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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Aging Parents
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Do you get told off for nagging? After any suggestion for anything, even made only once?
(And when it comes from someone with a long history of what could be called nagging, a bit rich.)
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Visited my own aging parent the other day.
After a couple of visits where she either...
had absolutely no idea who i was, so instructed me to "Sit over there, someone will be along soon. Did you have a good trip up? Weather not too bad? Are you visiting Leila?"- Big Smile!....
....or...
viewed me with wary suspicion, as if the answer might arrive soon if she tries very hard indeed and just concentrates .....i'm now up to speed:
The care home staff now tell Mum that i'm arriving about two hours before i'm due. And then again about twenty minutes before my eta.
So the last visit went well from the get-go.
And this time i decided to let Her take the lead...and i wish that i'd made this decision ages ago.
We had long pauses yes, but she was so much more relaxed. It took AGES for Mum to get round to saying what she needed to and the temptation to interrupt was huge, but by ramming my thumb nail into my first finger, interruptions were totally avoided. Hurrah!
I tried the whole 'being quiet thing'and ...when i did this with her....what was previously totally irrational talk, all of a sudden made sense. Mum has been picking up on other people's conversations and interjecting them into our conversations. So it was a bit like dancing and she led.
As a direct result, or so i believe, we had a fantastic time. Mum asked loads of very sensible questions, she looked at photos on a mobile phone (previously a massive no-no) goodness even held it...whilst i almost cried!....
She remembered names and people. Asked about places and organisations. Asked to be informed of stuff that a number of us had thought she had no memory of at all. Thanked me for stuff ...and this Really Is massive. Thanking people isn't something that comes easily these days as she hasn't usually remembered that there is anything to thank anyone For!
I saw my lovely mum laugh properly and crack jokes again.
I came away much relieved and just wanted to say this somewhere. So thanks for listening!
[ 07. February 2017, 18:49: Message edited by: Ethne Alba ]
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Ethne Alba- that is so good. Well done for trying a new approach, and great news that it paid off. ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Absolutely, EA - it's so encouraging when you get a response like that.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif) for you and your mum.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
That is so great to hear EA.
[ 08. February 2017, 09:09: Message edited by: Sarasa ]
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
EA, that is such an encouragement to all of us with aging parents ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
In keeping with today's more cheerful postings, normal (or what passes for normal with the Dowager) service seems to have been resumed.
Hint: she'd been out to lunch with friends and was an entirely different person; no mention of her eyes, or any complaint at all (other than that she has to pay to have her garden waste taken away!)
Glory be ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
Mrs. S, relieved
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Any way of putting the friends on retainer? ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
Makes sense though, I am less grumpy when I'm happy.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Oh absolutely, Huia - and they do go out for lunch once a fortnight, bless them
I just couldn't quite believe how much difference it had made!
The difficulty of course is that one thing a day is plenty - she was bemoaning the fact that her cleaning lady comes on the same day that she goes out to lunch, even though Carol the Cleaner comes either early or late ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Must we all end up like that? is the constant burden of my song these days ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Mrs. S, grateful for small mercies nonetheless
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Hmmm, we had that One Thing Only every day thing going on as well....
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Today the Red Cross is turning up to offer help. They believe permission has been granted. D is adamant it hasn't. I may be in the vicinity if they do come (phone calls may have been made).
Can you get a 94 year old for committing elder abuse on a 64 year old?
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
It would probably fall under the umbrella of emotional abuse , which, according to the linked relate website, now constitutes a serious crime. Which, incidentally, can be punishable by a prison term.
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I came to Jesus and I found in him my star, my sun.
And in that light of life I'll walk 'til travelling days are done
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I don't see it happening, though. It would be a major tangle. I was not entirely serious.
Though having her in custody in a nice safe room with a nice comfy chair of her own has its attractions.
She very much enjoyed going out shopping for food today.
[ 09. February 2017, 21:51: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Friday's Thought for the Day - it won't help you actually to DO anything, but it's still useful to know.
Old people don't like change, even if it's change for the better.
Shared with me at the funeral of my godmother, by her eldest son, who had looked after her at home right up till her death. Bless you, Huw
Mrs. S, full of helpful little apercus!
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
D has bagged up two collections of stuff for disposal! She has also blamed her son for the impending visit from the Fire Brigade, since he has suggested he call them over the past few weeks. No, it was the Ambulance service alerted them. I don't know what powers they have.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Negative again. An overnight stay here. Not happy.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Hope things are better today Penny S.
My mum is getting more and more worried about a host of things, most of which are pretty minor and can easily be sorted by me when I go over next week. She keeps on talking about things being more difficult but is refusing to discuss possible solutions.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
You know that supposed Chinese curse? Interesting times today. I threatened to call the police when she declared she would not leave because of something her son said or did or didn't say or didn't do. Then she went into the loo for ages, so that I thought I might have to call 999 and open the lock from outside (it has that sort of lock you can do with a coin), and then she was fine. Tried to slip a wedge in between son and me and explain how unreasonable he was. As I have been the target of unreasonableness from her, this doesn't wash.(Couldn't think what else to say, apart from that I wasn't going to be a pawn in games.)
Only just got home. But I have a load of stuff in the boot to be sorted next week, more than the promised trolley of bags of assorted dross which she has looked through.
I think a lot of what goes on, and in your case, too, is the realisation that control is slipping away, and reluctance to admit it and accept help which makes a person feel as if they are being treated as a child.
[ 12. February 2017, 20:00: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
I think a lot of what goes on, and in your case, too, is the realisation that control is slipping away, and reluctance to admit it and accept help which makes a person feel as if they are being treated as a child.
That's why I think Ethne Alba's technique of being quiet to give her mother space to say what she needed worked so well.
(That is in no way a criticism of you or your friend Penny, different things work well with different people and in differing situations, and D sounds Like very hard work, I don't think I could cope with her).
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
You got it. They need your help - they may even be grateful for it - but they are very resentful at the same time.
The Dowager complained to me that the carers treated her like a 5-year-old, but I wasn't having any and told her if she started behaving like a grown-up they might treat her like one ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Sarasa, I have had to learn to distinguish between 'things I really need to have sorted out' and 'things I just need a good moan about'. They aren't necessarily the same, and getting too concerned about the second group does lead to the endless games of 'Yes, but...'
Penny S You do wonders. Don't think I could. Some people can do things for other APs they couldn't do for their own, but D sounds like a real piece of work!
Mrs. S, empathising from afar
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I got to meet one of D's neighbours yesterday, one of those who has offered to help. Really interesting, a Friend from Pennsylvania, interests in astrophysics and quantum ditto, she has offered the use of her bins and lifts to the dump when required - her grandmother was the same. It is a tremendous help to my friend to find that he is not alone, not unique. And a real person rather than the websites is even more convincing.
I am wondering what these people were like in historical times, when there wasn't the stuff. Unless the middens protecting the homes of Skara Brae were actually hoards, rather than carefully placed heaps designed to protect the houses and keep them warm. And also wondering why there seems to be a predominance of women. And why (information from high achieving special needs education in Pennsylvania) there is an overlap with intelligence.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Penny S. The more support your friend can get the better. it seems a shame that none of the social workers who promise to turn up actually have, as that, at the very least, might give him another source of support.
Thanks for listen to my moan yesterday. I phoned mum up today to see if she'd sorted one of the things on the worry list, and she had and was consequently feeling a lot better.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
She told the social workers not to come, "as she had every right to".
I wish she had converted the house to a tenancy in common with her son, as he would then have a legal right to let people in.
I am counting on the Fire Service. I don't think she can hold them off.
I'm glad your mum has made some progress.
[ 13. February 2017, 16:29: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
This sort of thing is really wearing , isn't it? No sooner does one hopeful thing appear on the horizon than it overshoots and never materialises. Or vaporises on contact.
And don't start me on those helpful websites or outdated sheets of paper.
Sadly...matters usually chunter on...until they don't.
Either.... "something happens"....someones patience runs out....or it all ends.
Honestly. Is there any way that any of us can ensure that we don't end up being equally...er...challenging?
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
This is why I'm trying to declutter. I have no children and it will either be my youngest brother or my nephew who gets landed with it.
As for the contrariness... I'm quite good at the already ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
I've been trying to keep the clutter under control for many years, but especially the past five. I had to deal with a clutter-filled home after a family member died unexpectedly. It was the best motivation for me -- especially since I won't have any family members to deal with my "stuff."
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
I read a nauseating post on FB yesterday that said
'No matter how old my daughter is, she will always be my little baby girl'
![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
I don't normally respond but I couldn't resist posting
'No, she will not. One day she will have Power of Attorney and decide whether to resuscitate. Give her some respect.'
I honestly think that way of thinking leads us into some of the tripe that some of us are struggling with. ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
Mrs. S, full of respect for the Former Miss S
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
It only builds on the already natural shift of persona that comes when dealing with parents. My younger sister pointed this out years ago. There is always the imbalance which comes to the surface, mostly harmlessly.
And the Power of Attorney requires their agreement, doesn't it? Very tricky. Especially when they present themselves as the sane one to the outside, while mumbling like an infant out of the sight of anyone else.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Ferijen
Shipmate
# 4719
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Posted
Exactly! My ILs have decided not to tell their sons (35 and 40) anything about their health. In part, I think, because GMIL's health (the last grandparent on that side by over 20 years, who died at Christmas) has dominated family life so much. This has meant that two of FIL's 999 trips for collapsing/heart problems have been reported several days later. Otherwise they have a pretty close relationship.
GMIL, however, had ten years of dementia in a nursing home, about seven of which were at the point of no communication (not just 'nonsense' communication). What exactly my ILs expect their sons to do with them if they reach that state (and I hope with all my being they don't) I do not know. This urge to protect them at all costs is just in complete denial of the fact that one day (I hope, and its not the other way around) their children will be arranging their funerals. It's going to be a shock to hear 'oh, they were diagnosed with x 15 years ago...' (and I already have a guess as to what x is...)
Posts: 3259 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
So it isn't just women who are infantilised by their parents, even when fully-functioning adults! I did wonder, as the Dowager will accept things told her by men ...
Ferijen - if I may be permitted, oh, sweet purple baby elephants! That's like not teaching someone self-defence so no-one will attack them! and like my alcoholic brother who would ring the Dowager late on a Sunday evening to tell her not to worry
As to the LPOA, yes, as I understand it, consent must be given on setting one up. It is NOT, however, required to invoke said LPOA - when I invoked the Dowager's, she was in no state to consent to anything. That is the whole point of setting up an LPOA when one is still of sound mind. It does require that you trust the person who will take on the responsibility, of course
I may have no power over her health, but I have the money!
So, boys and girls, we all have LPOAs set up NOW, haven't we? (actually yes, we have)
Mrs. S, relieved to find other Aged Parents who have No Clue At All
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
My sister's husband's parents insist on driving, even though vision and health issues make this a hair-raising experience. (They live in an urban area.) She had to point out to them that they were endangering more than themselves. The pedestrians they mow down of course will suffer. But beyond that, the victims will sue, and win. The old people could be stripped of their house and everything they own, which they were planning to leave to their children. In other words, had they considered all the ramifications of their dangerous behavior?
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Tree Bee
Ship's tiller girl
# 4033
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Posted
Hmmm, my sister and I used to be Mum's attorneys. We had access to her bank accounts too, but she has revoked all this.
Her fiancé now has POA, finance and health. My sister and I are now replacement attorneys (who knew?) and will only have power if fiancé dies or loses capacity first.
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"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com
Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
I must talk to my mum about power of atorney again. She actually raised the subject before Christmas, but since then has been less keen to discuss it. Apart from anything else the fact she can't see to read letters, write cheques etc makes managing her finances tricky.
Penny S - I saw your message in the prayer thread. Scary, and worrying. Can't D's son just sort things out regarding hoarding etc and take the consequences if they come. What is the worst that could happen?
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
There is movement on the sorting front. Sort of.
But she is now back with me because the places that can be found (Red Cross, Sally Army) only deal with referrals from hospital. The surgery is going to look tomorrow.
I am in the wrong place, away from her surgery and records, and the places she knows. I am in the wrong sort of house - open plan, too many stairs.
And I can't cope with the different sleep patterns. And the cleaning.
I don't know how this is going to go on.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Oh yes, and I forgot that I think the Lord may have misunderstood when I said "Lord, give me patience, patience I need", and sent me patients instead.
The eating patterns aren't helping, either. Second fast day this week. I don't have much appetite when I do get time.
[ 14. February 2017, 21:04: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I now realise I am serving out a lesson or two from the past.
1. When I thought I might not get a teaching job, I looked at ads in "The Lady" for not quite nannies, and had an offer, at which I suddenly thought "shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves" and my grandmothers in service, and I didn't want to be in service. My mother told me that service had been honourable.
I am spending the time cleaning, getting meals, doing laundry, and other things, without much appreciation.
2. I wrote off my friend as marriage material because I knew that end of life care would fall to me (and as the eldest in my own family, I expected that as well, though that didn't happen), and I knew what D was like back then.
And here I am.
Sometimes I do not appreciate God's sense of humour.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
How are things going Penny S?
Taking a leaf out of Ethne Alba's book I went to see mum today and didn't mention anything to do with getting any extra help, but instead sorted out the various things that were worrying her with reasonable success while trying not to point out that computers don't tend to work if you don't switch them on etc,etc. Therefore it was a much happier visit than last time.
I'm seeing her again on Thursday when I'm taking her to the eye hospital, and maybe on Friday if my brother doesn't come through on his offer to take her to find out the results of her recent scan.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Things are not exactly going at all. There is no movement on getting somewhere near her medical arrangements for her. I have 50 mile round trips whenever she needs her legs treated. There is no movement on getting her house livable - we aren't in the right place to do it.
I am desperately worried about what is going to happen.
Her doctor thinks she is beginning to accept that she has problems. But there is nothing that can be done with her house as she is the freeholder.
I get very resentful that her exercise of her autonomy is predicated on my not having any.* She is trying to control my kitchen. (She isn't doing anything, just issuing orders.)**
* As her son says, I am in the position of someone who has offered their home to an unrelated refugee, but am treated as if I am someone in the family who has a duty to a relative.
**To be fair, when she is in a better mood, she does recognise that she has been a bit difficult.
A bit depressed this morning.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Sarasa.....oh, it's nice when this happen's isn't it? ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
My own AP was his past week thrown by the introduction of an inconspicuous floor lamp. To be fair a lamp could have been useful, but AP hadn't asked for it. It was just a sensible and a "good idea" from a family member. A kindness.
But "Good idea"s....in fact Any change at all.....are a Very Bad Idea Indeed.
Lamp lasted a few days and in the face of great upset has now been removed. Firstly from the room and now from the Home.
Never have i seen my AP so upset before.
( made me think....)
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
We are in weekly telephone contact with an aging relative, but rarely visit as she lives a four hour drive away.
She told us that she was getting a pendant alarm, which we thought was a good idea.
We've now had a phone call from the company telling us that as next of kin, they will contact us every time they respond to her alarm.
It has dawned on us that we don't know much about her life e.g. we know the first names of the neighbours she is friendly with, but don't know their surname, or where in the street they stay. We know her medical history, but not what medication she is on.
What ought we to know about someone, if we are ones who will be contacted first in an emergency?
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
@Ethne Alba: what is "an inconspicuous floor lamp"?
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
NEQ - My mother in law has one of those alarms. Her principal carer, my brother in law lives ten minutes away so can be round there very quickly, something that has been needed several times recently. Is there one of her firends that can also be contacted in an emergency who is nearer - I know my MiL's set up will contact three or four people. I guess you also need to know who her GP is, and where to get a key to let you in if needed.
After a positive time with mum on Saturday things have gone rather pear shaped. She's got an attack of sciatica, which apart from the pain, is causing her not to sleep properly and means she can't have a shower as she can't get into the bath. A friend took her to A&E yesterday (well I assume that's where she took her mum's explanation was rambling and went down various other by-ways) and she's going to her own GP this morning as the tablets they gave her seem to disagree with her. I was taking her to the eye hospital tomorrow, but she's cancelled that and re-arranged. I'll still go over and see her, and try not to point out that she needs to think seriously about options for getting extra help.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Thanks, Sarasa. We asked the alarm company what we had to do if we got a phone call, given that we are so far away, and they said that if she pressed the alarm, a member of their company would be round within twenty minutes and deal with the practicalities; get medical help or whatever. But presumably we would have some role to play.
We know the first names of some of her friends, but not their ages, or where they stay, or whether they could help in an emergency.
I gather that as part of the alarm set up she will have a key in a keypad operated box fixed to her outside wall somewhere, so anyone who knew the code could get the key and let themselves in. Perhaps we should ask for a key ourselves?
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
My mother had one of those. They are very common, and work like a bicycle combination padlock. Very useful (but you mustn't forget to put the key back afterwards and then jiggle the dials).
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Baptist Trainfan....apologies!
In this case it was a lamp; the base of which sat on the floor and it had one uplighter and one directional reading lamp.
A little like a small metal tree.
So as AP has dementia, i can quite see that having this many-limbed object at close quarters was too much to cope with.
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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