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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Difficult relatives
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
*ahem*
I believe the terms "I am not a lawyer," or, if you are a lawyer/solicitor/advocate/whatever, "the following is a personal opinion and should not be construed as legal advice" exist for a reason. If you want actual, honest-to-God estate planning advice, talk to an actual, honest-to-God estate planner or attorney. If you want actual, honest-to-God advice on estate planning advice, try starting a thread somewhere else on the Ship, as Uncle Pete so wisely suggested. If you want actual, honest-to-God advice on how not to be a difficult relative, because Boy Howdy you're about to burn a bridge you might just want to keep, stick around.
—Ariston, Hellhost
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
*ahem*
I believe the terms "I am not a lawyer," or, if you are a lawyer/solicitor/advocate/whatever, "the following is a personal opinion and should not be construed as legal advice" exist for a reason. If you want actual, honest-to-God estate planning advice, talk to an actual, honest-to-God estate planner or attorney. If you want actual, honest-to-God advice on estate planning advice, try starting a thread somewhere else on the Ship, as Uncle Pete so wisely suggested. If you want actual, honest-to-God advice on how not to be a difficult relative, because Boy Howdy you're about to burn a bridge you might just want to keep, stick around.
—Ariston, Hellhost
Or if you want to be a difficult relative, or are one already and want to up your game, this is also the thread to read.
Sorry for the estate planning tangent.
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Uncle Pete:
Lamb Chopped: In Canada, as No Prophet already knows, if you co-habit for one year, you are considered married in common law. The government doesn't care, so long as they get their cut of taxes. It's none of his damned business and I would hope that if he does say something that he gets told off sharply.
As noted, I don't say anything and don't intend to. Which is why I posted about it, because I can here and enjoy all of the responses because it cannot be discussed elsewhere. My wife rolls her eyes at my fluffy romantic nature.
The inheritance aspect is of course something we've thought of. The interesting conversation will be again my fantasy when they want to hit us up for a loan to assist them in buying a house. The lawyer will assist, though I will have the same problem of wanting to say things about marrying, and no doubt I will raise the issue shipboard again, while trying to keep my yearnful stupidity to myself.
Of course, marriages are merely confirmed on earth, and are formed first in heaven (except for the ones formed in hell).
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Teilhard
Shipmate
# 16342
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Posted
Could be worse …
Recall that woman who came *this*close* recently to marrying Charles Manson … Imagine Charlie Manson as your brother in law … ???
Posts: 401 | From: Minnesota | Registered: Apr 2011
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Tubbs:
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
At what point is it okay to tell cohabiting children that they might consider marrying? How many years?
It isn't! Ever.
But as a good parent, you point out that they might want to consider making wills to make sure that money / goods went where they wanted and the other half was provided for. If they haven't already.
Tubbs
And power of attorney, advance medical directive, and whatever else they might need to do to legally be next of kin in the hospital.
That's one reason, beyond basic equality, that same-sex marriages are important. Otherwise, the partners either run the risk of huge problems at the hospital, or else have to put a lot of time and money into getting the basic legal protections that opposite-sex couples have.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Gee D
Shipmate
# 13815
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cross eyed bear:
Here's one for you.
Mr Bear's sister (17 years older than me )has invited us on holiday for her 50th birthday. When I say invited, she has sent us a booking confirmation for the hotel.
It seems churlish to be complaining about what is essentially a free holiday, but this is a lady who has broken contact with all other family members and any previous friends over perceived slights (the latest of which appeared to be 'I don't like the clothes you've bought me as a present').
It's important that Mr Bear and his sister remain in contact, but the whole thing is a recipe for disaster. We're seriously considering cross channel food poisoning...
Look at this from her perspective: she wants to keep in touch with Mr Bear, and that of course includes keeping in touch with you. She has arranged accommodation for you (and not staying in her house but with the independence of staying in an hotel) and paid for it. It does not happen often, but it is keeping links there.
Have you thought that were she to know of your response, she might look on you as her difficult relation?
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Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican
Posts: 7028 | From: Warrawee NSW Australia | Registered: Jun 2008
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gee D:
Have you thought that were she to know of your response, she might look on you as her difficult relation?
If there's anything is reincarnation I'm coming back as the difficult relation next time - I figure it's my turn.
Huia ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Huia--
Just remember to specify that you'll be difficult without being miserable. Might as well enjoy it!
![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
oh, dear lord...
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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cross eyed bear
Shipmate
# 13977
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Posted
Thanks for the responses so far. It's been helpful working out how to deal with a potentially explosive situation, and writing a summary for strangers on the internet has helped clarify for me where the difficulties are likely to lie, as well as giving me opportunity to vent. Thanks!
quote:
Originally posted by Gee D:
Look at this from her perspective: she wants to keep in touch with Mr Bear, and that of course includes keeping in touch with you. She has arranged accommodation for you (and not staying in her house but with the independence of staying in an hotel) and paid for it.
Although I agree I'm only there because of Mr Bear, the rest is not a correct reading of the situation, I'm afraid.
All five of us will be staying in the same hotel, eating all meals together, doing the same trips together, and, she hopes, all doing the 600km round trip to and fro together in Mr Bear's car. It's the extended time living on top of each other which is an almost certain recipe for disaster.
Doublethink - board games are an excellent idea.It's how we used to get through family meet ups with her when she was still speaking to her mother.
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"One false step in my direction, you'd better believe in the resurrection" Stillgoe & Skellern's "Mrs Beamish"
Posts: 120 | From: Southern Germany | Registered: Jul 2008
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
Yes - but the tax implications for the surviving partner will still be different (less favourable) if they are not legally married. (In British law, anyway).
True, but better than nothing.
As to LCs community, I keep wishing public places (libraries?) would hand out free will forms like they do free tax forms. OK, there's a difference, tax forms are government issued.
I once asked a trusts and estates lawyer if the will forms you can buy in a office supply store for $5 are valid. He hesitated to answer but finally said "yes" pointing out they may not do what you want, but that's usually an issue for people with complex ideas. "All my assets go to my good friend Thi" doesn't need a lawyer.
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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Gee D
Shipmate
# 13815
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cross eyed bear:
Thanks for the responses so far. It's been helpful working out how to deal with a potentially explosive situation, and writing a summary for strangers on the internet has helped clarify for me where the difficulties are likely to lie, as well as giving me opportunity to vent. Thanks!
quote:
Originally posted by Gee D:
Look at this from her perspective: she wants to keep in touch with Mr Bear, and that of course includes keeping in touch with you. She has arranged accommodation for you (and not staying in her house but with the independence of staying in an hotel) and paid for it.
Although I agree I'm only there because of Mr Bear, the rest is not a correct reading of the situation, I'm afraid.
All five of us will be staying in the same hotel, eating all meals together, doing the same trips together, and, she hopes, all doing the 600km round trip to and fro together in Mr Bear's car. It's the extended time living on top of each other which is an almost certain recipe for disaster.
Doublethink - board games are an excellent idea.It's how we used to get through family meet ups with her when she was still speaking to her mother.
Yes, does does put things in a slightly different light, but it's only 600 km round trip - 2 times 4 hours drive at the most, surely. And while she has fallen out with other relations, she does wish to keep alive her links with Mr Bear.
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Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican
Posts: 7028 | From: Warrawee NSW Australia | Registered: Jun 2008
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Four-hour car trips with someone as difficult as Mr. Bear's sister are nothing to take lightly, though.
CEB--I'm wondering if there are ways you could carve out bits of private time, both on the car trip at at the hotel: music player with headphones; books (especially audio, if you can listen with headphones); walk around the hotel area; if there's a hotel gym, do whatever level of exercise you're comfortable with, stretching included; if there's a pool or hot tub, just soak for a while; bring a craft with you (e.g., knitting, crochet, embroidery); do a little shopping, and maybe buy the woman a small gift (as finances permit)--that might help her feel more comfortable with you and Mr. B going out on your own, since she benefits from it.
Oh, and naps. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
YMMV.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I tend to bring a laptop and make the vague excuse of "work, you know how it is" when I face those kinds of situations. As long as you don't look like you're having fun, you can get away with it.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
I find knitting is a great way of insulating myself from aggro, while at the same time being "present". it gives me room for private thoughts... ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
I tend to bring a laptop and make the vague excuse of "work, you know how it is" when I face those kinds of situations. As long as you don't look like you're having fun, you can get away with it.
This seems to bring the risk that the difficult relative may see you reading the Ship and decide to join....
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
... though if that happened, I guarantee the Difficult Relative would never recognize him/herself...
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
I find knitting is a great way of insulating myself from aggro, while at the same time being "present". it gives me room for private thoughts...
And if things get really heated you can give them a poke with a knitting needle
![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Or knit the kind of ski mask that goes over the mouth.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
I would just like to have a mini rant about a favourite cousin of mine. I love her to bits but she gets my gratitude and pisses me off in about equal measures. First, she visits my disabled sister who lives in a care home within 20 miles of her, remembers her birthday and takes her out. Many brownie points for that, nay, brownie points in excelsis. But she also doesn't answer the phone to actually talk to me, but maintains what feels like the distancing measure of email contact at her own pleasure and not responding to what I have said/asked. She won't accept a meal from me if we go out, but insists on sending luxury fuit and chocolate baskets if I'm in hospital for an op. (it would be disingenuous to say that that really pissed me off.The chocs were delicious.) For my 60th birthday she not only sent chocs and flowers, but sent more in my sister's name (My sister receives but does not give. All part of her condition.)
What I find difficult is the imbalance of a relationship in which we do love each other, but one refuses to take, and insists on being the giver. No doubt it all goes back to our childhoods.
if I reacted as she does, there would be no relationship, as contact would be halted at the first pass of refusal. I feel continually wrongfooted.
[ 31. March 2015, 22:53: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Face it, she has some kind of investment in being Alpha Dog (or Alpha Bitch ). It's a pity, and I'd find it annoying too, but at least you get some goodies out of it.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
LR, you got it. And, as you say, there is nothing to be done except to maintain a distance which stops me from being too annoyed. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Oh, and enjoy the chocs.
[ 07. April 2015, 14:13: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
At what point is it okay to tell cohabiting children that they might consider marrying? How many years?
I am not a lawyer, a general practitioner, a licensed marriage counselor, a psychologist, a sociologist, a social historian, or a Cordon Bleu Chef, but I live in a country where freedom of speech is a thing, so here's my opinion:
I would wait till a relaxed moment when I was alone with my daughter (or son?) and say, timidly, "So am I to take it that you and His Name aren't planning to get married, or is that none of my business?"
Then she's free to say, "Right, Dad, none of your business," in which case you smile and nod and change the subject. On the other hand, she might welcome the opening to discuss it with you. Because, actually, I think it is a little bit your business, because she's your daughter and you love her and want the best for her. If you think marriage is best, for whatever reasons, then why not open the conversation so you can express those reasons?
Just writing this has made me start to cry. Talk about sentimental old fools. I think she's very lucky to have you, No Prophet.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Caissa
Shipmate
# 16710
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Posted
I lent a book to my sister and it came back in less than pristine condition. Now lending it to a Mormon bishop. He may be appalled at the state of the book.
Posts: 972 | From: Saint John, N.B. | Registered: Oct 2011
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
One wonders what they do. I'm currently reading one from the library that throws my dachshund into a frenzy. Did they let the cat pee on it? Hold it over the hamburger grill?
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
At what point is it okay to tell cohabiting children that they might consider marrying? How many years?
I am not a lawyer, a general practitioner, a licensed marriage counselor, a psychologist, a sociologist, a social historian, or a Cordon Bleu Chef, but I live in a country where freedom of speech is a thing, so here's my opinion:
I would wait till a relaxed moment when I was alone with my daughter (or son?) and say, timidly, "So am I to take it that you and His Name aren't planning to get married, or is that none of my business?"
Then she's free to say, "Right, Dad, none of your business," in which case you smile and nod and change the subject. On the other hand, she might welcome the opening to discuss it with you. Because, actually, I think it is a little bit your business, because she's your daughter and you love her and want the best for her. If you think marriage is best, for whatever reasons, then why not open the conversation so you can express those reasons?
Just writing this has made me start to cry. Talk about sentimental old fools. I think she's very lucky to have you, No Prophet.
And if she evades answering so as not to have to say butt out, or she says she doesn't want to talk about it, don't bring it up repeatedly unless you are trying to encourage her to avoid your company.
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
At what point is it okay to tell cohabiting children that they might consider marrying? How many years?
I am not a lawyer, a general practitioner, a licensed marriage counselor, a psychologist, a sociologist, a social historian, or a Cordon Bleu Chef, but I live in a country where freedom of speech is a thing, so here's my opinion:
I would wait till a relaxed moment when I was alone with my daughter (or son?) and say, timidly, "So am I to take it that you and His Name aren't planning to get married, or is that none of my business?"
Then she's free to say, "Right, Dad, none of your business," in which case you smile and nod and change the subject. On the other hand, she might welcome the opening to discuss it with you. Because, actually, I think it is a little bit your business, because she's your daughter and you love her and want the best for her. If you think marriage is best, for whatever reasons, then why not open the conversation so you can express those reasons?
Just writing this has made me start to cry. Talk about sentimental old fools. I think she's very lucky to have you, No Prophet.
My problem is dreams + sentimentality. One develops a vision of what things might be, tempered by one's own experiences, and what incompletely formed dreams of the future there were. I had thought I might end up with a son-in-law, that there would be some acknowledgement of relationship beyond the two of them. But the income tax authorities have declared them equivalent to married, so I guess that's something.
Is marriage best? That's a question that implies a choice that was not available until much more recently. I've more or less decided that I probably won't address the question unless provoked. Such as if asked re a house downpayment loan from us. Though I do harbour the thought that after a decade of cohabitation, I might do what you've suggested.
As for the tears, you have read me correctly. I think about this most days at least a little, then get on with the day, or if in serious sentimental trouble, after a cup of tea.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
I hold to the idea that the union of souls is marriage, the ceremonial is just the recognition of the thing already forged. I hope this thought might be of some comfort to you with your cup of tea. After all, in the early days there was no marriage service.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
I am very grateful my parents never tried to tell me how to live my life, not even via some kind of passive-aggressive question, despite how obvious it has always been that I am not living the life they would have chosen for me.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
There is nothing wrong with asking the question – what might make it wrong was how you asked it or how you took the answer.
We ask our kids questions and talk about their lives all the time – eg are you happy with your job etc etc
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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JoannaP
Shipmate
# 4493
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Posted
It is very kind of my mother to be concerned about my lack of social contact now that I am not working but, if she is "deeply interested in every aspect of" my life, surely she should remember that I spend 3 afternoons a week volunteering in a charity bookshop? (And no, there is no sign that she is becoming forgetful, at least not of things that are important to her.)
I really would like to know whether she believes that "deeply interested" line or if she knows deep down that she does not give a flying fuck about anything that does not relate to her.
It would also be nice to have a conversation without her getting in a dig at MrP...
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"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)
"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 1877 | From: England | Registered: May 2003
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
To be clear, I haven't asked and don't know that I will. I just try to be supportive and avoid expressing an opinion. Probably because my parents really didn't parent me after I went away to boarding school, and certainly never asked much about anything I did except to disapprove.
To keep this thread hellish, here's some Famous Parental Quotes (which I might encourage people to post it they have 'em):
"My god, I've raised an artsman" when I announced that I wouldn't be attending univ for engineering.
"Aren't you sacrificing your freedom a little young" when we told them we wished to marry. Followed by a discolourful paternal comment about tomatoes which I should have hit him for.
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
I think you've just given us a perfect example of how not to ask the questions....
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Parental quotes. Heh.
My dad loved describing things as " the HEIGHT of LAZINESS," which one can translate loosely as, " anything that would not pass a boot camp inspection." Only he'd pronounce it "Heighth."
He was a big John Wayne fan. Imagine this in a John Wayne voice: " you've got your fist clenched You wanna hit me? Go ahead and hit me. But you better make sure I don't get up again." ( He saw nothing weird or, oh, pathetic about saying this to little girls.)
My mom was always " THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED with you! THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED!" Saying it just once was never enough.
Oh, and Mom's idea of comforting a dateless daughter: " Don't tell me you are sitting around moping about X. Oh, how stupid. You think he's thinking about you? No, he's out having fun with lots of girls." ( I think I first moped over a boy when I was fourteen, and I got this speech every six months or so afterwards.)
[ 18. April 2015, 20:21: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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saysay
Ship's Praying Mantis
# 6645
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Posted
no prophet:
I would have been fine with my mother asking me if I thought a relationship of mine was headed towards marriage. I knew what she thought (marriage is the most stable relationship unit we've come up with and standing in front of a community of your friends and family and making those vows really does make a difference for a lot of people). But she also raised me to think for myself, so I wouldn't have had a problem telling her if I disagreed with her (which I don't).
An example of what not to do: call your daughter and tell her that your church is currently holding a fundraiser because a particular famous designer donated a bunch of dresses to a group of churches to be auctioned. Encourage her to come to visit in order to purchase one of said dresses. When she objects that she's not sure she'll ever be getting married much less what changes her body may have gone through between then and now, laugh and say, well, but you never know. Tell her that you may know something about B. that she doesn't know.
When she says that she knows that she and B. have broken up and that he's trying to guilt her into getting back together by constantly crying and saying it isn't fair because he thought they were getting married and she's a big meanie for breaking that promise, tell her that's not what's going on, B. has called you and explained the situation. When she starts to get upset that B. called you knowing we don't get along (when she told her mother that she had broken up with B., her mother sighed and said she was glad because B. acts way too much like her father, who she rarely talks to), tell her that you're not going to talk to her if she's being that irrational. When she points out that you are the one who called her and that she doesn't want to talk to you, so if you refuse to talk to her because she's actually displaying an emotion, that's actually rewarding her, tell her again that you think she should buy a wedding dress. When she again says no, because even if she thinks she's going to be the same size as she is now when she gets married, she doesn't care about designer labels, tell her that's ridiculous because all women care about designer labels. When she says the conversation is over and hangs up on you, call her back immediately. Leave her a long message about how she is overly emotional and completely irrational because that's how women are and she doesn't actually have any reason to be upset with you, you are just trying to be helpful, and she has always been an ungrateful brat who thinks her desire for some privacy is more important than other people's desire for using her however they'd like.
The next time you see her, pretend this conversation never happened.
When she asks her brother why B.'s father took her side in the conflict between them but her own father won't, get offended. Say something about how you don't know how you raised such an offensive person.
When she leaves the room because she doesn't want to be around you, milk the crowd for sympathy.
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"It's been a long day without you, my friend
I'll tell you all about it when I see you again"
"'Oh sweet baby purple Jesus' - that's a direct quote from a 9 year old - shoutout to purple Jesus."
Posts: 2943 | From: The Wire | Registered: May 2004
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Daaaaamn.
That is some Velma Harper-- worthy manipulation, saysay.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Well, there was this visit I made to my family, parents and older brother, (younger ones living elsewhere).
"I'm not at work at the moment. I'm taking some time off because I've been raped".
Older brother, "What?"
Mother, "she said she's been raped".
OB, "Oh".
A minute of silence.
Mother, getting up to clear the table, "The news is on in 5 minutes".
It was truly bizarre, my father sat there and said nothing. I had actually been raped 6 months earlier, I only told them when I left work in case they rang me there.
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Jesus.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Jesus.
That about sums it up. Good God.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:
Huia - I just don't have the words.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
((Huia))
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
Speechless here. ((Huia))
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
Speechless here. ((Huia))
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Gee D
Shipmate
# 13815
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Posted
Yes indeed, Huia.
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Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican
Posts: 7028 | From: Warrawee NSW Australia | Registered: Jun 2008
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
Huia
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
Illness top trumps. That is all.
