homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | Register | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Community discussion   » Hell   » FUCKING SLC!! ARRRGGGGGH

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.    
Source: (consider it) Thread: FUCKING SLC!! ARRRGGGGGH
Macrina
Shipmate
# 8807

 - Posted      Profile for Macrina   Email Macrina   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
How fucking incompetent are you, you utter cretins of incredible stupidity?

Oh I want to pay my loan off? But the balance on your website isn't actually correct and I have to ring you, from FUCKING NEW ZEALAND, to get my actual balance because you haven't managed to GET INTO THE FUCKING MILLENNIUM and HAVE A FUCKING EMAIL ADDRESS and THEN you bitch and whine about how overseas students aren't contacting you?

So yeah I ring you and get some poor benighted minion who gives me my 'final settlement figure' which is definitely okay and includes all interest charged up until the 17th of July but no you don't let souls escape from your cage of Cthulic chaos that easily no, I pay the fucking balance off to the penny and yet next time I log in there's twenty fucking quid on my balance. Thanks I paid that in fucking currency charges to pay the figure you told me was actually correct in the fucking first place you incompetent sons of bitches.

(And no before any of you get smart and tell me it came off the sum I transferred to the UK I put it in a UK account and THEN paid it off, because again THE FUCKING SLC DON'T ACCEPT PAYMENTS FROM OVERSEAS ACCOUNTS BECAUSE THEY ENJOY BEING OBSTRUCTIVE FUCKING BASTARDS.

So I pay that too, overpay it in fact, and then as your website indicates I should I call the UK AGAIN from NZ to get you to cancel my direct debit. 'Oh no, we can't do that, the money hasn't appeared yet.' I'm sorry what? YOUR WEBSITE shows MY BALANCE as -0.21p but somehow the information YOUR WEBSITE tells me isn't actually the information that YOUR COMPANY has? What the actual fuck? Oh yes and even if it had appeared apparently I shouldn't call (contrary to the information on your website) and it all happens automatically. Pardon my skcepticism on that front.

So I check regularly throughout the whole of July, having paid this off on the 9th I was under the mistaken impression you might somehow acknowledge somewhere that I'd actually managed to pay it off, you know, with those letters you love to send 2nd class to NZ that take so long to get there that you send a second letter threatening me for not answering the first before the first one even arrives?

But no, a letter to give me information I want that I haven't paid in blood for? That's too hard, my balance shows as -0.21p for the whole of the month and so I log on to HSBC - see a UK company who have online services and email addresses and everything - see that's how you do business you fetid pile of space wasters - and cancel my direct debit myself.

Then I log in this morning and SOMEHOW - and I really do want to know HOW you've done this, you've managed to charge me 1.71 interest on -0.21p. How the actual fuck do you get 1.71 from -0.21 with a fucking interest rate of 0.9% what the fuck are you people even doing? Do you have even the slightest clue how to tie your own shoelaces????

Fuck you and the fucking government policies you rode in on.

Posts: 535 | From: Christchurch, New Zealand | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

 - Posted      Profile for Lamb Chopped   Email Lamb Chopped   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Killing me]

Sorry, but this is just too typical.

[Killing me]

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19958 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm gonna assume you are not talking about Salt Lake City.

--------------------
"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

Posts: 35051 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

 - Posted      Profile for Ariston   Author's homepage   Email Ariston   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I should not be laughing at this. But I am.

Not because it's actually funny, mind you. It sucks. I know.

I've been there. The nouns were different, but Same Damn Story.

Stick it to 'em where it hurts. Make the poor minions so tired of you they turn on their bosses and help you to spite The Rules.

--------------------
“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

Posts: 6824 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

 - Posted      Profile for Kelly Alves   Email Kelly Alves   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
(Finally clueing in) Y'know, tragedy plus really fine prose equals Comedy Gold.

--------------------
"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

Posts: 35051 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

 - Posted      Profile for Wesley J   Email Wesley J   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I'm gonna assume you are not talking about Salt Lake City.

Looky looky.

--------------------
Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

Posts: 7225 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Thanks for the link Wesley, I was wondering how Sri Lankan Cricket got so bad.

--------------------
Fearfully and wonderfully mad

ن
blog

Posts: 8664 | From: Somewhere else | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
alienfromzog

Ship's Alien
# 5327

 - Posted      Profile for alienfromzog   Email alienfromzog   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Always remember to cancel your direct debit. You can do that instantly if you have online banking.

I always find with awkward companies that gets their attention...

[Biased]

AFZ

[ 03. August 2016, 05:05: Message edited by: alienfromzog ]

--------------------
Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
[Sen. D.P.Moynihan]

An Alien's View of Earth - my blog (or vanity exercise...)

Posts: 2097 | From: Zog, obviously! Straight past Alpha Centauri, 2nd planet on the left... | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

 - Posted      Profile for Marvin the Martian     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
They're not any easier to deal with for universities, if that's any consolation.

--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 29840 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
betjemaniac
Shipmate
# 17618

 - Posted      Profile for betjemaniac     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I once rang them to find out when I would have finished repaying, and was given a date 12 months hence.

"Give us a ring a month or so beforehand" they said, "and we can start to put the blocks on and make sure you finish when you're supposed to."

11 months down the line I rang again.

"Oh, said the chap on the end of the phone, you actually paid it off 2.5 years ago. Thanks for telling us though, we can stop your payments now."

"But last year I was told I had a year to run?!?"

Genuine response: "that may very well be, but there again it wasn't me you spoke to and who told you that was it?"

The one consolation in the whole sorry story was that the absolutely bloody massive cheque they sent was an unexpected windfall.

Idiots, the lot of them.

--------------------
And is it true? For if it is....

Posts: 1336 | From: behind the dreaming spires | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged
betjemaniac
Shipmate
# 17618

 - Posted      Profile for betjemaniac     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
And that's not even going into the kafkaesque nightmare of a system that annually sends out your balance one year in arrears and even then, as my experience shows, doesn't necessarily pretend to the accuracy of that balance.

--------------------
And is it true? For if it is....

Posts: 1336 | From: behind the dreaming spires | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged
Oscar the Grouch

Adopted Cascadian
# 1916

 - Posted      Profile for Oscar the Grouch     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Macrina:
...I log on to HSBC - see a UK company who have online services and email addresses and everything - see that's how you do business you fetid pile of space wasters

It comes to something when HSBC are being held up as a paragon of virtue. HSBC (in the UK at least) are one of the most inept, unhelpful wastes of spaces that can possibly exist. One of my biggest regrets in recent years was to open an account with them before I emigrated to Canada. If SLC make them look good then I shudder to think how bad they must be.

--------------------
Faradiu, dundeibáwa weyu lárigi weyu

Posts: 3817 | From: Gamma Quadrant, just to the left of Galifrey | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Macrina
Shipmate
# 8807

 - Posted      Profile for Macrina   Email Macrina   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Oscar the Grouch:
quote:
Originally posted by Macrina:
...I log on to HSBC - see a UK company who have online services and email addresses and everything - see that's how you do business you fetid pile of space wasters

It comes to something when HSBC are being held up as a paragon of virtue. HSBC (in the UK at least) are one of the most inept, unhelpful wastes of spaces that can possibly exist. One of my biggest regrets in recent years was to open an account with them before I emigrated to Canada. If SLC make them look good then I shudder to think how bad they must be.
HSBC have actually been pretty good with me. I managed to lock myself out my account a while ago and their support guy rang me from the UK on my NZ mobile at his expense and talked me through how to reset everything and sort out a new app to log in. The SLC on the other hand are beyond superlatives in shitness.
Posts: 535 | From: Christchurch, New Zealand | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Martin60
Shipmate
# 368

 - Posted      Profile for Martin60   Email Martin60   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Always, ALWAYS write maximally detailed LETTERS of all events in chronological order to the present, offering your understanding, asking for confirmation and explanation, to the penny.

As an accountant for an airline in a previous life I once had to work out pilot logic and compare it with my own and ask them to choose. Funnily enough, even to their own multiple hurt, they chose mine. It did worry me thereafter about them establishing take-off altitude (particularly when another at the same airport flew right in to a radio beacon as the navigation compu'a he'd set said he was 2000 feet higher than he was, his FINAL direction/destination finding was spot on admittedly) and fuel consumption based on return journeys against the oscillating jetstream. Don't get me going on how I as a mere accountant couldn't possibly be right when I told them the crates of young turkeys would mercifully die of anoxia before they froze in the non-pressurized cargo hold.

Just last week took delivery of my 86 year old mother with insufficient medication, despite the re-order point being two weeks before. Got JUST the response I wanted from the new medical centre, who'd said registration would take a while, with a hand delivered letter.

Just stick to the facts. In meticulous detail. 'Is my understanding, do you concur?'. My favourite, ALL TIME question in all situations, dealing with doctors, lawyers, all sorts of clever people, is 'What would you do in my position?'. Variants are, 'What would you do if it was your mother, teeth, money, car?'.

--------------------
Love wins

Posts: 16595 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Qoheleth.

Semi-Sagacious One
# 9265

 - Posted      Profile for Qoheleth.   Email Qoheleth.   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
My variant: "What do you advise me to do next?" <to sort out your pile of ordure>.

--------------------
The Benedictine Community at Alton Abbey offers a friendly, personal service for the exclusive supply of Rosa Mystica incense.

Posts: 2506 | From: the radiator of life | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
anoesis
Shipmate
# 14189

 - Posted      Profile for anoesis   Email anoesis   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Qoheleth.:
My variant: "What do you advise me to do next?" <to sort out your pile of ordure>.

I have ended more than one letter (including one to NZ's student-loan wallahs), with: "I look forward to hearing of your plans for resolving this situation."

--------------------
The history of humanity give one little hope that strength left to its own devices won't be abused. Indeed, it gives one little ground to think that strength would continue to exist if it were not abused. -- Dafyd --

Posts: 967 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged
Caz...
Shipmate
# 3026

 - Posted      Profile for Caz...   Email Caz...   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I refuse to deal with them over the phone. I will only deal by email (I said I would only make a payment when they did it over email and lo and behold suddenly they had email and ever since I have point blank refused to deal over the phone).

It's amazing how much more competent they get when forced to put stuff in writing.

--------------------
"What have you been reading? The Gospel according to St. Bastard?" - Eddie Izzard

Posts: 1888 | From: here to there | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Talitha
Shipmate
# 5085

 - Posted      Profile for Talitha   Email Talitha   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
AFZ, cancelling direct debits works with some companies, but the SLC are allowed to deduct payments directly from your paycheque, so the power is all with them.
I think it took me about a year after my loan was paid off, and many many phone calls, to get them to stop taking payments.
Then, when they finally acknowledged they'd taken too much, they asked for bank account details to refund the overpayment to. So I supplied bank details, and they said they couldn't accept them because they were the same as the bank details of another of their customers.
That customer being my husband, who I share a joint account with. Evidently no other pair of graduates in the whole country ever got married and got a joint bank account.

[ 28. August 2016, 22:25: Message edited by: Talitha ]

Posts: 554 | From: Cambridge, UK | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged


 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
Check out Reform magazine
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
  ship of fools