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Source: (consider it) Thread: Difficult relatives
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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You used to be able to get rubber stamps made with a signature on. You can probably get handwriting programs that would print it on a card. Obviously so.
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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
You used to be able to get rubber stamps made with a signature on. You can probably get handwriting programs that would print it on a card. Obviously so.

You can still get signature stamps -- either self-inking, or the type that need an ink pad. The ones needing an ink pad would be more obviously rubber stamped.
[Snigger]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Teekeey Misha
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# 18604

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Last year someone suggested donating to a charity that builds toilets in third world countries.

I thought this was a jest but have just used the public facilities whilst shopping in town, in which I saw a poster for an organisation that offers to "twin" donors with public lavatories in third world countries. I never cease to be amazed...

I'm now thinking I might launch a charity of my own to do the same sort of thing. Feel free to donate in order to have something useful created for the people of a developing nation named in honour of those who are your nearest and dearest:
quote:
"The [Insert name of difficult relation or friend of choice here] Memorial Pile of Sh*t."
Call me an optimist, but I think it will catch on. Apart from providing the lavs, part of the donation will be used to cover the cost of sending a card to the nominee with a photo of "their" crapper and its name plate. Donors may, obviously, choose their own message in the card, but we will offer a range of "ready made" messages too. Suggestions always welcome...

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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.

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Teekeey Misha
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# 18604

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quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
You used to be able to get rubber stamps made with a signature on. You can probably get handwriting programs that would print it on a card. Obviously so.

A friend of mine at school bought a rubber stamp from "Private Eye" that said simply "BULLSH*T". (He was, I recall, rusticated for a week for stamping it all over the walls somewhere in the school.)

Equally, the headmaster of our illustrious academy used to correct the grammar and spelling in the letters he received before filing or forwarding them.

I've often thought that a combination of the two would be efficacious. Stamp the letter in bright red ink and send it back by return of post. Not a mature response to the problem, but just imagine how satisfying it will be when you first post it...

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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Teekeey Misha:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Last year someone suggested donating to a charity that builds toilets in third world countries.

I thought this was a jest but have just used the public facilities whilst shopping in town, in which I saw a poster for an organisation that offers to "twin" donors with public lavatories in third world countries. I never cease to be amazed...

I'm now thinking I might launch a charity of my own to do the same sort of thing. Feel free to donate in order to have something useful created for the people of a developing nation named in honour of those who are your nearest and dearest:
quote:
"The [Insert name of difficult relation or friend of choice here] Memorial Pile of Sh*t."
Call me an optimist, but I think it will catch on. Apart from providing the lavs, part of the donation will be used to cover the cost of sending a card to the nominee with a photo of "their" crapper and its name plate. Donors may, obviously, choose their own message in the card, but we will offer a range of "ready made" messages too. Suggestions always welcome...

Just in time for your last-minute Gift Giving.
[Biased]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Teekeey Misha
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# 18604

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Just in time for your last-minute Gift Giving.
[Biased]

Oh, not the same thing at all! I want to provide a place to mark your ordinary everyday pile of sh*t dumped - not an "emergency" place to dump!

(I'm intrigued though... is an "emergency toilet" a place one can only "go" in an emergency or... no... stop it, Misha!)

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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.

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Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

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quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
All written communication with such folk should be answered with impersonal, saccharine, greeting cards with the only personal part, your signature. In fact, the more generically warm and loving messages inscribed by the card company the better. [Devil]

Oooohhhh, thinking about a few of the cards I've had, I will shortly be appearing on this thread as an actual difficult relative. [Paranoid] [Two face] [Snigger]

Tubbs

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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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In our case Tubbs, it just means our friends and family are lazy and have overly long card lists. I hope.

So far this year it's been the opposite problem, form letters containing the detailed doings of great nieces and nephews we've never actually met and instead of a card I can add to my pretty display, a photograph that will neither stand, nor hang.Who are these people?

[ 08. December 2016, 13:38: Message edited by: Twilight ]

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Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Most of my greetings are electronic these days. Emails. Global Greetings on Facebook. I sent out less than 20 cards this year, mostly to those not on a computer or those (increasingly small list) with which I wish to share loving greetings of the season.

All that being said, I fear I have garnered one difficult relative or two this year, and I suspect that I am, to them, their difficult relative.

I feel no guilt in this matter. As to the form letters, I glance at them, send out rather less than 8, myself, and take care to just write messages on some others.

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Stercus Tauri
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# 16668

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quote:
Originally posted by Teekeey Misha:
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
You used to be able to get rubber stamps made with a signature on. You can probably get handwriting programs that would print it on a card. Obviously so.

A friend of mine at school bought a rubber stamp from "Private Eye" that said simply "BULLSH*T". (He was, I recall, rusticated for a week for stamping it all over the walls somewhere in the school.)

Ah yes... I had one of those when I worked in Edinburgh. People were borrowing it all the time. It wore out, and I could never find another like it.

As to signatures, scanning and printing can be very convincing if you have a good original, and it also offers the opportunity to make it really tacky.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748

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This might fill a void in your lives.

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Lost in Space

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Teekeey Misha
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# 18604

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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
This might fill a void in your lives.

quote:
Originally posted on the website you cite:
4 in 1 Office Memo Stamp
Availability: Currently out of stock.

Our void is unfilled. [Waterworks]

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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Teekeey Misha:
quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
This might fill a void in your lives.

quote:
Originally posted on the website you cite:
4 in 1 Office Memo Stamp
Availability: Currently out of stock.

Our void is unfilled. [Waterworks]

Amazon has it in stock.
[Big Grin]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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Speaking of the helpful items that used to be available in the classified ads in Private Eye, the best (IMHO) was a specialist service: you sent in your cheque plus the name and address of your intended recipient. The safely anonymous company then sent that person a small, gift-wrapped box containing a dog stool (genuine) with a card bearing the legend Someone, somewhere, thinks you're a shit. [Snigger]

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

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There is also a service which anonymously sends an envelope full of glitter to your selected recipient. Ultra fine glitter if that is requested.

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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

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Golden Key
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# 1468

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Didn't a certain gator send glitter to some H/As? ISTM that was mentioned after she translated to the Celestial Ship.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

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Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Me. It took a month to get it all out of my rug. I miss her deeply.
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RooK

Rocky Mountain SLAYER
# 1852

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She called it "festive anthrax".
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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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[Tear]

Glittery bits turned up in all sorts of places for weeks.

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TonyK

Host Emeritus
# 35

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quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
[Tear]

Glittery bits turned up in all sorts of places for weeks.

Weeks!! - I was still finding the d....d things years later!

But I agree with Uncle Pete and I would be more than happy to open another Christmas message from her even if it was full of glittery stuff!

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Yours aye ... TonyK

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Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

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quote:
Originally posted by TonyK:
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
[Tear]

Glittery bits turned up in all sorts of places for weeks.

Weeks!! - I was still finding the d....d things years later!

But I agree with Uncle Pete and I would be more than happy to open another Christmas message from her even if it was full of glittery stuff!

I opened it and it went everywhere. Then the Tubblet, who was a toddler, rolled in it because, "Shiny". The clean-up was very time consuming and I found some bits when I was tidying up when we moved - years later!

I would also be delighted to receive a Christmas glitter bomb from her.

In other news, I have come to the conclusion that the Brexit negotiations will have nothing on attempting to get everyone to agree on who needs to be where over Christmas.

Tubbs

[ 12. December 2016, 15:07: Message edited by: Tubbs ]

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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am

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Penny S
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# 14768

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There is nothing wrong with her. There is nothing wrong with her house. The problem is all with us, her son and me, who are constantly worrying her by saying that there are things wrong with her and the house.
When her son got in from the Carol Service we went to today, she claimed to have been standing for eight hours because she didn't know what to do. But there is nothing wrong with her.
As for the house - a glance at the Children of Hoarders web site will give the general impression. And it is all her stuff which must not be touched. But there is nothing wrong.
He suspects she is dying, and knows it, and will not acknowledge it. I think of Glenda Jackson acting out Elizabeth I's last days, standing, refusing to give way. He is terrified of what happens when she dies in the house, and he is blamed for it. But there is nothing he can do about it, and anyway, there is nothing wrong.

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
He is terrified of what happens when she dies in the house, and he is blamed for it.

Blamed by whom?

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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Penny S
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# 14768

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Anybody. He thinks when he stands up to take part, for example, in an environmental campaign, someone will shout out that he is useless because he let his mother die in squalor.
All the time I have known him he has picked up guilt for anything that happens, like one of those balls for putting in the tumble drier to pick up lint, and I see why - she blames him for everything she can. Yesterday 'we' had told her we would pick up her prescription. 'We' hadn't. He hadn't - he's scrupulous about carrying out tasks for her, but now she's on at him for failing. He has had this all his life. He's amazingly resilient, under the circumstances, but dreads things.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Man, I can relate, Penny.

Ok, I dropped by to tell a funny Mom Alves story. To set the scene, I will tell you of one of her yearly rituals that will by now not shock any of you a bit. Basically the past couple years I have been hiding my wrapping paper in my car trunk until the last minute-- and I mean midnight, Dec. 24-- because every year she'd been waiting till I bought my wrap and ribbons, carefully noting the color scheme, and then going out and buying wrap in the same colors but from a much fancier store. So, like one year I found this pretty royal blue and silver striped paper, and a couple days later she had gone out and bought the same royal blue with Iridescent silver stripes, plus matching velveted gift tags that must have cost a dollar each, etc. You get the idea. For practical purposes, it makes it harder for me to sort out which presents are mine under the tree, but for emotional purposes-- yeah, Mom, I guess every year II need a concrete reminder that you are the awesome gift giver and anything my poor scrimping ass can dig up is always going to be inferior.

Anyway, yesterday I noticed she'd wrapped a lot of her presents already and picked up some wrap. I still carefully stashed it in my trunk, which turned out to be a good thing, because when I told her this morning I'd gotten paper, she smirked and said,"I need to get more, too. I haven't finished my wrapping."

So, in the boot it stays, till late Saturday night. But since I was anticipating this, I made an effort to find paper that would make it pretty difficult for it to appear that I had found a cruddy version of some color scheme she dreamed up. When I pulled out my ultimate find, I laughed out loud with real joy.

Here is this year's Kelly paper.

As every year, I wish you all can find tiny sparkling moments of joy among the manure your families are bound to shovel out this year, and that whaever is left over makes for a damn good story. [Votive] [Axe murder] [Overused]

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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She copies the colour and design of the wrapping paper you use???!!! [Eek!] Honestly Kelly , without the copious backstory I would have difficulty believing this. The attention to detail and the spite are on a level I have never encountered before. This woman could out Trump the Donald if she ever went National in her ambitions.

I love the paper you have chosen.

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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She's just freaking daffy. She has this all consuming pathological fear of being outdone by someone.

For my part, I just wanna have a fun Christmas without someone skunking everything.

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242

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That's a genius story and I've never heard anything like it. I've never heard of octopus santa and as a result of that and feeling utterly frustrated - what about some of this (Not safe for work AT ALL!! Sweet Jesus!--K.A.)

[ 23. December 2016, 19:09: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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First of all, forgive my edit.

Second of all... I'm thinking the KamaSutra wrap, next year. [Snigger]

--------------------
"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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sabine
Shipmate
# 3861

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I am one of the caregivers for my mother, who is alt-right with a long list of ethnic and other groups that she hates--and a difficult person by virtue of a sad life. My turn to be with her for Christmas and the day after.

I already know: 1)she will not want me to go to church because that will mean I'm not home to do things for her during that hour even though she can be alone for that long (I've managed a work-around, however), and 2) she will want me to spend 3 hours listening to Rush Limbaugh with her on Monday and then "discuss it" (read: nod in agreement while she repeats his latest conspiracy theory).

I don't want to add to the burden of bitterness that she carries so I have perfected a group of noncommittal phrases that I can use to keep the peace. My favorite is lifted from the Wizard of Oz: what a world, what a world. I'm not exactly agreeing with her, but I'm not challenging her, either.

sabine

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"Hunger looks like the man that hunger is killing." Eduardo Galeano

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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

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Kelly, that paper is wonderful. Well done on the find. I hope all goes as well as possible for those with families, lightly described as difficult.

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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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It's only Dec 23, but I'm gonna call it now: Kelly, you've won Christmas!
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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Sabine, that is exactly the kind of thing I was thinking of when I offered my little wish. And I like the What aWorld idea, and therefore probably will steal it and pretend I thought it up myself, because I am my mother's daughter.

Ruth-- well I certainly did cop Best Wrapping Paper Ever this year! [Cool]
B
Update, because why not just go ahead and be the Difficult Relative myself this year-- Mom is so befuddled by my choice to keep my paper in my trunk that she has been spending the day wrapping all of her gifts in leftover paper I have bought from several years back. She keeps asking if it is ok, and I just smile mysteriously and say, oh sure, that TOTALLY looks NOTHING like mine.

--------------------
"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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Amorya

Ship's tame galoot
# 2652

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Update, because why not just go ahead and be the Difficult Relative myself this year-- Mom is so befuddled by my choice to keep my paper in my trunk that she has been spending the day wrapping all of her gifts in leftover paper I have bought from several years back. She keeps asking if it is ok, and I just smile mysteriously and say, oh sure, that TOTALLY looks NOTHING like mine.

That's absolutely hilarious. Asking if it is OK? WTF?

I love it.

Amy

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I actually pointed at something completely different from the stuff I had, and said, "Hm, that one's close, but not really." Let's see what happens. [Big Grin]

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:



As every year, I wish you all can find tiny sparkling moments of joy among the manure your families are bound to shovel out this year, and that whaever is left over makes for a damn good story. [Votive] [Axe murder] [Overused]

Thanks for the great story Kelly! You know I'm your mother's greatest fan.
You and Sabine get a [Overused] for your patience.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I was hoping you'd see this one, Twilight!

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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Kelly, the next time I'm in the supermarket I will donate an extra item to the food bank, while thinking of your mother. I thought tampons or sanitary pads might be acceptable.

Huia [Angel]

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772

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I was wondering if you were going to wrap your presents in multiple layers, and then each night strip off a layer....
Posts: 2938 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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[Killing me]

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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Athrawes
Ship's parrot
# 9594

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I think we should all find Kelly the most unique wrapping paper we can, to send her for next year... That way there would be plenty to chose from.

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Explaining why is going to need a moment, since along the way we must take in the Ancient Greeks, the study of birds, witchcraft, 19thC Vaudeville and the history of baseball. Michael Quinion.

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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454

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quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
I was wondering if you were going to wrap your presents in multiple layers, and then each night strip off a layer....

He he

or wrap each present in a different paper so she has to match a lot of different paper

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Sparrow
Shipmate
# 2458

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That is just fabulous paper Kelly.

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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
It's only Dec 23, but I'm gonna call it now: Kelly, you've won Christmas!

Indeed. It should become a beloved children's tale that is passed down from generation to generation: The Story of How Kelly and Octopus Santa Saved Christmas. I'm thinking Tim Burton to direct the movie.

Awesome. I wish you a very, very, subversively merry Christmas.

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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sabine
Shipmate
# 3861

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Sabine, that is exactly the kind of thing I was thinking of when I offered my little wish. And I like the What aWorld idea, and therefore probably will steal it and pretend I thought it up myself, because I am my mother's daughter.

The What-a-world quote may be one of the best things the Wicked Witch of the West has given us who must deal with our own difficult people.

Although my mother has always had a trying personality, she didn't become obsessed with the politics of hate until her 80s/90s. In previous versions of herself, she taught me Matt 25 values.

I think the turn came as she realized how her control over her own life was diminishing.

sabine

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"Hunger looks like the man that hunger is killing." Eduardo Galeano

Posts: 5743 | From: the US Heartland | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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Several times yesterday I nearly posted here my prediction about today, but decided it was too nasty. So I can't prove I was right.
She kept my friend up all night. She can't come over. He's angry with her, God and me.
I'm having to listen to her blaming him for everything. And sounding reasonable.

But the result is that I have missed my sister's Christmas, he has missed our usual meal, and I have a load of food with no-one to eat it.

I'm going over, anyway.

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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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Not quite that bad - the meal is going ahead, everything's quiet. Mother is napping on and off. So is friend.
Hard to know what is going on, really. If I took her account, nothing is going on. But I have seen her in Carabosse mode, so I know she is capable.

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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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How did the paper grab your mother, Kelly?
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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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With all eight tentacles, obviously!

(Yes, I crack me up. No, I'm not ashamed.)

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sabine
Shipmate
# 3861

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Christmas was so bittersweet. My mother lives in a state of perpetual fear (thanks in part to all the right-wing tv/radio). She actually wanted to have Faux News on during Christmas dinner, but I managed to redirect her with Christmas music via YouTube on my phone.

sabine

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"Hunger looks like the man that hunger is killing." Eduardo Galeano

Posts: 5743 | From: the US Heartland | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged



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