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Source: (consider it) Thread: Aging Parents
The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002

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Oh dear, indeed, Sarasa.

Worst visit ever to the Dowager today at Care Home 2. Mr S came with me, as we are now off househunting, and between us we took in her TV from home, her radio, and a brand new daylight lamp to help with her reading. We got all that installed, and after a bit of fuss about whether Care Home 2 would want her to pay extra for all this electricity (!) we went out to lunch.

I have never known her so difficult, so negative (and that's saying something). She hadn't a kind word for anyone and was exceptionally nasty about the neighbours who sat with her after her last episode - I said to Mr S that she probably blamed them for her ending up in care,because they'd phoned the doctor - and me - rather than just taking her home and leaving her. In the end, I said I wondered what she said about me when I wasn't there [Mad] which actually did bring her up short.

Whatever she says sounds to me like criticism - she had a thank-you card from Master S's Lovely Wife and said the handwriting looked like a child's [Mad] - and is seriously over-dramatised, which just sets me off [Mad]

Mercifully a friend, with a mother further along this journey than the Dowager, said to me that the Dowager was safe, and that was all I could reasonably do; I wasn't about to change her attitude, That did help, but oh, I hate hate hate it to be like this [Mad]

[Votive] for the Dowager, for Sarasa's Mum, for Daddy Pig, for all APs past their sell-by date

Mrs. S, not waving but drowning [Help]

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Mrs S, Sarasa, and all with aged rels - [Votive]

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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

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(((Mrs S)))

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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

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Sarasa
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# 12271

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Mrs S - That sounds horrid. The Dowager and my mother seem to have the same approach to fighting their failing powers. It's all someone else's fault and that others (the young Mrs S,you or me for instance) are in far more need of help for their 'problems'.
We celebrated my mil's 90th at the weekend. She is far more muddled and confused than my mother and has very limited mobility. She is always very kind and thoughtful towards us and though she admits to getting cross, when one of her daughters insisted on her getting a cleaner for instance, she is very happy to admit she was wrong. Makes for much more peaceful visits, though I find it hard to see the decline in her mental abilities. Unlike my mother who claims to be an intellectual, she really was.
Piglet - I hope your father is recovering from his chest infection. There have been some nasty ones around this season.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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Thanks, Sarasa - I haven't heard any more from my sister (partly because she changed her phone provider and her land-line's buggered), but I'm assuming that no news is good news and if there had been anything really worrying she'd have contacted me on Facebook. I think my brother and s-in-l are going up in the next week or two, so we'll probably get a report from them as to how he's doing.

He's a tough old bird, my dad ...

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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They all are, Piglet, or they wouldn't have made it this far [Killing me] Sarasa, I think we agreed before that your dowager and mine were sisters separated at birth!

[Votive] for Sarasa, and anyone else who might be struggling like me to like, let alone love, their AP [Votive]

I have come to realise that I need to remember that the Dowager is not rational (that's why she's in a home, for pity's sake!) So it's stupid of me to expect her to be so [Roll Eyes]

Also, she has always been all too ready to attribute the worst of motives to all and sundry, even in the teeth of the evidence, so, again, I shouldn't be surprised [Roll Eyes]

Mrs. S, who still doesn't have to like it

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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Sarasa
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# 12271

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[Votive] For all with Aged Ps.
My sister in law persuaded mum to go over to their place for a couple of days and look at a flat in a sheltered accomodation block. it looks very nice, has a non-resident warden, panic alarms and a residents lounge. The trouble is that firstly, I think mum is getting beyond that sort of place, I can imagine if we got her to move there, and that's a big if in the first place, it wouldn't be long before she'd need more help than the place would be willing to give. Secondly my brother seems really keen on haveing her nearby, and is getting all sentimental about how much it would mean to him. Knowing my brother I'm afraid he'd soon get fed up and not bother to visit that often, leaving her worse off than before.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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I think you are wise. Moving is so disruptive for them, it's better to have forethought and make a move to a place with accomodations for future need.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Moving is so disruptive for them.

And for the ones who have to do the packing, carting and unpacking of goods, as well as of the Aged Parent.

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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.

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Gill H

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# 68

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Maybe it's time I joined this thread. Dad is 86, reasonably healthy and mentally sharp, with an adventurous streak (he's investigating train travel now he drives less, and I think I worry about it more than he does!)

Mum is almost 80 and starting to show signs of being a bit forgetful and vague. I have previous family experience of dementia and Alzheimer's, and I'm also a Dementia Friend ... and I fear I know where this is headed eventually.

Anyway, to more cheerful topics: does anyone have experience of Doro phones? My parents' mobiles are antiquated (my dad's is literally held together with a rubber band) and because they are so fiddly to use, they have never mastered picking up texts and voicemail. They aren't interested in using the internet (dad has a Yahoo email account which he goes to the library occasionally to check, but that's it).

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688

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Despite not being particularly ancient or frail, my technophobic Mum has what she cheerfully calls a Grannyphone. The buttons are big and the ringer is LOUD.

It’s pretty easy to use, but if your parents aren’t keen on texts, I’m not sure they’d really like a grannyphone either. The SMS functions aren’t that different to any other phone.

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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lily pad
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# 11456

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I do wish that the marketers would pick up on how much more they could be doing with this type of a mobile phone. None of the companies here seem to have a granny phone of any kind. My dad needs a phone to make and receive calls. That's it. If there was a simple way for him to read a text, that would be great too but he won't be sending any. He wears hearing aids and needs a phone with a loud ringer and where he can actually hear the person who is speaking.

He happily uses a computer for email, Facebook, and other internet related things and has come along great since buying it about eight years ago in his mid-70's. He's getting forgetful now and learning new things is not the type of thing he is looking for in a phone.

Anyhow, just coming alongside to say that you are not alone in your phone quest!

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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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You need to read the right publications. I get both AARP magazine (joined them a year ago, you can guess why) and the Smithsonian magazine, and there are full page ads for gigantic phones with big keys. If you want I'll copy over the info here -- the magazines are at home and I'm at work. As I recall there are a couple or three providers.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
You need to read the right publications. I get both AARP magazine (joined them a year ago, you can guess why) and the Smithsonian magazine, and there are full page ads for gigantic phones with big keys. If you want I'll copy over the info here -- the magazines are at home and I'm at work. As I recall there are a couple or three providers.

Jitterbug is the one that advertises in those magazines. It's what I have, since I only want it for emergencies.

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

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Gill H

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# 68

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No good for the UK as it seems GreatCall (US provider) is the only one that works with Jitterbug.

Doro is Swedish but available in the US as well as the UK (resists temptation to make topical joke about Scandinavian countries...) I wonder if they are available in Canada too?

As for texts - my parents won't be sending any, but they do find it far too fiddly to read them. An easier way to pick up texts (including old ones they haven't got round to) would be helpful. On their existing phones it takes a lot of messing around with scroll-down menus.

Going to be near an 02 shop tomorrow, so will ask if they have any Doro phones they can show me.

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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lily pad
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# 11456

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Thanks for the information, I will have a look. There is a text to voice mail option on a lot of phones. I am not sure if it is the phone, the phone company or an app that makes this happen. My dad does not have any intention of learning to retrieve voice mails on the cell phone. He can do it on the home phone and that is enough for him - he says. [Smile] Currently, he has a voice mail message of me saying that no one had better leave him a voice mail or text as I just have to remove them for him later and no one will listen to it.

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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!

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Penny S
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# 14768

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Today my guest has issued instructions to her son to throw away the biscuits and sweets on the table by the stairs, bought for Christmas, but well within date, as "they are stale". I have squirrelled them away, except a nearly empty box of chocs bought in the sale after, about which she grumbled in my hearing "bloody chocolates".
A. No-one is forcing her to eat any of these goodies.
And B. They are mine - who is she to demand that they be thrown out?

I'm out of her way at the moment, harbouring a mild version of flu, which she refused to get jabbed for. I was, so it's tolerable, and I get to stay out of the way and not cook, while using vast quantities of hand gel, and limiting breathing in her vicinity - she can smell infection on my breath. (And I get to eat chocs and biscuits!) Ready meals and microwaves are wonderful.

Prayers for everyone else, not just here - I read things in other places too. This is so common.

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Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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We bought a Doro mobile for Mr Bee’s Dad when he gave up his car. He only used it to phone for taxis. He had a pay as you go scheme and Mr Bee used to check the credit when we visited. It worked well.

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"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com

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Sarasa
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# 12271

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We brought my mother in law a simple mobile but it didn't get used as we got in a terrible tangle with pay as you go, I'm not sure why As she never goes out on her own her cordless landline works well anyway.
Penny S. - Hang on to your chocolates. Hoep you are better soon.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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I have serious hearing problems, even with hearing aids. I have a simple TracFone, which I use for texting. It's very cheap--I pay $20 every three months for 180 minutes of voice (which I don't use), 180 minutes of text, and 180 minutes of data.

When I was in rehab two years ago, I texted a great deal. Nowadays I only use it when I'm arranging to meet someone.

Moo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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Master S and Miss S bought the Dowager a Doro phone two years ago, for Christmas. She has never ever managed to use it, in spite of many hours of training from all her grandchildren, and despite the fact that it is really, really simple.

When she went into hospital eighteen months ago, I hoped she'd be forced to learn to use it to communicate with the outside world. Guess what - there was no mobile coverage in that particular spot [Mad] and I think I realised after that that there was no way she'd be learning anything new, ever again [Waterworks]

In other news, there's one positive to her losing her memory - although we parted brass rags on Monday, a) she's forgotten how long it is since I called her, and b) she's forgotten she was upset. Result!

On the other hand, she has remembered how to use her TV remote, so at least she can watch the telly rather than 'play these primary school games' (that she needs a visitor to help her with *sigh)

Mrs. S, resigned

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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Penny S
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# 14768

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Fluishness lifted!

The hatred of chocs seems to be due to fear of diarrhoea. Funny, I htought that chocolate - unless that variety known as Exlax or Brooklax - was supposed to be "binding".

Excluded foods now include carrots, and possibly whole milk which she is supposed by the dietitians to have a pint of every day. Also the month's supply of food supplements prescribed by them, of the 84 of which she has eaten precisely 3.

Just had a fudgy choc!

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Sarasa
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# 12271

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Have you made any New Year's resolutions about getting her out of your house Penny S?

The sheltered acomodation that my brother was taking my mum to see that I mentioned up thread was a wash out. I don't know the details but both my brother and his wife sounded a bit shocked in their emails to me about her response. They'd not been on the end of one of her 'I don't need any help' rants before. She also slammed doors and shouted as she thought my sil and eight year old nephew were making too much noise. Oh dear, these temper tantrums seem to becoming more frequent. added to were delusions about things being stolen by neighbours and I think we're well on the way to a dementia of some sort diagnosis.
She's due to go in for a minor operation in a couple of weeks time and apparently expects me to spend two weeks sleeping on her sofa and looking after her. My brother intends to take her to his big comfortable house instead. I know being in your own home after surgery would be nice, but I don't think i could do it, I'm a lousy nurse at the best of time. [Frown]

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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Just as well they now know the truth, Sarasa - I'm sure my brother is in denial about how bad the Dowager is, simply because it's never fallen to him to persuade her to do something she doesn't want to!

And I don't think any of us would make good geriatric nurses - I managed it for four days in my own house, no longer. As well there's an element of getting you to be more 'daughter' and less 'person you think of yourself as'. Mr S was horrified to hear her say to me, a propos of her medicines, 'I'll have them now' as if I were a domestic servant.

The Dowager has put in her diary 'pickup' a month after I deposited her in Care Home 2. Heaven knows where she thinks I'm going to put her down! [Two face]

[Votive] for all here, and their APs

Mrs S, feeling trapped

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

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Thyme
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# 12360

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When we were at this stage with Dad he was constantly asking when he was going home, or making reference to going home, or telling us to 'get me out of here'. We were satisfied that there were no issues with the standards of care at the home.

We agreed that we would each say to him next time he mentioned going home, that he was not a prisoner and was free to take himself home anytime he wanted to. (At that stage he had a key and access to his bank accounts). But he had to organise this himself. The point of living independently was to be independent and we could not support him returning home, living at home, or organise support services at home as we had run out of options with all these. If he wanted to move to another care home we would do everything we could to help him. Or we would do what we could to make him more comfortable in the current home if he had any issues. He explored that a bit with us and then accepted it and we heard no more about it. Other than the constant reference to being in a hospital. [Roll Eyes]

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The Church in its own bubble has become, at best the guardian of the value system of the nation’s grandparents, and at worst a den of religious anoraks defined by defensiveness, esoteric logic and discrimination. Bishop of Buckingham's blog

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Penny S
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# 14768

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Latest situation. As a result of the dietitian seeing that there were safeguarding issues, not only for D but also us (the first time anyone had seen us as other than enabling figures without needs), we were contacted by the local housing association in view of housing either D or D+M somewhere else. I got my oar in by saying that putting M in with his mother would be wicked! She joked about him being her "serf" today. And insists on him getting up to do things for her rather than me. She has the psychology of a cat. As soon as he settles down to work - cups of tea, over to the shop to buy cake - if she could walk on the keyboard, she would.
Unfortunately, the housing association person, though lovely, reckons there isn't anything they can do. We cannot honestly say that she is now able to care for herself.
M is getting an appointment to chat to doctors and hopefully get one in to see her again.
Hopefully, she will tell of the elf that crosses the room (in an "elf's uniform") at night before she gets on to the person (gender unspecifiable) who came to her in the night, bent over and whispered in her ear "why don't you die?" She has told the community nurses about the elf - thank goodness for evidential back up.
There's a very useful prayer in a version of Compline about God sending angels to guard the dwelling. Most are about protecting the praying individual, but that one seems more appropriate.
I really don't want garden gnomes promenading through first floor rooms, and certainly not nasty individuals whispering death threats. Not that I have felt any presences myself. (And I did for a while in my last place, in the spare room, until after I put up a friend who had lost his roof in the hurricane, and who prayed the offices there every day.)
We've had fleeting contact with social services again, also as a result of the dietitian's concern and sense of duty.
The most likely way out now seems to be that she will no longer be able to manage the stairs to the loo.
She has a completely false idea of what her home is like. M reckons she is back before 1980, before she started not caring for the place. She gets angry at being told that it is cluttered, full of rubbish, and not clean.
She cannot be referred for assessment about her state unless she is registered permanently with the local doctor. She will not agree to that, as she doesn't want to be here permanently. (Not sure which emoticon adequately expresses how we are of one mind about this. Except that the only way out is to go further in.) And the idea that it would be to assess her mental state would lead to ructions.
I seem to have kept her from catching my whatever it was, though, so we are sparing the hospital from the dilemma still.

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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[Votive] for all of us, and our APs.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
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# 12271

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Thyme I think you've hit the nail on the head with, 'the point of living independently was [is] to be independent'. My mother is inistant that she doesn't need help, but when I turn up I'm emptying bins, changing sheets, helping her use the ATM, reading her mail etc. There is lots more I could and probably should do, such as thoroughly clean the bathroom and kitchen and hoover the carpets. I assume she thinks having a relative do something isn't quite 'help' as the same way as getting someone in is.

Penny S - If D has to go into hospital again, refuse to have her back and stick to it.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

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Penny S
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# 14768

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Absolutely - and there will be a letter to put on file for them.
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The Intrepid Mrs S
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# 17002

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Sarasa, you and Thyme are exactly right. In the end the reason the Dowager had to go into care - and this, mind you, was an old lady with two care visits a day, a red-button to press in emergencies, a cleaner, a gardener and me doing her food orders and money affairs - was simply that she relied so heavily on her neighbours' being there that if they went away she would panic herself into a funny turn [Mad] We'd agreed that if she could get any support by paying for it, she would - but I couldn't leave her to the neighbours' mercies any more, or more likely, the neighbours at her mercy!

Independent living - I don't think so!

In other news, she seems a little more contented (on the phone, anyway). It sort of dawned on me today how very dotty she was, when I remembered her saying 'when they put me back together after my accident, and I got all these extra bones in my spine' and 'my face is all lumpy and bumpy since my fall, where the icicles were' [Help]

I have to draw up a family tree for my next visit, to give to the care home, as I understand she's not very reliable on how many children she had...

Mrs. S, Official Remembrancer

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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'

Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged
lily pad
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# 11456

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quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
...I have to draw up a family tree for my next visit, to give to the care home, as I understand she's not very reliable on how many children she had...

Mrs. S, Official Remembrancer

If you have any family photos in frames in her room, think about putting a label on them for visitors to know who the people are. I often visit people and find it so much easier when I have a clue as to who is in the photos. It makes conversation much easier.

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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!

Posts: 2468 | From: Truly Canadian | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
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# 12271

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At the moment the only help my mother has is me. This won't be able to go on for much longer. Today I was phoned by someone from the company that manages the flats where she lives. She'd phoned him up to complain about the neighbours stealing things. The guy twigged that this wasn't happening, but told her if she thought it was, she should phone the police. He also told her to talk to her family before she went to the bother of changing her locks, something she is thinking of doing. He then contacted me (I didn't know he had my number, but I'm glad he did) to flag up his concern.
My sister in law and I have agreed that we will try and convince her to have some help in while she recovers from the minor op she is supposed to be having next month. Hopefully that can turn into long term help why we try and think of what to do next. Eventually we're going to have to get tough and get a proper dementia diagnosis in place, but I don't want to push anything till after her birthday party. I just hope we can hang on till the begining of March.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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Sarasa, I think I might be worried that if your mum gets help coming in (a cleaner or whatever), she might start thinking that he/she is stealing from her if she misplaces something, which could become very awkward very quickly.

Hope you can sort something out soon.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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And if I may put in my tuppenceworth, if my older relative is anything to go by, no amount of reasonable argument or proof will have the slightest effect on the person harbouring the "they're stealing my paper hankies" delusion.

It comes from inside them, and external protestations are completely ineffectual. You may extract a reluctant admission that it's not happening, but next time you visit it's back to square one.

I can only be grateful for the kindly staff at the care home, who have the necessary distance and perspective to cope so much better than I ever could.

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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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Been taking my father to eye appointments in hope of saving the bit of sight he has in the one working eye. He says he wants to die if he is going to be blind.

After Sunday supper, walking him into the building (assisted living, but no-one on duty at the door Sunday evenings, there is a collapsed homeless man in between the inner and outer doors. The ambulance, police and fire/emerg rescue all came. The homeless man will be fine apparently, just really cold at -30°C. My father actually became almost happy with this episode. (Myself I wanted to cry but I've always been over-sensitive apparently)

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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/

Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
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# 12271

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Hope something can be done about your father's eyesight NP. Having the prospect of a last bit of independence taken away must be hard.
My mother phoned last night. She is having her locks changed on Thursday. When asked what she'll do if things still go missing she said 'Then I'll know I have Alzheimers.' Oh dear and agghhhh!

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
North East Quine

Curious beastie
# 13049

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I think the belief that someone is stealing is common. My late grandfather was convinced that a nurse had stolen a pen,and went on and on and on about it. I think that it's perfectly possible that the nurse did use one of their pens to write something, then absent mindedly kept it, but the missing pen became a focus of my grandfather's frustration at my grandmother's declining health.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

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MIL was in hospital for third hip replacement and was convince other patients were stealing from her. She gave her bag to a nurse to be putb in safekeeping. You should have. Heard the ruckus next morning as she accused him of theft.

On the lighter side, the ward sister went through her bedside cupboard because there was a nasty smell. She had been eating only half each meal and had been putting leftovers in the drawer. Apparently for us to bring home for lunches. Half a ham sandwich, a piece of fried fish and much more.

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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
lily pad
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# 11456

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Many many years ago, my nan told my mom that the superintendent caretaker of her apartment building had stolen her summery cotton print skirt. Nan knew it was for certain because she saw the woman wearing it.

Fast forward about ten years to my nan moving house to live closer to us and me helping her to put her clothes away in the new place and there is the skirt hanging underneath another one on a hanger.

Needless to say, my mother, who would have very much empathized with you all on numerous topics in this thread, was fit to be tied. She had heard about that stolen skirt in pretty much every phone call for at least ten years. My nan was extremely independent and competent to handle her own affairs and died at 93. Saying that to show that it isn't necessarily a dementia related thing to think that people are stealing.

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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!

Posts: 2468 | From: Truly Canadian | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564

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quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I think the belief that someone is stealing is common.

So is stealing. The Google tells me that 10% or so of people are thieves. How many people pass through the home of your care home-dwelling elderly relative each week?

Most people aren't used to strangers having free access to their personal possessions.

[ 16. January 2018, 12:19: Message edited by: Leorning Cniht ]

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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quote:
Originally posted by lily pad:
Many many years ago, my nan told my mom that the superintendent caretaker of her apartment building had stolen her summery cotton print skirt. Nan knew it was for certain because she saw the woman wearing it.

Fast forward about ten years to my nan moving house to live closer to us and me helping her to put her clothes away in the new place and there is the skirt hanging underneath another one on a hanger.

Needless to say, my mother, who would have very much empathized with you all on numerous topics in this thread, was fit to be tied. She had heard about that stolen skirt in pretty much every phone call for at least ten years. My nan was extremely independent and competent to handle her own affairs and died at 93. Saying that to show that it isn't necessarily a dementia related thing to think that people are stealing.

Depending on the make of skirt, it's possible that the superintendent had in fact got an identical one. I frequently see people wearing "my" clothes if they too shop at Sainsburys. And I forget where I've put things....

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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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There are many false accusations of stealing, but there are also many cases where it takes place. A friend, who was an expert knitter, knitted a very elaborate lap robe for her grandfather. He was in a nursing home, and she couldn't visit him very often; she wanted him to have a constant reminder that she loved him. Two weeks after she gave it to him, it disappeared. It was almost certainly taken by another patient that didn't know better.

The staff in some nursing homes take the attitude that as long as it's the patients who are stealing, there's no problem. They say, "They're stealing from each other." No, some of them are stealing from others. It's like teachers saying about physical bullying, "They're beating each other up."

Nursing home patients have very few possessions and these possessions are closely linked with their sense of identity.

This is a very serious problem.

M<oo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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Many years ago when my grandmother was in a care home some creep went from room to room saying he was servicing all of their hearing aids. My grandmother was still very sharp mentally and smelled a rat. She grabbed her spare hearing aid so he couldn't get that, and marched down to the office to report him. He was caught.

I can't imagine someone being so low that they'd steal hearing aids from nursing home patients. But I know people do indeed do worse thing as well.

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Fredegund
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# 17952

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Not to mention the staff not respecting people's property. Mum went into a care home with her favourite footstool. Every time I went in I had to retrieve it from someone else - because it was the home's property, of course. Even with her name on. Then they broke it. [Mad] - after all these years

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Pax et bonum

Posts: 117 | From: Shakespeare's County | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
... I can't imagine someone being so low that they'd steal hearing aids ...

I can't imagine the point - aren't hearing-aids made to fit the individual wearer?

Any kind of theft from people in vulnerable situations like that is particularly despicable, but even more so when it's pointless.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
... I can't imagine someone being so low that they'd steal hearing aids ...

I can't imagine the point - aren't hearing-aids made to fit the individual wearer?

Any kind of theft from people in vulnerable situations like that is particularly despicable, but even more so when it's pointless.

Hearing aids are generic. Earpieces are what are made to fit individuals.

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Even more so than I was before

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Huia
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# 3473

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Given the cost and size of hearing aids I think they could be both lucrative to resell and easy to steal. I bought a second hand pair off Trade Me (NZ's equivalent of ebay) but it was easy to verify their provenance because the previous owner and I co-incidently had the same audiologist and he recognised the name.

Now if it had been false teeth it would be different.

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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Thanks for the explanations - I'm always learning something new on the Ship!

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271

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Stealing hearing aids wouldn't be worth it in the UK. You can get them free on the NHS. Not as pretty I must admit, but they do the same job.

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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.

Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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My wife had her keys taken when she was a senior's residence. The staff suggested who it was, but they haven't turned up. Kleptomania is some elderly people's thing apparently.

Had an eye appointment with my father today. They decided that there is a surgery to do, not to improve the quite poor eyesight he has, but to not have it get worse. They said it'd be scheduled in 2-4 weeks. No sooner than back to the office and it is 5 days from today. I guess too risky to wait.

Walking him back to the car, he evidently hasn't been doing his exercises. He had a total hip replaced a decade ago and must do the flexibility and strengthening or he will not be able to to continue walking. I am going to have to be bossy about it now. He isn't one to express feelings, but he is depressed.

Kind thoughts to everyone else helping out the older generations and trying to remain sane themselves.

Thinking supportively of all the rest dealing with things with the older generation.

--------------------
Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/

Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged



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