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Source: (consider it) Thread: Aging Parents
Penny S
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# 14768

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Advice for the unwary host of an Aged P. Should the dining table be over a rug worked by one's late father, and should it have a pattern of green marks on it, then avoid serving peas, or remove the rug before the AP arrives!
It's too late for me to take preventative action now. But fortunately not impossible to sort out afterwards.

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Penny S
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My friend's Aged P had a hospital appointment today, for which a volunteer driver had been arranged. AP insisted on staying up all night in order not to miss this, thus keeping my friend up as well, to ensure her safety. The volunteer did not turn up. No message.
There are some obvious reasons why someone might not turn up today, but some sort of message would be a good idea.

My friend thought she had gone, but she insists he knew she had not. (Great at gaslighting, she is. Then saying she is worried in case he has the onset of Alzheimers. As if keeping someone up all night, frequently, isn't going to mimic that.)

She has now assured him that she can get round to the surgery by herself for her repeat prescription. Apparently the pavements (sidewalks) there aren't like the ones here, where I have needed to haul out my wire grips, bought for the Northern Lights trips.

I'm a bit far to do anything about this, and not happy about the roads. Or rather, all the drivers who have missed out on learning how to do it. Not their fault, but they should try and pick up a few hints before going out and spinning their wheels into skids.

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Sarasa
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Penny S. I hope the problem with the transport gets sorted. I'd imagine the hospital wouldn't be very pleased about a missed appointment - mine certainly has loads of notices about informing them in good time if you can't make one.
My husband had a long conversation with one of his sisters about his mother last night, They are both concerned that their brother, who is my m-i-l's carer is in denial about how much help she now needs. I think a family conference is going to have to be called.
My mother is still insisting that she doesn't need help. Her bottom line is she doens't want to go into a home, and I'm having difficulty getting her to see that getting in a cleaner, or someone to help her with shopping will actually keep her out of one for longer.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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Penny S
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# 14768

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Thank you. Friend's mother is also determined not to have to go into a care home, but stay in the house. The doctors reckon she is rational and capable of taking decisions about this sort of thing.
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Arabella Purity Winterbottom

Trumpeting hope
# 3434

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quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Thank you. Friend's mother is also determined not to have to go into a care home, but stay in the house. The doctors reckon she is rational and capable of taking decisions about this sort of thing.

Doctors thinking my parents-in-law were competent was the bane of our lives for a couple of years. When they finally HAD to move into a home, it became horrendously apparent just how incompetent they had been, and probably for longer than we realised. To be fair to their original GP, he had recommended moving into care two years previously, but they sacked him and found a less discerning one. They did the same to the gerontologist who diagnosed m-i-l's dementia.

I guess if you only have hold it together for the length of an appointment, its easier to look competent.

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Hell is full of the talented and Heaven is full of the energetic. St Jane Frances de Chantal

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Landlubber
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# 11055

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Penny S I do understand that your friend's mother refuses outside help but I think he is still entitled to a carer's assessment in his own right and quite separately from her. Implementing the results might prove impossible, but it might create a shift somewhere and could also give him some leverage in discussing his mother's discharge from hospital if/when she is admitted again.

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They that go down to the sea in ships … reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man

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Penny S
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Thanks - I'm trying to direct him towards that sort of thing. He does have dealings with her doctor, and I would hope that they might offer that sort of help as well.
I can think of a few reasons why he might not be picking up on it at the moment. Bad experiences in the past over other things lead to distrust - and I don't feel that I can roll up with someone in tow to introduce him to, for that reason.

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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The Dowager's older sister, Great-Aunt M, is currently circling the drain in a local nursing home. She's 95-and-a-half, her kidneys are failing and she spends most of her time asleep - even the Dowager is now unable to wake her.

But that's not my concern - it's that the Dowager is taking to drink, in a small but worrying way.

She shouldn't take alcohol at all, with her medication, but she's lately started drinking 'a glass' of red wine before her supper. I bought two bottles for her last Monday, and she had to ask my cousin to get her more - after a week! [Eek!] That may not be much to some of us, but the Dowager weighs about eight stone soaking wet, and doesn't really eat an awful lot.

If I remonstrate with her she will threaten to stop taking the pills* - she said just that when I got arsey with her at Christmas. [Mad] I know this is a difficult time for her, but whatever am I to do? [Help]

*to protect against heart attacks, stroke, and depression.

Mrs. S, concerned daughter of this parish

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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Sorry for second post, but I just want to add that M died this morning. Possibly a sanctimonious lecture is not appropriate just at the moment [Confused]

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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Sarasa
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Sorry to hear about your great aunt Mrs S. I hope the Dowagers is coping OK with the news.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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Brenda Clough
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Does she go and buy her own plonk, or does someone else buy it for her? Could that someone be very very busy? Another possibility, especially if her vision is not so great: non-alcoholic wine.

If she buys her own, are the bottles cork, or screw-top? Jesus turned water into wine, just saying. A miracle could be worked the other way.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Piglet
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# 11803

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I'm not advocating it, but an Aged Relative of a friend of D's decided, in her nineties and after a life of complete abstinence, to take up drinking and smoking. She apparently would have a glass of Scotch and a couple of cigarettes every evening; her logical reasoning was that she'd lived that long, it probably wasn't going to do her any harm.

I had a great-uncle who, despite suffering from emphysema, was a life-long smoker. After his wife died, one of his few pleasures in life was a whisky and a cigarette after dinner, and although we knew it was doing him untold harm (he could barely walk the length of his hallway without stopping for a wheeze) we couldn't really begrudge him it either.

I can quite understand your concern (my dad used to take rather more than was good for him until the doctors told him to stop). Having said that, it seems to me that if a couple of small glasses of wine a day (and that's more-or-less what two bottles over a fortnight would be) give her pleasure, as long as they're not making her ill or interfering with the efficacy of her other medicines, maybe it's not such a bad thing.

I sometimes wonder if the "health police" are a tad over-zealous when it comes to alcohol and the elderly - apart from anything else, isn't it fairly well-documented that a glass of red wine a day is supposed to be good for fighting heart disease and strokes?

IANAD, YMMV, etc.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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You need to bear in mind that the simple message "no alcohol" is easier to get across than "moderate drinking only". what is one person's moderation is indulgence to another.

Jengie

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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

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Brenda Clough
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Everything, frankly, depends on the meds they have her on. There are drugs that react badly to alcohol. After years of happy drinking my father at last had to give it up (he is in his mid-90s) because his medical regimen won't accommodate vodka. He gave three large bottles of it to my brother, who instantly gave the plastic one to me to haul home in my suitcase. It should last us a year easy.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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Yes, I don't really grudge her the booze, though it was two bottles over a week, Piglet, rather than a fortnight. I don't think she eats enough, and I don't want her to have a fall, a stroke or a heart attack - selfishly, if you like, because if it didn't finish her off completely* it could leave her in a very bad way, with yours truly once again trying to pick up the pieces [Help]

* and given what she has survived thus far, it probably wouldn't!

Mrs. S, off to fix her curtain rail tomorrow!

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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Piglet
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# 11803

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Mea culpa, Mrs. S. - I managed to see two weeks where there was only one (and I hadn't had a drop, honest, m'lud!).

I can see your concern - as you say, you certainly don't want her in a situation where she might hurt herself.

[Votive] for her, and for you.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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Had the conversation anyway, and was a little concerned that she totally refused to believe she'd got through two bottles in a week - even when I showed her in the diary when I'd last been and taken her shopping! However, goodness knows what the actual situation is, as she rejected the idea of buying more, saying she'd got two bottles at the weekend and had only had one glass from one of them. Goodness knows where she's hidden them, then*!

Anyway, she was a bit more weird than usual, probably because she's not sleeping because of Aunt M's death and impending funeral - it's on Saturday [Ultra confused] so the issue of a few extra glasses of wine rather receded. She was very grateful for the repair of the curtain track, though [Smile]

Thanks to all you kind souls who made suggestions, but sadly I'm not sufficiently in control of her to do any of them (and she drinks red, which I suppose is a bonus, but makes it hard to dilute [Two face] )

I was very struck on watching James May The Reassembler (yes, I know, I'm a nerd) when he said although in his youth he was perfectly aware he might die at any time, he never ever imagined that one day he'd be old . Ain't that the truth.

Mrs. S, feeling the same way

*I was looking in the usual places to see if I'd done her an injustice and she'd just forgotten where she'd put the second bottle.

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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Unless she is an oenophile it is not likely she'd notice the addition of half a cup of water into the opened bottle of a red wine. But I admit that I incline towards the cunning solutions, which are not necessarily possible.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Stercus Tauri
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# 16668

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My Dear Old Mother, who stopped ageing a few months ago, would rarely take a drink. In fact, part of my inheritance was an unopened bottle of whisky that she won in the nursing home raffle. However, she discovered that the Co-op sold boxes of remarkably cheap (and not bad) liqueur chocolates, and right up to her departure was stoking them away like survival rations, which I suppose they were. That wasn't a bad way to go.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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No indeed, ST, not bad at all (though oddly enough while I love both booze and chocolate, I really do not like the two combined [Confused] ) ...

...and Brenda, given that she never tires of telling me that she can't taste anything, I don't suppose she'd notice that the famous miracle at Cana was working in reverse [Killing me]

Mrs. S, hypo- and hyper-critical daughter

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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Sparrow
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# 2458

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Unless she is an oenophile it is not likely she'd notice the addition of half a cup of water into the opened bottle of a red wine. But I admit that I incline towards the cunning solutions, which are not necessarily possible.

You could dilute with Ribena instead which would mean no noticeable change of colour. Rumour has it that that was what the late Queen Mum's staff used to do to tone down her favoured tipple of Dubonnet!

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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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Brenda Clough
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I just knew the idea could not be original with me. The trick is to do it quite slowly, over time. At our church we tried to switch communion wines, and I warned them to plan to take a full six months to transition. Over that period time, gradually mixing the cheaper wine into the more expensive, no one could possibly tell. But no, someone decided just to swap bottles out and you can imagine how well that went.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Penny S
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While we were waiting in A&E, I spotted a leaflet that would be useful, with local contacts for caring for the elderly, and stuffed it in friend's pocket.

It has been a rather odd day. D (friend's Mum) was very quiet, couldn't stop shivering in what seemed to me to be over the top heat (but cold never bothered me anyway). And I found it quite easy to be caring, and help her about (she's far less mobile than at the end of last year). Prayers have been working. But then, I'm not entirely happy that I feel good about this when she has lost her fire, and become frail, and less herself.

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Sarasa
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Hope your friend's mother gets back her spark soon, even if she does then annoy you all in the process.
I went to see my mum yesterday. She is a puzzle, I thought that she really hadn't 'got' much of what was going on over Christmas, but apart from not remembering various presents she received, she seems to have had more of a handle on what was happening than I thought.
Her short term memory is getting worse. She asked me the same question twice in quick succession, and then after asking me to fill out some forms for her, she asked me what I was doing.
Most worringly though is her insistance that she want one last holiday abroad on her own. She fell in love with a tour rep four years ago and he's turned into the love of her life. She's phoned the travel company to find out which tours he's doing this year and intends booking one. She keeps on going on about eloping with him (he's nigh on fifty years younger and married). Even without that complication, I don't think she should go somewhere she doesn't know without a friend. She can't see well enough to get around easily and does get very confused in new places.
I'm still chipping away at her getting in help and getting power of attorney set up, even if we don't impliment it just yet.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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[Votive] for you in that, Sarasa!

I remember one phone call where I actually said, 'Mum, I implore you' to accept a care visit daily. If she hadn't fallen again, or the antidepressants hadn't kicked in, we might still be in that very situation.

Mercifully her cleaner used to be a carer for the elderly, so when she is accused of mixing up the cutlery in the drawers she just agrees and asks The Dowager how she'd like it put back [Roll Eyes] I must say, *I* wouldn't work for The Dowager and have her complain about short time and extortionate charges (£10 an hour, my heavens above)

What strikes me, though, is how easy it might be for a carer to take advantage financially, without someone like me watching the finances. The Dowager has literally No Idea about how much she has in the bank (thousands, literally) no matter how often I tell her, and was worrying the other day that there might not be enough to pay for the new curtain pole [Confused]

Anyway, I console myself that at least she knows she can't travel any more, but she managed to travel a lot when she was younger and fitter - and she still remembers those travels [Smile]

Mrs. S, Lady of the Bank Account

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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Penny S
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D is being discharged this evening. They have on record things which might suggest this is not appropriate. Just over a fortnight from the last time they discharged her.

They have issued a couple of Zimmer frames. She, son, two frames and a shopping trolley. No transport provided.

My goodness, sarasa. Can you invent some government edicts about travel?

And what a good cleaner.

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Brenda Clough
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It is unfortunately easy for elders to become victimized by their carers; there's loads of sad stories. When my parents moved into assisted living they were warned to store or not bring small valuables -- watches, rings. Small things tend to vanish over time.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Pigwidgeon

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# 10192

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Many years ago when my grandmother was in a nursing home some creep came through posing as a hearing aid repairman and collecting everyone's hearing aids. He didn't know my grandmother! She marched down to the front desk and reported him. How low can some people be?

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

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Penny S
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# 14768

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They did not discharge last night, as my friend found high CO levels, and reported this. Goodness knows what will happen today - he's had to get into the hospital by about now, and was going to ring me, but hasn't.
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Penny S
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# 14768

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Blood CO levels not exceptional, so discharge today, personality back to normal. Assessed as being compos mentis enough to make choices for herself, thus removing choices from other people, which isn't relevant to the hospital.
She doesn't like my house, it has stairs, and it's cold. (Not true - I don't have the heating on when out, but it heats up the room pretty quickly to over 21 degrees C. It is true downstairs - if I use the study I have to have an extra heater on, but she doesn't have to go in there.) She doesn't want to be picked up straight away, which means my friend can't take good photos of the sunshine, which he wants to do, as she knows.)
Revenge for betraying* her by taking her into hospital again.
*Her word.

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Penny S
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And fine again. I haven't seen any of the earlier complaining behaviour.
The major problem now is that she wants to stay downstairs at her place, which is not warm upstairs (complicated reasons), and my friend does not want her downstairs with the gas on without him (obvious reasons).
There could be solutions for all this, but they have to be agreed. And then enacted.
My friend has a lot of people praying, but none seem to be coming up with practical solutions.

[ 21. January 2017, 19:34: Message edited by: Penny S ]

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Penny S
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And I expecting another drive back with visit to hospital, drank some strong coffee, but am now in bed hoping to sleep.

And have to add to this to get it accepted, as I was all set to shut down the computer and put the light out.

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Penny S
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It took a while to get to sleep, but I have woken at about the same time as usual(earlier than after driving, as I can listen to the "Sunday" programme without dropping off).
The problem now is that D has, for as long as I have known, a less than usual connection to the natural cycle of the day. She goes to sleep late in the small hours, and wakes well into the day.
My house is open plan, and I have to go through the room where they are to get to the kitchen, which does not have a door to separate it from the living room.
There has been movement. It is somewhat endearing to hear my friend being furtive as he goes to the loo.

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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Yes, she is an excellent cleaner [Overused]

We managed to get through Great-aunt M's funeral yesterday; though the idea of a sit-down meal at 2 pm, following a church service at 11 and the Crem at 12, proved challenging for old ladies who'd been up since dawn [Help]

The worst problem for me was The Dowager, who insisted on forming part of a receiving line outside the Crem in the nithering cold. Then, once at the funeral feast, she was trying to be hostess and kept asking me if people on their own had someone to sit with. Me: 'Mum, it isn't your problem', meaning 'Mum, it's not your business', my aunt's DiL was surely the hostess, not her [Roll Eyes]

Still, we all survived (which, of course, is more than Great-aunt M did [Devil] ) Just have to assess the long-term effect on the Dowager now...

Mrs. S, planning on leaving explicit instructions for her own obsequies

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
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# 14768

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I managed to sneak through the living room, past the deeply asleep pair, and down to the front door, and out to the Co-op, where I acquired some instant tea, milk, porage in a cup and a hot bacon and cheese wrap. Plus a newspaper and a white loaf for the visitors. Oh, and teaspoons. So I didn't have to use the kitchen
I used the builders' kettle in the utility room (they managed to rip the lid off, I see) and have fed myself in the study.
While doing so, friend surfaced, and having spent the night afraid D was dead, went out to take sunny photos.
D was still asleep, but has now woken and used the loo. More normal breakfast will be offered. She seems a lot more sprightly.
A nasty little [Devil] is muttering that she has now had what she wanted a few nights ago.

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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[Votive] Penny

I forgot to say that my panicked vision of The Dowager as a dipsomaniac may have been alleviated. It has been pointed out to me that my Cousin and his wife both drink red wine, and that during the run-up to Great-aunt M's funeral, they may have been offered, and would most certainly have accepted, refreshment *phew*

Mrs. S, rapidly taking on that mantle herself

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
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# 14768

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Phew, indeed.

Breakfast of scrambled eggs on bread (for her) and toast (for him). Eventually loaded the car with two zimmer frames, internal use only; two wedge pillows of mine to try to raise her sleeping position on the bed to mimic the recliner (she does like the recliner!); laundered clothing; and people, and went back via the back lanes (single track with passing places, bounded by hedgerows) to look at the sunny views, and in search of actual snow. Which we found, the remains of drifts maybe half a metre deep, which had probably blocked the lane last week. Much appreciated.
Accompanied by the revealing of interesting information, such as she never went to retrieve her husband's will from a solicitor whose name she has forgotten, once they said she needed proof she was her. She wants to go now. She gave the impression, at the time, that everything was under control.
Also revealing the existence of a bunch of old ladies in her area who are determined to live past the date at which the threshold for inheritance tax goes up. I think this could be a series, possibly by Alan Plater (I have been watching the "Beiderbeck" series of late). Outliving the tax year, and running the value of their homes down. (They have modest homes, but in an area of house value boom.)

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Sarasa
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# 12271

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I've just had my mother on the phone. She spent a good deal of yesterday in various hospitals after having pains in her side, feeling sick and discovering a lump. The doctors think it is either a strain or appendicitis, which is very rare in 89 year olds apparently. They are obviously not too concerned as shes been sent home and she will get notification for a scan at a later date. Apart from the fact she took ten mnutes to tell me the story she sounds like she understood what they told her. However I've been to hospital appointments where she doesn't really seem to grasp what was going on when she's talked about it later even though she looked like she did at the time.
I'm going over to see her on Thursday and think I must start insisting on her getting help. She thinks if it is a strain its due to putting her sheets in the tumble dryer. If she's finding those sort of tasks diffocult she does need help.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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Sarasa and Mamma S - [Votive]

Appendicitis may be rare in the elderly, but can't be ruled out - Mr. S had his appendix out (now THAT'S decluttering, if you like [Killing me] ) at 60, and the consultant was Very Rude Indeed to the students who ruled out appendicitis on the grounds of age.

It's a sad thing, Sarasa, but it wasn't until The Dowager had her fall back in June and spent six weeks in hospital that I had any chance at all of persuading her she needed help.

And even that wasn't easy - she was discharged with a care package of three visits a day, reducing to two when she never had anything for them to do. Then she told them she didn't need them, so they stopped coming, and the next day she was on the phone to them, asking why they hadn't come to see her [Killing me]

Half the problem seems to be that she won't wait to get anything done; when she wants it done, she wants it done NOW and if there isn't anyone to help she does it herself *sigh* She has a care visit every morning, as early as the carer can make it so she's not 'hanging around waiting for them', then complains about getting up early to be ready [Killing me]

At the funeral, she said something about me 'always rushing off' to see the Intrepid Grandson: I had to bite my tongue before replying that I'd seen her a lot more often than I'd seen him (ratio of 4 times to none since Boxing Day grrrrr)

Mrs. S, not as tactful as she could be (it's genetic)

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
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# 12271

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I went to see mum on Thursday and tried the firm but forecful tack - it didn't work.
Firstly I tried inisting that mum get help in citing that one she is always complaining that things are difficult to do as anything she tires to lift is too heavy and that as she is lurching from one mini crisis to the next, having someone nearer to hand would be useful. She said she didn't need any help thank you
I always read her post, write cheques etc for her when I'm there as she can't see to read anymore (well only with magnifying thing which is very slow). She is insensed with the travel company she wants to go with as they won't take her unless she fills out a disability form. She thinks this is discrimination, but I did point out she told them she has macular degeneration. Reading the form it is obvious they wouldn't take her without a companion as she can't read emergency exit signs and although she can walk quite well she really needs someone to escort her in strange places as she can't see hazards. She was almost convinced by the time I left, but it was like disappointing a kid who wants a treat you can't give them. The firm were also wonderfully vague as to the whereabouts of the rep who is the great love of her life and the main reason for all this 'I want to go on holiday' by myself stuff in the first place.
I came home in a throughly bad temper.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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Perhaps they were =tactfully- vague. This sort of situation must happen often.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Sarasa
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# 12271

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Brenad Clough said:
quote:
Perhaps they were =tactfully- vague. This sort of situation must happen often.

My thoughts exactly. Their comments on the phone and what they wrote to her were worthy of a politian at their slipperiest.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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People who see the Dowager more often than I do sometimes tell me that she has days when she's 'nutty as a fruitcake'. I haven't seen this recently, but ...

Out shopping on Wednesday, she asked me to find something to clean her make-up off with (I thought). We selected a spray cleanser with no added perfume or anything. This morning, it appears, she woke up with her face bright red and fiery hot - what she had *really* wanted was night cream [Eek!] so rather than spraying a little of the cleanser into the palm of her hand and making a lather with it, as per the instructions, she'd sprayed it lavishly over her face, rubbed it in well and gone to sleep [Eek!] [Eek!] [Eek!]

a) she can't see well enough to read the instructions OR see in any of her mirrors
b) the perfectly nice day-cream and night-cream we bought before, in the usual little squat jars. are ' too fiddly'

I really fear her sight is fading; although she reads all right in a decent light she often comments that rooms are 'dark', especially when she comes into them from outdoors.

So - off to the apothecary*'s soon to find a spray-on night cream that won't leave her face either sticky or burnt to a cinder!

* her lack of facility with nouns, either proper or common, does tend to lead to some interesting conversations involving toasting forks and the like, and a level of confusion between my son and my brother (among others) [Confused]

Hey ho...

Mrs. S, [Confused] herself

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
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# 12271

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Putting the wrong things on your body because you can't see seems an occupational hazard of our mothers Mrs S!
I went to see mine yesterday. After refusing to continue filling out the form for the holiday comapny for her last week, she'd had a go herself, claiming that she had perfect distance vision, a statement which is totally force. She can see enough to just about get about, but couldn't spot a friend at two feet. I reluctanly addressed the envelope for her but told her again how alarmed I am at the thought of her attempting to go on holiday by herself. However contacting the holiday company myself to tell them the truth about her eyesight, and her general state of mind, seems a bit mean.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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My father, who is in his mid-90s, has declined alarmingly in the past few months (heart). He and my mother live in an assisted-living facility in California. He is now in hospice, in the same facility. However he and my mother are balking at getting other carers in, to help take care of him. It is beyond my mother, who is also over 90 and frail. Nevertheless they are both reluctant.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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Sarasa, it did worry me when I found her looking for the mouthwash under the kitchen sink. Among the bleaches and detergents [Help]

Brenda, the Dowager's doctor himself told her that if he had been able to persuade his mother that she needed help, his father need not have fallen down the stairs and fractured his spine [Ultra confused] What chance do we ordinary mortals have?

However, logic and reason seem to depart in situations like that ... thoughts and prayers for all of us [Votive] in exactly those situations [Votive]

Mrs. S [Roll Eyes]

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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quote:
Originally posted by Sarasa:
... contacting the holiday company myself to tell them the truth about her eyesight, and her general state of mind, seems a bit mean.

You're obviously one of the kindest-hearted people on the planet, Sarasa. [Overused]

Is it possible (if somewhat devious) that you could let the travel company know your mum's limitations, and if they then decline her application, say that they based their decision on her application letter?

If all else fails, is there anyone who could go with her on the holiday to keep an eye on her?

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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Sarasa
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# 12271

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I don't think I'm kind-hearted, Piglet, I just hate arguments!
Mum seems to have no friends she likes well enough to want to go with, or if she does they are more frail than she is. She also is hoping she'll somehow meet the rep that's the love of her life and doesn't want competition if she does. I'd offer to take her, but I'm hoping to spend a month in Australia visiting an old school friend later this year, and don't want to leave my husband in the lurch more than I have to.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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[Votive] Saras and Mamma Sarasa

After some months of good behaviour, the Dowager has taken a step back and reverted to playing 'yes, but...' games with me. I range her yesterday, having been away at the weekend visiting the Intrepid Grandson [Axe murder]

(ring ring)

Mum: hello?
Me: hello, Mum!
Mum: oh, hello (on a descending cadence, as if I were the last person in the world she'd want to be calling her [Roll Eyes] )

The death of her sister has hit her much harder than she expected, and the incident with facial cleanser (see above), not unconnected, is carrying on. She refuses to use any face cream, because it (may possibly be) made by the same people; when she said her eyes were still sore and I suggested the eye drops SHE IS SUPPOSED TO USE ALL THE TIME, I got 'I don't like to put anything else in my eyes now'.

When I suggested she see the optician, we had a whole saga about how he hadn't 'done anything' last time, and she was afraid she'd be like her sister and they wouldn't 'do anything' this time, and how was she supposed to get there when she didn't have a car and .... nothing I could say about organising a carer to take her (easy-peasy) had any effect on her [Frown]

From which I deduce that her eyes aren't THAT sore but she just wanted to moan at me for buying her something that turned out to be not what she thought she'd asked me to get (the fact that she didn't read the instructions or look at the packaging at all has absolutely nothing to do with this, you understand!)

Sorry, chaps, rant over. As you were.

Mrs. S, licking her wounds

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
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# 12271

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I feel for you Mrs S. I hope you can get the Dowager to go for an eye appointment. My mum dithered about her for far too long, before she realised she had serious problems.
I took mum for a scan today, to see if she does have a possible appendix problem or something else. She has another appointment on Friday to which a friend is taking her, though I'm in line if she can't. I do hope the friend comes through as my lecture about getting help in had her telling me to stop sounding like I was trying to be her mother. I used to be more subtle about voicing what I think she needs, but she just ignored me, hence my new forthright stance.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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