|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: Difficult relatives
|
Drifting Star
Drifting against the wind
# 12799
|
Posted
Hold on - your mother is my mother-in-law?!?!!???
That makes you my sister-in-law. FanTAStic. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
--------------------
The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus
Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
Obviously I am in need of sane, genial extended family. Line forms on the left, all applications considered.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
sane
well, that's me out.
--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
Not when you factor in the phrase "by comparison." That would encompass millions.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Meg the Red
Shipmate
# 11838
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Obviously I am in need of sane, genial extended family. Line forms on the left, all applications considered.
Hmmmmmm . . . . based on this January post from the TICTH thread, I think I have a sibling for you:
quote:
Originally posted by Meg the Red:
quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
Anyone want to adopt me? Please?
Dibs!!!!!
Huia, say the word and the spare bedroom is yours! (and the cat's, unfortunately)
You're both welcome to stay as long as you promise not to fight the cat for the bottom bunk.
--------------------
Chocoholic Canuckistani Cyclopath
Posts: 1126 | From: Rat Creek | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
In other news -- OH HELL YES.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Starbug
Shipmate
# 15917
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
In other news -- OH HELL YES.
Oh. My God. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
I love the response from Ask Amy!!! ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
--------------------
“Oh the pointing again. They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?” ― The Day of the Doctor
Posts: 1189 | From: West of the New Forest | Registered: Sep 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
Right?? Right???
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Stejjie
Shipmate
# 13941
|
Posted
Oooh, in-laws...
They came across on Sunday with a small freezer from my wife's great aunt's house. They'd offered it us and we gladly accepted it, because the freezer in our fridge/freezer is too small and we've got room for it in our tiny kitchen. So far, so good.
They also offered us a microwave from the house. We said no, not because we're snobbish about microwaves (we used to have one till it broke), but because there isn't room to put it in our kitchen, we don't really have room in our house to store it anywhere and, actually, we manage quite fine without one.
So we said no... and they brought it anyway. Apparently they're going to put up a shelf in our kitchen (they seem to have problems with the "our" bit of this) on which it can go, which will make our kitchen even more cluttered. Gee, thanks...
And this is how it goes all the time. They seem to think "helping" means "jumping in and doing it for us, without bothering to ask us what we want or need". So they've booked themselves in to wallpaper our eldest daughter's room in the autumn (after we'd managed to talk them out of coming in June), without actually thinking that hey!, maybe we'd like to do it ourselves it being our house and everything. They're our constantly doing stuff for us, sometimes asking first often not, and...
I'll admit to not being the best at DIY and so on. But if they keep doing stuff for us, I'm never going to get the chance to learn and get better. And then when they're unable to come and do it for us, what do we do then?
Oh, and me and my wife are in our mid-30s. We are quite capable of making our own decisions about what we do and don't want without it constantly being overruled by "We thought we'd just..." or "We thought it'd be better if...".
![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
--------------------
A not particularly-alt-worshippy, fairly mainstream, mildly evangelical, vaguely post-modern-ish Baptist
Posts: 1117 | From: Urmston, Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
JoannaP
Shipmate
# 4493
|
Posted
Stejjie,
Are you my doppelgänger or something?
That sounds so familiar...
My in-laws moved to just round the corner, so had a spare key and looked after the house while we were away. I was always very tense coming home and until I had had my prowl to discover what they had "helpfully" thrown away for us.
--------------------
"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)
"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 1877 | From: England | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
chive
Ship's nude
# 208
|
Posted
I've solved the parental home interference in two easy steps:
a) move 500 miles away
b) develop a major anxiety disorder and labour the point that having anyone into your house exacerbates this.
Any family who come and visit me stay in a hotel, B&B or similar, which I will happily arrange (but not pay for). I am more than happy to spend time with them and take them interesting places.
Then I return to my house and whine to myself about how exhausting my family are.
--------------------
'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
|
Posted
quote:
So we said no... and they brought it anyway.
I'm glad you told us your age. I waited until my early 40s to confront this behaviour in close family, with the result that the 3-4 yr shit storm which goes with that confrontation has pushed us rather close to what might reasonably be expected to be the end of the life of one of the major players. That's a shame, because she seems to be coming around a little - though this might just be end-of-life mellowing.
With hindsight, I wish I had torpedoed the old-style relationship at least 10 (and in a fantasy life, 20) years earlier by firmly and politely 'passing on the microwave to a friend with a bigger kitchen.' You (well, let's face it, they) may yet have time to build a better relationship on your own terms with some life left in it, if you and your spouse are willing to hold your nose for a bit of a shit storm now.
cheers
Mark
--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
quetzalcoatl
Shipmate
# 16740
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chive:
I've solved the parental home interference in two easy steps:
a) move 500 miles away
b) develop a major anxiety disorder and labour the point that having anyone into your house exacerbates this.
Any family who come and visit me stay in a hotel, B&B or similar, which I will happily arrange (but not pay for). I am more than happy to spend time with them and take them interesting places.
Then I return to my house and whine to myself about how exhausting my family are.
I sometimes laugh when friends wonder aloud why their son/daughter has moved to Edinburgh/Australia/Corsica, and so on. I think I know why they have - I just got 200 miles away, and I could breathe at last!
--------------------
I can't talk to you today; I talked to two people yesterday.
Posts: 9878 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
quote:
So we said no... and they brought it anyway.
I'm glad you told us your age. I waited until my early 40s to confront this behaviour in close family, with the result that the 3-4 yr shit storm which goes with that confrontation has pushed us rather close to what might reasonably be expected to be the end of the life of one of the major players. That's a shame, because she seems to be coming around a little - though this might just be end-of-life mellowing.
With hindsight, I wish I had torpedoed the old-style relationship at least 10 (and in a fantasy life, 20) years earlier by firmly and politely 'passing on the microwave to a friend with a bigger kitchen.' You (well, let's face it, they) may yet have time to build a better relationship on your own terms with some life left in it, if you and your spouse are willing to hold your nose for a bit of a shit storm now.
cheers
Mark
This is a good good point. I put off my teenage rebellion (har har) until I was 45, not wanting to upset anybody--which meant that my mother had to deal with my adulthood at the same time she was dealing with the decline and death of her own parents. It took a year or so of not speaking before she came round.
I didn't have any better options, since we do "crisis a day" style living round here. But if you do have a quiet stretch of time, get the spat over with now. It's much harder to be firm with someone who's dying of kidney failure or what have you than with someone who is still in good health.
--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Jemima the 9th
Shipmate
# 15106
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
Low tech version, old and mildly obscure for extra irritation value.
Thank you. It's very interesting stuff, though when I first clicked the link I confess to a flashback with all of us sat round the dinner table as TA - the new and exciting thing! - was explained and various relationships dissected. At least I think that's what happened, for some reason I can't remember too well....
Posts: 801 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
|
Posted
I took some good steps for sticking up for myself yesterday -- including not expecting that DR would ever say "oh, yes I understand" so I just determined on "this is what it's going to be" and stuck to that, with occasional attempts to answer DR's distraught "why?!?!?" but not letting myself be particularly disturbed by or invested in the fact that DR Just Did Not Get It. I'm getting what I wanted to be able to take care of myself, and that's what I wanted. Good.
--------------------
Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
|
Posted
quetzalcoatl - a psychiatrist I saw briefly a few years back, when he'd finished taking the family history and managed to get his steadily rising eyebrows under control*, said that people in my situation emigrate. It was the most helpful thing he could have said because it gave me permission to say that it was such a crap relationship that I couldn't fix it on my own, and I needed to look after myself and my own child rather than keep struggling on trying to change the family relationships unilaterally.
* I think we, as in close family, managed to tick everything but everything on his little list
--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
quetzalcoatl
Shipmate
# 16740
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
quetzalcoatl - a psychiatrist I saw briefly a few years back, when he'd finished taking the family history and managed to get his steadily rising eyebrows under control*, said that people in my situation emigrate. It was the most helpful thing he could have said because it gave me permission to say that it was such a crap relationship that I couldn't fix it on my own, and I needed to look after myself and my own child rather than keep struggling on trying to change the family relationships unilaterally.
* I think we, as in close family, managed to tick everything but everything on his little list
Sound advice. It reminds me that some people, rather tragically, do feel compelled to try to fix their family, and some even sacrifice their own life to do it. I had a cousin who lived with her mother, until she died, and by then, my cousin was in her 60s, and it was all a bit late for her, to start partying or whatever. I suppose she got something out of it of course. But it's good to get away for some, a long way! Then of course, answer-machines were invented - sheer bliss! I could turn the phone off, and turn down the machine, and my ma could blather away to the machine. I vant to be alone.
--------------------
I can't talk to you today; I talked to two people yesterday.
Posts: 9878 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
In other news -- OH HELL YES.
What's more, now Mean Woman not only knows that the advice expert thinks she's a horrible person but so do the over one million people who "liked," her advice. The internet is so cool.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chive:
Then I return to my house and whine to myself about how exhausting my family are.
Oh, you had a typo... let me fix it for you:
quote:
Originally posted by chive:
Then I return to my house and wine to myself
The only way to survive...
--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
|
Posted
It is always possible to rekey your locks, you know. Mention, or create, security worries that have forced you, in prudence, to do this. (Your local paper surely has a report of some crime or other than you can use for fodder.) Then when the demand comes for a spare key, forget a lot.
I have quietly blocked a DR on Facebook. If she notices, I will speak vaguely and with confusion about FB's near-weekly software upgrades, and assure DR that all will surely be well once FB finishes upgrading, which is to say when Christ returns in glory and the heavens roll up like a scroll.
--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by quetzalcoatl:
Then of course, answer-machines were invented - sheer bliss! I could turn the phone off, and turn down the machine, and my ma could blather away to the machine. I vant to be alone.
Years ago, when I was married, the phone rang in our apartment and some spidey sense told me to let the machine pick up.
{Female relative]'s voice came on, fraught with doom and husky with despair.Went into a lengthy description of some domestic tragedy.
Former husband, from living room:" THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!"
It was a little gift he gave me.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
Friend phoned me last night to say they'd bumped into one of my sibs I'm no longer in contact with.
Sib asked how I was so friend responded "Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings but alive, well, and the children are thriving." ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
|
Posted
Don't know if ex-spouses count as relatives for the purpose of this thread, but my ex is a real winner. Vanished out of our daughter's life in her senior year of college. She just turned 24 today, so it's been over two years since he decided to ditch her. She and her husband have tried to reconnect, tried to get him to come to their wedding, but he refused and said not to contact him again. She's still saddened, and my heart breaks for her.
--------------------
On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
AmyBo
Shipmate
# 15040
|
Posted
MIL is doing the emergency a day too- she expects us to take care of her, and her house is in such a state that it would take both Husband and myself all our time just to keep up with the triage - and then there's the way she takes care of herself. We have taken all kinds of time off from work and spent more money that we ever wanted to on bailing her out of her self-made messes. But - YAY! - Husband sees what is going on. Now we just have to figure out what to do next...
Posts: 122 | From: Minnesota | Registered: Aug 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Landlubber
Shipmate
# 11055
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Nicolemr:
Don't know if ex-spouses count as relatives for the purpose of this thread, but my ex is a real winner. Vanished out of our daughter's life in her senior year of college. She just turned 24 today, so it's been over two years since he decided to ditch her. She and her husband have tried to reconnect, tried to get him to come to their wedding, but he refused and said not to contact him again. She's still saddened, and my heart breaks for her.
Hurts your daughter - belongs here for sure.
--------------------
They that go down to the sea in ships … reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man
Posts: 383 | From: On dry land | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
My biological father's last words to me was "don't call me I'll call you."
He said this because I called him for the second time in two years, after a good year hiatus. I called him because he had accidently called me when he was trying to call my sister and I decided to call him back. He didn't even leave a message explaining, he just complained to someone in the background that he thought it was Sis's number and hung up.
I thought it was a good excuse to chat with him From his reaction, you would have thought that second phone call was grounds for an RO.
Back with Mommy issues, again. I think I briefly mentioned that I was taking an early morning class last year, and my mother began shifting all her doctor's appointments to early morning on the two days of the week I had class- basically forcing me to jockey with her for the single bathroom on the mornings I got up early. It was a fourteen week class, two days a week, and I think if you totaled up every time she pulled that stunt, it would be 20 days out of the 24.
So, I have been job-seeking and have had loads of opportunity to lie in and observe her rising habits-- all this time since the class ended, she has not been getting up any earlier than 8:30 in the morning-- and that was only when absolutely necessary. She usually gets up after 9, and she had returned to her usual habit of scheduling doctor's appointments in the afternoon. (for the record, these are more or less routine or follow- the latest involved treatment for a mild rash she picked up while gardening. So, nothing life -or- death.)
I start back to work as a sub tomorrow, She just burst in to ask me when I was leaving because she schedules an early-morning doctor's appointment. (it's a follow up for the rash cream.)
So, you mothers out there, think that over-- your daughter starts back to work after a very long hiatus. My bet is your instinct would be either to give her space to get moving that day, or maybe even actively do stuff to cheer her on and support her. My mom takes that same amount of energy and uses it to find all kinds ways to remind me that my primary job is to always move out of the way for her.
I feel like I need justice, so here's where I need your help:
Every time she does something to interfere with my return to work-- and I assure you she will-- I will post a short note here. No details, just "she did it again." When you see that note, if you are willing, if you are jazzed by the idea of being an agent of divine justice, if you want to help me see that she can pick at me but she can't beat me-- throw a couple bucks/ quid in the Organ Fund. Or the charity of your choice, and PM me. Because fuck this.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
|
Posted
I'm in.
Someone's got to benefit from all the effort she puts in. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Just be ready to keep emptying your PM box.
Huia
--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
|
Posted
I'll donate to my local food pantry.
Moo
--------------------
Kerygmania host
---------------------
See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
|
Posted
I'll donate to building you an ensuite!
--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
I told her the only way I would ever consider sticking around longer than I needed to was if I could score a loan to do just that, Orfeo.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
Kelly
You must stop gibing your mother information because, AWAK, knowledge is power.
So if you take another class or add another day to your work don't tell her. Before you start the new class/work day build up a habit of early morning starts for something like long walks with visit to the library (or whatever).
Why? because once it happens a second time she's likely to tail you so you need to convince her its nothing she can cause you harm by disrupting.
I had one very controlling parent: if we wanted to go to Oxford for the day we would request Cambridge.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
|
Posted
Kelly -
Are there ways you can Not Play? Shower the night before? Start swimming an hour before work? Give up washing as a protest? Or get creative in the game - develop an 'unusual shift pattern with 7am starts' whereby if the Ma really gets the bit between her teeth, you can give it the full 'oh Mum, please don't make me late' while being an hour early and having the secret pleasure of getting her up early. You could shift the 'start' earlier and earlier, and see how tough is her resolve...
![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Drifting Star
Drifting against the wind
# 12799
|
Posted
Can I throw my mother-in-law into the mix? Actually, can I hurl her violently into it?
She is sulking because her sister-in-law, who is in hospital and unlikely to have much longer on this earth, is getting too much attention. She is annoyed because Starman is upset and isn't paying enough attention to the trivia of her life. She told Starman that she doesn't want s-i-l to be ill, so she's not going to believe that she is. That, it would seem, means not passing the news on to people who need to hear it.
And before any soft-hearted person suggests that she is grieving and in denial, nope. She just doesn't see the point of anything that doesn't put her in the centre of attention.
When s-i-l's husband died a few years ago she decided not to attend the funeral. She doesn't like funerals. But just in case anyone thought badly of her for not going, she phoned s-i-l - ie the widow - on the morning of the funeral and told her she couldn't go because she had hospital tests for cancer. Not true. Not even a little bit true. She had hospital tests the next day, but they were very specifically to check on a pre-existing, minor condition.
Oh what fun we had that day, fielding concerned enquiries about her health from people who were already grieving and feeling their own mortality.
--------------------
The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus
Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Kelly
You must stop giving your mother information because, AWAK, knowledge is power.
So if you take another class or add another day to your work don't tell her. Before you start the new class/work day build up a habit of early morning starts for something like long walks with visit to the library (or whatever).
Why? Because once it happens a second time she's likely to tail you so you need to convince her its nothing she can cause you harm by disrupting.
I had one very controlling parent: if we wanted to go to Oxford for the day we would request Cambridge.
WOW!!! I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!
(Actually, I did,.I do withhold that kind of information. Her bursting in the room was an attempt to wrangle my morning info out of me, and I simply had her tell me her schedule and reassured her that mine wouldn't interfere-- without telling her a thing about it.)
Regardless-- She did it again. (She's started booby-trapping the showerhead, which is neatly designed and easily managed. She is now leaving it twisted in a position so the next person in can't shower properly unless this thin is wrestled back into position. The entire year or so we have had it it has been just fine the way it is, and what she is doing looks like it takes a considerable effort, but she is going to come up with some bizarre health-related reason this needs to be done.)
But just to make this truly hellish-- exchange yesterday:
Me. Remember how a few days ago I told you a Shipmate I like was going into hospice? He died. You might walk in on me crying or something, and that's what it's about.(Note, I had to say this-- if she catches me crying, she pretends she doesn't notice and starts firing remarks at me until she can blame my sadness on something she said, and then she can pick a fight.)
She (perfunctory grunt of sympathy.)
Me: Yeah, I logged on just before work yesterday and found out he--
She:(abruptly) Well you shouldn't have read that before work.
Me: (After collecting my jaw) How... would I know it would be bad to read before I read it?
She: I'm just saying, that was a bad thing to read before work. You should have waited till the end of the day.
Me: How... (I stop, and walk away.)
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
|
Posted
Is it possible for you to schedule her doctors' appointments for her -- or to speak with her doctors' appointment clerks, asking them not to offer morning appointments to her? "Mother doesn't understand that she can't take morning appointments -- could you help, please?"
--------------------
"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
|
Posted
Being petty and vindictive myself, if I had to deal with the showerhead, I'd change it to a useful position, take my shower and be sure to put it back in the useless position for her.
As for your current morning stuff, I'd suggest one other addition to the early walks. Tell her you've got some offers where you have to get up early and be ready, but won't know if you have to go in until you call in the morning. So, she can have the thrill of you sitting there dressed and comfortable as she sails off to her needless doctor's appointments.
Also you're still sharing too much information about your personal life. Just tell her you've had some upsetting news. Don't tell her how you heard it or what it is. This is not a friend who can console you, but someone looking for a way to hurt you.
[ 20. May 2014, 17:59: Message edited by: Palimpsest ]
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
|
Posted
For what it's worth (maybe nix nought nothing)--I had a similar personality as boss for the past seven years, and just a year ago began answering "THANK YOU" (and nothing else) to every freaking inflammatory thing he said to me, no matter how outrageous. It really damped down the nasty interactions--it was a kind of block wall he couldn't get through. Might be helpful with your mom.
Of course, after a year of non-response, he fired my ass--so you have to consider that as well. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
Of course, folk prepared to go nuclear, could just print out this thread and give it to the offending relative
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
|
Posted
Useless to give it to my relative at least. She wouldn't see the relevance in the least. And I suspect the same for many of the personality-disordered DRs on this thread.
For example: I had to laugh (in a sad ironic way) when watching Gone With The Wind with DR and DR pointed out how Scarlett O'Hara was a fool for running off Rhett Butler with her sharp ungrateful tongue over the years. Yes, WHICH crazy relative with the sharp ungrateful tongue over the years whose husband's long-enduring love eventually got ground to dust and he divorced DR and he was remarried within the year, am I watching this movie with?
--------------------
Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
Also you're still sharing too much information about your personal life.
I was trying to stave off abuse as well as I knew how, and and maybe my state of mind had something to do with what I said.
quote:
This is not a friend who can console you, but someone looking for a way to hurt you.
I. Know. That.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
For what it's worth (maybe nix nought nothing)--I had a similar personality as boss for the past seven years, and just a year ago began answering "THANK YOU" (and nothing else) to every freaking inflammatory thing he said to me, no matter how outrageous. It really damped down the nasty interactions--it was a kind of block wall he couldn't get through. Might be helpful with your mom.
Of course, after a year of non-response, he fired my ass--so you have to consider that as well.
Yeah the only real solution is distance. In the meantime I'm hardly going to beat myself for expressing grief if I am feeling grief. If she can't handle other people's emotions, that is her problem.
Oh and DT-- when I am at a safe distance.
[ 21. May 2014, 01:39: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
|
Posted
Safe distance?
I'd be submitting asylum claims by now. Although of course, should you move to another timezone and she ever finds out your phone number, she will call in the middle of the night and show no awareness of having considered what time it is.
--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
I'd be submitting asylum claims by now.
...
...
Oh you meant political asylum.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
|
Posted
Yes, I did. Although other kinds of asylum might also come in handy.
--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
As they carted Kelly away, she kept murmuring, "She'll never find me here...'
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
|
Posted
quote:
Being petty and vindictive myself, if I had to deal with the showerhead, I'd change it to a useful position, take my shower and be sure to put it back in the useless position for her.
I heard a funny story from an ex-miner recently, about filling the end of the pneumatic line used to drive a rock drill with shit, all ready for the next shift.
Just sayin'...
--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
quote:
Being petty and vindictive myself, if I had to deal with the showerhead, I'd change it to a useful position, take my shower and be sure to put it back in the useless position for her.
I heard a funny story from an ex-miner recently, about filling the end of the pneumatic line used to drive a rock drill with shit, all ready for the next shift.
Just sayin'...
Actual "shit"?
--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
M.
Ship's Spare Part
# 3291
|
Posted
Where did they get it from? Did they produce enough themselves or what?
I've been reading this thread and wondering what said relatives would put on a shadow thread in an alternative universe.
M.
Posts: 2303 | From: Lurking in Surrey | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
|
Posted
On a Ship hell thread in an alternate universe somewhere:
"Hi, I'm AR's DR. I'm really PO'ed because my daughter is going to start seeing a therapist to complain about me! Isn't that the most awful thing you ever heard? I don't even know what she has to complain about. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif) "
--------------------
Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
Printer-friendly view
