfunction similar to that of alcoholic families certainly is, so I'm going to Al Anon to help myself.
...yeah, personally I would draw the line at taking her communion wafers. Besides, if they're not okay coming from a female rector, how are they any more okay if they've passed through your laity hands? You ain't blessing them properly if the rector isn't.
Point out to her that Jesus accepted gifts from women.
[ 05. May 2014, 12:58: Message edited by: orfeo ]
--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
|
Posted
Caissa, I don't know what I think but I'm getting to the point of suspecting that my codependency goes very deep, in ways I haven't got the slightest clue about, so I'm taking what you say on board.
Orfeo, good point.
She objects to all women priests. For her own idiodyncratic reasons, not for the reasons people usually have.
[ 05. May 2014, 13:57: Message edited by: Autenrieth Road ]
--------------------
Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
If you have Relate in your neck of the woods, they do therapy on family dynamics, and will see just the one person for that I believe. They are usually a pay what you can afford service, might be more directly helpful than an addiction focused service - if you are not dealing with an addiction problem.
Link
[ 05. May 2014, 17:18: Message edited by: Doublethink ]
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
(N.B The online livechat service is free.)
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
AR, your mom sounds like she stepped straight out of a Pat Conroy novel. Holy shit. ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
And I thought the same thing Orpheo did-- how is some lay-daughter running interference supposed to remove priestly girl cooties?
In other news, Mother's Day in the US is next Sunday. I was tickled to see a non- sweetie pie
commercial for us daughters with trying mothers, for a change.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
|
Posted
Couldn't hear the commercial. Could anyone else? all the sound levels on my computer were set to high. ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
(synopsis) girl asks if necklace is right for mom, sales guy performs generic nagging mom character to demo necklace.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
|
Posted
Thanks, KA.
--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
tessaB
Shipmate
# 8533
|
Posted
Particularly loved "Is this your hair now, is that what it's going to be?"
--------------------
tessaB
eating chocolate to the glory of God
Holiday cottage near Rye
Posts: 1068 | From: U.K. | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
Friend of mine had her younger sister greet her coming back from a salon with, "are you happy with your hair that way?"
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
|
Posted
Kelly, now I'm curious to try out a Pat Conroy novel. Cautiously though, in case it's so close to reality it sends me running screaming to the hills.
The fictional characters that have reminded me greatly of my mother are Mary Tyrone in Long Day's Journey Into Night, and Blanche duBois in A Streetcar Named Desire. Completely cocooned in their own unreal version of the world.
--------------------
Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tessaB:
Particularly loved "Is this your hair now, is that what it's going to be?"
Bwah! That must be the partner for, "Is that what you're wearing?" You could write a good sit-com with this material, Tessa.
Once when my son was little, I came home from the beauty shop, and he burst into tears.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
Friend's mother often greeted her with Oh dear, your hair is looking all Myra Hindley again and on the morning of her wedding opined I should have told you sooner but that dress does nothing for you.
When I bumped into the mother after friend had announced her first pregnancy her mother broadcast to a full-ish parish hall Poor little thing - lets hope it looks like neither parent! At that point I just lost it and said that as long as her potential grandchild inherited its temperament from its parents, rather than its grandmother, it would be fine with me.
This lady is still happily bitching away at 97 - they had to move her from one care home because she caused such uproar.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
quote:
Originally posted by tessaB:
Particularly loved "Is this your hair now, is that what it's going to be?"
Bwah! That must be the partner for, "Is that what you're wearing?" You could write a good sit-com with this material, Tessa..
After years of hearing this stuff from my (mostly endearing) mom, I realized that if I ever won the Nobel Prize/ Oscar/ Grammy/ Pulitzer / whatever her very first response would be, "I hope you can do something with your hair" or "what in the world will you wear?". On the flip side, her default response to any life tragedy-- divorce, death, unemployment, incarceration, hospitalization-- was to buy shoes. Which worked out better in some situations than in others.
The most aggravating/amusing was the tendency to comment on my weight at every meeting, so that one day it would be "have you lost weight?" then the very next day, "did you gain weight?".
Ah, but these are small nothings compared to some of the other c*** that's been shared here.
--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
This lady is still happily bitching away at 97 - they had to move her from one care home because she caused such uproar.
There comes a point where it'd be good to slip into conversation, ever so subtly, the proposition that euthanasia should be available for those who continually indicate that life is one big miserable disappointment.
[ 07. May 2014, 02:52: Message edited by: orfeo ]
--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
At that point I just lost it and said that as long as her potential grandchild inherited its temperament from its parents, rather than its grandmother, it would be fine with me.
You are awesome. Just had to say that.
One of my best memories is of a family friend going off on my dad when he insulted me in public for the thousandth time. Don't underestimate how much damage a gesture like that can undo.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
tessaB
Shipmate
# 8533
|
Posted
Just come home from seeing 'The Mother'!!!!
Best comment of the day "All three of you girls take after your father, not one of you takes after me" long pause "Such a pity"
I did have to ask her if she had looked in a mirror recently as myself and older sister would have a really hard time disowning her (believe me we've tried ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif) )
--------------------
tessaB
eating chocolate to the glory of God
Holiday cottage near Rye
Posts: 1068 | From: U.K. | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
I don't know if I could have resisted the urge to answer, " I've always been grateful for that..."
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
|
Posted
Some years ago there was a thread titled "Ask Sine" in which Sine Nomine (now there's a much-missed Shippie) gave advice to anyone on any subject.
Marvin has since hosted a "Dear Marvin" thread to good effect and now it looks like Kelly is shaping for a run at it.
Whatever happens, I don't think AS or Heaven should host it.
--------------------
"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
Some years ago there was a thread titled "Ask Sine" in which Sine Nomine (now there's a much-missed Shippie) gave advice to anyone on any subject.
Ask Sine was one of THE BEST threads ever! It's worth a visit to Oblivion when one has a couple of hours to spare.
I miss Sine!
![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif)
--------------------
"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
chive
Ship's nude
# 208
|
Posted
The night before last I was curled up in bed trying to get some sleep as I started work at 5.30am yesterday morning. My mother phoned at 11.30 and got me out of bed to answer (late night phone calls = emergency in the mind of an anxious person). The conversation went like this:
Mother - 'I've been paid to write an article for someone and it's got to be in at nine tomorrow morning.'
Me - 'mmmhhh' (Sleepy sounding)
Her - 'Well because I've been on holiday I haven't had time and I need the money.'
Me - 'mmmhhh'
Her - 'If you could email it to me by seven then I could make sure it was ok.'
Me - (waking up rapidly) 'You know I'm on an early shift tomorrow.'
Her - 'Yes but you don't need that much sleep do you?''
Me - (anger levels hitting the roof) 'So you, a supposedly professional writer, sign a contract knowing you can't fulfil it because of a holiday, expect me, who hasn't written more than an email since I graduated, to write it for you, knowing nothing about the subject and wakes me up knowing I have to get up for a 12 hour shift in less than four hours and expects me to do it?'
Her - 'Yes'
Me - 'Sorry, I need to go back to bed.'
Her - 'rarara selfish bitch, I gave birth to you, blah blah blah, won't even do one small thing for me, no wonder I never loved you, wish you'd never been born rarara'
Me - 'Thankyou so much.'
Phone gets hung up. I lie in bed the rest of the night, wide awake, furious with her, myself and everyone else because my mother doesn't know the meaning of appropriate.
--------------------
'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lord Jestocost
Shipmate
# 12909
|
Posted
That takes several packets of biscuits. It would be interesting to hear the conversation in the editorial office at 9 the next day.
Posts: 761 | From: The Instrumentality of Man | Registered: Aug 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017
|
Posted
Oh.My.God, Chive. I mean, O.M.F.G.
Makes my mother look quite cuddly. Get call barring, please. Or at least a phone that shows you who is calling before you pick up. Or screen with an answer phone and switch to silent at bedtime. Or unplug the damn thing and only let people text you.
blergh.
Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chive:
Her - 'rarara selfish bitch, I gave birth to you, blah blah blah, won't even do one small thing for me, no wonder I never loved you, wish you'd never been born rarara'
If it's such a 'small thing' she should be capable of doing it herself.
It of course ISN'T a small thing. Which is why she's trying to weasel out of it and get someone else to do it. That is what is known in the trade as a blatant and manipulative lie.
[ 08. May 2014, 15:05: Message edited by: orfeo ]
--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
|
Posted
With any luck she'll be so P.O.ed she won't call for a long, long while. ![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
ETA: My thought exactly, orfeo.
[ 08. May 2014, 15:05: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]
--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Taliesin:
Oh.My.God, Chive. I mean, O.M.F.G.
Makes my mother look quite cuddly. Get call barring, please. Or at least a phone that shows you who is calling before you pick up. Or screen with an answer phone and switch to silent at bedtime. Or unplug the damn thing and only let people text you.
blergh.
More than justified. Holy shit.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
|
Posted
Chive
Well done.
Jengie
--------------------
"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
|
Posted
All of a sudden I feel quite a lot better about my tiresome relatives.
--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
| IP: Logged
|
|
Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
|
Posted
Wow. Just wow. Good for you Chive.
--------------------
On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Leaf
Shipmate
# 14169
|
Posted
Well done, Chive!
Somewhere I read that with manipulators and trolls, the best thing to do is consistently smile and nod cheerfully, and give them no payoff. "Why yes! You're right! I AM a brainless skank! Good night." <click> As with other forms of bullying, they tend to get weary when they never get the payoff/reaction they want, and move on.
To borrow one of those phrases from the Sixties, it puts the monkey right back on her own back, where it belongs, so she can deal with it. Also, I like the image of gently returning a screeching, flea-bitten monkey back to the back of such an owner. (So sue me for a little Schadenfreude.)
Posts: 2786 | From: the electrical field | Registered: Oct 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Leaf
Shipmate
# 14169
|
Posted
Sorry for the double post. Brief story of my own Difficult Relative, recently encountered.
In an entirely inappropriate social situation (because why would that matter?) she kept insisting on a project that she wants me to do, which I have successfully avoided for years.
The project? I swear I am not making this up: to listen with her to hours of audio tape (for which I am expected to secure and operate the appropriate machinery) of farewell speeches praising her. These were made thirty years ago.
"But you know these people!" she exclaims. Truthfully, I don't, but that doesn't matter. Like Kelly, I lived with this particular Difficult Relative for years, and I know how she sees me. I am aware that for her, I exist only insofar as I validate her. I am only a character in her novel - or rather, a felt-cloth figure on her flannel storyboard - with no independent existence of my own. When I ever respond in some way different from her expectations/desired response, her eyes glaze over and she moves on to other subjects.
So I respond in kind. With The Project, my eyes glaze over and I say vaguely, "Yes, yes, we really must organize that," and move on. She is so deep into her narcissism that there really is no other way with her.
I would sooner chew my own left hand off than listen to those tapes with her - it would take less time and be less painful.
[ 09. May 2014, 01:42: Message edited by: Leaf ]
Posts: 2786 | From: the electrical field | Registered: Oct 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Leaf:
I am aware that for her, I exist only insofar as I validate her. I am only a character in her novel - or rather, a felt-cloth figure on her flannel storyboard - with no independent existence of my own. When I ever respond in some way different from her expectations/desired response, her eyes glaze over and she moves on to other subjects.
You know, I have recently grasped that this is a type I've encountered several times elsewhere on the internet. Having to deal with these in 'real life', in situations where you can't just walk away, must be a huge burden.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Porridge
Shipmate
# 15405
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chive:
Me - 'mmmhhh'
Wow. A mom who's not only up for a spot of plagiarism, but wants to drag her daughter in with her. What a prize.
--------------------
Spiggott: Everything I've ever told you is a lie, including that.
Moon: Including what?
Spiggott: That everything I've ever told you is a lie.
Moon: That's not true!
Posts: 3925 | From: Upper right corner | Registered: Jan 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Caissa
Shipmate
# 16710
|
Posted
You could have negotiated an excellent fee, Chive. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
Posts: 972 | From: Saint John, N.B. | Registered: Oct 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
|
Posted
This is very instructive. Give me another year of seeing clearly the inappropriateness of others' narcissistic mothers, and I may eventually figure out how to see it clearly with my own situation -- currently even if I see it clearly in hindsight (not a given), it's still too late because I've already said and acted on "Oh, yes, of course, please let me help you." If I entered an "impersonating a doormat" sweepstakes, I think I would win hands down no-contest.
--------------------
Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
|
Posted
I realized yesterday that I am pushing 60. Enough, already. I refuse to let myself be made unhappy any more.
--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
| IP: Logged
|
|
Barefoot Friar
Ship's Shoeless Brother
# 13100
|
Posted
I've not read every post on this thread, but I've generally been following it. I just wanted to say that some of the antics are utterly unbelievable, and I wonder how in the name of all that's holy you're still sane. It's unbelievable.
--------------------
Do your little bit of good where you are; its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. -- Desmond Tutu
Posts: 1621 | From: Warrior Mountains | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Meg the Red
Shipmate
# 11838
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Autenrieth Road:
If I entered an "impersonating a doormat" sweepstakes, I think I would win hands down no-contest.
With all due respect, you'd have to unseat the reigning champion.
[nervously adjusts tiara and sash while apologizing for living]
--------------------
Chocoholic Canuckistani Cyclopath
Posts: 1126 | From: Rat Creek | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Jemima the 9th
Shipmate
# 15106
|
Posted
Good grief, chive. And well handled you. I hope the early shift wasn't too draining.
The dawning realisation that I'm only here as an actor in someone else's play is a tricky one. Especially when the DR in question is a shrink and therefore able to hand out diagnoses like smarties.
Posts: 801 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
Read up on transference, then you can diagnose right back.
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
|
Posted
Or you can be as annoying as hell by using logical fallacies, e.g. "You only say that because you're a ..." (fill in the blank). No special knowledge required. The illogic of it is precisely what's annoying.
--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
Yes, yes, yes LC: before I cut off all communication I foud the only way to cope with one of my DRs was to listen to the accusations and unpleasantness and get straight back with "I realise you feel uneasy so you're going into passive-aggressive mode - how can I help you to feel better?" Apart from one black eye it worked pretty well.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Jemima the 9th
Shipmate
# 15106
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
Read up on transference, then you can diagnose right back.
Nice one.
Also nice ones LC & L'organist (you really are brave!) If only I had the nerve......
Posts: 801 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
|
Posted
Aaah, TA...I found 'I'm OK, You're OK' (the 'easy read' introductory volume to this kind of psychotherapeutic approach, if that's what it is) quite helpful, and easy to digest. Just sayin.
--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
Ok, you are invited to lunch by friends, at noon. You get up at 8: 30, shower, begin the fundamentals of dressing at about 9, have breakfast at 9:15, begin working on hair at 9:30, dress at 10, put finishing touches on hiar at 10:30, and are pretty much ready to go by 10:45, when you leave early to get there on time.
Your daughter invites you lunch at noon. You stay in your room and give absolutely no sign of life until 9:30, when your daughter knocks on the door to see if you are still up to it, and discovers you have been sitting up watching TV for about an hour. You snap at her and delay the time to leave when she reminds you she recommended getting to the place early to the very small venue to grab a much fought-over seats. You generally behave as if the most selfish, most inconvenient thing your daughter has ever done was invite you out to lunch. The second you get home you ignore her, get on the phone, and express gushy, kindly , LOUD appreciation for every other card or note you've received.
Oh and while your daughter is occupied typing, make a big display for the neighbors of pulling out the not nearly full garbage and struggling with it-- though it is not garbage day, and daughter has repeatedly asked you to leave it for her, and there is not much at all in the bag-- because it is really important that when daughter does something kind and friendly to you, you cover your bases by making some attention getting display on the lawn in front of the house about how you have to do everything by yourself. In fact, the more help she tries to give, the more you really need to stock up those public martyr points.God forbid daughter have any reason to believe she might be useful or welcome. Desperately important that the neighbors never see her that way.
Happy fucking Mother's Day.
P.S. Fair warning-- the minute daughter goes off and spends a bit of time with people who act like they enjoy her company and appreciate her efforts-- you're sunk.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
Printer-friendly view
