homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Community discussion   » Hell   » Difficult relatives (Page 19)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  ...  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  ...  45  46  47 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: Difficult relatives
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
quote:
Being petty and vindictive myself, if I had to deal with the showerhead, I'd change it to a useful position, take my shower and be sure to put it back in the useless position for her.

I heard a funny story from an ex-miner recently, about filling the end of the pneumatic line used to drive a rock drill with shit, all ready for the next shift.

Just sayin'...

Well,
[Snigger] [Snigger] [Snigger]

... However, one of the points of my story is that putting yourself through an unusual amount of personal inconvenience to bug someone else for 30 seconds a day is a sign you might be nucking futz.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

 - Posted      Profile for Huia   Email Huia   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
As they carted Kelly away, she kept murmuring, "She'll never find me here...'

It wasn't you that I thought would be the one going [Big Grin]

Seriously though, if someone puts that much energy into sabotaging another person I wonder if they're playing with a full deck.

Huia

--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

 - Posted      Profile for mark_in_manchester   Email mark_in_manchester   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Actual "shit"?


Apparently yes. It seems burying it in a small hole miles (underground) from the nearest convenience, is somewhat disinhibiting / makes one scatalogically adventurous.

Or as someone else present when this story was told put it, 'aye, miners, dirty bastards, never accept a cup of tea off of one...'

--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Autenrieth Road:
On a Ship hell thread in an alternate universe somewhere:

"Hi, I'm AR's DR. I'm really PO'ed because my daughter is going to start seeing a therapist to complain about me! Isn't that the most awful thing you ever heard? I don't even know what she has to complain about. [Disappointed] "

Sissy Spacek from " The Help" -- ( deep sigh) "Well, call the press, folks, my daughter's mad at me again."

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

 - Posted      Profile for L'organist   Author's homepage   Email L'organist   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
posted by Huia
quote:
Seriously though, if someone puts that much energy into sabotaging another person I wonder if they're playing with a full deck.
Oooh, might not take that much time or energy.

But I'd also counsel against it, on the grounds that revenge is AWAK a dish best served cold and (learned in a family that makes the Mafia's ability for vendetta look amateurish) preferably has the effect of an ICBM falling from a clear blue sky.

(What you do, Kelly, is arrange to sabotage the shower head (a) once you have moved out and (b) preferably when you are away AND she knows you are away - it will freak her out. As I said, cold and totally unexpected.)

--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

 - Posted      Profile for comet   Author's homepage   Email comet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
paint powder loaded in the showerhead. red, obviously.

also - collect all the dead bugs from the window sill and stick them inside shoes or bedsheets. or, you know, yogurt.

and - that little separate spray nozzle on older-style kitchen sinks? wrap a rubber band around it so it's held 'on' and make sure it's aiming at the person at the sink.

I've got more if you want.

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Drifting Star

Drifting against the wind
# 12799

 - Posted      Profile for Drifting Star   Email Drifting Star   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Comet, are you someone else's Difficult Relative? [Paranoid]

--------------------
The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus

Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

 - Posted      Profile for comet   Author's homepage   Email comet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I am sure I am. [Big Grin] I hear about how horrible I am fairly regularly.

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:



(What you do, Kelly, is arrange to sabotage the shower head (a) once you have moved out and (b) preferably when you are away AND she knows you are away - it will freak her out. As I said, cold and totally unexpected.)

[Big Grin] I have done some of this stuff, but after the initial giggle I just start having bleak "you're turning into your mother" thoughts. Ugh.

I just need to get out-- living on my own will be a blessing, living (dare I hope) close to people who actually like me will be an abundance of blessing. Some people daydream about having a Dream House, I dream about not having to wake up to someone who acts like they hate me. I could cheerfully live in someone's refurbished basement if I was assured of that.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

 - Posted      Profile for orfeo   Author's homepage   Email orfeo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
It's about time people giving 'practical' advice around here indicated whether they've ever acted on their own advice, or are just expressing their own dark fantasies about what they'd like to do to THEIR difficult relative.

--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Happy Pebble
Shipmate
# 2731

 - Posted      Profile for Happy Pebble   Email Happy Pebble   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
New bit for you to chew on: My sister and I, never close, have drifted apart. Last time I spoke to her was a year and a half ago; since then even cards/emails have dwindled to nothing.

Question: Is it all right to just leave her alone? We don't really have anything in common other than parentage, and it's always somewhat strained when we're around each other. I'm not angry with her...I just have nothing to say to her. Does this make sense?

--------------------
Creamy Wibbibs. Mr. Habib, you're the evils of Darkon!

Posts: 62 | From: Kingdom of Deseret | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

 - Posted      Profile for Uncle Pete     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
It's about time people giving 'practical' advice around here indicated whether they've ever acted on their own advice, or are just expressing their own dark fantasies about what they'd like to do to THEIR difficult relative.

I vote for the "expressing own dark fantasies". And since when is practical advice given in Hell?

--------------------
Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

 - Posted      Profile for cliffdweller     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Drifting Star:
Comet, are you someone else's Difficult Relative? [Paranoid]

Comet is now officially my favorite somebody else's Difficult Relative. Because, you know... it's someone else... [Big Grin]

--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

 - Posted      Profile for orfeo   Author's homepage   Email orfeo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by PeteC:
And since when is practical advice given in Hell?

That may or may not have been my subtle meta-point.

--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

 - Posted      Profile for comet   Author's homepage   Email comet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
It's about time people giving 'practical' advice around here indicated whether they've ever acted on their own advice, or are just expressing their own dark fantasies about what they'd like to do to THEIR difficult relative.

all three of the actions listed above have been acted upon in real life. 2 of them have happened more than once.

in all fairness, though, they were aimed at either good friends or not-so-difficult relatives. 'cause that's what we do in my family. we like to fuck with each other. [Big Grin]

my notable DR would not think these were funny. she's not just a batshit crazy pain in the ass, she also has absolute zero sense of fun.

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

 - Posted      Profile for Ariston   Author's homepage   Email Ariston   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by PeteC:
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
It's about time people giving 'practical' advice around here indicated whether they've ever acted on their own advice, or are just expressing their own dark fantasies about what they'd like to do to THEIR difficult relative.

I vote for the "expressing own dark fantasies". And since when is practical advice given in Hell?
Or, for that matter, good advice.

This is Hell. People may be giving you bad advice for their amusement. Lord knows I would.

--------------------
“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

 - Posted      Profile for comet   Author's homepage   Email comet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Happy Pebble:
New bit for you to chew on: My sister and I, never close, have drifted apart. Last time I spoke to her was a year and a half ago; since then even cards/emails have dwindled to nothing.

Question: Is it all right to just leave her alone? We don't really have anything in common other than parentage, and it's always somewhat strained when we're around each other. I'm not angry with her...I just have nothing to say to her. Does this make sense?

First, make a giant cream pie. take it to her house. with me so far? then put the pie down on the front porch, and stomp on it. then take it home, call the police, and tell them your sister stomped on your pie and demand she be arrested. lastly, don't ask for fucking useful and sensible advice in Hell, take it to All Saints.

Good luck!

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Toilet paper origami this morning. Kick in your cash, folks.

Dont ask me what it is-- it's all going into the book, and you will find out then. Christina Crawford, kiss my ass.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Autenrieth Road

Shipmate
# 10509

 - Posted      Profile for Autenrieth Road   Email Autenrieth Road   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I hesitate to ask but... was it possibly, at least, as a tiny reprieve, clean toilet paper?

I am expecting the answer to be no...

--------------------
Truth

Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

 - Posted      Profile for comet   Author's homepage   Email comet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I want it to be a poopy dinosaur. please let it be a poopy dinosaur.

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Autenrieth Road:
I hesitate to ask but... was it possibly, at least, as a tiny reprieve, clean toilet paper?

I am expecting the answer to be no...

Nah, nothing like that, it's like the showerhead thing-- she just makes it inconvenient for the next user, in ways that can't possibly be an accident and that also demonstrate a great deal of effort.

Before someone tells me I'm nuts, she spent a couple weeks "helping" my sister out after an illness last year (another life goal-- live my life in such a way that when I offer help, people don't shudder in apprehension) and she pretty much admitted to doing the same thing to my sister's bathroom. She actually snickered when she described how the man of the house would fix the situation, and she would change it back.

When I said that ,you know, it was sis's house and maybe she should let people decide how they should display their own paper in their own damn house, she said "But I was a GUEST! I was HELPING!"

[ETA And she has a guest bathroom all her own! She would actually sneak into the master bedroom to do this!]

"So, because you are helping, you have a right to deliberately do something that you know will bug [man of house]?"

At this she just tossed her hair like Barbie Benton. She just didn't understand the problem with that thinking.

[ 23. May 2014, 03:36: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

 - Posted      Profile for Huia   Email Huia   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Toilet paper origami this morning. Kick in your cash, folks.

City Mission this time.

--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

 - Posted      Profile for L'organist   Author's homepage   Email L'organist   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
posted by Orfeo
quote:
It's about time people giving 'practical' advice around here indicated whether they've ever acted on their own advice, or are just expressing their own dark fantasies about what they'd like to do to THEIR difficult relative.
Yes - but it wasn't of the practical sabotage variety.

My beloved and I were traduced and bad-mouthed to the extended family for years by two of my siblings: we only made token attempts to refute the lies and unpleasantness because my aged parent was totally dependent on the worst offender for day-to-day physical support and geography would have made it impossible for us to take over. They also had power of attorney over said parent's affairs. And over the years they created, with the second sibling, a situation where it was emotional as much as physical dependence.

After the death of said aged parent we (a) very calmly explained to all the remaining sibs what had been going on and that we would have no more contact, and (b) when later asked by extended family why we no longer saw or had contact with them explained why - backed up by letters from the two that admitted what they'd done and both of which said they'd do it again.

Extended family have warmed a bit which is nice - they were there for us when beloved died (one sib didn't acknowledge, the other sent a message to say they'd heard of death).

--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Toilet paper origami this morning. Kick in your cash, folks.

City Mission this time.
This is actually quite cathartic:D

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

 - Posted      Profile for Moo   Email Moo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
[qb] Toilet paper origami this morning. Kick in your cash, folks.

City Mission this time.
Food pantry.

Moo

--------------------
Kerygmania host
---------------------
See you later, alligator.

Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I've got no money but I've got clothing to donate in her (dis)honor.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
That works

Anything you may have picked up frim QV- fucking- C would be especially appropriate.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ain't got the money for that. Would you settle for a fluffy toilet seat cover? (I have no idea where that came from. I am not making this up. Seriously. It is being banished from my house.)

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
...

God actually does love me. He totally set that up.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

 - Posted      Profile for L'organist   Author's homepage   Email L'organist   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Another tack to try, Kelly:

Does she have belief / go to church (or whatever)?

If so then when she'd pulled one of her stunts what you do is:
  • sympathetic smile (use mirror or practise)
  • head slightly to one side (optional)
  • I'm so sorry you don't seem to be happy (uttered in voice full of sincerity and concern
  • 'I'll remember to pray for you to be happier
Should gradually drive her nuts.

--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
OK first off-- kick down again-- she is having weird issues with how I hang my washcloth. Issues that never existed before, and I assure you I hang my-- holy shit, am I actually getting ready to defend the way I hang my washcloth? you see how crazy is catching? All I know is, I am doing nothing new and two weeks ago it wasn't a problem. All this started when I went back to work.

So, until she perseverates on something else, I can look forward to my washcloth being hung in random places around the bathroom and tossed on the floor of the shower.

*
*
*

SInce I do so much griping, I thought I would offer a positive, heart-warming, inspirational, and yet still hellish story for your amusement:

Those of you who have me on FB might have seen several warm, proud posts my mother made from my graduation ceremony, and thought, gee, she ain't that bad. Maybe Kelly has got it all wrong.

That, in fact, is what I thought. At first. I thought, "Gee she can be sweet sometimes, I need to cut her some slack." The trouble was, the things she was saying to my face were uniformly negative and undercutting. I began to get cynical-- truth to tell in situations like this, Mom usually waits for one of her friends to praise me for a scholastic achievement and then chimes in, so based on her onslaught of negativity, I figured she was putting it on for the friends and family who knew I was graduating.


We went to lunch with my cousin,L., who had attended the ceremony. I got there before Mom did, and L. had a chance to tell me the real story of those unusually warm status updates. This is what was going on in the audience while I was onstage:

Fist off, Mom removed her iPhone from her purse and begins fiddling with it-- sighing, "I want to take a picture, but Neph changed the password on this and i can't get it to work..."

Neph then sighed and snatched the thing out of her hand-- she can't just ask him to help, she gives him this lecture, every time-- and took a picture. L. says he then hung onto it and kept snapping photos and a lot of thumb-text action was happening.

L said, "What are you doing?"

Neph: "I posted it to her [mom's] Facebook."

L: "Oh! What did you say?"

Neph: "I said, Go, Kelly!"

L: "Cool! [mom], what else should he put?"

Mom:"...congratulation? On your Graduation? Kelly?"

L. "Good! And Neph, also put 'I am so very proud of my youngest daughter..."

Neph: (type type type)

Sis: "OO! and get a picture of her name on the honor roll in the program!"

(etc)

[Big Grin]

Now, you might think it would depress me hearing that all the warm fuzzy updates didn't come from Mom, but actually I love this story. first off, it really sent home to me that I have a lot more people reaching out to me than I realise, and second it was fantastic to shift from wondering what Mom's angle was to realizing there were unabashed, overflowing expressions of genuine well-wishes back of those posts.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
You know, you so TOTALLY have to figure out a way to make money from this. I mean, such a rich natural resource of crazy shouldn't go unexploited.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Meg the Red
Shipmate
# 11838

 - Posted      Profile for Meg the Red   Email Meg the Red   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
You know, you so TOTALLY have to figure out a way to make money from this. I mean, such a rich natural resource of crazy shouldn't go unexploited.

We're talking reality show gold, right here. I can see it working (with different treatments) on either TLC or the O Network.

[ 26. May 2014, 22:22: Message edited by: Meg the Red ]

--------------------
Chocoholic Canuckistani Cyclopath

Posts: 1126 | From: Rat Creek | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

 - Posted      Profile for orfeo   Author's homepage   Email orfeo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Reality shows are so lazy. Get a team of scriptwriters together.

EDIT: Although I'm vaguely aware there's already a show called Mom starring Allison Janney.

[ 26. May 2014, 22:29: Message edited by: orfeo ]

--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

 - Posted      Profile for lilBuddha     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
No, no, no, Book. Then, even should you not find a buyer, you can self-publish. Put all manner of accolades and awards in the covers and "just happen" to leave a copy where she can see it.

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

 - Posted      Profile for Huia   Email Huia   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Kelly - Neph rocks.

I have one and he's the best! .

LC - a fluffy toilet seat cover? That's such a random thing to turn up.

Huia

--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Yes. I have hopes of something even more random turning up in time for the next installment...

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772

 - Posted      Profile for Palimpsest   Email Palimpsest   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
The washcloth also offers possibilities.

Like the classic Ball and Cup Trick there's hours of fun to be had if you get a second washcloth that you hide in your room.

You can leave the one in the shower or wherever she puts it. I'm sure she would be annoyed that it's still there a day later and you could simply say "I thought you were using it".

Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged
Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804

 - Posted      Profile for Ethne Alba     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Another one with a relative who double checks the way dish cloths and tea towels are hung...and is still counting the number of pieces of toilet paper left hanging after every single damn person goes into and out of the loo..........ohGodhelpme....
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668

 - Posted      Profile for Stercus Tauri   Email Stercus Tauri   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
You lot are bad for me. I'm basically not all that evil, but this morning I was driving along the road near here and spotted a workman stepping into a portabog on a building site, just a few feet from the road. I really didn't need to lean on the horn as I passed. I could have stopped myself.

--------------------
Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

Posts: 905 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

 - Posted      Profile for comet   Author's homepage   Email comet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
You lot are bad for me. I'm basically not all that evil, but this morning I was driving along the road near here and spotted a workman stepping into a portabog on a building site, just a few feet from the road. I really didn't need to lean on the horn as I passed. I could have stopped myself.

the Force is strong with you, young paduwan.

(just think, you probably helped him speed the process! [Big Grin] )

--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772

 - Posted      Profile for Palimpsest   Email Palimpsest   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I have read that at one point Singapore Airlines carried an extra stewardess on each flight whose job it was to properly refold the toilet paper roll edge after each passenger used the bathroom. The job was cut during an economy move.

Perhaps your mother is reliving the glory days of deluxe aviation.

Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged
quetzalcoatl
Shipmate
# 16740

 - Posted      Profile for quetzalcoatl   Email quetzalcoatl   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I was having a memory today, of my mother saying to me, 'your life's been a failure'. And also that whatever I did, she would still say this.

Of course, I took this on board, so when, for example, I stopped work, I did feel a failure, and ashamed.

Still, I can plough through these feelings, and in the end, emerge from them, talk about them. It's hard though. It's alright talking about the wound, where the Light comes in, but sometimes, fuck that.

--------------------
I can't talk to you today; I talked to two people yesterday.

Posts: 9878 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2011  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
I have read that at one point Singapore Airlines carried an extra stewardess on each flight whose job it was to properly refold the toilet paper roll edge after each passenger used the bathroom. The job was cut during an economy move.

Perhaps your mother is reliving the glory days of deluxe aviation.

If so, her technique is for shit. You'll see in a minute.

As I've said, part of my purpose in posting the stuff I do here stuff is I see in black and white how ridiculous it is, and to enjoy a laugh with you. It really does feel like I am conquering something, that I'm not alone in this. And money is made fir charity, : D
So, for the last week the bathroom stuff, which was unnerving me before, is only making me chuckle. Then last night, as I am putting laundry away in my room, I catch weirdness in my peripheral vision on top of my wardrobe. Weirdness that wasn't there before. I look up to see the fucking TP fairy has left me this:


Behold, toilet paper origami.

I did have one of the above rolls up there, for nose- blowing purposes, but it actually resembled a roll. Note how the two new rolls, placed there last night, are completely unrolled and re-rolled, with a couple twists midway just to make things weird. That's the bizarre shit I am talking about. That is what I wake up to (in the bathroom) most mornings.

The move to my room indicates to me she had sensed my becoming relaxed about the situation. She does not like it when people around her are relaxed. If she has to walk around life with a tightly coiled spring up her ass, everyone does, goddamn it.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Killing me] [Killing me] [Killing me]

Okay, that's some freaky shit.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ok cool, I have confirmation on the crazy.

This isn't just age, either, this cockamamie bathroom stuff has bern going on since I was a kid.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Meg the Red
Shipmate
# 11838

 - Posted      Profile for Meg the Red   Email Meg the Red   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm still trying to think of screen treatments for this - given the latest developments, perhaps another Poltergeist sequel?

(little girl scary voice) "She's heeee-eeeere"

--------------------
Chocoholic Canuckistani Cyclopath

Posts: 1126 | From: Rat Creek | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
(Laughing so, so very hard right now.)

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

 - Posted      Profile for Doublethink.   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
You should engage in revenge origami.

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
You know, you could have a photoblog, with minimalist captions under each crazy image. Betcha some major publisher would snap it up after a year or so.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  ...  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  ...  45  46  47 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
follow ship of fools on twitter
buy your ship of fools postcards
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
 
  ship of fools