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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Aging Parents
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Sarasa, IANAL so you'll need to check this, but I gathered during the process of moving Mother-in-law that you can move elsewhere in the country if you can finance your own care for two years. After that the council have to fund it if you can't do it yourself.
If you're in the South-East, homes in Nottinghamshire might be a bit cheaper than the ones you've looked at because buildings cost less there, but the big cost will be staffing which is unlikely to vary that much. The going rate for homes in York is £1000-£1200 per week at the moment.
Age UK have a useful checklist on their website - though I expect you've already looked there.
[ 08. May 2017, 09:42: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Jane R - I'd looked at the AgeUK website before, but I'll explore more. The home near us I enquired about started at about £2,000 a week going upt o £4,000 depending on the care needed. Obviously meant for the people round here who sell up their multi-million pound houses.
Mum spent a fair bit of yesterday in A&E but is back home and feeliing better. Five years ago my brother was keen on her selling up and moving either nearer him or us. I thought it was a bad idea as it would mean leaving friends and places she knew behind and I thought would hasten the need for extra help. Now I'm almost wishing it had happened, it would make crisis' like yesterdays much easier to deal with.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
OK, I am *sure* you can find a suitable home in Nottinghamshire for less than that. And if you can't... there's always Yorkshire ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
[ 08. May 2017, 12:49: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
" " is about right. And I thought my dad was being fleeced by the local council with fees of around £1,000 per week.
Hope you can find somewhere suitable, Sarasa - prayers continuing to ascend for you, your mum and your family.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
Gives new meaning to "they get you coming and going," doesn't it?
We were fortunate here in Arizona in that my father qualified for what they call ALTCS (Arizona Long Term Care for Seniors). His monthly cost for nursing home care was set at $100 less than his monthly income, with the state picking up the rest. And he received excellent care.
But it took over a year after applying to get him qualified, and we had to hire an attorney to help us with it.
One of the few things that Arizona does right. Of course, the program may well be gutted or eliminated if the present illegitimate occupant of the White House gets his way.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
My friend is hitting a wall, again and again, as his mother withholds consent for any action which would help resolve her situation. No-one is to go into the house to do work. Social services cannot know her financial situation. A friend who can arrange for work to be done is never to be seen again. Her son will have to pay for things (she has more than enough money, he doesn't). She doesn't want any help to deal with her bank, the council or other bodies. She has forgotten her PIN, and does not have a cheque book, so cannot access money. (I lent her some when she forgot her PIN first, but not any more. She has more in her bank account than I do.)
I think she is terrified of being identified as needing mental health care, of being put into a home, but her behaviour is making these outcomes more and more likely.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
I don't suppose there is any other entity (a pastor? a friend?) who could mediate and that she would listen to. It doesn't sound good.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Penny S.....it's going to end ...at some point matters Will end.
When that time happens there will no doubt be endless recriminations and countless "if onlys" .....but currently this battle-axe is being horrible and manipulative.
I don't know about You, but i find those sort of people endlessly draining. They suck the lifeblood out of me anyway
Suggest you try to encourage your friend to go for counselling, for himself.
It could be transformative.
That or to take up kick boxing. I hear that it's Very therapeutic and they Will take older folk on.
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[ 09. May 2017, 15:49: Message edited by: Ethne Alba ]
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John Holding
Coffee and Cognac
# 158
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Posted
Here, I think, he could go to court and have her declared mentally incompetent. Needs medical evidence, though.
I know when a friend (for whom I was executor a few days later) wanted to change his will, the notary we asked to witness the proposed changes refused on the grounds that my friend was no longer competent, so perhaps not even a doctor. (no complaints about the notary, by the way, he was perfectly right -- I had to do what I knew my friend had wanted me to do as he'd told me for months in a rather roundabout way, but within the law...according to that same notary.)
John
Posts: 5929 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: May 2001
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Penny S - is D still in hospital? If she is I suggest you and her son say there is nothing more you can do for her. I bet things will then start to happen from the social services end. If you have her back in your home they presumably don't need to do anything.
Can her son go and sort out her hosue even if she's told him not to. What can she actually do if he does that - sue him, cut him out of her will, something else?
[ 09. May 2017, 17:32: Message edited by: Sarasa ]
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
He can't get at her money unless he has a financial Power of Attorney. And even then he's not allowed to access it unless the POA has been activated. We went through all of this with my mother-in-law (and she had given us power of attorney - just in time, I think).
He could apply to the Office of the Public Guardian to have her declared mentally incompetent without a POA, but it takes longer. Social Services should be able to advise.
[ 09. May 2017, 20:54: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
For some reason, she insists on being intestate! But there's no-one else to inherit.
Today was a bit better. Apart from the stinking stuff which has infected my car and the smell of which now blows into my house from the garage. (I've taped over the vent). Got a lot of sorting and throwing to do.
While M was at Evensong, I went into the hospital. We'd had a call from the hospital for him, and I rang back to tell them that tomorrow was better for a discussion, but laid it on a bit thick about my feelings about my house being used. I used the word Hell at one point. They had made the point that she could now use stairs, which had prevented her coming here again.
She was running down M, and told me off for being controlling which was irksome, but did backpedal to that being the way I came across, rather than that being the way I am. (Coming from someone herself controlling, that was a bit ironic.) She also told me I baby M. (Ironic in the same way.)
We had a who had the best furniture competition.
M I don't have old furniture. I have G-Plan.
Me I have G-plan, too. (I forgot it's in the room she won't go into.)
M I have more than you as our room is bigger. (It isn't.) We bought our furniture new. I have a new three piece suite. My sitting room is fine. All it needs is vacuuming. (I did not cite Heseltine.)
It is quite clear that she is seeing her home as it was back in the days when she had friends in. She denied that I had had to climb over papers on the day that the fuse blew. This is the area where her mental capacity lack is apparent. Elsewhere she seems perfectly competent. Tricky.
I left earlier than planned, brief chat with nurses, picked up M from train, and he went in for the last few minutes of visiting.
And she has rescinded the ban on the friend's work force helping with the necessary work. Get to work before she changes her mind.
Phone call tomorrow, anyway. Hopefully it will engage social services.
I have a neighbour who had a similar mother, and who finally left her to social services, who rang her up and instructed her to do her duty and return to care for her. Which she refused. And social services took over.
I am hopeful.
[ 09. May 2017, 21:14: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Some people avoid making their will, either from a superstitious fear that it means they are likely to die immediately afterwards or as a result of reading a lot of murder mysteries (which are often about people being killed before they can make/change a will).
This is not a good idea, even if M is the only heir. Without a will it takes at least twice as long for probate to be granted. Even with a will it takes about six months to sort out someone's estate after they die. (IANAL, get professional advice, etc.)
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
In the same way many people avoid talking about their wishes for the funeral, burial, etc. This too is foolish, and a great way to have all the hymns you most dislike sung over your too-expensive and utterly tasteless coffin.
If you have any wishes at all for after you die, confide them to somebody. Anybody! Write it down, tweet it, tell the kids, tie a note to the cat's collar. If you don't, nobody will know, and it's Katy bar the door.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
I have a document called "My Affairs" that I update each New Years Day and e-mail a copy to my brother and sisters. It lists my Social Security number, bank account numbers, computer password, credit card numbers, insurance policies, details concerning my mortgage and car payment, my wishes concerning my funeral, and persons to be notified when I pass on. Also the text of my obituary.
Morbid? Perhaps. But (I hope) useful and necessary.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
I have all my necessary information in a clearly-marked file in my desk drawer -- many people know this (I have no biological family). I don't think it's morbid -- it's planning for what will happen eventually, and will make it easier for those who have to take care of everything. (My sister died with absolutely nothing planned and no will.)
When I plan a vacation I start making hotel reservations, buy plane tickets, etc., and put everything in an itinerary. This doesn't bring on the vacation any more quickly -- when it's time to go, I go.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
I don't practise what I preach - I do have my will and enduring power of attorney sorted out (as does my Other Half), but as the owner of a small business I ought to write out instructions on How To Notify Clients If I Fall Under A Bus. And then make sure my Other Half knows where to find them.
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
Miss Amanda you inspire me to do the same. quote:
I have a document called "My Affairs" that I update each New Years Day and e-mail a copy to my brother and sisters. It lists my Social Security number, bank account numbers, computer password, credit card numbers, insurance policies, details concerning my mortgage and car payment, my wishes concerning my funeral, and persons to be notified when I pass on. Also the text of my obituary.
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
... though don't send it by email, kay? If it gets lost in cyberspace, there goes all your highly personal information. Try a certified letter instead.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Safest to hand it to the relative, in person. Use an envelope, and label this envelope "[your name, year] Azalea Replanting Notes." No point in making it easy for thieves.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
Handing off indeed at yearly whole family get-together.
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Graven Image:
Handing off indeed at yearly whole family get-together.
Which we stopped having because there were too many people who weren't talking to each other.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Graven Image:
Handing off indeed at yearly whole family get-together.
Which we stopped having because there were too many people who weren't talking to each other.
Mrs Sioni & I are fortunate. She has but one deeply boring brother-in-law (he is in his late eighties, so he has some excuse) while all those best avoided on my side have left the country. Looks like the hints got through
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I put this in the prayer thread, but it was much too long.
D has now accused me of trying to get into her bank account and banned me from entering her house - not to my face. Possibly because I have now drawn the line and pointed out that all but one hospital admission this year has been from my address, and I am not qualified to monitor her health for future relapses. I will take no more responsibility. Though she was going on about not coming back here herself. Her manner in excluding me from a meeting yesterday was vile, and public. Distorted face, and shouted "No!" Hate personified.
She is now talking about discharging herself and getting herself home by bus (faintly possible), despite her home being still uninhabitable. Eight years ago, when she had CO poisoning, the hospital she was then in said that if she took that line there, they would section her. This would simplify things a lot. She describes her home as it was back in the 70s, not as it is now.
The staff who are seeking to get her out of the hospital, do not realise that her son is in need of support, and have cut him dead when he attempted to raise issues with them after the meeting yesterday. He has gone through the state of believing he was at her death bed, to seeing her recover, and, yesterday, accuse him of wanting her dead. He has to ride her mood swings, and is depressive himself. He needs a huge amount of support. There seems to be no recognition of this.
He has to report progress to a meeting next Wednesday, and is having difficulty contacting trades people - and she is not ready to make money available for the work from her ample bank account. (While clearing, I have seen a couple of statements which she had dropped on the floor, and she has more than her son and I put together. I suspect another account as well, but I have been scrupulous in not reading anything that isn't openly visible. The bank access issue arose because of the suggestion, not made by me, of her using my mobile to contact her bank about issuing a cheque book and a new PIN to her address, to which I do not have a key. It would have been her talking, not me, as they would not have listened to me - by law.)
(I am going to have to be more than scrupulous about distancing myself from anything problematic. When she was Smeagol, she gave me great details of how to retrieve her jewellery and put it into safety, but now I'm dealing with Gollum, that could become a real problem. Her son is going to need some spare keys - he had some cut for her, but she insisted on keeping them with her others in her purse - and they will have to be stowed somewhere I can swear I don't know.)
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
D has now accused me of trying to get into her bank account and banned me from entering her house. . . . The bank access issue arose because of the suggestion, not made by me, of her using my mobile to contact her bank about issuing a cheque book and a new PIN to her address, to which I do not have a key. It would have been her talking, not me, as they would not have listened to me - by law. I am going to have to be more than scrupulous about distancing myself from anything problematic. . . . Her son is going to need some spare keys - he had some cut for her, but she insisted on keeping them with her others in her purse - and they will have to be stowed somewhere I can swear I don't know.
Good Lord. Take a vacation as far away as you can afford to go and forget this whole affair.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Actually, I have a B&B lined up down a local lane, with good reports about its food on tripadvisor. When all is done.
But I do have a responsibility to a friend with no siblings.
[ 13. May 2017, 19:24: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Safest to hand it to the relative, in person. Use an envelope, and label this envelope "[your name, year] Azalea Replanting Notes." No point in making it easy for thieves.
I would think safest would be to do what Pigwigeon does-- have it in a clearly marked folder in your possession (e.g. top desk drawer) and let those same people know where to find the file.
The thing about giving it to trusted relatives is... those things change. I found this out the hard way when, after faithfully caring for mom's finances for several years, my brother decided to go a bit loopy and just stop paying bills-- including the rent in her care facility. It was a huge, huge problem-- made more difficult by the fact that he had power of attorney. Fortunately, mom was still lucid so we were able to work with an attorney to get the POA revoked, but it still was a painful process. As it was, the amount of time that elapsed before we realized the problem ensured that quite a bit of damage had been done. If he'd been truly nefarious-- out to turn a quick buck-- it could have been far worse.
After that I don't think there's too many people I would trust with my bank accounts, SS#, passwords etc before my death. But the idea of having a file that is still under my control, but letting them know where to find it, makes sense.
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Penny S - I saw your news in the praise and thanksgiving thread. Hopefully that visit will get the scoial workers fully on board and then you can concentrate on your own life.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Any luck Penny S with social workers and D's house?
I went to see my mother today. I thought I was doing quite well with the getting her to agree to power of attorney, she then got very cross and went on about how she is compos mantis, everyone is impressed that she manages to live without a carer or a walking stick and loads of people look after themselves into their 100s so she doesn't want us interfering. I got cross back, but it blew over and we went out for lunch. By the end she was begining to come back round to the idea again, so I'll keep on pressing and try not to lose my temper. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
The two seemed decent sorts, unlike some, with a good background in the condition of hoarding - unfortunately that includes that there is sometimes no sensible conclusion to such a situation. A suggestion as to possibilities will be reported and delivered to D, who remains adamant about spending.
I recall now that after her insisting on my costing the meals she had here before the hospitalisation, she did not pay for them herself, but got her son to give me a cheque. She doesn't have a cheque book. "Nobody uses them now." Tee hee, today I found it in the bags of dreck in my garage! Her son will claim he found it.
I have to be very, very careful now she has accused me of trying to get between her and her bank - by allowing her to use my mobile to call them, which didn't happen, anyway.
What will happen with discharging her I have no idea. Her son aims to get part of the house habitable.
And what that idiot of a PM has suggested will be no help at all. How can counting the house value in the increased threshold for support be a help to people who need to spend their savings to make the house habitable because of an unsupported mental condition?
Got to go and collect him from the hospital now. (I'm not visiting until I get something like an apology for last week's curse.)
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sarasa:
she is compos mantis, everyone is impressed that she manages to live without a carer or a walking stick and loads of people look after themselves into their 100s so she doesn't want us interfering.
I always found it difficult when my Mum took that line about "everybody else..." probably because
I used it as a teenager "Everybody else's mother lets them...". Thinking about it now it seems funny, but at the time it didn't.
Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing a difficult job as well as you can.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Damn, missed the edit time. That last sentence should have ended "as well as anyone could"
Sorry, when I re-read it I sounded a bit condescending and it wasn't what I meant.
Huia ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Yeah.....everything is going perfectly well NOW.
But the time to sort all this is not in the middle of some terrible mess.
Can she not see this?
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Well, on Monday of this week I would not have bet a brass farthing that the Dowager would be long out of a care home ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
Her short-term memory was sooooo bad, she couldn't hold in mind for 30 seconds together whose phone number she was looking up, offering me my SiL's number and even my own mobile number in the process
She refused to believe that I'd told her we were off to Wales (no mobile signal) and accused me of 'hiding from her'. I only wanted 5 days away!
Fast forward four days, pack my cousin and his wife (Aunt M's son and DiL) back to the other side of the world, and she is almost back to normal. My cousin is a kind soul and very good to Mum, but he is the sort of chap to turn up on the doorstep and take you out for the day, regardless of what other plans you might have and without any thought that old ladies (or even younger ones) might like a chance to PLAN!
Sorry - rant over - but she was seriously disrupted and I'm extremely relieved to see her back to *normal* ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Mrs. S, hoping for the best here!
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Mrs S - I've found it doesn't take much to confuse old people and unanounced relatives seems a recipe for muddle.
My husbnad informed me that the phone had rung twice before eight this morning (I'm too deaf to hear it without my aids in) so when it rang again at just past nine I was imagining some sort of mother crisis. All it was that she's had a think and has decided that LPA is a good idea after all. Hurrah!
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Sarasa, thank heavens for that! I had to invoke the Dowager's LPOA last summer because she had broken her wrist and so was completely unable to sign a cheque; also she was in hospital, hence no cash machine.
This made life very much simpler so if it helps you can always explain that simple physical injury can lead to financial crisis without LPOA.
Mrs. S, wishing you any amount of luck
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
My brother and I took mum to see her solicitor this afternoon to start the Lasting Power of Attorney process. It went as well as could be expected, though I was rather annoyed that I missed the piece of paper mum was supposed to sign in all the bumf they'd sent her before hand. Still no great harm done as we can take it in when we go back to get the thimg signed off in a couple of weeks time. At least mum didn't change her mind.
I also went to see the eye-wateringly expensive care home yesterday. It was a lovely place and it was good to talk through where I am with mum and see that a lot of what I get landed with is her trying to prove she can cope so if things aren't quite right it is someone elses (i.e. my) fault. It would be lovely to set in train the process of getting her in there, but unless I win the lottery it isn't going to happen. I'm going to look at a couple of other places to continue getting a feel of what is out there.
I certainly think we are doing the LPA in the nick of time, she seems to be getting more and more vague, and even simple things like having a friend round for lunch yesterday have worn her out, not to mention made her confused as she couldn't remember where she'd tidied things from the dining table too.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
Good to hear Sarasa. Things in progress with POA.
We arranged POA for dad before he had an operation and were very glad we managed to get it done. He died some years ago, so this is from memory. A colleague of my brother arranged it for us and dad was quite chirpy on the day.
Friend with dementia was just at the point where he had very good days or very bad. Fortunately one of the good days coincided with appointment with solicitor.
When I bought here after divorce, I was caught up with legal matters, divorce, sale of former home, purchase of here etc. Right at end of multiple visits to solicitor I had POA arranged, signed , sealed and deliviered for me . Also medical matters signed. I did not want my sons to be caught in a mess at amy time and and it fwlt good to have done that. I also had new will drawn up after divorce. All my sons know where to find those papers here and also know that solicitor has them in storage as well and have his contact details.
A firend said she could not do all that, it seemed morbid but I was happy to hopefully forestall any problems and to know that will was updated after earlier one of many years.before.
I think it was not morbid because I was dealing with lots of legal matters at the time and this was just one of them. I discussed things with the boys and they were all in agreement with me on major points. We tidied up a few minor details and then I had documents drawn up. I am happy to have done it.
[ 01. June 2017, 23:15: Message edited by: Lothlorien ]
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
Oh dear. Does the pendulum say more about everyday decisions?
At the other end of the chronological spectrum, my step grandson was diagnose just before Christmas eith some form of epilepsy. It took some time for medication to be established to suit, but he now seems to be much better than some months ago. He turned 13 last weekend.
[ 02. June 2017, 05:11: Message edited by: Lothlorien ]
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Not quite as unusual as it sounds although the only time I came across it was detecting the level of milk someone who was lactose intolerant could take.
As someone who is lactose intolerant and who is well aware of its vagaries, I wish it worked for me. I would love a way to tell when I can have yoghurt and when I can't.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Zappa:
My aged parent (mid-90s) has been placed on anti-epileptic meds following a recent seizure. Her pendulum, however, is telling her when, if, and when not to take them and what dosage to take.
![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif)
Fortunately she has given up driving.
What is meant by this "pendulum"? Have I missed something?
I'm on anti-convulsants too and my doctors have always given me a clear schedule: maybe things are different for the elderly.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Is this a real pendulum, Zappa, or an internal one? If the latter, it seems entirely consistent with the logic of the very old...
Mrs. S, tending that way herself
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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M.
Ship's Spare Part
# 3291
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Posted
I assumed it was akin to when my mother kept telling me that she couldn't get the cushions to wake up.
M.
Posts: 2303 | From: Lurking in Surrey | Registered: Sep 2002
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
I was picturing the pendulum a friend of mine had when we were teenagers. One person would hold it suspended, and the other would ask yes or no questions (important issues, such as whether a certain boy liked her!). If it swung one direction it meant yes, the other direction meant no.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
It made me think of Edgar Allan Poe's story 'The pit and the pendulum'...
In other news, Mother-in-law is still happy in her care home (although she has to be reminded frequently that she is living in York) and we have been busy clearing her house so it can be sold. It feels like we have made significant progress.
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
I have a friend who is into New Age spirituality and he uses a pendulum to check on his health and make some decisions. He also teaches other people how to do this. Possibly Zappa's mother does something similar.
(just to clarify - this isn't something I would do, and I've never asked him to teach me, but he seems happy about it).
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Someone used a pendulum to predict the sex of my baby when I was pregnant. I can't remember if they got it right, but although I thought it was fun I don't think I'd use it to measure out my meds.
We had a phone call from my mother-in-law this afternoon panicked that we might have been caught up in the London Briidge attack. Well no, because we were in her house in Leicestershire when it happened, and mentioned it to her, both last night and this morning. I then had a phone call from my mother to check we were OK (she knows we used to go shopping in Borough Market quite often). She'd forgotten that I'd told her we were going to my M.i.Ls. Mum had also forgotten where we put the papers from our visit to the soliciors regarding LPA, what had been said about the next visit.
I used to think that if you could clone my mother (good physical mobility and hearing) and my M-i-L (good eyesight and an analytical brain) you'd have an amazing elderly woman but not any more sadly.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I used to demonstrate a pendulum in school to show that, without obviously moving my hand, I could make it swing to and fro in any direction (good for pointing at trouble makers!) or rotate clockwise or anti-clockwise, or rotate the direction of to and fro movement at will. I don't know exactly how it works, but the brain is clearly good at generating micromovements. You can make it tell you anything you want.
[ 04. June 2017, 22:04: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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