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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Aging Parents
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Landlubber
Shipmate
# 11055
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Posted
[Reply to post by Arabella Purity Winterbottom, on previous page]
Arabella thank you for your honesty. It has made me stop and think how best to support my daughter, who is also now at risk of being torn two ways.
I hope and pray for growing peace of mind for you and your partner.
[ 19. October 2016, 22:16: Message edited by: Landlubber ]
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They that go down to the sea in ships … reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man
Posts: 383 | From: On dry land | Registered: Feb 2006
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
My sister got to the stage of not telling my dad if she was going on holiday anywhere other than to see him, as he'd let her know (probably not in so many words, but enough that she was in no doubt) that he'd rather she used her holidays to visit him.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Landlubber - you reinforce something I have come to realise. I have had to - not exactly rethink - but realign my relationship with my daughter Miss S, in case I turn out to be more like my mother than I care to think! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Mrs. S, re-examining herself
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Landlubber
Shipmate
# 11055
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Posted
Indeed, Mrs S. Sounding like my mother is one thing - turning into her would be vastly different and much less amusing.
On the holiday issue, I always pulled the problem into the open by announcing firmly that Relation X and I were taking turns to be away so that one of us would always be available in a crisis. Then we built in an extra day on the start, just in case. Fortunately, we never got found out. (I do know that I was also fortunate to have someone to share with.)
I am now practising my smile and a speech for my. children which says 'I am so glad you have booked a holiday; have a wonderful time' without even saying 'we'll be fine without you' in case that suggests I mean the opposite.
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They that go down to the sea in ships … reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man
Posts: 383 | From: On dry land | Registered: Feb 2006
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
... in case I turn out to be more like my mother than I care to think!
If I turn into my mother (as she was before she became ill), I'll actually be jolly pleased - she was a seriously good egg.
![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Thirty odd years ago my parents were dashing about trying to sort out various problems with my paternal grandparents. At one point mum said ' When I get that old stick me in a home'. Well she's now three or four years older than they were when they died and certainly could do with extra help, which she doesn't want, and the thought of me sticking her in a home would horrify her.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Landlubber
Shipmate
# 11055
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
... in case I turn out to be more like my mother than I care to think!
If I turn into my mother (as she was before she became ill), I'll actually be jolly pleased - she was a seriously good egg.
Piglet, that is a good and encouraging thing to hear, but I'm sorry for what you lost when your mother became ill. I have an aged aunt-in-law who always makes everyone she meets feel better. I wish I could grow more like her in my old age.
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They that go down to the sea in ships … reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man
Posts: 383 | From: On dry land | Registered: Feb 2006
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
I am trying not to jinx this, but it really feels as if I have got my Mum back! ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
Since the Intrepid Great-Grandson's visit, it appears that her Little Blue Pills are kicking in. She is much more engaged, even choosing her own shopping yesterday and much more considerate and appreciative of my efforts to help her ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
She still gets very confused (her method of dealing with electrical items, including the central heating boiler, is to switch them off at the wall socket ) and has nominative aphasia (can't think of the right words); she has a provisional diagnosis of Alzheimer's and vascular dementia (possibly caused by hitting her head when falling) BUT she is much more cheerful, engaged and easy to deal with than before!
This weekend is Master S's wedding, and my brother and his family are i/c looking after the Dowager - I must warn them not to let her eat or drink too much, or get overtired, since we cannot have her derailing the proceedings by passing out or otherwise screwing up.
I am aware that this sounds as if I am a real killjoy, but having had Master S's 18th birthday dinner ruined by her passing out from a combination of all the above 17 years ago, before she was on all this medication - I have good reason to be concerned!
Mrs. S, just grateful for what she's got ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
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Posted
Mrs I ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
[ 25. October 2016, 12:16: Message edited by: Doone ]
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Glad to hear the Dowager's doing well, Mrs. S. - long may that continue, and I hope she (and all of you) enjoy the wedding.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Hope everyone's aging P's are doing well, especially the Dowager - I hope she enjoyed the wedding and it didn't wear her out too much.
Until this weekend I was feeling quite happy about my mum. She seemed to be chugging along OK and I was trying not to stress too much about the state of her flat or the fact she still wants to take a holiday by herself next year. Two things have changed that.
Firstly she covered herself in bath gel thinking it was body lotion, and then sprayed perfume on her neck and chest. It caused a nasty reation and basically she's burned herslef. She had the sense to shower it off and go and see the doctor about it, but I'm worried, not being able to see or not, she didn't twig straight away it wasn't what she thought. Secondly and to my mind, more worryingly, she told me that she hasn't got time to see three people who've suggested meeting up before Christmas. She hasn't got a packed calendar and these are all people who would either come and see her, or would be a short bus journey away. When I queried it she went on about how long it takes her to do things etc etc. I think she is probably depressed, she is usually the most sociable of people and these are good friends that she seems to not want to be bothered with anymore.
I'm going over on Thursday, but I'll know she'll bat away any suggestions about getting more help. aaagggghhhh!
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Sarasa,that sounds awfully like the Dowager before the Little Blue Pills kicked in - couldn't be bothered to call old friends, or make any decisions, or the like. I hope the shower gel/perfume incident was a one-off and she learns from it
I am here to tell y'all that Mum really enjoyed the wedding and far from having suffered a reaction, was even better when I went to see her yesterday We went into town and bought some new clothes in M&S, and had lunch, and then - after all that - she wanted to visit her sister, who she hasn't bothered about for months.
Said sister is 95 and really makes Mum look hale and hearty, so that in a way encouraged her ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Even after all that - any single part of which would have been too much for her not long ago - she was happy to look at wedding photos, help me with the Sainsbury's order AND make close enquiries into whether she owed me money and insist I got my petrol paid for
She still has very poor ideas of time, and her mind did go completely blank on more than one occasion, but the improvement in attitude and engagement is miraculous
So, 1) thank you for supporting me in my less appealing moments and 2) if any AP shows signs of depression, do try and get them to the doctor and persevere with the pills - they take a long time to come into effect, but they can really make such a difference.
Mrs. S, busy crossing all her fingers and toes
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
My sister rang yesterday to say that Dad had taken a bit of a turn, and that the staff at the old people's home had called a doctor. Chest infection, to be treated with antibiotics, but it seems this may be the beginning of the end.
My sister and brother are going up from Edinburgh tomorrow, and I'm sort of impaled on the horns of a dilemma about whether I should go over before the inevitable, or wait until it happens (at which point D. and I would both go).
I'm not planning on making any arrangements until I hear what they have to say about his condition, but we're sort of preparing ourselves. Chest infections can be lethal when you're 91, and if I'm honest, he's gone downhill a heck of a way since Mum died - I think he sort of lost his raison d'être.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
That is difficult, Piglet. I hope your brother and sister can help you decide once they've visited him.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Prayers and upholding from here, too.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
for Piglet and all porcine Orcadians
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
And from here.
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Piglet, I hope your dad is doing better. Being so far away can't be easy when it comes to making decisions about visits.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Thanks, everyone - I didn't post anything yesterday as I hadn't had a chance to speak to my sister at that point.
When I did, she was very up-beat: the antibiotics seem to have totally done the trick. She said he was in really good form (albeit still frail and in bed), joining in conversation, cracking jokes and enjoying their company. She even posted a couple of really nice photos of him with my brother on FB, so we're really pleased.
Thank you again for all your prayers - someone must have been listening ...
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Hope your father has continued to improve, Piglet and that everyone else's aging Ps are doing well.
My mother in law had another fall yesterday. As is usual with her falls (she is very small and light) she hasn't broken anything, but is badly bruised and the painkillers appear to have scrambled her brain. If it wasn't for my brother in law who calls in twice a day she would have had to have left her remotish cottage when my father in law died eight years ago. As it is I'm not sure how much longer she can stay there. My husband is going up to visit this weekend to see how things are.
My mum continues to lurch from one minor crisis to another, she has been to her doctors about twice a week for the couple of months with one thing and another. She is still holding out against having any extra help, but has agreed that giving my brother and I power of attorney is probably a good idea.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Sarasa, are you sure she didn't hit her head? I'm sure that's what scrambled the Dowager's brain, and the hoo-ha over all her physical injuries rather over-rode any thoughts of the blow to her head and the resulting damage.
She continues well, although her memory is dreadful - yesterday, the son of one of her dear friends brought her a cheque for £1,000 as a bequest. I offered to take said cheque to the bank, as I happened to be there and there was no way she could get to a bank. This afternoon, panic phone call - she couldn't find the cheque (that was the second call of the day ![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif) )
On that subject - what should she spend it on? She has no need of money, the family will presumably be putting up some kind of memorial - a tree, maybe? - so what are your bright ideas? I would say, take us all out to lunch to remember her friend, or else give it to a charity, as £1K is enough to make a real difference.
Thoughts?
Mrs. S, Official Remembrancer
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Which is she more likely to remember? If you all went out to a dinner and had a group photo taken, she could have it in her room and it would (hopefully) help her remember.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Thanks for your thoughts, Sarasa - as far as I've heard (I can't really contact him directly as phone conversations are sort of beyond him these days) he's still doing as well as a nearly-92-year-old can be expected to.
Mrs. S. - I agree with BC - get one of the staff at the restaurant/hotel/whatever to take the photograph, so that you're all in it, and it'll be a lovely memento.
[ 07. December 2016, 21:57: Message edited by: Piglet ]
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Mrs S - was there something your mother and friend liked to do that your mum could still do, or maybe buy a nice piece of jewellery or a vase and give the rest to charity.
My first thought when I heard my husband trying to talk to his mum,and she wasn't understanding his questions, was that maybe she'd had a mini stoke. According to brother in law she was thoroughly checked out at the hospital, and that wasn't mentioned. Husband is on the phone at the moment to one of his sisters who has just visited. She isn't sure if her mothers apparent lack of understanding is due to the drugs, something that happened in the fall or the fact she has appalling hearing. Slightly better than mine if I take my hearing aids out, but not much.
[ 08. December 2016, 18:39: Message edited by: Sarasa ]
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Well, I don't see that £1K being spent on anything, but hey, why should I really care?
We managed a pretty good Christmas, after we'd got over the early panic about losing her credit and debit cards. She hadn't - she just doesn't put them back in her purse, and then stuffs them into any old side pocket of any old handbag she happens to have about her
To be fair, she was worried about her older sister, who had been taken into hospital that day - probably the usual thing of not eating or drinking or taking enough exercise to keep her systems functioning, but at 95 and living alone that's not an easy one.
Apart from one or two frontal lobe tactlessnesses - such as 'so why haven't you got any children?' she managed all right, while making me feel like a prison wardress for keeping her wine intake down to four glasses a day (!) She shouldn't drink at all on her medication, but when I tell her this, she says she'll stop taking the medication ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif) She says the medicine doesn't do any good, but it's kept her from a stroke or heart attack, and out of the deep depression; she just doesn't see that.
(Don't get me wrong - I know she has to die of something eventually, but I don't want it to be falling down my staircase while under the influence! ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif) )
Mrs. S, happy to be able to slob around on the Ship in a dressing gown* once again
*makes a change from a ship in a bottle
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
Over Christmas I was having a conversation with my mother. An hour later she referred to that same conversation, but was convinced that we'd had it the day before and that she'd been thinking about it overnight.
How worried should I be?
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Sipech - how is your mum apart from that? If there were a lot of other things going on, it might be that she thought the conversation was more in the past than it was.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
We all get a bit confused about what day it is over Christmas, in my case, especially if Christmas Day falls on a Sunday, as it did this year.
I'd suggest keeping your eyes and ears open, but if nothing else untoward happens, it may be no more than that.
for you and her anyway.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sipech:
Over Christmas I was having a conversation with my mother. An hour later she referred to that same conversation, but was convinced that we'd had it the day before and that she'd been thinking about it overnight.
How worried should I be?
I did that myself last week. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
This may be the place for the side issues of the story of my friend and his mother. Neither of us is an aged P, but we could have been, perhaps.
Yesterday I developed a pain at the base of my right thumb - this affects something I was going to do for my sister who has aggressive rheumatoid arthritis, as I was going to enter a research project for non-symptomatic siblings. And I had to handle yesterday's events with a wrist brace and ibuprofen which wore off too quickly.
Today, I managed to cut my left hand index finger with some scissors while doing an unnecessary decluttering task.
After my friend rang in, sounding not too bad (though worried about my falling down my stairs (this had been what worried his mother yesterday, and why she held on too long to go to the loo.)).
I went to sleep after he called, to be woken by the radio playing a phone call! I used a steam mop on my hall laminate floor and stuck the runner in the washing machine. Hampered by my hands of course.
House clearance to follow. I think we've had permission. And in the car there was a discussion about what colour to paint the external harts of the house. (Would the turquoise be for the woodwork or the pebbledash, I wonder.)
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Penny S, take care of yourself - falling down stairs doesn't sound good. Hope your friend's mother's problems with antibiotics (which I saw in the Prayer thread) get sorted soon. My mother can have adverse reactions to them too.
I think 2017 is going to be a year of change for my aging Ps.
My husband and son spent New Year with my m-i-l. I did't go as I have a nasty cold, that we certainly didn't want her to catch. She was very confused at times, not recognising part of the hosue she has lived in for thirty years for instance, and having another fall. Fortunatly she was fine, though shaken, but the number of falls she is having along with the confusion makes me think she shouldn't really be living alone, even with family members dropping in daily.
It's difficult to put a finger on why I am so concerned about my mother. Her eyesight is very bad, and her short-term memory is getting worse, but there seems to be something about the way she engages in conversation that doesn't quite seem right. She doesn't seem to connect with what is actually being said somehow. On a day to day basis she is fine at the moment, but I do wish she'd agree to have someone in to clean, take her shoppoing etc.
Both my husband and I fear that it is going to take major accidents to both parents to make them make the next move, and we don't want that.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Things sound familiar. My friend's mother has not alerted the hospital staff as being someone who needs to be noticed as not entirely compos mentis, but there are things which don't quite join up properly. She is currently "in a hell hole with old people," where she has been pushed by her son. There is one woman on the ward who is very noisy and believes there are people under her bed (where all the wheels and raising mechanisms are.) She is bored, there is no TV, and she can't read in the light. She is in a very bad mood. Everything is someone else's fault. On the plus side, the meal I gave her on Saturday was much better than the hospital food, which is too hard for her to eat. As in too hard for her to chew without the teeth they lost when she was in for the CO poisoning and which she never bothered to get them to replace. They have found, and dealt with, unsuspected pneumonia.
Falling down the stairs is very unlikely. The tops of the flights have rails and slats around them, and the flights are between walls and have good rails down them. The carpet is rough, and the treads a good size. My parents' home had narrow treads and a steep angle and I once slid down them and bruised my whole side. I am very careful. I would have to lose balance while passing the top, and not be able to grab on. (I nearly bought another property where there was nothing round the top of the stairs at all, or banister rails where the stairs ran down open to a room. Dangerous.)
Falling off to sleep would be welcome, though.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
It only took one fall (the summer before last) for my m-i-l to get a stair-lift fitted. She hadn't hurt herself all that badly (just a bruised and rather sore ankle IIRC) but she gave herself a fright, and D's sister, who happened to be there at the time, encouraged her to get it. She had it fitted the following week and has never looked back.
I should add that she was in her mid-80s at the time (she'll be 88 in February).
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I'm only 70! A sentence I would not have expected to use, ever. I'd need two lifts. But someone round here works for Stannah - I've seen that van around, so I can sort it if needed. It would be accidents not involving actually using the stairs that would be the problem, though - maybe I should get child gates!
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
My apologies, Penny - I was thinking of your friend's Aging Parent rather than you.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
We're not quite sure about her and falls. My friend has seen her losing balance when there is nothing to trip over, and nothing to hold on to. She claims to have no problems. I think that her reaction to my stairs (she has stairs in her own house which she manages) was to do with effort rather than concern about falling.
Why my friend has got this concern about me and stairs I do not know. He has not seen me have any stair problems. He does worry if I don't answer the phone immediately, and presumably runs through the possible reasons, and a stair fall seems most likely. Unlike being in the loo. Or the handset battery running down.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
A rejig in rail fares meant that I could get a ridiculously cheap ticket to visit my parents if I travelled after morning peak time and returned before afternoon peak time. This gave me three hours with them to have lunch and a chat. This is shorter than my visits used to be, but it suited me well, especially as the fares for my previous trip have increased.
We spent new year with them and Dad was tired and napping a lot. I suspect that he has found it easy to be on sparkling form for a three hour visit and I have failed to realise that he's not able to sustain that for long. Or perhaps he was daunted by having four of us there for two nights, plus another three for lunch yesterday.
Another possibility is that his hearing is deteriorating and that he struggles to follow a group conversation, but manages fine when I visit alone.
Something wasn't right, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
A rejig in rail fares meant that I could get a ridiculously cheap ticket ...
Now there's a sentence you don't hear every day!
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Alas, the rejig also involved increasing the fare for the train I used to catch. Scotrail have introduced an annoying feature when booking tickets online;you fill in the time and date you want to travel and get a pop-up saying "Are you sure you want to travel on Friday morning? It would be much cheaper if you travelled late night the previous Wednesday. Or at 6am the following Sunday."
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
Or "when there is a 3-hour wait for a subsitute bus service at Aberdeen".
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Aravis
Shipmate
# 13824
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Posted
For anyone in the UK considering a stairlift, I'd suggest you contact social services to see if there is any chance they would provide one. There may or may not be a considerable wait or an assessment, and there may or may not be a means test. PM me if you need to know more about what questions to ask.
Consider other companies too. Stannah are good, but somewhat expensive and there may be more cost-effective alternatives.
Posts: 689 | From: S Wales | Registered: Jun 2008
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Thanks for the advice - I rather intend to declutter enough to consider a less elevated property rather than a stairlift when the time comes, but will bear it in mind.
I have found another way to initiate a fall, though. It didn't happen, but returning a small upholstered chair upstairs where it usually lives turned out to be less easily done than it was last week. Will be borne in mind.
Friend's mother is still in hospital. Serious clearing done today - oops, yesterday, but nowhere near enough. He doesn't want me over there tomorrow (today) for some reason. I think neither of them really understands the nature of the problem. She can't see it and he thinks it's too big, and cosmetic titivating is enough.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Penny
The reason he might not want you there may be as simple as not wanting you to over do it.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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sabine
Shipmate
# 3861
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Posted
I help to take care of my mother (age 95). She has started thinking that people are stealing from her (a paid caregiver actually did and was prosecuted, but that's in the past and another story).
I'm not sure if she is starting down the road to dementia (she's been pretty sharp so far) or hasn't yet gotten over the theft (4 years ago). She keeps mentioning little things, a white skirt, a small basket--things that have been missing for years. But she is convinced that maybe someone is coming in at night to take things like these.
I feel sad that she feels so insecure at this point. Logic doesn't always help (e.g., if people are breaking in, don't you think they would take the TV, china, etc? Or--the things you mention have been gone for a long time).
She also is starting to think that someone she knows is taking things (for the time being, she is focused on a paid caregiver--someone who has been vetted)
As we found out with my father, dealing with dementia is not for the faint of heart. He had a form called Lewy-Body which came with hallucinations. My mother doesn't seem to be going down that road, but if she has a mild form of dementia, it is paired up with her extremely stubborn and prickly personality.
My prayer is that she feel loved in her final years, but I'm not sure that's going to happen.
sabine
Posts: 5887 | From: the US Heartland | Registered: Dec 2002
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by sabine:
As we found out with my father, dealing with dementia is not for the faint of heart. He had a form called Lewy-Body which came with hallucinations.
That's what my mother had. She was convinced my father was an imposter who "looks just like him but isn't him."
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Jengie. I don't think that was it, though there is an element of it. He rang today and I went over and we did some more. He had wanted me to go up to town with him to see a chaplain he knows (and who knows the situation), but he wasn't going to be in. I have the car loaded with bags again.
Then the hospital rang, ready to discharge - far too early for us. As happened last time. So I went over with him to pick her up. Fortunately they decided against the zimmer frame - I have no idea where it would have fitted.
I know now that she doesn't take her medication fully - packets and pots in among the hoard.
She pointed out to her son that you can't just tidy once, you have to keep doing it every day. This comes in the same category as giving her fellow patient the impression that her house was spotless and polished to within an inch of its life.
I keep remembering the story of a nurse taken to care for a baby in a house that belonged to a fairy family, and who accidentally put a magic salve on her eye. I can't for the life of me remember whether the salve made it look like a palace or revealed the great house to be a hovel There does seem to be a double vision going on about this house.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Though my mum's flat is fairly tidy (she's the opposite of a border, she chucks out things that should be kept!) it is far from clean. However she won't believe me when I tell her that her bathroom is grubby etc etc. A lot of it is due to her poor eyesight, she can't see what needs doing, and an increasing amount to the fact that she actually finds using things like vacuum cleaners a bit too haevy to use these days. Will she get a cleaner in, will she heck!
Penny S - good luck with your friends mum. Can social services help or will she have nothing to do with them?
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Oh, nothing.
My mother believed her parents' were hoarders. They kept stuff - a microscope, a magic lantern, an stereo viewer and photos. And a spotless house, and an immaculate garden. But Mum's concern for the keeping of old things led her to pressurise me to give the microscope to the museum, before we found out it was actually 18th rather than 19th century, and the museum has managed to lose it, despite its being on the national register of scientific instruments. The magic lantern, and slides, went into the dustbin.
As you may imagine, I have a touch of the sort of hoarder they were.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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