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Source: (consider it) Thread: Aging Parents
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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Mum died very peacefully at 2:15am last night. She was 93. [Votive]

Many thanks for all your good wishes and prayers, it has been good to be able to share all this with you. The funeral is all sorted for next Friday afternoon.

--------------------
Garden. Room. Walk

Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged
Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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Thinking of you Boogie. So glad her passing was peaceful.
[Votive]

--------------------
"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com

Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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Holding you all in the Light, Boogie.

[Votive]

--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Raptor Eye
Shipmate
# 16649

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[Votive] for your mum, may she rest in peace.
[Votive] for you and the family.

--------------------
Be still, and know that I am God! Psalm 46.10

Posts: 4359 | From: The United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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{{{Boogie and family}}} [Votive] for you and your mum. May she rest in peace and rise in glory.

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002

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What piglet said.

[Votive] [Votive] [Votive] for all the Boogie family.

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Jack the Lass

Ship's airhead
# 3415

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[Votive] Boogie and family. How wonderful that she had you all there caring for her and making her comfortable until the end. My prayers for you and yours [Votive]

--------------------
"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog

Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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Boogie and family. [Votive]

--------------------
They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

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For Boogie [Votive]

It was good you were able to take her home and that you were all able to be there.

--------------------
'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Heavenly Anarchist
Shipmate
# 13313

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[Votive]

--------------------
'I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.' Douglas Adams
Dog Activity Monitor
My shop

Posts: 2831 | From: Trumpington | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged
Thyme
Shipmate
# 12360

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[Votive] For Boogie and family

--------------------
The Church in its own bubble has become, at best the guardian of the value system of the nation’s grandparents, and at worst a den of religious anoraks defined by defensiveness, esoteric logic and discrimination. Bishop of Buckingham's blog

Posts: 600 | From: Cloud Cuckoo Land | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged
Meg the Red
Shipmate
# 11838

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[Votive]

--------------------
Chocoholic Canuckistani Cyclopath

Posts: 1126 | From: Rat Creek | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

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Prayers, Boogie for all of you and your mum. How blessed you all were to be together at the end.

--------------------
Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Prayers for the repose of her soul, Boogie. Blessing for you and all the family as you mourn.

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Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Niteowl

Hopeless Insomniac
# 15841

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Boogie and family [Votive]

--------------------
"love all, trust few, do wrong to no one"
Wm. Shakespeare

Posts: 2437 | From: U.S. | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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God bless, Boogie. [Votive]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ann

Curious
# 94

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Boogie [Votive]

[ 08. February 2014, 07:41: Message edited by: Ann ]

--------------------
Ann

Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
CuppaT
Shipmate
# 10523

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My prayers added also.
Condolences to you in this hard time.

--------------------
Stand at the brink of the abyss of despair, and when you see that you cannot bear it any longer, draw back a little and have a cup of tea.
~Elder Sophrony

Posts: 919 | From: the edge of the Ozarks | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Aravis
Shipmate
# 13824

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[Votive] for Boogie and family. Hope all goes well on Friday and that you find joy in remembering the good times in the middle of the sadness.

Dad also died last Thursday morning, just before 5a.m. I haven't been on the Ship since then so hadn't passed on the news. I think he was aware I was there on Wednesday but it was a bit difficult to tell. The previous Sunday was our last coherent (ish) conversation when he kept saying bits of the Lord's Prayer and then rambling a bit.

Posts: 689 | From: S Wales | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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[Votive] Aravis and family

--------------------
Garden. Room. Walk

Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged
Thyme
Shipmate
# 12360

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[Votive] For Aravis and family.

--------------------
The Church in its own bubble has become, at best the guardian of the value system of the nation’s grandparents, and at worst a den of religious anoraks defined by defensiveness, esoteric logic and discrimination. Bishop of Buckingham's blog

Posts: 600 | From: Cloud Cuckoo Land | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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What Thyme said. {{Aravis}} [Votive]

May your father rest in peace and rise in glory.

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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Holding Aravis and family in the Light.

[Votive]

--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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Aravis and family. [Votive]

--------------------
They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged
Raptor Eye
Shipmate
# 16649

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[Votive] Aravis's father.
[Votive] Aravis, the family and friends.

--------------------
Be still, and know that I am God! Psalm 46.10

Posts: 4359 | From: The United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
Boadicea Trott
Shipmate
# 9621

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[Votive] for Boogie, Aravis and their families

--------------------
X-Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

Posts: 563 | From: Roaming the World in my imagination..... | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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Likewise, remembering Boogie and Aravis and their families in prayer. [Votive]

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Tukai
Shipmate
# 12960

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Bump! has the Hellish version of this thread superseded this AS version?

As someone with a 95 y.o aunt (who has just gone into a 'low-care' residential facility, and a 90 y.o. mother (who is determinedly asserting her aim to avoid this 'fate' as she sees it), I reckon we still need this AS thread.

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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.

Posts: 594 | From: Oz | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Oh, no, not at all. There are some of us (and our parents) who still get along even if more and more issues of care are devolving on the younger group.

Good job bumping it though

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Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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Thanks for the bump [Smile]

Normalish life has resumed for us and we've put photos of Mum all over the house to remember the happy times.

We now have two more oldies who are not too well. Mr Boog's Dad and StepMum. They are both over 90 and in the same hospital at the moment - Dad for and op and Mum after a fall.

[Votive]

--------------------
Garden. Room. Walk

Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

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I've just had a very nice afternoon with my mum. She seems to be fine if you meet her on her own ground, not so good if she comes to visit here.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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When my Mother was alive, I noticed the same thing about her - she was not a good visitor, but when I went to see her everything was lovely - she enjoyed spoiling me when I visited - all my favourite foods, etc, games after games of cribbage and arguing over the news before bed.

When she visited, she was at loose ends - not so much cribbage and my then wife was uncomfortable with her in the kitchen. I am within 10 years of her now, and I certainly understand her feelings a lot better.

--------------------
Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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I thought I'd like to add a positive note to this thread: one of my colleagues in the choir recently came back from celebrating her parents' seventieth wedding anniversary. They're both in their 90s and, she said, getting a bit frail and forgetful, but still living in their own house.

Now that's quite an achievement. [Smile]

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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Friend's Dad is like that - frets when he visits because he feels idle.

Solution reached: all those little maintenance chores (which friend's husband is lousy at anyway) are kept until the Dad goes to stay; upon arrival he's given massive drink, dinner and then begged for help. He feels he's been useful, jobs are done and to a far better standard, everyone happy.

Similarly, she claims he eczema is playing up in water so her mama can prepare veggies/salad.

Ta dah!

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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I have an aunt, age 90, who just this year retired from her job at a stockbroking firm in New York City. She complains that she does not know what to do with all her spare time.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Tukai
Shipmate
# 12960

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Bump!

Going to visit 92 yo mother interstate this week. She is a bit awkward to deal with, especially for my wife, as she (mother, that is)is a bit short on 'emotional intelligence' and tact, though a long way short of hellish.

Her much more sociable sister (now 95 yo and also living interstate, but in a different state to my mother) is much easier to be around.

Visit should be made more pleasant by also visiting my niece, who has just hatched a new baby. Although geographically close to my mother, they are not socially close, so I'm not sure whether mother even knows about this baby yet.

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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.

Posts: 594 | From: Oz | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002

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Talking to a friend recently, I remarked that The Dowager Mrs. S and her sister, Great-Aunt Mrs S, as it were, had to live in two separate 4-bedroom houses with big gardens - in the same village - as within a day or two of sharing a house, one would have killed the other.

My friend told me she'd taken her mother to visit her sister (friend's aunt) in a nursing home, and went off to the kitchen to make coffee. By the time she returned with two cups of coffee they had come to blows - literally, physically attacking one another!

Her mother had decided her aunt's bedclothes needed tidying, and her aunt had taken exception in a most direct fashion [Killing me]

Mrs. S, who has no sisters with whom to come to blows *phew*

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Tukai
Shipmate
# 12960

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First the good news. Niece and baby are coming along just fine. Niece did not have an easy pregnancy and now claims , one week after giving birth, to have "burnt her maternity clothes". (It is her second child.)

And even the news about my mother is not too bad. Physically, she is much as she has been for the past couple of years, i.e. a bit frail and slow-moving but coping around the house and determined to stay there and not go into "care" (i.e. a nursing home). Fortunately, under the Australian Govt home-care arrangements, she has someone coming in every morning, nominally to assist her with showering, but in practice to generally check up on her.

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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.

Posts: 594 | From: Oz | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged
Tukai
Shipmate
# 12960

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Quote of the day from my mother .

Mother: "My sister is letting herself go into care [nursing home] too early; she could have battled on in her own home like me".

Me: "But your sister is 95 years old!"

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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.

Posts: 594 | From: Oz | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged
Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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93 year old father in law lives in his own bungalow, and understandably, can't look after his enormous garden. Sadly he hasn't bothered to employ someone to do it for him so it seems to be down to his disgruntled 75 year old neighbour and us who live 60 miles away.
Battling to get him to find a gardener had got me so stressed I've now put it in God's hands before I go off on one.

--------------------
"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com

Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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Tree Bee:

This idea might work.

Friends with elderly parents who could cope with the house but not the garden approached the local Allotment & Garden Society to ask if they knew of anyone who might be interested in helping out.

The result is that a lovely young couple who live in a flat have taken over the garden: they've rehabilitated the vegetable plot and the house owners also benefit from the produce.

The grass is cut by a teenager who earns pocket money doing it and is supervised by the couple.

Since this arrangement was put in place two people in the same road have done the same thing and everyone seems happy.

As an added bonus, there is someone visiting regularly who would notice if the old people weren't about, plus the elderly pair have expanded their social circle.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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Unfortunately he has already set up such a system which worked well for a while then dwindled to a stop.
I think this is now part of the problem as he can't now trust anyone to be reliable and turn up.

--------------------
"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com

Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002

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The Dowager lives in a biggish house with a third of an acre of garden. She has a gardener to cut the lawns, but she bickers with him unceasingly about almost anything else he does, and we live in fear - 90 miles and 2 hours away - that he'll down tools altogether.

It wouldn't be such a problem if she weren't such a perfectionist, but she can't bear to leave a weed standing and at 90 she really shouldn't be trying to keep it to that standard. And Garden and Allotment Society there is none ...

Mrs. S, completely out of ideas here

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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Age UK have given me some helpful services to research. Emails sent but no replies yet.
Meanwhile Mr Bee Senior has made some inquiries of his own. Praise be!

--------------------
"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com

Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

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Glad things are getting sorted on the garden front Tree Bee. My MiL has a large garden, but she has cultivated a wild look, and seems to be able to manage it with help from her son that lives nearby to do the mowing.

I'm off to see my mum tomorrow. I spoke to her last week when we'd just returned from holiday and she'd come back from a week with my brother, He's still trying to persuade her to move there, and she did sound a lot happier despite it having from the sound of it being a fairly chaotic few days. I've spoken to her several times since then and she didn't sound nearly so happy. Although she has a lot of friends I really think she doesn't like living alone.

We're off to visit her tomorrow and she sounded disappointed when I phoned up to tell her the time we're arriving that we aren't taking her back here for a few days. When we arranged the visit at the weekend I said we'd organise a time for her to come over when we met, but she seems to have got the wrong end of the stick.

--------------------
'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Arabella Purity Winterbottom

Trumpeting hope
# 3434

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We have just about got my very elderly parents-in-law to a point where they might move into a supported flat in a retirement complex. My father-in-law, aged 95, has insisted on doing everything himself, even though he's in terrible pain and almost immobile with a combination of fluid retention and gout. He's been nasty to everyone, I think because he's in such pain (he was always somewhat crusty, but now he's snarling).

Last weekend, he finally told my partner that he has a growth on his neck. He was not planning to see a doctor about it (he's a retired surgeon and very intractable about medical advice). My partner wouldn't take no for an answer and finally got him to go to the plastic surgeon yesterday, where he had a biopsy. Today the results came back that it is a malignant tumour of some kind, and the likelihood is that he will have to have surgery. Which may well kill him.

Recently he's been so awful to his children that two of them have run out of patience and won't visit (which puts the onus on the other two even more). His wife of 68 years has dementia. He's tired and old and hurting. His will to keep on controlling everything is warring with his body's need to rest.

Please pray for Jack and Laurie, and for their children, as they try to keep them safe (and themselves sane).

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Hell is full of the talented and Heaven is full of the energetic. St Jane Frances de Chantal

Posts: 3702 | From: Aotearoa, New Zealand | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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{{APW}}

[Votive] for you, your partner and your in-laws.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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What an awful situation, Arabella, I'm so sorry. [Votive]

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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Arabella Purity Winterbottom

Trumpeting hope
# 3434

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Thanks. My poor partner is exhausted trying to keep in mind that they're very elderly and sick, and not react to the many provocations dished out.

It would be vastly easier if four of her five siblings weren't standing on the sidelines throwing not-very-helpful advice on how to move forward. Only one is offering support and practical help.

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Hell is full of the talented and Heaven is full of the energetic. St Jane Frances de Chantal

Posts: 3702 | From: Aotearoa, New Zealand | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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My father in law's gardener starts tomorrow , praise be! This is someone 'he had his eye on for a while!' [Mad]
Feeling sad for him right now as a cousin of his has died. He was 10 years younger than my father in law and not local but he visited a lot and they got on like brothers. It must be so hard when all your contemporaries have died. His only relative left is his sister in Leeds who is 100 and has dementia. She lives alone in her own home like Mr Bee Senior. No idea how she manages.

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"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com

Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged



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