homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | Register | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Community discussion   » All Saints   » Aging Parents (Page 34)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  ...  31  32  33  34  35  36  37 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: Aging Parents
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

 - Posted      Profile for Penny S     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Thank you.

I'm wondering about setting up a society of St Cuthman, with 2 aims. Firstly, to demand the return of his relics from Fecamp, to where they should never have been sent, as part of the Brexit negotiations. And secondly, to demand better collaboration between the NHS and social care to enable seamless discharge from hospital, and support for the not very wealthy who are deemed capable of self funding (and funding the poorer users). Not much point in expecting success for either fantasy!

Posts: 5767 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Mrs S:
quote:
Today, after giving me heart failure on Friday, she has no idea what all the fuss was about and doesn't think she wants to look at the care homes we have appointments with tomorrow.

[Votive] Here's hoping she has forgotten this conversation and is happily looking forward to her visits...

...but if she isn't, insist on going because you've made the appointments and it would be rude to back out now. Hope that works. My mother-in-law will usually cave to the 'it would be rude' argument, on the (rare) occasions when she decides not to cooperate...

[ 24. July 2017, 08:51: Message edited by: Jane R ]

Posts: 3885 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[to Mrs S, sorry for double post] And if you can bear it, don't ask her if she likes either of them. Ask which one she would prefer to try out. Small changes in how you interact with her may have a big effect on how she responds.

...though of course she may just say 'neither'...

<fingers crossed>

Posts: 3885 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

 - Posted      Profile for Piglet   Email Piglet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Votive] Mrs. S. and the Dowager [Votive]

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19402 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804

 - Posted      Profile for Ethne Alba     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Apart from the medical crisis, which rather took matters out of our hands, "Feeling Safe" was a massive part of my own aging parent settling into her (helpfully named!) Retirement Home.

We had spent so long listening to the mantra of "I am going to stay in my own home"....that we failed to realise that she was neither safe, nor Feeling safe in said own home.

However, without that crisis ( really scary as it was at the time) i fear we might still be in the unenviable position of so many here......

Posts: 3123 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

 - Posted      Profile for Brenda Clough   Author's homepage   Email Brenda Clough   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I realize how blessed we were, that my parents insisted on removing to assisted living themselves. It was MUCH easier on everybody, and a great relief to our minds. (Although we were never able to pry the car keys out of my mother's hands, and 89 years of age she would bomb up 680 at 70 miles per hour, complaining about how young people these days drove so slowly. Speed limits? For cowards!)

--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

Posts: 5435 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

 - Posted      Profile for Uncle Pete     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I find it odd that so many here refer to retirement homes as assisted living. It is not. Many elderly move into retirement homes because they no longer want the upkeep of a house, or the daily grind. To me, assisted living is when a person needs help with personal care (bathing, toileting or medical assistance, perhaps feeding, or ostomies) If a person is capable of living independently (bombing down a highway, for instance, maintaining an external social life, going on shopping excursions or trips, that is INDEPENDENT living. in a retirement home context.

--------------------
Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20398 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

 - Posted      Profile for Brenda Clough   Author's homepage   Email Brenda Clough   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
This may be one of those side-of-the-pond terminology things. In the US it's assisted living (something like a hotel: you have your room and go downstairs for meals, drive your car, etc.) versus nursing home (you are bedridden or need daily medical assistance). After a hospital stay you might spend some time in a rehab facility, where the medical assistance is augmented by physical therapy and training to aid you in resuming your daily activities (how to safely shower, etc.) before moving back into your assisted living. And the assisted living facility often has several levels or tiers of assistance, either provided by the management or paid for separately by the resident. And there is another separate track, for people who actually have to be controlled (dementia, etc.) and kept track of for their own safety.
If you have a very great deal of money (and usually help from family to organize it) you can do any and all of this, barring the hospital stay, at home. But very often it's less costly and less draining for all concerned to go to a special facility. My parents' was very posh -- and it had 'assisted living' in the name.

--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

Posts: 5435 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

 - Posted      Profile for Uncle Pete     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Well then, I assume that this is another of those examples of two bordering countries separated by the same language.

--------------------
Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20398 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Sounds different to what we have in the UK.

Assisted living = purpose-built flats or houses for older folk in a small complex with a warden onsite.

Care home = you have a room in a larger building with staff to take care of your needs, but can go out and about if you wish and are able. Most people don't go into one until they are unable to drive, but I think you'd be allowed to have your car if you wanted it and could still drive. It's much harder to get away with driving until you're 90 over here; if you're over 70 you have to renew your driving licence every three years. At the moment you only have to fill in a form to do it, though some people have been lobbying for the over-70s to be required to retake the driving test.

Nursing home = for very frail/ill people, with around-the-clock nursing care.

There are a few retirement villages/gated communities, but they're not as common here as they seem to be in the States.

Most people try to hang on in their own (non-purpose-built) houses for as long as possible, with carers and/or relatives visiting to help with meals, shopping, baths etc.

Dementia units (at least the one M-i-l is in) allow residents to go on outings but they must be accompanied, for obvious reasons.

Posts: 3885 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

 - Posted      Profile for Pigwidgeon   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Here in Arizona, where we have so many retirees, we have the full range. Retirement housing or senior housing offers individual apartments or cottages for those who still want their independence, but enjoy some of the amenities (meals, recreational activities, etc.). The one I have my eye on* (where I know many people) has graduated care -- assisted living (some home health assistance, etc.), nursing home, a memory unit, etc. Others only provide one level, and you're on your own finding a more appropriate facility if your needs change.

*Not for another ten years probably.

--------------------
Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9337 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002

 - Posted      Profile for The Intrepid Mrs S   Email The Intrepid Mrs S   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Well, yesterday didn't go well - the care home I preferred (VERY up-market, like a hotel) was actually completely full; the one she disliked least was more 'homely', very friendly, perfectly nice, had availability - but she said 'it's good to know they're there when I might need them, but I'm not ready yet'.

OKAY - so you are in complete denial about how desperate you were on Friday morning (I relayed to her the exact words she said on the voicemail, and she pulled the face that said 'you can tell me all you like,but I don't have to believe you')

Today we were out on a lovely outing with Miss S and the Intrepid Grandson, when I had the first of about 8 calls to my mobile. She had fallen in the street and had to go to hospital.

Lovely neighbours had accompanied her; had gone in to see if they could bring her home; had passed on messages about how she was. She has a black eye, and according to the hospital nothing worse, no bleeding on the brain or anything - but suddenly, having insisted on going home, she's discovered that her fingers are swelling and bruised.

I am a wreck, wondering what we can do to keep her safe (and allow me a day out once in a while without all this cr*p) - she is busy saying 'seeing those care homes makes me even more determined to stay in my own home as long as I can' [Mad]

Please pray for us.

Mrs. S, quietly despairing

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1356 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Oh dear.

Sounds as if you're going to have to get tough and say you're not prepared to provide all this support because it's ruining your life...

[Votive] [brick wall]

[ 25. July 2017, 21:01: Message edited by: Jane R ]

Posts: 3885 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

 - Posted      Profile for Piglet   Email Piglet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
{{{Mrs. S. and the Dowager}}}

You really are going through the mill - what stage does she need to be for matters to be taken out of her hands (i.e. put into a home whether she wants to or not)?

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, but honestly, it does seem as if it may be sooner rather than later.

Prayers continuing to ascend. [Votive]

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19402 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

 - Posted      Profile for Penny S     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Mrs S and the Dowager. [Votive] [Votive]

We've had a reasonable quote for work on the house, but M is increasingly worried that D would not be able to cope back there as she asks for so much to be done for her here. (Melted cheese at 2.30 am? She has adapted to the hot water dispenser I've bought, though, so might be able to manage an induction hob.)

Posts: 5767 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

 - Posted      Profile for Huia   Email Huia   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Votive] Mrs S [Votive]

I am disappointed for you that the care home visits weren't more productive. I think that even if you had recorded the voicemail messages and played them back to her you wouldn't have had a different response.

Can you find a way to give yourself a respite day where someone else is the emergency contact?

Huia

[ 26. July 2017, 05:12: Message edited by: Huia ]

--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10022 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

 - Posted      Profile for Curiosity killed ...   Email Curiosity killed ...   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
PennyS - this particular hotel does not provide melted cheese at 2:30am. Room service and the kitchen are off duty until a reasonable hour. Support is provided for emergencies only within reasonable sleeping hours.

One of my grandmothers lived next door to my parents, who got middle of the night phone calls asking what the time was and why it was dark - her internal time clock got very confused.

The other grandmother cared for her mother in her old age and swore she'd never do that to her family so when she was widowed she chose to move from the stockbroker belt house she'd lived out her later married life to the south coast and moved within that small area where she'd built a community of friends as she downsized from the little townhouse to a flat as she found stairs harder, then a care home with different levels of care.

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

Posts: 13488 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002

 - Posted      Profile for The Intrepid Mrs S   Email The Intrepid Mrs S   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
CK, I have bought her a new clock that tells the time, day, date, morning/afternoon/evening and so on, but yesterday's little fracas has rather overtaken that as a point of interest!

It was brought home to me yesterday that rather than being a little old lady with poor memory, she is 'someone with a dementia' (two actually - vascular and Alzheimer's) so Huia, you are probably right - she did understand at the time that she had really worried me, but as days go by and she forgets, she now thinks I am unreasonable and I over-reacted [Mad]

Unfortunately mine is the mobile number that all her contacts have - I wish mobiles had never been invented, and then everyone would have to wait till I got home.

One thing that makes me laugh now - when she was here for her birthday, I found her wandering on the drive, having locked herself out looking for me. She thought I'd run away!
[Killing me] Little does she know...

Mrs. S, still being Mrs. S, though less intrepid

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1356 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
((Mrs S))

Sounds like you're close to having to put her into a home whether she likes it or not... the stage we were at earlier this year. M-i-l had lovely neighbours too, who helped us to look after her for years and never complained, but there comes a point when you just can't keep on expecting them to do it.

Three months after moving into the care home, M-i-l seems to have forgotten that she ever lived anywhere else... which is sad, but less stressful for her.

[Votive]

Posts: 3885 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

 - Posted      Profile for Sarasa   Email Sarasa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
((Mrs S)) - How are the Dowager's fingers and head today? Is there anyway of suggesting that she goes into the home she liked for a couple of weeks until the bruises go down? Hopefully you can then keep on extending the stay. If you have LPA for health maybe now is the time to get tough.
((Penny S)) - I totally agree with CK. You are not a hotel. I think you need to be getting M out of your house and back into her own home as quickly as possible, otherwsie you'll have a permanant house guest.
My mother keeps on complaining that housework and shopping are too much, but I know if I suggest getting help in she'll say she doesn't need it. I think I need one of Jane R's tactful ways of suggesting it. I'm taking my cousin over to see her on Saturday. Said cousin hasn't seen mum for about four or five years, so I'll be interested in what she thinks about how mum is now.

[ 26. July 2017, 08:51: Message edited by: Sarasa ]

--------------------
'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 1900 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

 - Posted      Profile for Lothlorien   Email Lothlorien   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I went to visit dad shortly after he went into care. He told me mum was doing the washing, out to lunch, gone for a walk, walked to shops etc. Then said she would be home shprtly. He had no idea at all where he was.

--------------------
Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

Posts: 9347 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

 - Posted      Profile for Lothlorien   Email Lothlorien   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
PennyS - this particular hotel does not provide melted cheese at 2:30am. Room service and the kitchen are off duty until a reasonable hour. Support is provided for emergencies only within reasonable sleeping hours.
.

Exactly.

--------------------
Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

Posts: 9347 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Sarasa:
quote:
My mother keeps on complaining that housework and shopping are too much, but I know if I suggest getting help in she'll say she doesn't need it. I think I need one of Jane R's tactful ways of suggesting it.
Wasn't my idea. M-i-l's former cleaner/minder/all-around good egg discovered that it was better to *tell* her that they were going to do something than to *ask* if she wanted to. So, instead of saying 'Would you like some breakfast', 'It's breakfast time, how many pieces of toast would you like?'. Or 'It's time to go out now, let's find your shoes so you can put them on.'

Very like managing a toddler in some ways. We try to give her as much opportunity to choose what to do as possible, but she's getting to the point where being offered a choice (let's say, which top to wear) sends her into agonies of indecision. [Frown]

[ 26. July 2017, 10:13: Message edited by: Jane R ]

Posts: 3885 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

 - Posted      Profile for Brenda Clough   Author's homepage   Email Brenda Clough   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
As with being taught how to drive, sometimes it's tons easier to NOT have family members involved. An outside carer is free of all these family dynamics.

--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

Posts: 5435 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

 - Posted      Profile for Sarasa   Email Sarasa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Five years ago we moved from being fifteen minutes away from my mother by car to being over an hour away. We also sold the car so I get there by public transport (two trains and a bus). At the time mum seemed to think we were deliberately moving away from her. We weren't. there were lots of good reasons for the move, but am I glad we did so. I get regular phone calls about 'problems' , today it was about the answer machine, that I know I'd have to jump in the car and sort out. At least being this far away and not being an emergency I can say I'll sort it on Saturday.
I agree with what Ethne Alba says about nto feeling safe. I think my mother is finding the world more and more confusing, and is working very hard to convince us all she can cope.
To go back to the retirement home debate. My brother, K, took her to look at a retirement village near where he lives five years ago. According to my sister-in-law K made the big mistake of showing her the communal areas first which put her in mind of care homes. Even though she liked the available flat she turned the idea down. To be fair I wasn't sure that it was a good idea either. At the time mum's social life was still very active and I though she'd miss them all if she moved. Now I wish she'd done it.

--------------------
'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 1900 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002

 - Posted      Profile for The Intrepid Mrs S   Email The Intrepid Mrs S   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Well, after another few phone calls and a night's repose (albeit disturbed) we have come to the conclusion that the choice is stark. Either the Dowager goes into care, or she stays at home until either she falls and doesn't get up again*, or the emergency services draw the line at picking her up and insist she goes into a home.

*She might prefer that, I know.

She was like the Pharisee in the temple when we visited the homes - 'Thank God I am not like these poor souls' [Killing me] However, in the light of my new-found comprehension of her condition, I have arranged for a second care visit at tea-time to make sure she eats a hot meal. While she is so battered she won't be going out, so there will be no issues about 'waiting in for somebody'.

I hope that once she is used to the idea she will just forget that it was ever any other way.

She keeps saying that no-one cares about her (except me, on a good day) but her window-cleaner was saying to Mr. S that he was concerned about her memory getting bad, and her cleaner rang me yesterday to bring me up to date on how she was and who had come to visit her (the doctor, unbidden except by another neighbour who had mentioned Mum to him [Eek!] ). I suppose it's no wonder she doesn't want to move...

I must continue looking at care homes, so that I am not totally taken by surprise when and if she changes her mind, or someone changes it for her [Roll Eyes]

Mrs. S, praying for others in the same state

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1356 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Yes, falling and 'not getting up again' is a good way to go in some ways - that's what happened to one of our neighbours. Massive stroke, collapsed on his bedroom floor, still alive when found but died a week later without regaining consciousness... but what about you? Or whoever finds her? We (and all the other neighbours) were left wondering how long he'd been lying there (probably about 24 hours), whether it would have made any difference if he'd been found earlier, etc. etc.
Posts: 3885 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

 - Posted      Profile for Huia   Email Huia   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
As with being taught how to drive, sometimes it's tons easier to NOT have family members involved. An outside carer is free of all these family dynamics.

I felt really guilty for ages that my -sister-in-law ended up with Enduring Power of Attorney for both my father and my brother with Parkinson's (she's not his wife). When Dad was forced into Respite care I talked to Gail, the Head Nurse and admitted how pathetic I felt. She said, "I couldn't do this for my own mother either. The Residents and I don't have a history - it makes it easier." That was so helpful.

Dad took a few months to settle in to the place, then he really got involved, baking scones, joining the secret blokes group, and a trip to the local pub where he met someone else who had sailed on coastal traders. The family had to ring at specific times around the activities the staff organised.

Yesterday my brother moved into a new care facility because the old one is closing [Waterworks] . I don't know how he will cope, but at least some of the people from the old place have moved there too. He has his cat with him, but she's gone walkabout so I hope she shows up soon. I'm going up to check things out on his birthday in August,

Huia

--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10022 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

 - Posted      Profile for Lothlorien   Email Lothlorien   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
"You put me inhere to die,". Said the exMr L's grandmother accusingly. "I looked after my mother till she died."

What she did not say was that she herself had broken knee and hip on same side, was never one to cook and could hardly move. Her mother took ill and died three days later. Not quite the same as what she was trying to make out. She had been basically bedridden for years except for wheelchair outing to church on Sunday. We continued this while she was able to go. Otherwise she continued he life her life in bed.

--------------------
Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

Posts: 9347 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128

 - Posted      Profile for Baptist Trainfan   Email Baptist Trainfan   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Lothlorien:
She had been basically bedridden for years except for wheelchair outing to church on Sunday.

And did everyone at church say how "marvellous" she was for coming?
Posts: 9284 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

 - Posted      Profile for Lothlorien   Email Lothlorien   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Of course. However she was held in some regard. Came to Australia for her health from Scotland in her teens, she lived till 98 here. Something worked.

--------------------
Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

Posts: 9347 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

 - Posted      Profile for Penny S     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
To clarify, I am not providing melted cheese in the night. Her son is, as he stays up to ensure her safety until she beds down.

Last stay, she remained on hospital time, which was helpful. She has now gone back to her normal vampiric circadian rhythm, which isn't. But I am upstairs asleep and unaware.

Things are progressing slowly, but progressing.

Today I have had waiting for the AA to mend a puncture outside a station after delivering her son to a train, and am now waiting for the District Nurse wave function to collapse before I can embark on anything else.

Posts: 5767 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

 - Posted      Profile for Sarasa   Email Sarasa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Penny S - I think making cheese on toast at 2.30 is only pandering to D's time clock. Fine if she wants to live that way, but I don't think her son (or you) should too. I really hope her house gets sorted sooner rather than later. When it does, refuse to have her back if it goes pear shaped.
Mrs S. - Are you looking at homes near the Dowager or near you?
Huia - I hope your brother settles into the new care home quickly, and that his cat returns safe. I certainly think an aged parent swop would be a good idea. It's so much easier being patient with my m-i-l than with my mother.
No phone calls (yet) from my mother today, which is usually a good sign.
Praying for all who post in this thread [Votive]

[ 27. July 2017, 12:38: Message edited by: Sarasa ]

--------------------
'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 1900 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002

 - Posted      Profile for The Intrepid Mrs S   Email The Intrepid Mrs S   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Sarasa - at the moment, near the Dowager (who, from 'I'm putty in your hands, dear' on Saturday is now back to her normal - um - argumentative self! No, she doesn't need a second care visit, she can cook her meals just fine (can, but doesn't!) But yes, while she still has friends who would visit I am looking there; also remember she is only even considering thinking about the possibility of respite care!

As in 'you've put me here to die', doesn't it make you wonder, though, what they think *will* happen to them, eventually? Mum said once to me 'when will it end, this cycle of hospital trips and doctor's visits?'

Biting back the response 'when you're in your coffin, mother dear' I had to wonder if she was entirely serious - but she was!

Mr. S's mother pulled the 'falling down and not getting up' trick - she fell down the stairs on one Sunday morning due to an aortic aneurysm. Sunday was the day you could guarantee Mr. S would ring her, so eventually he had to ask her dear neighbour to go in - I wish that hadn't had to happen.

I did wonder, later, when we found she'd stopped taking all her medication, how deliberate that ending had been [Confused]

Mrs. S, on better terms with her mother's medical centre staff than her own! [Frown]

--------------------
Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1356 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

 - Posted      Profile for Nenya     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I did laugh at Cuthman and the wheelbarrow.

Thoughts and prayers for everyone posting here. I do hope there's a satisfactory resolution for the Dowager and the whole Intrepid Family soon. [Votive]

--------------------
They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

 - Posted      Profile for Penny S     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
My Dad did the falling down and not getting up thing, quite out of the blue, outside Cirencester police station. Also aortic aneurysm. I had been looking forward to giving him some proper home cooked meals over half term week, but been delayed by obnoxious behaviour by a neighbour which I had to deal with as Company Secretary of the freehold company. Got down there, he wanted to get some things in town, off we went, only for him to do that on his way back to the car. I had realised he wasn't himself earlier as he slipped on his way into the car after posting some things to a cousin, and was expecting to have to move down there to do what I am doing now, and probably more personal stuff as well. I think he would not have liked that.
He stood there, looked puzzled, and fell, and I was out of the car and across the carpark like a shot, but he had gone.

Posts: 5767 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

 - Posted      Profile for Huia   Email Huia   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I really hope I go like that (not for some time though), but it can be a shock to friends and family.

My brother's cat has returned [Yipee] Two of the staff from the place he just moved out of came down to find her. I am so grateful to them.

Huia

[ 28. July 2017, 00:03: Message edited by: Huia ]

--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10022 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

 - Posted      Profile for Piglet   Email Piglet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Glad to hear about the cat! [Yipee]

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19402 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

 - Posted      Profile for Sarasa   Email Sarasa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
So glad about the cat Huia, and I hope your brother is settling in OK in the new home.
Mrs S - how's the dowager doing?
My cousin, J, came to spend the weekend and we went to visit mum yesterday. I took a back seat while mum gave her an account of the great love of her life (aka tour rep from five years ago). Afterwards J said he sounds like a total chancer, as mum has now built this up into a great romance with a beautiful man fifty years younger than her. I think a good 70% of it is mum's wishful hopes rather than actual events. What was most worrying was that mum had appeared to forget that J is the daughter of her late sister . Mum spoke about her sister to J as though she was someone J had never met. She did realise later that she'd made a mistake, and fortunately my cousin is very easy going. I'm sure her sister in a similar situation would have been really upset at my mum's version of their mother's ill health and death.
On the whole J thought mum was doing well for her age, and I tend to agree, it doesn't make her wandering stories and refusal to accept getting help in any easier though.

--------------------
'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 1900 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

 - Posted      Profile for Zappa   Email Zappa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Off to see the aged one (200 kms away) ... she's been having falls, and can't move far. Rang her before but no answer, which is a little strange as she was expecting me to ring ... and can't move far from the phone.

Doubt there's a problem, but these are the annoying things. Lucky I'm unemployed.

--------------------
shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18742 | From: scarily close to 40° | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

 - Posted      Profile for Huia   Email Huia   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Zappa, best wishes for your visit.

I'm visiting my brother on Friday week as it's his birthday. I don't know much about the speed at which Parkinson's progresses, so I don't know if this is the last birthday where he will be aware of what's going on around him or not. but I'm taking a Black Forest gateau, if the local Cake Kitchen still makes them.

My Sister-in-law has just visited and found him asleep in his chair and the cat asleep on his bed, so they both seem to be settling OK. The cat now has her ramp out of the bedroom window to
an enclosed courtyard in place, so the temptation to visit other residents should lessen in time.

Huia

--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10022 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

 - Posted      Profile for Jengie jon   Author's homepage   Email Jengie jon   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
Zappa, best wishes for your visit.

I don't know much about the speed at which Parkinson's progresses, so I don't know if this is the last birthday where he will be aware of what's going on around him or not.
Huia

Huia

According to my cousin (an NZ doctor), when asked whether her father's progression with Parkinson was typical, there is no such thing as typical progression with Parkinson's.

Jengie

--------------------
"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

Walking 18 miles to help Refugees get an education.

Posts: 20584 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

 - Posted      Profile for Zappa   Email Zappa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
drove down and had no reply to several phone calls en route so was a bit apprehensive ... she's okay but had had another fall and was feeling fairly frail.

Blames the meds, of course ... not sure what the pendulum is saying.

Sees a neurologist on Monday. I think there could be issues.

--------------------
shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18742 | From: scarily close to 40° | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

 - Posted      Profile for Lothlorien   Email Lothlorien   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Hope all goes well at that visit. Even if neurologist can see how to help, will she accept it?

--------------------
Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

Posts: 9347 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

 - Posted      Profile for Piglet   Email Piglet   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Votive] Zappa and your mum. [Votive]

--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19402 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

 - Posted      Profile for Huia   Email Huia   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Jengie, Thanks. On reading your reply I think some medical person may have told me that just after he was tentatively diagnosed, but I didn't take it in properly, because I was so angry.

He was far more accepting, and when the doctor said, 'I think you have Parkinson's' he said 'I wondered if that was what it was.'

Huia

--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10022 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

 - Posted      Profile for Sarasa   Email Sarasa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Zappa - hope the neurologist visit goes well. Are you (or someone else in the family) going with her? I know when my mum goes to appointments on her own I hear what sounds like a credible report back from her about what was said. When I go with her I realise how selective she is in what she pays attention to.

--------------------
'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 1900 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
5.30 am call from care home today, informing us that M-i-l had had a bad fall and been taken to hospital. Turns out she has broken her hip; operation tomorrow. We went to visit her and she has a nice private room in the 'elderly' ward (I think that's code for patients with dementia as you have to negotiate a locked door to get into her ward). She seemed OK, though somewhat more confused than usual, but we've no idea how long it will take for her to recover... probably they'll have a better idea after the op.
Posts: 3885 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

 - Posted      Profile for Zappa   Email Zappa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sarasa:
Zappa - hope the neurologist visit goes well. Are you (or someone else in the family) going with her? I know when my mum goes to appointments on her own I hear what sounds like a credible report back from her about what was said. When I go with her I realise how selective she is in what she pays attention to.

She doesn't want us "interfering"! However I think my sister will gate crash the party.

The Aged Parent was actually in good shape - well, very frail, but still - throughout the day yesterday.

--------------------
shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18742 | From: scarily close to 40° | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

 - Posted      Profile for Zappa   Email Zappa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Lothlorien:
Hope all goes well at that visit. Even if neurologist can see how to help, will she accept it?

Depends what the pendulum says! More seriously, I think she has huge hopes that this neurologist, despite not being a naturopath, will wave a wand and she'll be 45 again.

[ 02. August 2017, 19:15: Message edited by: Zappa ]

--------------------
shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18742 | From: scarily close to 40° | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  ...  31  32  33  34  35  36  37 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
Check out Reform magazine
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
  ship of fools