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Source: (consider it) Thread: Difficult relatives
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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quote:
Originally posted by Uncle Pete:
I know he is my biological brother, but I have many other brothers (and sisters)-in-spirit here in Canada.


And even unto the ends of the earth.

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 9365 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Gee D
Shipmate
# 13815

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Surely NZ is Middle Earth, not one of its ends?

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Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican

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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688

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(incoherent cry of frustrated rage)

Well, that was the most unrelaxing weekend in the world.

Both of my SiLs having left their gentlemen companions and finding themselves pecuniarily embarrassed, they have moved back into the parental abode. Not only do they think there is nothing odd about still sponging off their parents at nearly fifty years of age (after all, who hasn’t ever ended up homeless as a result of their own bad choices?), but they are treating the place like a hotel. It is true that my MiL can on occasion be a pain in a sensitive place but you know what, this time she is perfectly in her rights. She’s allowed to make a fuss about you smoking outside her front door because IT’S HER HOUSE and she shouldn’t have to tiptoe round you all the time like you own the place until she can’t take it anymore and you yell at her and she cries. And when the hell are you planning to move out and take responsibility for yourselves like functioning adults? Oh that’s right, you aren’t. You figure if you stay there long enough, the stress of having you around is going to kill your parents and then the house will be all yours. (Except it won’t. Don’t forget that (a) one third of that house is going to be ours and (b) the only people in this sibling set with any money are us and we would derive no small pleasure from dragging your selfish arses through the courts, after watching how you treated your mother yesterday.)

And don’t even get me started on how many thousands of euros have disappeared into the bottomless pockets of the two ugly sisters. What the blazes have they done with it??? What do you mean you’ll need furniture if you find a new apartment? What happened to all your old furniture? Anyway, you don’t seem in any hurry to find an apartment or you would have accepted that offer of social housing. Oh, the apartment’s a bit ugly, is it? Maybe you’re forgetting that you’re bloody HOMELESS and living at the expense of your 70 year-old disabled parents (and it’s costing them far more than money) is not a long-term solution…

We were clear: the rents need to throw them out of the house and stop giving them money. FiL knows we’re right but is trying to avoid the confrontation, which is kind of pointless because they’re putting up with confrontations Every. Single. Day. Just throw them out already. It might actually make them grow up at last.

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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I hesitate to throw fuel on the flame. But if your MIL shows signs of abuse, don't hesitate to call in the cops. Elder abuse is a real thing.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer

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Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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I've come her to cry and rant, but I don't have the words and the problem isn't even interesting. Ho hum.

I've recently discovered that someone close to me is a secret drinker.

I don't need advice, the internet is awash with it. In fact I think I need to stop reading advice, it's getting me down.

I will just hold on to the three Cs, they are useful - and useful is all I ask for [Frown]

I didnt Cause it
I can't Cure it
I can't Control it

Ho hum, pig's bum.

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Golden Key
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# 1468

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{{{{{{{Boogie}}}}}}

No advice. Just take good care of yourself.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

Posts: 16405 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
{{{{{{{Boogie}}}}}}

No advice. Just take good care of yourself.

Thank you - I'm working on that [Smile]

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Garden. Room. Walk

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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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boogie:

Yes-- take care of yourself. Praying. [Votive]

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
{{{{{{{Boogie}}}}}}

No advice. Just take good care of yourself.

Thank you - I'm working on that [Smile]
Doggy cuddles are a big help. (I speak from experience.)

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."

~Tortuf

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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
I will just hold on to the three Cs, they are useful - and useful is all I ask for [Frown]

I didnt Cause it
I can't Cure it
I can't Control it

Ho hum, pig's bum.

Boogie, thanks for posting that. My most difficult relation has Parkinson's and is sliding
into dementia, I can easily get caught up with feeling some kind of responsibility for his obnoxious behaviour (especially when staff at the care facility ask if a family member could take him [Roll Eyes] ).

Those 3 Cs are a handy reminder and it's amazing how comforting that childhood chant can be.

Pig's Bum indeed!

Huia - edited to add that furry feline cuddles help me - animal companions are priceless.

[ 30. November 2016, 18:59: Message edited by: Huia ]

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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Yes, Huia and Pigwidgeon - my dogs are an enormous help and keep my busy, giving me something else to think about.

I hate secretive anything. But I do understand it. I used to be a secret chocolate eater - sugar addition - and have only just conquered it. I'm 60 in July.

The real worry is that it may escalate, I think these things usually do. Keeping those thoughts at bay is a test for sure.

I have the potential to overdo alcohol myself and am very strict with myself, only having a couple on Fridays and Saturdays. This is the source of a lot of my anger. If I can do it, why can't they? [Mad]

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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quote:
Originally posted by Boogie
If I can do it, why can't they? [Mad]

Because they're not you.

Moo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.

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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:

I have the potential to overdo alcohol myself and am very strict with myself, only having a couple on Fridays and Saturdays. This is the source of a lot of my anger. If I can do it, why can't they? [Mad]

WTF? You can control your drinking, so they should be able to do so as well?
Posts: 24094 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:

I have the potential to overdo alcohol myself and am very strict with myself, only having a couple on Fridays and Saturdays. This is the source of a lot of my anger. If I can do it, why can't they? [Mad]

WTF? You can control your drinking, so they should be able to do so as well?
Yup - I didn't say I was being rational, but I see this as a large part of my anger. Jealousy too maybe.

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Garden. Room. Walk

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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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Ah. Yeah, I get that. Makes a lot of sense - emotional logic.
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I thought I'd managed to slide through the Thanksgiving holidays at my folks' without any major drama (lots and lots of biting my tongue). Now I discover that my stepfather took it upon himself to lecture my husband, for a solid HOUR in the bloody car going to the airport, on: a) how I get fatter every time he sees me,* b) how this is going to magically cause me to drop dead within a year,** and c) how it's his (my husband's) fault for not finding a way to control me.***

There are so many things wrong with that I don't know where to start.

And my husband (though he knows this is full of shit) can't seem to help himself believing that the REAL reason I limp and have chronic pain is because I am fat, fat, FAAAAATTTTTTTT and not because I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Which has caused me zillions of dislocations and subluxations and various well-documented-in-medical-science other funsies, like severe myopia and (yep) chronic pain. But no. My family says it's fat, and that's what it must be. And let's forget about the possibility that we've got cause and effect mixed up here.

I can't fucking win.

* Despite my holding steady for two years and three-four visits, AND being down 40 lb from my heaviest (yes, he saw me then).

** My doctor is cautiously pleased with me.

*** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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Agh. bleh. I can't know what you're feeling, but will sit with you and pray with you while you vent/ curse/ drink heavily/ whatever works.

[brick wall] [Votive] [brick wall] [Votive] [brick wall] [Votive]

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

Posts: 10290 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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And may it happen so unto them, Lamb Chopped. Go ahead and curse. I'm with you.

And, hoping the hostly eyes are turned elsewhere, [Votive]

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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748

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Meh. In the circumstances, I'll let that one go...

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Lost in Space

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Thanks. I need it.

As for it happening unto them, my mother spent the week telling me my sister would be dead in five years and that I needed to know parental funeral plans (as sister won't be there, natch) with a strong whiff of "we also expect to be dead in a year or two, leaving you basically alone." in other words, "Welcome home to Thanksgiving, where everybody you love will be dead in the near future. Including you."

Charming.

Returned here to find that niece had kindly informed the whole church that our house is a pigsty. I'm not even going to try to defend that one.

I have to confront these people. I'd rather hide in a hole. You just know it's going to start out "We're only saying it because we care about you. If you were just a better person, ..."

[ 04. December 2016, 20:49: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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If people want to confide their funeral plans to you, insist that they write it down. You can say that the emotional agony you will be enduring, when they pass, will make your memory totally unreliable. A great deal of argument and fuss can be averted if there is a written record -- what if she told your aunt something quite different?

It is also worth considering that if you want a brass band and a hundred choristers at your obsequies you might have to pay for them. It is perfectly possible and in fact desirable, to preplan and pre-pay for the entire funeral. At the moment of bereavement that'll be one chore that survivors won't have to face. An uncle of mine passed away last month, and my aunt made it plain that she was very glad that all the arrangements had been made well in advance.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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It's not the fact of them having made arrangements that bothers me. It's the gleeful announcement that I'm going to hate this topic (why? do you really think a pastor's wife has no acquaintance with death?) but you'd better suck it up anyway, because EVERYBODY BUT YOU IS GOING TO BE DEAD (and really, you will be too, but never mind).

Gleeful. As in, How may I ruin your Thanksgiving today? And would you like fries with that?

Sometimes I think I'm on the receiving end of a psych study, where they do stuff to see if they can get a reaction out of me. Did I mention that she casually informed me she'd thrown out all the family Christmas ornaments from my childhood, particularly the one with my photo on it I made in kindergarten? But that's okay because "it was falling apart."

This came an hour after she told me to sticker the items in the house I wanted after their death, as she was certain my estranged brother would be fighting with me over things.

Those ornaments were the only thing I would have wanted, and she was not ignorant of that fact.

Sorry. It's been a shitty month in some ways.

ETA: Oh, and we have the opposite problem with the funeral, it appears. They have basically decided against having one. It came fairly close to "have the roadkill cleaners come pick me up."

Fuck that.

[ 04. December 2016, 23:54: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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I am just... sorry. You don't deserve this. No one does, but particularly not you. I'm so sorry. [Votive]

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Yeah, LC. The ornament thing makes me want to kick someone.

And I've said this before, but it bears repeating-- I just don't understand why someone is actively contemplating that time when they will meet their maker will squander their last days playing these hurtful little games. Like God is going to love the basket of spite you will present him on arrival. "See all the hearts I broke? Here's a necklace of the tears I provoked. Aren't you proud of me?" [Angel]

Grrr.

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Do they even fucking KNOW they are playing these hurtful games? I really don't see how they can live with themselves without a shitload of denial going on.

ETA: And how the fuck do I reconcile this with the woman who came out to take care of me when I was in danger of my life? And who lent me the $ to pay that ICU bill?

The cognitive dissonance is tearing my brain apart.

[ 05. December 2016, 01:55: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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Huia
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# 3473

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In my experience that level of cognitive dissonance is most acutely experienced within families. I won't go so far as to say only in families, but it's fairly close.

That's why if there's anything in reincarnation I'm coming back as an orphan, with no siblings.

Huia

[ 05. December 2016, 08:56: Message edited by: Huia ]

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Dark and light sides in strong contrast? It might help if we even knew which side we were about to encounter at any given time, but that tends to be unpredictable. Except that, in your case, LC, the family get together seems to bring out the worst in your DRs. Sorry about those ornaments - a part of ourselves goes with those things. There's a definite empathy deficit in some of your family members.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Penny S
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# 14768

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The dissonance is horrible - my friend has to deal with a mother who can be wonderfully kind and helpful, and then verbally (and at least once physically) destructive. And has tried to ensure that things he values are beyond redemption.

But I just wonder - about the order of asking you to sticker things and then telling you about the thrown out things. Is it at all possible that the stickering request arose from guilt about the throwing out? And was hidden with the idea of sibling fighting over things to disguise that?

But you know the situation, and I don't. And as I am totally inadequate in helping my friend, shouldn't try with people I don't know.

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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I'm so grateful for what you folks are saying. I was afraid that maybe I was a bit crazy for feeling the loss of the ornaments so strongly.

This is a follow-up to a year ago, when she disposed of a small table my grandparents had which I had specifically asked to be set aside for me when they died. Mind you, she is the one who invited me to tell her what I wanted to remember them by.

When the time came, she took it home, stored it outside in the damp, strongly dissuaded me from adding any more furniture to my house (!), and then gave it away to a friend when I persisted in asking for it.

These things hurt like hell, and then I wonder if I'm crazy when she actually comes through in a crisis. It feels so disloyal.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19198 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Oh, and I don't know about the order/sibling theory. She's badly estranged from my brother, and has been coming up with ever more bizarre theories about his hidden evil-ness. To be sure, the estrangement is partly of his making, and he can be a right pain in the ass. But we sank to new lows with the theories this visit.

Can you tell I spent almost the whole visit holding my tongue? Which made me a very unsatisfactory visitor, I could tell, because my refusal to join in is resented. But making any answer just stirs up more conflict and a determination to force me to agree with her.

I keep thinking that as a fellow Christian I ought to rebuke her. I'm afraid to because the last time I did (she had been slandering one of my sister's connections to her face), well, that touched off a year of shunning. And I have very little family already.

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19198 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Now I discover that my stepfather took it upon himself to lecture my husband, for a solid HOUR in the bloody car going to the airport, on: a) how I get fatter every time he sees me,* b) how this is going to magically cause me to drop dead within a year,** and c) how it's his (my husband's) fault for not finding a way to control me.***

There are so many things wrong with that I don't know where to start.


Me either. I can't get to the ornaments because I'm stuck on this -- and your stepfather is stuck in 1950, both socially and scientifically. I think I would be forced to send him some articles to help him catch up.
Posts: 6410 | From: Ohio | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
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# 17338

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I've just received my annual poison-pen letter from my oldest sibling - earlier than usual, normally this pool of vitriol lands on the mat on or after the 22nd.

First, why haven't I taken the opportunity to get in touch in 2016, do I realise its 11 years since last we met? The answer is Yes, I know, and they've been far better years for not having seen them.

Next up, my children: this childless-by-choice sociopath first says that they are badly brought up (another of my many faults, I'm a lousy parent), and they know that had they been brought up by a better person (them in other words) they would be in touch; of course, it is because I control my children and/or keep them brainwashed. But then they're now in their 20s so must now be making a choice to be unpleasant, so it must be in their genes - this last achieves not only rubbishing my children but gets in a dig at my late-lamented.

On a more cheerful note (!) they've heard a rumour I have inoperable cancer and is this true? While not wishing to be uncaring or unsupportive did I realise that many terminal conditions can be brought about by years of bitterness and negativity? I needn't expect them to come to my death-bed because I will have put myself there. (No, I haven't got the big C.)

They don't expect the one sibling I'm still in contact with to last long either because they "...wallows in depression and can't take constructive criticism" and, in continuing to
see me is showing how negative and wrong they are.

And on and on and on.

All together now: 'Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, fa la la la!

--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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It is surpassingly unlikely that someone that age will change. They are as they are. Does old age simply strip away the veneer of civilization and courtesy, revealing what was always underneath, or does it actually slowly sour a good character? My siblings and I have been debating this -- my father is nearly impossible to live with (and this season has become a rabid Trump supporter, rendering sensible conversation impossible. Christmas is going to be a really depressing season this year).

In either case, I think it's hopeless to either try to change them, or try to teach them. Even a very simple Skinnerian response (be mean to me, I call you less) may not work. You are not crazy. It's all on them. What is crazy making is that you can't do anything about it.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer

Posts: 3794 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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What about, next year, returning the envelope unopened?

Or this year, in another envelope, marked 'opened in error, must have been intended for someone else'.

How vile, though. But how sad to live in that head.

[ 05. December 2016, 14:15: Message edited by: Penny S ]

Posts: 5057 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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Burn the letter, next year do so without opening it.

Horrible for you [Frown]

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Garden. Room. Walk

Posts: 11882 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
What about, next year, returning the envelope unopened?

Have someone with different handwriting from yours mark it "Return to Sender -- Addressee Unknown*" or "Moved - Not Forwardable."

(*Why am I suddenly hearing Elvis in my sub-conscience?)

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."

~Tortuf

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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(thoughtfully) Well, there IS that option I spotted on FB in regards to dick pics. That is, you send a formal letter which begins, "Thank you for your unsolicited submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not meet our needs at this time." There follows a detailed critique, with helpful suggestions and resources (hownottobehavelike-acompletejackass.com might be referenced here) and an oh-so-helpful prize is offered when the submission is resubmitted--in this case, possibly a forwarding (for free makeover consultation, naturally!) to his pastor or employer. Something legal, but shame-making.

I rather suspect the denizens of Hell would be delighted to help you craft such a letter.

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19198 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Just sent email requesting no further discussion of my weight with my husband. It turns out that one focus of that discussion (my huffing and puffing, plus limp) has a medical explanation. I apparently have a partially collapsed lung. CT scan soon.

[ 05. December 2016, 20:16: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19198 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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I was told of a friend's situation yesterday. Her family seem to go to completely unimaginable lengths to make each other's lives impossible. I found myself reduced to silence interspersed with ineffectual babble.

The families Chopped and Organistas have a similar effect. Even if my family thought I was the most miserable excuse for a human being ever to be wished on an already exhausted planet, I would hope they would be a tiny bit less fucked-up in their way of telling me, if only to demonstrate that they were slightly more adequate accounts of the species.

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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

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Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Hmm. I watched an interesting You Tube on sociopaths today. We seem to have many examples to share. No empathy: check. Enjoy drama so they can feel anything: check. Grandiose: check. Manipulative: check.

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 20996 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Just sent email requesting no further discussion of my weight with my husband. It turns out that one focus of that discussion (my huffing and puffing, plus limp) has a medical explanation. I apparently have a partially collapsed lung. CT scan soon.

Oh Lambchopped, so sorry! It's a wonder you managed to go to the awful Thanksgiving at all.

[Votive]

Posts: 6410 | From: Ohio | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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Hope they get on top of the medical issues, and you begin to feel better.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer

Posts: 3794 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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LC - [Votive]

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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Doone
Shipmate
# 18470

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LC and O [Votive]
Posts: 1659 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
(thoughtfully) Well, there IS that option I spotted on FB in regards to dick pics. That is, you send a formal letter which begins, "Thank you for your unsolicited submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not meet our needs at this time." There follows a detailed critique, with helpful suggestions and resources (hownottobehavelike-acompletejackass.com might be referenced here) and an oh-so-helpful prize is offered when the submission is resubmitted--in this case, possibly a forwarding (for free makeover consultation, naturally!) to his pastor or employer. Something legal, but shame-making.

I rather suspect the denizens of Hell would be delighted to help you craft such a letter.

This was my thought, too. Pass the note on for review to a couple key people

Another thought-- you could get liquid paper and blot out any identifying features ( names, locations) and post the letter on an an anonymous message board like Reddit where you are allowed to make throwaway accounts. Then share it around, like you would a Dear Abby letter. ("My God, have you seen this god awful Christmas letter that is making the rounds?")
A FB friend/ former Shipmate spent last year's holidays tweeting every horrible thing his depraved relatives said, to the great hilarity of his friends. It was a masterpiece. I would look forward to his tweets every day.

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

Posts: 34911 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Ooo, there's always this place...

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

Posts: 34911 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772

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The best use of Dick Pics I've seen is Obscene Interiors I'm not sure what you can do with poison pen letters, perhaps a sympathetic analysis of their emotional turmoil.

Lamb Chopped, I'm sorry if your decline health keeps you from going to Thanksgiving dinner with these turkeys next year. [Devil]

Posts: 2892 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

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quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
I've just received my annual poison-pen letter from my oldest sibling - earlier than usual, normally this pool of vitriol lands on the mat on or after the 22nd.

First, why haven't I taken the opportunity to get in touch in 2016, do I realise its 11 years since last we met? The answer is Yes, I know, and they've been far better years for not having seen them.

Next up, my children: this childless-by-choice sociopath first says that they are badly brought up (another of my many faults, I'm a lousy parent), and they know that had they been brought up by a better person (them in other words) they would be in touch; of course, it is because I control my children and/or keep them brainwashed. But then they're now in their 20s so must now be making a choice to be unpleasant, so it must be in their genes - this last achieves not only rubbishing my children but gets in a dig at my late-lamented.

On a more cheerful note (!) they've heard a rumour I have inoperable cancer and is this true? While not wishing to be uncaring or unsupportive did I realise that many terminal conditions can be brought about by years of bitterness and negativity? I needn't expect them to come to my death-bed because I will have put myself there. (No, I haven't got the big C.)

They don't expect the one sibling I'm still in contact with to last long either because they "...wallows in depression and can't take constructive criticism" and, in continuing to
see me is showing how negative and wrong they are.

And on and on and on.

All together now: 'Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, fa la la la!

I'd just put it straight in recycling unopened and unread. Life is too short for other people's vitriol. I would send them a lovely card wishing them all the best for the new year, sending them all the love and telling them that you'd all had a pretty good year though. (Mine however ...! [Biased] )

Tubbs

[ 07. December 2016, 11:24: Message edited by: Tubbs ]

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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am

Posts: 12424 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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All written communication with such folk should be answered with impersonal, saccharine, greeting cards with the only personal part, your signature. In fact, the more generically warm and loving messages inscribed by the card company the better. [Devil]

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 20996 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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I like that!

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Science fiction and fantasy writer

Posts: 3794 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged



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