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Source: (consider it) Thread: Aging Parents
JoannaP
Shipmate
# 4493

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Having just got back from a week-end away for a family wedding, I realised that I am more comfortable with having to "mother" my mother; making sure that she has got everything, looking out for ramps, planning ahead so I can tell her what we are going to do instead of expecting her to make decisions etc.

It feels both more comfortable and sad, if that makes sense. But most of all I am grateful that we can still go away and have fun together.

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"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin

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Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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Yes that makes sense.

There are a whole lot of little griefs with relating to aging parents. For me a silly one was when my mother first did not check I was ok when I got up in the middle of the night. She kept doing this when I visited well into retirement but eventually she became so deaf so she did not hear me moving around and therefore no longer disturbed when I was.

I am used to it now, but there is also something poignant about that absence.

Jengie

[ 05. June 2011, 16:20: Message edited by: Jengie Jon ]

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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

Walking 18 miles to help Refugees get an education.

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Eleanor Jane
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# 13102

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Hello again all,

I posted a few months back about my mother who has terminal (stage four) cancer. I'm sitting at work feeling a bit sad and ick 'cos she's been getting much frailer over the last few weeks.

She has a bad fall and injured her knee and has been falling regularly since then. Last night she fell in her bathroom and couldn't get back to bed for hours then was too confused to work the telephone. The hospice nurse has been to sort her out with lots of things including a 'lifelink' alarm so she can just press a button to call an ambulance.

It's hard seeing people we love go downhill, be less able and competent... [Frown]

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Marama
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# 330

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A crisis has arrived, though it may not be as bad as at first feared. MIL is in rehab after a fall, and may or may not be able to go back home. So far, as expected, sooner or later.

What has stunned me is the response of one of our adult daughters, very strongly suggesting that we should give our jobs, and return to look after MIL. (We live in another country, at least for the next couple of years.) She knows that my relationship with MIL has been tense for 35 years, but says it's my duty. I really don't know how to cope with this. Other daughter disagrees.

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Lamb Chopped
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Has she considered the very real possibility that MIL may feel exactly as you do???

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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quote:
Originally posted by Marama:

What has stunned me is the response of one of our adult daughters, very strongly suggesting that we should give our jobs, and return to look after MIL. (We live in another country, at least for the next couple of years.)

You could always tell her that, as you are out of the country, you have nominated her to take your place. She may then rapidly change her mind. [Big Grin]

I know from family conversations in the past that there remains a lingering black-and-white view of care: from the days when it was either 'in a (ghastly) home' or 24/7 by a close relative. These days there are so many options, designed to suit all circumstances, residential, sheltered, part-time, carers in your own home, day centres, respite care, etc. etc. and plenty of advice to make sure which option you choose is the best one for your relative. It sounds as if she is harking back to the past.

I also wonder what convenient excuse she will come up with in the future (when you are old) as to how and why she can't possibly do what she is demanding that you do, one generation earlier.

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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

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Eleanor Jane
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quote:
Originally posted by Marama:
A crisis has arrived, though it may not be as bad as at first feared. MIL is in rehab after a fall, and may or may not be able to go back home. So far, as expected, sooner or later.

What has stunned me is the response of one of our adult daughters, very strongly suggesting that we should give our jobs, and return to look after MIL. (We live in another country, at least for the next couple of years.) She knows that my relationship with MIL has been tense for 35 years, but says it's my duty. I really don't know how to cope with this. Other daughter disagrees.

Humph! Maybe you should suggest that you strongly feel that it's *her* duty to give up her job and look after her grandmother!

How to cope? Just say no. Your daughters (both of them) don't get to tell you how to live your life, I think.

Other good suggestions above.

An update on my situation... Mum has been in the hospice for the past couple of weeks. They've been feeding and looking after her well, but she's had some really bad days with pain. And she seems to be getting weaker very quickly.

She'd like to go home, but struggles with getting in and out of bed (even an adjustable hospital bed). So, we'll see...

Also, we're going on a two week overseas trip and I'm a bit worried about how fast she's been going downhill recently. I guess we just have to pray and try to enjoy our trip.

This is a complicated situation (have ill/ aging parents) and different for everyone in some ways.
[Votive] for us all.

Cheers,
EJ

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Nanny Ogg

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# 1176

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Just got back from visiting my mother who has dementia following a series of minor strokes. It was a shock to see her so frail and helpless. She can't use her hands (no grip), is unable to walk and has lost her ability to speak apart from yes and no, although she does try to talk to us.

I was grateful that she recognised me as through my ill health I hadn't seen her since December. She still has her sense of humour as does laugh and smile.

The nursing home have a "hands off" approach if family are visiting. I found it difficult at first feeding her and giving her a drink, but I saw it as a privilege as it was a very intimate time.

Strangely her illness has brought us closer together (we used to argue all the time). I guess healing her body is not possible, but healing our relationship is a blessing

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Buy me a beer and I'm you friend forever

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birdie

fowl
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Well, Dad has been to the memory clinic, had a couple more GP visits and finally been diagnosed with Parkinson's.

He had a fall at the weekend and was taken to hospital - he told me on the phone this evening that actually it was the third fall of the little walk he went for, but the only one with an audience - right outside the village fish & chip shop, the customers and staff of which rushed about and called an ambulance.

He's now under strict instructions not to leave the house alone!

I'm hoping to get over there for a couple of days with the children over the summber holiday. It will be nice to see Dad in his familiar home environment rather than him visiting here - I feel I'd get a better idea of how he is.

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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow

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birdie

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Went to my parents' place today for the day. Dad has deteriorated markedly from when I last saw him, just a month ago. To the point I'm not sure he should be left alone in the house, but I'm also very aware that I'm not on the spot enough to know if this had been a particularly bad day (I had both my kids with me and they are very tiring!), or what.

My mum is very fit and active and, as they say, 'wonderful for her age' but her age is nonetheless 81. If Dad continues to deteriorate at the current rate I don't know how long it will be before she's not able to look after him herself, which will be devastating to her.

Bother it.

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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow

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Taliesin
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Marama -
while I agree with the advice above 100% (don't even consider 'having' to move job, house and country or even feel guilty about it)
I just wanted to mention what jumped at me - is your daughter just sad that you went abroad and left her and is using 'duty to Grandma' as a way of expressing that? Still not a reason for you to move, but you might want to talk about it...

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Boogie

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quote:
Originally posted by birdie:


My mum is very fit and active and, as they say, 'wonderful for her age' but her age is nonetheless 81. If Dad continues to deteriorate at the current rate I don't know how long it will be before she's not able to look after him herself, which will be devastating to her.

Bother it.

[Frown] [Votive] birdie


I'm looking after my Mum this weekend at my brother's farm to give him and my SIL time off.

She's 91 and has severe dementia. This week she went on to baby food as she's forgotten how to chew.

This is exactly like looking after a baby - and every change is another slip backwards.

I want to ask anyone who's been here - what's next? Will she eventually be unable to swallow? (She often pushes the food back out and seems to find swallowing hard - and the doctor and dentist say there is nothing physically wrong) If so does that mean she'll starve or will 'they' tube feed her?

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
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At her great age, I would hope that you and your siblings could refuse any inclination of the medical staff to tube-feed her. That is a complete indignity which she would not understand. Even younger elders otherwise in their right minds will attempt to dislodge the tube.

Prayers to you and your Mother.

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Even more so than I was before

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sabine
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quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:

I want to ask anyone who's been here - what's next? Will she eventually be unable to swallow? (She often pushes the food back out and seems to find swallowing hard - and the doctor and dentist say there is nothing physically wrong) If so does that mean she'll starve or will 'they' tube feed her?

I participate in the care of my 91-year-old parents. My mother "died" once and because my father had told no one about their advance directive, the EMTs were required by law to paddle her back into a heartbeat and then she went on a vent until--by some miracle, even the doctors say--she revived.

If your parents haven't already made a living will or advance directive, it may be too late if they are not of sound mind. But you might search through their papers or call their lawyer to see if they have anything on record about receiving or withholding nourishment in the event that their doctor determines that this would not prolong life.

I can also say that I used to visit a woman in a nursing home who was being fed through a tube. She mentioned that she desperately missed the taste and satisfaction of food. So some of us decided to give her other senses a treat. We brought her lotion for her skin, some scented infusers, music to listen to, etc.

sabine

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"Hunger looks like the man that hunger is killing." Eduardo Galeano

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JoannaP
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Boogie,

I did know some-one from church who had early onset dementia and, yes, he did lose the ability to swallow. [Frown]

I second what PeteC said; "they" ought not to tube feed her against the will of her next of kin. I am fairly sure that tube feeding is a form of medical treatment under UK law and can therefore be refused.

[Votive] for you and your brother & SiL

--------------------
"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
This week she went on to baby food as she's forgotten how to chew.

That happened to my mother also, who had Lewey Body dementia.

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

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birdie

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Boogie, my experience of tube feeding is in the case of a child unable to swallow (my daughter, 3), so not exactly the same issue, but if it gets to that point and you need any info about the practicalities feel free to ask.

We did NG for the first 17 months and now she's gastro fed.

[ 13. August 2011, 17:33: Message edited by: birdie ]

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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow

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CuppaT
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My dad's in hospital this week and they are determining if he is strong enough to withstand open heart surgery or not. Either way one of us siblings or in-laws will have to move in and help with mom as she has dementia. I'll take my turn with the rest.

There are 6 of us sibs, and the reactions vary widely. Some are weepy and upset. Some are take charge and bossy. Some are whiney because they don't talk to others due to grudges and are hence left out of the loop except in a round about way. Me? I don't know! It almost seems I have waited a long time for my parents to pass on and end an era, and I feel guilty for thinking that. I would be upset if one of my sisters or my brother were dying, but not my parents. My love for them is flawed, and I know that. I do the best that I can and have always been a good daughter. My children love their grandparents, which is one of the highest gifts I have given them considering my background. But when it comes down to it all I can do is what I always have done and leave my dad to God's care.

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Stand at the brink of the abyss of despair, and when you see that you cannot bear it any longer, draw back a little and have a cup of tea.
~Elder Sophrony

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Tukai
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quote:
Originally posted by Taliesin:
Marama -
while I agree with the advice above 100% (don't even consider 'having' to move job, house and country or even feel guilty about it)
I just wanted to mention what jumped at me - is your daughter just sad that you went abroad and left her and is using 'duty to Grandma' as a way of expressing that? Still not a reason for you to move, but you might want to talk about it...

Since Marama's MIL is also my mother, I feel I can comment on this. Yes, I think daughter's reaction involves a good deal of what you suggest. That's the bad news.

The good news is that aged mother's condition was not a s bad as we had feared. While she did go temporarily deluded, it transpired that this was not the result of a stroke as we had feared, but of a combination of [prescribed] painkillers, pain from a previously undiagnosed hairline fracture, and a urinary tract infection. It therefore passed off with time and addition of appropriate drugs and subtraction of others. So no long-term ill effects, and she has returned to her own home in reasonably good condition. As Australia's aged care system has provision for 'at-home' help fro a few hours per week, she is managing OK 'on her own'.

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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.

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Boogie

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quote:
Originally posted by Tukai:


The good news is that aged mother's condition was not a s bad as we had feared. While she did go temporarily deluded, it transpired that this was not the result of a stroke as we had feared, but of a combination of [prescribed] painkillers, pain from a previously undiagnosed hairline fracture, and a urinary tract infection. It therefore passed off with time and addition of appropriate drugs and subtraction of others. So no long-term ill effects, and she has returned to her own home in reasonably good condition. As Australia's aged care system has provision for 'at-home' help fro a few hours per week, she is managing OK 'on her own'.

Phew!

What a relief for you. UTI's often cause strange delusions in the elderly.

I hope she continues to do well.


[Votive]

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Tukai
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I'm bumping this thread up, as I bet it's still a concern to others as well as to me in 2012.

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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.

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bib
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# 13074

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Diet modification is common in people who have neurological conditions or who have had strokes. Such regimes are usually supervised by a Speech Pathologist to ensure that the person is still able to eat without choking. It does not mean that the person has to be treated like a baby. Sometimes it becomes necessary to insert a peg for feeding where safe swallowing isn't possible. The patient is always able to refuse diet modifications, but in my experience it is more of a problem for families than patients.

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"My Lord, my Life, my Way, my End, accept the praise I bring"

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maleveque
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# 132

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Thanks for the bump-up, Tukai, because I need to vent.
My dad is in a nursing home. He has Alzheimer's, Type 2 diabetes, macular degeneration, and very low kidney function.
My mom has been dealing with social services re: Medicaid payments for his long-term care. It's all messed up and she gets bills from the nursing home, which is unnerving even though the nursing home people say they are working on getting it all sorted out.
She called me today in tears because the house needs lots of expensive work that she is putting on credit cards. She didn't have hot water for days, now has a new water heater that the technician would not turn on because the chimney vent was completely blocked. So now she has to get someone to clear the chimney.
We have talked about her selling the house. One complication is that my mid-fifties brother lives there too. In general, that's good, but he's been living there more or less for free for years. And now I doubt he could afford even a little apartment.
I said again that she has to sell the house, which she accepts in the abstract.
There are lots and lots of complicating emotional issues as well, including bad feelings about her having put my dad in the nursing home to begin with.
Then she drops the bombshell that she hasn't filed taxes in two years. Oh Lord. "I don't owe them anything." Yeah, well that's not really relevant, is it? And are you sure about that?
Arrrggghhh! Thanks for listening.
Anne L.

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Life isn't all fricasseed frogs and eel pie.

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Nenya
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# 16427

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Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread, and for the "bump" as I had missed it before.

I have my 92-next-week-year-old mother living 2.5 hours away (by car; longer by public transport) with my eldest brother who is her full time carer. She is basically bedridden but mentally sound. He is eccentric and a social misfit but does a cracking job of caring for her. Our other brother lived with his partner 20 minutes away from them and did a lot of practical things for them, visited Mum every day when she's been hospitalised at times, and managed all her financial affairs. But at the end of November this brother died unexpectedly. [Tear]

We're now trying to pick up where the paperwork was left and setting up Power of Attorney while Mum is still with-it enough to grant it. She and my brother tick along fine but it's a fragile situation; what if she is hospitalised again, or something happens to the brother who is her carer? It's a bit scary. [Eek!]

It's also motivated me to make sure Mr Nen's and my affairs are as in order as possible; we plan to update our wills, for a start. Is it really the case that in the event of a spouse's death any joint bank accounts are frozen (I'm in the UK)? [Eek!] What steps do you take, then, to make sure utility bills etc are still paid? Maybe this should be the subject of another thread but I'm relatively new and scared of doing the wrong thing here. [Hot and Hormonal]

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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Gwai
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Nenya, you are probably aware of this, but since my paranoia is why I earn the big hosting bucks,* I just want to remind you and everyone that the ship is not a place to get reliable legal advice.

Gwai
All Saints Host


*lies

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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


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Nenya
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# 16427

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Eek! [Eek!] Have I said the wrong thing again? [Eek!] *Runs and hides*

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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Tukai
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# 12960

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Nenya:

Don't feel too bad! You have asked a perfectly sensible question. Our host is just warning you (perfectly correctly) that the Ship is not a source of reliable legal advice.

That said, here are a couple of hints that may help you to obtain such advice.
(1) Ask your bank - they should know about the conditions on your account, and even now should tell you authoritatively without charging for the information.
(2) I don't know about Britain, but in Australia (which has a broadly similar legal system) a joint account, if it is set up so that either account holder can sign without needing the other to co-sign, does not form part of a deceased estate. On the contrary, the surviving holder carries on as sole owner without any requirement for probate or other delays.

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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.

Posts: 563 | From: Oz | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged
Morlader
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# 16040

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Not offering advice, just recounting recent UK experience...

As I was "putting my affairs in order" last year I researched the joint account situation. My partner and I have an account in joint names to pay household bills: I was told that the surviving partner continues to operate the joint account without delays/probate etc. as Tukai said.

HTH. But get advice, not least because there may be grey areas around direct debits.

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.. to utmost west.

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JoannaP
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# 4493

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This is several years ago now but my grandfather was told by his bank manager to make his bank account joint so that, in the event of his death, my grandmother would still be able to get at the money. It worked so well that Dad did the same about a week after my grandfather died.

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"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin

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Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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Among other places, my Mum has been grateful for advice from Age UK

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"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com

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Nenya
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# 16427

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Some really useful comments and pointers here; thank you. [Smile]

Maleveque, my eldest brother (in his 60s) has also lived in the family home for many years, sometimes earning a bit of an income and sometimes not. He helped Mum nurse our dad at home till he died, and now he is paid to be Mum's carer, but once she no longer needs one I don't know what his plans are. [Eek!]

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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I apologise for the double posting. I'm just embarking on applying for Power of Attorney for my mum and would be glad of a few shared experiences from people who've done it. It seems a very longwinded process; once it's filled in there's another long form to register it. And is it the case, as someone told me last night, that you then have to approach every single financial institution she's involved with and supply them with a copy, plus your passport and two utility bills, to register it with each one? [Eek!] I hate paperwork and am so out of my comfort zone... [Frown]

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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The Kat in the Hat
Shipmate
# 2557

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We filed for Power of Attorney - yes, the forms are long, but really straight forward to do (you can fill most of them in on-line, then print them out). Once they were sent off it took about 3 months to come back as registered. We are in the process of getting copies made, you can't just photocopy it, each page needs to be signed to say it is an accurate copy. A friend who is a solicitor is doing that for us.
Luckily my father-in-law has only one bank account, the same bank as us, so I don't think that should be too difficult.

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Less is more ...

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Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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Phew - that was a difficult few days. Mum fell out of bed on Saturday night - luckily my niece and her husband were on hand (both are paramedics) so no hospital trip was needed. She has no memory, so the trauma was all mine! We are all very keen to keep her out of hospital or care home - she is happy and comfortable with us. (She lives with my brother and SIL and I go to look after her so that they can go to their boat for respite) It takes us nearly an hour to get her to drink a cup of tea - there's no way they'd do that at a care home.

Must get a bed guard sorted (We have a good crash mat so no bruises or breaks, thank goodness)

This is hard [Tear]

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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Prayers for you, Boogie. It's a hard time and emotionally and physically draining for you all. [Votive]

You sound at much the same place as we are with my mum. She is basically bedridden but has all her mental faculties (apart from being rather forgetful of recent things) and my eldest brother is her full time carer. She wouldn't get one-to-one care even in the best nursing home, so we plan to keep that situation stable for as long as we can.

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

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Prayers for both of you, Boogie and Nenya. Been in both at home and nursing home care for my dad who died some years ago. It's very hard watching illnesses and colds and yes, falls too. Recovery never returns them to quite the same point as before, there's always that bit more deterioration.

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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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We filled in the forms for power of attorney for my mum at the weekend, all certified and witnessed by a family friend. The next stage is for me to fill in another load of forms and send it off to be registered. A lot of my problem is lack of confidence really. The forms are fairly straightforward, but Mr Nen has to sit with me to make sure I'm doing it all ok. [Hot and Hormonal]

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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Evensong
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# 14696

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Hello all.

I'm dealing with a tricky situation with an aged uncle that lives alone in London and pretty much refuses to come here to Australia so his family can care for him.

Just a couple of questions for those of you that live in England and know something about English law.

1) If he becomes physically and mentally incapacitated but has no family that will care for him in England, is he appointed a legal guardian by the government to care for his legal affairs?

2) Is it normal for people with no relatives to go into nursing homes in this case? Or would the government arrange home help?

Also, do any of you know if the postal system in England can arrange for postal redirection to a foreign country? i.e. If he came here for a visit, would the postal service be able to send his post here?

Thanks in advance for any advice!

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Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076

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All should feel free to answer Evensong with their opinions, but another of those host notes that the Ship is not a place to receive legal advice, and does not stand by such advice given on it.

Gwai
All Saints Host

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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


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Evensong
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# 14696

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I will not hold the ship nor anyone responsible for legal advice. Scouts honour! [Big Grin]

It's just so hard to operate from so far away....just trying to get some ideas.

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a theological scrapbook

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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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I'm finding it hard enough to deal with some of Dad's stuff when he's in the North Island and I'm in the South, different countries would be a nightmare.

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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Evensong, the only thing I can say from experience of such a situation is that Nothing is Automatic. Is there anyone who sees him regularly who would be aware if he was failing to cope, and be prepared to take the time and effort to get social services involved?

In the case of my late FiL, if the woman who originally just came in a couple of hours a week to clean had not been prepared to organise a great deal on his behalf, he could not have continued in his own home. Even so, his children, having got Power of Attorney, were in process of rescuing his finances and structuring them to pay for residential care when he died.

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Huia
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# 3473

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Rang my Dad today. He's sounding so frail. Then I got a call from the community Nurse saying he will get more help from tomorrow and next week will be assessed as to whether he should go into care.

It's hard to watch him going downhill, both physically and mentally. He's been in pain recently and I think it's only because of that he's more willing to consider it. I'm sorry about the pain, but I'm relieved he will be looked after better than just having a carer.

I'm sending him some crunchy lemon muffins tomorrow - I hope they help raise his spirits as they are his favourites.

Huia

[ 31. January 2012, 09:13: Message edited by: Huia ]

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10032 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454

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Evensong - I've never heard of legal guardian so can't answer anything about that, people can have power of attorney to deal with the business of incapacited people but I have never come across a state appointed one, the ones I have known have always been family and friends who have applied for it.

The carers/care home situation I can only say it depends. It depends on the local authority and how physiclly and mentally incapacitated he is and of course if he is on social services/medical radar in the first place, many do slip thorugh the net.

If he is a home owner and goes into any sort of residential care then he may have to sell his home to pay for it. Again the rules around who pays exactly what depend on circumstances.

It really needs an expert to inform his family of the possibilities.

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Beethoven

Ship's deaf genius
# 114

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As far as the postal redirect is concerned, I don't *think* the post office will forward stuff to another country. Their website is usually pretty helpful, though.

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Who wants to be a rock anyway?

toujours gai!

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Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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This page from the Royal Mail website says that it is possible.

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Even more so than I was before

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Drifting Star

Drifting against the wind
# 12799

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Evensong, normally the relevant Adult Social Services department (county council or unitary council function) would go to the Court of Protection and ask for themselves to be appointed as legal guardian.

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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus

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ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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This is the link for the government page on the court of protection. It might give you a place to start.

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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

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Evensong
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# 14696

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G'day again folks.

Many, many thanks for your input. I've relayed alot of it (and bookmarked the links) to my mum (even more aged than my uncle is but in better health) that is currently looking after him in London.

I never thought of the power of attorney issue (even tho I have power of attorney of her affairs here ) and recommended she get him to arrange one with a relative that is a solicitor in London.

She has alerted the social services and asked the neighbors to look on him occasionally.

She is disappointed he is not coming back to Australia with her when she returns shortly but has done her best to set him up so he has people he can call if he has another nervous breakdown.

[Votive] [Votive] For all those living with these difficult issues.

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a theological scrapbook

Posts: 9471 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696

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My mother left my uncle a few days ago to stay with my sister in California before returning to Australia.

She gets a call from him at 3am begging her to return as he can't cope. [Frown]

So she's going back to London (with my sister in tow this time) to help him pack up and sell the house and come to Australia.

It's sad he is in such a state. But I'm also pleased and excited that he has finally consented to moving to Australia.

It'll be great for my kids to have a great uncle around. They've only met him once.

And as my father passed away 18 months ago and my mother has been a bit lonely, it will be a perfect arrangement for them to live together.

[Yipee]

Now we just have to pray he doesn't change his mind again!

Posts: 9471 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged



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