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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Difficult relatives
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
Yes, it was mini-strokes that was making my non-violent dad so difficult.
That's a wonderful story. That's the kind of miracle from God I believe in - not cancer cures or checks in the mail, but by changing our hearts and minds. He helped her accept things and gave her that peace that passes understanding. (IMO)
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
Yes, it was mini-strokes that was making my non-violent dad so difficult.
That's a wonderful story. That's the kind of miracle from God I believe in - not cancer cures or checks in the mail, but by changing our hearts and minds. He helped her accept things and gave her that peace that passes understanding. (IMO)
Yes, I do believe it was a "God thing". God was telling her the same thing I'd been telling her for a year, but He has a bit more sway than I do. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
But even He took a year to get thru to her. And I think that's true to-- a lot of our miracles, our "God-breaking-ins", don't happen overnight. They take time. Sometimes an agonizingly long time.
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I missed that-- that is a great story indeed.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Heavenly Anarchist
Shipmate
# 13313
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
My mom spend her entire first year in assisted living complaining and paranoid that the staff were going to do terrible things while she slept. She said horrible things to the staff-- snapped at them, talked terrible to them-- which was very uncharacteristic of her up until then. She refused to put her condo on the market because she was sure she'd be returning to it soon, even as she absolutely refused to cooperate with the medical treatment plans that would have made that a slim possibility.
After about a year of this, I went to visit her one day, and she dramatically announced that she needed to talk with me about something. Steeling myself for the worst, I sat down. She proceeded to tell me that God had told her she was going to spend the rest of her life there, and she'd better make the best of it. So she'd made a list of things she wanted me to bring her from her condo before we sold it. I happily complied. That was the last complaint I heard from her. From then on, she was her old self-- complimenting the staff, thanking them for their help, asking them about their lives and their kids, etc. In return, they loved her and took very good care of her until the end.
So, on a less hellish note, there may be hope-- for some anyway. I think having to go into even the nicest assisted living facility is a huge loss for anyone. It takes a long time to adjust to and mourn that loss. It takes time to accept the inevitable. During which time you can be a real b****.
A beautiful story. One of the blocks I teach on a health and social care course is about identity and a major theme is the relationship between home and identity. Losing one's home is a time of great grief and shock, especially if one has little choice or control over the circumstances. It is hardly any wonder that older people find the transition so hard that they often display behaviour similar to that of bereavement.
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'I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.' Douglas Adams
Dog Activity Monitor
My shop
Posts: 2831 | From: Trumpington | Registered: Jan 2008
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
My mom spend her entire first year in assisted living complaining and paranoid that the staff were going to do terrible things while she slept.
My mother was convinced that everyone in the facility was having fantastic non-stop sex day and night except her . . . but that was during her more delusional period.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
Miss Amanda said:
My mother was convinced that everyone in the facility was having fantastic non-stop sex day and night except her . . . but that was during her more delusional period.
I have that delusion too, and I'm not even in a "facility" yet. ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Wait a minute. You mean people =don't=?
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Hullo, back again!
So I go to work after nearly a month of being sick, and the day I come back I haven't even stepped in the door before the passive aggressive nonsense has begun. She has dumped a bunch clothing donations in the place on the street where I usually park in front of the house (parking on our street can be weird, and I was lucky other neighbors hadn't parked in such a way as to force me to park all the way up the street.) More toilet paper origami. She waited until I got upstairs to my room to listen to all her phone messages right outside my bedroom door, with he volume up. Various food items were relocated from places she had told me were fine where I asked to places I couldn't find them. Basically she did a bunch of things that made me really want to stay away from her.
Finally today she tells me my sister had came home sick that day and crashed at our house in the early afternoon. She has been putting off a rather serious operation and Mom chooses to tell me after she has been alienating me for two days.
But that is pretty much the point, and I really had a talk with myself in which I forced myself to admit this person does not really want me to be part of her family-- at least, not in any way that would require her to include me. That message has been very consistent-- I don't fit in, I am not "one of them," and she seems fine with it that way.
Weirdly, pinning that down was a relief.I have spend the last couple days actually finding myself recognizing moments of grace.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
Would it be better if she wanted you to be part of the family in a way that made her happy and drove you crazy?
Isn't this behavior a message she doesn't want you there or wants some crazy domination?
Bide your time while you plan your escape. When you leave she will be likely to be telling you that you're ungrateful for all her loving generosity.
It has been good not seeing you post any new craziness from her on here for a while. ![[Smile]](smile.gif) I hope you're feeling better now.
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
Bide your time while you plan your escape. When you leave she will be likely to be telling you that you're ungrateful for all her loving generosity.
I think I am finally there. Feeling this way about an elderly relative has been making me feel guilty-- but fuck, how many ways can you tell a person they have no use for you before they call your bluff?
Part of her misfortune is that I have been getting extraordinarily good feedback on the job- both from coworkers and the kids. Especially in the case of the kids, it kind of forces me to move from "If they really knew me they wouldn't like me" to "Hell, even total strangers figure out what I am worth pretty quickly, because it is obvious. And do not challenge the good opinion of a two year old."
Not as arrogant as that sounds, it's just moving from "generally useless" to "Of a reasonable amount of use." Anything more or anything less would not be accurate or useful to me.
[ 05. September 2014, 04:54: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Kelly
Sorry to hear Mama is up to her tricks again but so good that you're finally accepting its not your fault or problem.
Practical tip: as/when you decide to move out don't tell her because it will trigger either increased passive-aggressive weirdness or tears and attempts to make you feel guilty.
What you do - got this from a mate - is make your arrangements; gradually (if you can) move small items to new place or intermediate place where Mama can't get at them.
On the day of the move you get packed up and then just tell her you're off.
Oh, and arrange for your post to be forwarded to the new place from a week before you move, and get a spare key cut because she'll demand yours.
Good luck.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I'm sorry. What a pattern of behavior! (You could make a mint by writing "Sh*t My Mom Does," but I suppose that would be problematic. Darn.)
Yeah, OF COURSE it's her. Probably something diagnosable--I'm thinking Borderline Personality Disorder myself ("Don't leave me, I hate you" contradictory attitudes). Good for you that you're unentangling yourself from the crazy.
But it hurts like hell when someone you should love and they should love you behaves this way. She reminds me of my Dad--the only way he had to show love was to criticize the hell out of us, even in a two second conversation. Or to say other deeply wounding shit.
I only figured out this was his version of love after he died, when I discovered he had kept our baby pictures.
Basically she's blighted and you're not--now the trouble of how to live around a person blighted in that way. Which is to put as much distance between you as you can, if you can't do it physically, then psychologically.
One trick that helped me a little bit is to imagine her as the crazy lady down the street whose children are having these same issues with her. How would you treat her, and them? Probably a mix of compassion and distance, leavened with a sense of humor. As much as possible, apply to self.
Forgive the rambling. Hey, got any more great pix of the toilet paper origami? And can we start donating in her name again?
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
L'organist-- already thought that through. Either a week before or a week after I move out, she will get " ill."
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I have to keep telling a friend of mine that when his very elderly mother talks to him on the bus as if he is a recalcitrant toddler, everyone will know exactly what is going on, and it is not that there is something wrong with him.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
I'm glad you're getting the good feedback and it's changing your self opinion. You should think about how toxic it is for you to stay with someone who pushes your buttons and makes you feel you are worthless.
You are probably right that she will get ill when she finds out you're leaving. All the better to make it soon and give no warning.
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
All the better to make it soon and give no warning.
This.
My parents (may God have mercy on their souls and let them be better now and in the world to come) were batshit insane, abusive, and crazy, my mother especially so. (Cubby met her and is sure she was paranoid schizophrenic. Probably.) It was toxic for me to have contact with them. At one point I would not let them have my phone number for my own sanity's sake.
I strongly suggest getting the hell out of there, whether she's "getting sick" or not. Millions of hugs and sympathetic prayers--I relate!!!!!
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
Kelly,
..... Kelly,
............ Kelly.
Said going down the register, shaking my head.
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
L'organist-- already thought that through. Either a week before or a week after I move out, she will get " ill."
She already is.
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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chive
Ship's nude
# 208
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Posted
My mother has an issue which makes her cough when she eats certain food. This can be fixed by taking one simple tablet once a day. Her doctor has told her she should be taking this tablet, my sister (a doctor) has told her she should be taking it, my brother in law (a doctor who also takes the tablet) has told her she should take it, my brother in law's mother (who takes the tablet) has told her she should take it, I (who also take the tablet) has told her she should take it. But no, she refuses.
This means that every meal with my mother is filled with nasty coughing/retching and complaints that apparently we should know what foods cause the problem. Last time I ate with her, my sister had put out a buffet of many different things and my mother chose what she ate and still complained that she had been served food that made her cough.
This is really irritating everybody. There is no point suffering something painful and socially irritating when a tablet, which my mother would get for free, would solve the problem. But no, apparently it is more important for my mother to a) be a martyr and b) blame everyone else for the problem then it is for there not to be a problem. She now refuses to even discuss it with the doctor anymore and accuses us all of running a conspiracy to cost the NHS money. I told her yesterday she could buy it over the counter but she refuses to do that too.
For a pacifist it makes me want to slap her which is a bad thing. ![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif)
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'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
I would be tempted to grind up the pills and hide them in her food ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif) except she would still probably cough out of pure cussedness.
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
What is this miracle tablet of which you speak?
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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chive
Ship's nude
# 208
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
What is this miracle tablet of which you speak?
Just omeprazole which is a bog standard antireflux drug which is what is causing the problem.
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'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
Thanks, Chive. I'm already taking that (and still having to avoid lots of foods) so I thought perhaps your more advanced civilization had come up with something else and I could eat fruit again.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
AFAIK Nexium is the next step up, chemically related, and there's nothing beyond that (at least that I've heard of).
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chive:
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
What is this miracle tablet of which you speak?
Just omeprazole which is a bog standard antireflux drug which is what is causing the problem.
Master Tor had a cough - like the sudden bark of a dog - for the first thirteen years of his life. We assumed, oh all kinds of things, and then I heard a radio program on doctoring which introduced this notion that it wasn't asthma, etc etc, but acid reflux.
Went to the GP, got referred to ENT, got a course of pills. Cough gone, virtually overnight. Three months of pills, and we assumed the cough would come back.
Nope.
![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
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Forward the New Republic
Posts: 9131 | From: Ultima Thule | Registered: Jul 2005
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
I have no idea, but giving anything that even remotely looks like medical advice, or even soliciting it, had better get a whole lot less common around here post haste.
—Ariston, Spiky Hellhost
[ 18. September 2014, 04:30: Message edited by: Ariston ]
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Two doctor friends think there is an increase in AR. The GP says they are seeing people of all ages with the problem: the gastro-intestinal specialist says its going hand-in-hand with an increase in severe ulcerative colitis, IBD/IBS and Crohns.
There has been some interesting work done with teens with Crohns that shows that roughly **% improve or are cured if they receive therapy with long-term (minimum 6 months) of heavy-duty antibiotics and or anti-virals which points to a possible cause, but the research lacks funds and, in any case, this leaves the other **% with no immediately obvious cause.
As for the classic AR - the finger is beginning to be pointed at either food preservatives in baked goods and bread (so called 'improvers') or at modern bread.
Why bread? Well, the Chorleywood process was developed to enable quick mechanised bread production and does this by missing out on the second proving of the dough; further developments have brought the time of the first proving down so that a supermarket bread machine can turn out a loaf in 45 minutes from start to shelf.
The suspicion is that full l***th and proper proving is required because otherwise people are ingesting significant amounts of still active yeast and it is the slow fermentation of this that is causing AR.
Sounds reasonable to me.
* can back up that when * make my own bread - the old-fashioned way and using imported flour without improvers - * never get AR or bloating but if * consume any quantity of supermarket bread, even the so-called artisan type, * get bloating always and AR sometimes.
* know * 'm just one person but * was put onto this by the GE specialist friend who took the same route and no longer has AR.
Looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, quacks like a duck...
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
If the plural of "anecdote" is not "data," the singular sure as Hell isn't either.
This isn't "idle medical speculation daily." Nor is it "baker's corner."
Take. It. Somewhere. Else. Or just shut the fuck up.
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
Bumping this forward in honor of the holidays and because I miss Kelly's mother. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
ROFLAO
Mom indeed spend the first half of the afternoon putting negative spin of pretty much every comment sis and I made-- and I was composing the Hell tirades as she went on-- but somewhere around dinner it started to wane,. I realized this was due to the majority of the people there actually (apparently ) having fun talking to each other, My future in-laws (Sis is finally getting hitched!) take me at face value and don't buy into all this "select an underdog" crap that my traditional family holidays seem to hinge on. Even less so, chronic negativity. So I actually was able to surround myself with fun, accepting people. (my nephews and nieces straight up love me).
And it seemed like Mom was... kind of getting it. Toward the end of the night she seemed to actually see the value of being pleasant.
That and she rounded off the night by telling me about an extremely touching, generous Christmas surprise she has in store for my stepsister, so I am actually feeling quite warm about Mom right now. Remind me of this as the holidays progress.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
... I am actually feeling quite warm about Mom right now. Remind me of this as the holidays progress.
Keep thinking fluffy bunnies, Kelly! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Friend's mother, yesterday, knowing he wants to get to a meeting he is chairing well in advance, wangles* a lift in my car, and then delays coming out until we can only get there at the time the meeting starts.
*Wangles by assuming it is going to happen. It isn't out of my way, is it?** Yes, it is, several miles, and she knows that because she knows how many buses she needs to take.
** In this case, she was coming to the meeting.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
Just what is wrong with saying that we need to get to this meeting early enough to make sure everything is ready, so will be leaving at xx time. I'm very happy to offer you a lift but you will need to be ready by xx time. End of.
If she's not ready, just leave. Say goodbye. Don't argue. If she makes a later fuss, point out that you had assumed that she must have made her own travel arrangements as she wasn't ready in time for the proffered lift.
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Sounds easy, doesn't it? It isn't. I don't have to live there. Friend does. Fallout is bad.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
The fallout would stop after consistently responding fairly and reasonably. Very difficult to moan that people didn't take you with them when they had to get somewhere and you didn't get your backside in gear in time. Continuing to allow her to dictate terms in this way is enabling her behaviour to continue as it is and just makes everyone around her suffer and allows her get away with it.
So rather than being passive aggressive by coming on here moaning, be assertive in real life and start using behaviour modification techniques, as you would for teenagers and children. If she's going to act like a sulky teenager, treat her like one.
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Wow.
If only everyone ran everone else's life, mistakes would never be made, and everyone would have absolute clarity on how to deal with an awkward situation.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Not to mention, it's problematic taking a hard line when the one who's going to suffer for it isn't you personally, but rather someone you love.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
Some people are worth waiting for. And patience is something that requires regular practice.
That's why, sometimes when I'm giving somebody a ride and they make me wait for them longer than is seemly, after they get in I declare "My turn." and proceed to sit in there for a proportional time surfing the internet on my phone.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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Mrs Shrew
Ship's Mother
# 8635
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Posted
Are you secretly actually my husband, Rook? That is exactly how he would handle that situation....
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"The goal of life is not to make other people in your own image, it is to understand that they, too, are in God's image" (Orfeo)
Was "mummyfrances".
Posts: 703 | From: York, England | Registered: Oct 2004
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
For my part, I usually make any excuse I can think of to really need to take my own car. I will make shit up. I will invent meetings with freinds that never happen. Been burnt too many times.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
The fallout would stop after consistently responding fairly and reasonably.
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I know, right?
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
That particular game playing would stop, as it would become a zero win game: if you are not ready in time for a lift, the car is no longer available as your private chauffeur-driven limousine.
No guarantees that an entirely different game wouldn't start up
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I wasn't going to come back.
But thanks to those who get it.
And, for the other game, visualise a family and friends party for another friend's birthday. F'sM has, on this occasion, "chosen" not to have lift. Turns up after bus ride like a conflation of Carabosse and Eris, complaining about absence of lift, and it's all my fault. F has never been invited to that friend's party again. Can't have that at a meeting.
[ 01. December 2014, 08:42: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I'm afraid this is the kind of situation where I would suffer a sudden attack of "point and mock" (okay, I wouldn't do it, but I would have to go away REAL suddenly to avoid doing it, being an evil minded creature). I have been known to sympathize at great length and with oozing emotionality to such people, until they get suspicious and refuse to talk to me anymore. But of course, if she's making your friend's life hell as a result, that would take all the fun out of it. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I can't really go into the whole shebang of things - read Kelly's posts for a flavour.
She did her darndest to get rid of me, but I knew what she was up to because my grandmother (abetted by his sister) had tried to get my mother away from her son; my mother's father had been regarded as a traitor by marrying so he couldn't keep his mother and sister in the manor* to which they had been accustomed before someone conned the family out of their money; a colleague at school had had his mother trying to separate him from the woman he was going to marry; and another colleague had faced the ire of her fiance's mother. So I stick it. (I did put the phone down on one of her tirades once, and dreaded the consequence for F, but she hasn't mentioned it, because she would have to think up a reason why I put the phone down that didn't make her look bad.)
*Deliberate misspelling - couldn't resist it, though it wasn't technically a manor, but it was a big house. Probably kept up by investments in the West Indies. Better gone.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
So if I understand correctly, this is a potential mother-in-law?
He must be something really special.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
It took me until past 40 to read my folks the riot act. It was painful, and didn't have straightforward consequences - my father has not spoken to me for over a year. But it needed doing, I don't regret it, and in some ways I wish I had done it much younger - there would have been more chance of a sensible rapprochement. Penny, I suggest you take no shit now, and see what happens. If your fella can't handle it, he needs to grow some.
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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