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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Difficult relatives
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I do this too, as I also have a relative who withholds/re-represents medical data in order to try to get emotional effects. (In her case, it's more like bait--let me tantalize you with just enough to worry you, but not enough to google. Occasionally she slips up. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif) )
But we can't be blamed (logically, anyway!) for not mind-reading. If Mom wants an emotional reaction, she should say flat out, "They are testing for brain cancer" or whatever, instead of expecting telepathy.
And I also turn into Spock when I'm handed tantalizing bits of might-be / might-not-be bad news. What else is there to do? Getting het up over what is (so far) nothing is exhausting. And it also allows her to later say, "I didn't tell you, dear, because you always get so emotional about nothing."
Uh uh, not going to play those games. Spock it is.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I guess the whole "mystery blood test" thing was Mum trying to say that she was worried and wanted empathy.
But without saying anything like "Hey, NEQ, Dad's going in for some blood tests, and although they're fairly routine, I'm scared about his health and want to cry on your shoulder for a bit"?
My natural response to someone telling me about a problem is to try to fix it. So if you come to me and tell me you're scared, you'll get analytical Leo, asking a bunch of questions to understand what's going on, and then (if necessary) offering to go out and do research to figure out what the best approach is.
If you're scared and just want comfort rather than solutions, that's fine, too, but you need to ask for that. Certainly there are times that I'm irrationally worried, know that extra information isn't going to alter my irrational worry, and just need a hug, or some distraction or something.
But I'm not going to lie to you. I include in "lying" things like saying I agree with your assessment of the situation when I don't have enough data to develop an opinion.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
But we can't be blamed (logically, anyway!) for not mind-reading. If Mom wants an emotional reaction, she should say flat out, "They are testing for brain cancer" or whatever, instead of expecting telepathy.
But if you really loved them you would just know without having to be told
![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
( can you tell that my mum was rather good at this?).
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
My friend's mother's like that. "You should have known I wanted a cup of tea ready when I came in." When she arrives at random times, and always late enough to have him worrying. "You should have known I wanted xxxxx with the shopping," when she has not listed it.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Angel Wrestler
Ship's Hipster
# 13673
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Posted
My mom is not well, but just how not-well she is, is a puzzle. Last I tried, I said I'd come over and help her find home health care, help her figure out what to do about the hosue, and such... her response: "Well, you should've done that 2 years ago. There's no point in doing anything now." (it's like she doesn't ahve a clue as to the hell our family was going through 2 years ago - just that I didn't drop everything and come tend to her).
The thing is - she still has normal mental faculties - she can call for a home health aid and she can ask her doctor for potential assisted living arrangements (she hates people, so living in any kind of community is going to bug her).
Rather - every time I try to relate or to help, she finds a way to take digs at me. It's to the point where I just don't even call her. Innuendos that I'm after money or something (hell, I know my family and I are not included in it)....
This part is more for the prayer thread - but, for heaven's sake, who would spend their last days taking an inventory of how horrible their children are over remembering all the cool stuff they got to experience in life? ....
said as a terrible, disloyal, disappointing, lazy, dumb-ass (one of her favorite names for me), daughter who'd just like to love her mom.
She may die and I'm not willing to put myself into the line of fire just to try to relate.
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The fact that no one understands you does not make you an artist.
(unknown)
Posts: 2767 | From: half-way up the ladder | Registered: May 2008
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
Owww.
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Angel Wrestler:
Rather - every time I try to relate or to help, she finds a way to take digs at me. It's to the point where I just don't even call her. Innuendos that I'm after money or something (hell, I know my family and I are not included in it)....
This part is more for the prayer thread - but, for heaven's sake, who would spend their last days taking an inventory of how horrible their children are over remembering all the cool stuff they got to experience in life? ....
said as a terrible, disloyal, disappointing, lazy, dumb-ass (one of her favorite names for me), daughter who'd just like to love her mom.
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Boy, do I feel you on the helping part. I simply made dinner the other night, and that small attempt to contribute was met with a dozen little reminders that I shouldn't start thinking of myself as useful. And yeah-- my mom's not the only one, but I too am baffled at people who are getting ready to meet their maker who spend the precious time they have left playing spite games.
Dumbass? ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif) Fuck that.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
I'm not in any way, shape, or form excusing your mothers, or saying you have to have anything to do with them, whatsoever.
I wonder if maybe it's fear? Fear of death? Anger is often a cover for fear.
YMMV.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Took me a long time to figure that out with certain people in my life.
Also, sometimes there's a huge desire to control people precisely because the controlling person can't control his/her other circumstances (poor health, etc.) I'm seeing this right now as one DR is pushing my sister with cancer to "do this, do that, do the other treatment!" none of which she is emotionally in any shape to do, having just been whacked with bad news. But DR is feeling helpless, and is all the more insistent than someone else therefore should "fix" the cancer immediately.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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chive
Ship's nude
# 208
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Posted
I've just had a week visiting my family and it went well apart from two incidents. This in itself is remarkably successful but the two incidents are pissing me right off.
One of the things I wanted to do while I was up was visit a friend of 28 years who is dying to say goodbye. I had arranged to do this on Monday. On Sunday they all ganged up on me and said if I wanted to go and visit her I wasn't going to be able to stay with them the rest of the time I was up in case I was upset. This left me unable to see my friend as, although I could have found a B&B, not staying with them would have meant I couldn't spend time with my nephew and nieces which is the prime reason I was there and if I had gone I would have been lambasted for my selfishness for choosing a friend over my family and I didn't have the emotional strength to deal with it. So now I'm pissed off with them and beating myself up for not doing the right thing.
Secondly, my niece this week started to be a bit tearful about going to nursery. This is unsurprising as last week she had norovirus which came on at nursery and they couldn't contact my sister to pick her up as my sister had gone swimming. Fair enough these things happen. My sister's response has been to tell her not to be stupid and stop being a baby. My suggestion that they talk to her, ask her why she's upset and reassure her was met with, 'she's five and I don't want to pander to her and turn her into someone mental like you.' Ho hum. I'm sure she'll be fine but it pissed me off no end.
Bloody families.
[ 29. January 2016, 14:08: Message edited by: chive ]
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'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
Chive:
Just chiming in with a reality check so you know you're not crazy (as they seem want to suggest): That all is seriously messed up.
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Ferijen
Shipmate
# 4719
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Posted
And echoing cliff dweller, you're not the crazy one.
Unless, in the nicest possible way, you aspire to crazy cool aunt, because it sounds like your niece-phews will need that in their life.
Posts: 3259 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chive:
On Sunday they all ganged up on me and said if I wanted to go and visit her I wasn't going to be able to stay with them the rest of the time I was up in case I was upset.
What the absolute fuck? I don't have words for the level of selfishness displayed by your relatives here.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Holy fuck, chive.
What Ferijen said-- those kids are lucky to have you around.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Another day that can be counted as a success because I have not murdered my mother-in-law - sadly I doubt that the world is any better off because of it!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
WW--
The Ship is better off, though, that you didn't. You might not have Net access in prison. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
Seriously, what does it say about people who can't get along with Welease and the rest of us? Are we not the best? A pox upon them all!
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
Would that be the English pox, the French pox, or, more worryingly, the Italian pox?
WW -do you see much of your MiL? If not, thank the Lord. If so, have some chocolate.
[ 05. April 2016, 14:14: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
If not, thank the Lord. If so, have some chocolate.
He's allergic to chocolate.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
If not, thank the Lord. If so, have some chocolate.
He's allergic to chocolate.
Have something you love like I love chocolate then ...!
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
His MiL lives in the next house . All members of his household function as a DEW line. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
DEW? I thought WW lived in a warm country.
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
I'm sorry to say I'm feeling proud of myself.
The police have been called due to a suspected intruder to my mother's house in the night. I didn't react when she told me. She called me yesterday evening. I called 101 today, that's the way you get through to a local police station. I was put through to Jamie, who was scheduled to follow up with my mother. OMG how technology worked on this occasion. Jamie was amazing and kind and gentle and asked good questions. He said he would call me following the visit but that hasn't happened.
Why am I proud of myself? 1. I was upset, I do care. 2. I have no plans - and this is important - to suddenly ring her up or visit her. 3. Yes, I knew that she may well be lying but I didn't assume a lie until I had spoken to the police.
I always thought this woman had been such a shit that she robbed me of feeling towards her, that is not the case. But she has no / very little hold on me. And that is progress, massive progress.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Beenster ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Now do something nice for yourself! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
But she has no / very little hold on me. And that is progress, massive progress.
That is freaking huge. Freedom-- that's the whole point of forgiveness, isn't it?
Enjoy. Go do something mad fun to celebrate.
![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
But she has no / very little hold on me. And that is progress, massive progress.
That is freaking huge. Freedom-- that's the whole point of forgiveness, isn't it?
Enjoy. Go do something mad fun to celebrate.
Huge. Been there. Escaped by deciding (and reminding self, and failing, and trying again) the person was a distant acquaintance for whom I wished the same vague welbeing I wish for any stranger, but expected nothing of them, no mutual connection. Then the lack of mutual caring and concern didn't bother me. (Well, not nearly as much.)
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
THanks all - no happy happy nice things for me, a weekend ahead of anxiety with work-related issues on the back of being bullied ! But still better that I am not dancing to the mater's tune!!
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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AmyBo
Shipmate
# 15040
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Posted
Apologies for the thread necromancy, but my fucking mother!
I miscarried last fall. My idiot mom insisted on having a family dinner on my birthday, two days after I learned it would happen. My goddamned water broke at her house, and she tried to perform her 30-minute goodbye ritual as I was trying to leave. My husband had to help me out the door. Later Mom said, "at least you know you can get pregnant now," then made comparisons to her own birth experiences. You know, where she got pain medications, follow-up doctor visits, and a fucking baby.
Now she's at it again. Yesterday, she got upset that I had been refusing to take ibuprofen for a recent injury, until this week. I admitted that I had waited to take a pregnancy test, and her response was, "well, you're not."
Now the dried out cunt is moving way closer to us and oh so excited to see me regularly, and I can't talk to her. But I keep talking to her and going home in tears. She says I'm supposed to be over this by now. Fuck her with a rusty speculum.
Posts: 122 | From: Minnesota | Registered: Aug 2009
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
She makes the rules about when you should be over a miscarriage? Congratulations on avoiding matricide! Why talk to her anyway?
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by AmyBo:
Apologies for the thread necromancy
Given the circumstances, no apology is required.
DT
HH
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Forward the New Republic
Posts: 9131 | From: Ultima Thule | Registered: Jul 2005
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
{{{{{AmyBo}}}}}
1. New, unlisted phone number.
2. Restraining order.
3. Guard dog(s).
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Maybe consider a letter to her saying:
"I can't talk about pregancy, miscarriage or health issues with you - its too upsetting. I need you to support me in this. If you start talking / asking about those things in a telephone call or visit I shall hang up / leave immediately."
And if possible requesting your partner or a specific friend to deal with any conversations around the sending of the letter.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
[ 21. May 2016, 11:55: Message edited by: Doublethink. ]
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by AmyBo:
Apologies for the thread necromancy, but my fucking mother!
I miscarried last fall. My idiot mom insisted on having a family dinner on my birthday, two days after I learned it would happen. My goddamned water broke at her house, and she tried to perform her 30-minute goodbye ritual as I was trying to leave. My husband had to help me out the door. Later Mom said, "at least you know you can get pregnant now," then made comparisons to her own birth experiences. You know, where she got pain medications, follow-up doctor visits, and a fucking baby.
Now she's at it again. Yesterday, she got upset that I had been refusing to take ibuprofen for a recent injury, until this week. I admitted that I had waited to take a pregnancy test, and her response was, "well, you're not."
Now the dried out cunt is moving way closer to us and oh so excited to see me regularly, and I can't talk to her. But I keep talking to her and going home in tears. She says I'm supposed to be over this by now. Fuck her with a rusty speculum.
I was with you till you started slamming on her for the condition of her reproductive system and wishing severe pain on her. At least her awkward attempts to have you look on the bright side " Now you know you can get pregnant," and wanting you to take ibuprofen so you wouldn't be in pain seem to come from good intentions. Not everybody knows exactly the right words for these situations. I agree you should just tell her that the "women's health issues," are something the two of you shouldn't discuss.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
The thread is for ranting, why get judgmental? I would have been tempted to brain her with an axe.
my own mother is like this though with the best of intentions. I made it clear that certain topics of conversation were entirely off limits since she had such a huge blind spot on proper responses. For us these included infertility, miscarriage and weight issues. Then whenever she said word one on any of the forbidden topics, i would develop an immediate overwhelming need to visit the toilet. If she tried again, it's amazing how suddenly that need would return. Eventually she learned to avoid those topics entirely if she didn't want a swift end to the whole conversation period.
The hardest part was for me to admit she was never going to "get it" and say what i needed her to say if i just allowed the conversation to go a little longer. Giving up that hope led to much less pain in the end.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
This doesn't sound like awkwardness to me, it sounds like someone gleefully punching someone in their most wounded spot. Starting with insisting someone socialize when they've been told they are going to miscarry at any moment.
Twilight, shut up. The fact that someone's descent into hyperbolic rage is more troublesome to you than a woman telling another woman that it is more important to say goodbye properly than attend to the traumatic event occuring in her body stuns me.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
She didn't tell her it was more important to say goodbye properly she was just saying goodbye herself and I seriously doubt the daughter was forced to stand there for 30 minutes when all she had to say was, "Later, Mom," and head for the car. It sounds like the mother has a very common nervous habit of not knowing how to wind it up.
Obviously the mother thought the party would take her mind off her worries for a few hours. I find it hard to believe she went to all the work to plan a party just to be mean.
I know this is a thread for ranting and I've done it myself, but a rant is one thing, and a woman calling another woman a cunt crosses a line for me as does wishing any kind of painful rape on her.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
She didn't tell her it was more important to say goodbye properly she was just saying goodbye herself and I seriously doubt the daughter was forced to stand there for 30 minutes when all she had to say was, "Later, Mom," and head for the car. It sounds like the mother has a very common nervous habit of not knowing how to wind it up.
Obviously the mother thought the party would take her mind off her worries for a few hours. I find it hard to believe she went to all the work to plan a party just to be mean.
I know this is a thread for ranting and I've done it myself, but a rant is one thing, and a woman calling another woman a cunt crosses a line for me as does wishing any kind of painful rape on her.
Cunt is not my favorite word in the world, but in this case I trust there was extreme provocation. As for the speculum comment-- it's just a variation on the " rusty farm implement" meme mentioned all over the Ship. If you are gonna pick on her, there's a lot of other people in line before her that you have to scold.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Cunt is not my favorite word in the world, but in this case I trust there was extreme provocation. As for the speculum comment-- it's just a variation on the " rusty farm implement" meme mentioned all over the Ship. If you are gonna pick on her, there's a lot of other people in line before her that you have to scold.
I believe I was the first one to receive the rusty farm implement wish. I didn't like it then and I haven't liked it anytime since no matter who it was directed at. It just never seems funny or appropriate to me. I have noticed that there isn't any equivalent insult used toward the men. Why is violent rape the first thing some people want to picture happening to women they are mad at? Here we have a woman who has been hurt because her mother was insensitive about her trouble conceiving and carrying a child. I get that. What I don't get is that same person talking about "dried up cunts." She is being as insensitive toward women who are too old to bear children as her mother was about women who have trouble carrying to term.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
I believe I was the first one to receive the rusty farm implement wish.
You were not.
quote:
I have noticed that there isn't any equivalent insult used toward the men.
This is also incorrect - rusty farm implements inserted for maximum indignation have always been equal-opportunity suggestions.
All that being clarified, I do think that you're right that the mother in question has a very high likelihood of just not being sufficiently psychic. Her quirks have probably been interpreted over years of abrasion as being far worse than their origins likely intend. There's probably nothing in her conversational array that she can employ without baggage to twist it.
Obviously, we could be wrong. The mom could be an insidiously malicious harpy as Kelly is suggesting, probably based on her own insights. Some people really are just that shitty.
My experience is that there is little practical value in vilifying people. But it does make for a more energetic Hell thread. Or political campaign, apparently.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Obviously, we could be wrong. The mom could be an insidiously malicious harpy as Kelly is suggesting, probably based on her own insights. Some people really are just that shitty.
Actually I was basing this on the implication in the post that this is not a one off, that the husband had to intervene to get her out of there, and that it shouldn't take somebody being psychic to understand that if a person has told you they are due to experience a major, incapacitating health event in the next few days, you really should defer to their wish not to schedule anything until they are up to it. Or to think of doing anthing other than assisting them out the door when it happens. quote:
My experience is that there is little practical value in vilifying people. .
Really.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Look, this is a thread where we can rant and vent and complain to our heart's content about our difficult relatives.
Seems to me that AmyBo has good reason to do that--especially since her mom is moving "way closer" to her, and is excited about seeing AmyBo more often.
![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I was basing this on the implication in the post that this is not a one off
Clearly there has been years of this dynamic going on. But it seems entirely possible that whatsherface's mom might be oblivious. Because people are rarely as clear in their communications as they think they are - especially about difficult topics. Especially to people who have some ingrained assumptions they will default to in spite of evidence to the contrary. People's ability to talk past each other for an incredibly long time - and blame each other for it - is staggering.
Don't ask me how I know.
But, again, I could be entirely wrong. People can and do suck. Perhaps it's just an awkward phase of insulating my pragmatic thoughts from my instinctive hatred of people while I try to fool my kids into being better versions of me.
quote:
quote:
My experience is that there is little practical value in vilifying people. .
Really.
I'm actually not sure how to parse this. I'd like to think you're agreeing with me. But it's possible this is snark - which I probably deserve. But either way I'd love to have it explained. So we can high-five, or I can correctly savour the burn.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
The rusty farm implement was first invoked by Erin many, many years ago. I don't recall the object of her wrath.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I was basing this on the implication in the post that this is not a one off
Clearly there has been years of this dynamic going on. But it seems entirely possible that whatsherface's mom might be oblivious. Because people are rarely as clear in their communications as they think they are - especially about difficult topics. Especially to people who have some ingrained assumptions they will default to in spite of evidence to the contrary. People's ability to talk past each other for an incredibly long time - and blame each other for it - is staggering.
Don't ask me how I know.
But, again, I could be entirely wrong. People can and do suck. Perhaps it's just an awkward phase of insulating my pragmatic thoughts from my instinctive hatred of people while I try to fool my kids into being better versions of me.
quote:
quote:
My experience is that there is little practical value in vilifying people. .
Really.
I'm actually not sure how to parse this. I'd like to think you're agreeing with me. But it's possible this is snark - which I probably deserve. But either way I'd love to have it explained. So we can high-five, or I can correctly savour the burn.
Not sure which it is myself, although thank you for explaining your current Efforts at self improvement. It genuinely explains a lot.
Perhaps you aren't fully aware of how long you ( and a variety of other people, really)were being pretty much celebrated for being that person who specialized in vitriol, and ( coincidentally) I was being sneered at for being the fluffy bunny who would wade into Hell and actually try to empathize with people. When you say, " Heavens, what do you expect to accomplish with vitriol?" My most honest response is " me getting a fucking break from having to be diplomatic all the fucking time. Suck it, it's my turn."
Maybe my experiences being raised by a pair of narcissists has made me hardened, but fuck, like I said, you just get fucking sick and tired of always trying to origami your pain into something that will help you excuse someone else's behavior, and you just have to say, " I don't care if you scripted this ahead of time to the last period or if every word that comes out of your mouth is a clueless well meaning verbal fart, I am sick of getting hurt when I most need help. I am sick of the way your personality cheats me out of the support most people take for granted from their families. "Maybe vitriol doesn't help, but meek fucking endurance helps even less.
So if AmyBo calling her mother a see you next tuesday on a public message board helps her keep from springing a leak, I'm right on deck to cheer her on.
And the rusty speculum rape charge is just ludicrous. It just ignores the 5000 times the catch phrase has been squawked out before. All over the damn Ship, really. Again, not my favorite phrase-- not the least because of the Dantian variations that cropped up in the past ( yeah, Twilight, you're right) but it's totally unfair to dump that on Amy. Blame the people who decided long ago that the real badass Hellions prove themselves by flinging that phrase around.
[ 22. May 2016, 05:33: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
This, re Kelly's last sentence. And I hate it when people use that word.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
Oh alright then, you guys are probably right.
AmyBo, I apologize. You had every reason to expect this to be a safe thread for ranting about relatives. I usually love to read it. Kelly Alves's contributions alone are fascinating, her mother is a brilliant manipulator. For some reason I felt compelled to defend your mother and this really wasn't the place for it. Chalk it up to me being a dried up old cunt myself.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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