|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: A Truth Universally Acknowledged...
|
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
|
Posted
I am 24 today. That makes me feel much worse about my perpetual singleness than V-Day
(Sorry about inadvertent edit - meant to hit 'Reply'.)
[ 20. February 2013, 21:56: Message edited by: Firenze ]
--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
I think this is probably the Cardigan of Doom .
If it's a) purple b) cerise c) orange d) 100 % acrylic then you probably need to revise your wardrobe. And your expectations.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
|
Posted
Oof, Firenze, I hate to disappoint you but that cardigan's probably in Topshop - frumpy cardigans are the most fashionable right now ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) And good luck getting a non-acrylic cardigan in any high street fashion store nowadays!
--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
Probbly why I knit stuff.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Carex
Shipmate
# 9643
|
Posted
At age 24 I was still far too immature to consider marriage. I was barely ready at 30 - when I jumped into having teenagers...
Posts: 1425 | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Roseofsharon
Shipmate
# 9657
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
I am 24 today. That makes me feel much worse about my perpetual singleness than V-Day
I hope it was a happy day, in spite of the singleness - however, 24 is no age.
Between the ages of 14 & 16 I had two boyfriends, from 16 to 26 I had three one-off dates. At 26 I met Mr RoS, and was taken by surprise when this unknown guy showed an interest in me on an occasion when my attention was elsewhere and not on dating at all. A year later I was married to him.
I remember the energy I wasted in the search for Mr Right (indeed, for Mr Anything Vaguely Willing) during my late teens & early twenties, which is why I follow this thread.
As Mr RoS said that my obvious enthusiasm for a shared interest is what attracted him, I am now of the opinion that developing interests* other than man-hunting makes you a much more attractive proposition to a possible mate.
*mixed gender interests of course ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
--------------------
Talk about books -any books- on our rejuvenatedforum http://www.bookgrouponline.com/index.php?
Posts: 3060 | From: Sussex By The Sea | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Roseofsharon:
...*mixed gender interests of course
I'm not so sure about that!
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Roseofsharon:
quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
I am 24 today. That makes me feel much worse about my perpetual singleness than V-Day
I hope it was a happy day, in spite of the singleness - however, 24 is no age.
Between the ages of 14 & 16 I had two boyfriends, from 16 to 26 I had three one-off dates. At 26 I met Mr RoS, and was taken by surprise when this unknown guy showed an interest in me on an occasion when my attention was elsewhere and not on dating at all. A year later I was married to him.
I remember the energy I wasted in the search for Mr Right (indeed, for Mr Anything Vaguely Willing) during my late teens & early twenties, which is why I follow this thread.
As Mr RoS said that my obvious enthusiasm for a shared interest is what attracted him, I am now of the opinion that developing interests* other than man-hunting makes you a much more attractive proposition to a possible mate.
*mixed gender interests of course
But that's the thing - I have loads of interests that involve meeting people and obviously at uni there's no shortage of people to be sociable with. But just....no interest. From anyone, ever.
--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
I didn't realise I was gay until I was 29.
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
ecumaniac
Ship's whipping girl
# 376
|
Posted
First bf at age 28, aborted engagement at 31. Ho hum, glad we figured it was A Bad Idea before actually tying the knot!
All my cardigans are from East. Lovely things in natural fibres (mine are all merino) and often available in their sales!
--------------------
it's a secret club for people with a knitting addiction, hiding under the cloak of BDSM - Catrine
Posts: 2901 | From: Cambridge | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Roseofsharon
Shipmate
# 9657
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
quote:
Originally posted by Roseofsharon:
...*mixed gender interests of course
I'm not so sure about that!
I may be stereotyping here, and if so I apologise, but wouldn't one stand a better chance of finding a gay man or woman in a mixed gender, general interest group than in a very blokey or girly group?
--------------------
Talk about books -any books- on our rejuvenatedforum http://www.bookgrouponline.com/index.php?
Posts: 3060 | From: Sussex By The Sea | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
|
Posted
Sorry RoS, my response was very tongue in cheek - I have met more than one partner at mixed gender events.
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
|
Posted
one of my gay friends is the regular local organizer of our girl's nights out. so figure that one out!
--------------------
Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Roseofsharon:
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
quote:
Originally posted by Roseofsharon:
...*mixed gender interests of course
I'm not so sure about that!
I may be stereotyping here, and if so I apologise, but wouldn't one stand a better chance of finding a gay man or woman in a mixed gender, general interest group than in a very blokey or girly group?
One of my lesbian friends spends all her time at very girly craft groups and is far more feminine than me!
--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
|
Posted
I need to spend more time with my uni's LGBTQ society. Next week there's a movie night (Wilde) with cheese and wine! And the trans officer is a very attractive transman... ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
|
Posted
YES. I wore a cardy.
A purple cardy with a nice scarf. Very nice chap, and we have lots in common. I was convinced he wasn't going to get in touch again, in fact, I had a funny feeling he might be gay, but he'd gone home and sent me an email asking me to dinner. So I think I'll see him again, and he'll be a nice movie buddy if it doesn't turn into a romance.
I had a tiny breakthrough in personal confidence too (which I've been trying to pray over). I was having total dramas over what to wear, but was then pleased with my cardy/scarf combo. In the taxi I had the thought: "Who's the lucky man?" and it felt like one of those 'God' thoughts. So I think we should all practice that - every time we go out - "Who's the lucky <insert preferred gender>."
--------------------
Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Scots lass
Shipmate
# 2699
|
Posted
Hurray! And that sounds like a really good attitude to have.
I am meant to have a date this evening. It's just after 3pm and I don't know where or when it's meant to be yet. Suspect this chap isn't just the most organised, but how am I meant to be neurotic over what to wear if I don't know where I'm going? (A cardigan, of course, but what with?)
ETA: because by now I should know to preview post...
[ 23. February 2013, 14:17: Message edited by: Scots lass ]
Posts: 863 | From: the diaspora | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
|
Posted
You are of the mobile phone generation! The Youth of Today decide where to meet after leaving home, and then decide where to go for the night in between deciding where to meet and the third drink after meeting. I know pepole who go out to a club or a restaurant and don't make up their minds which until 10pm or midnight.
--------------------
Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Scots lass
Shipmate
# 2699
|
Posted
True. But those people are presumably not looking at their wardrobe saying "hmmm, do I need to iron that?".
Posts: 863 | From: the diaspora | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
|
Posted
I think you'll find that iron is a four letter word!
Herself is sometimes spotted with an iron in her hand but the rest of us here eschew such devices.
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
infinite_monkey
Shipmate
# 11333
|
Posted
<bump>
How are things unfolding for y'all?
Personally, I'm having a difficult time. Recognizing how much I _want_ to have an intimate relationship, but also how much I get in my own way with that. It's just genuinely difficult for me to get out there, take risks, put my guard down, etc. And when I try, there's a really large part of me that's trying to shoot it all down with negative self-talk. Which I know isn't helpful, so then I'm arguing with myself about whether to disparage myself, while also attempting to hold a fancy cocktail and chat with relative strangers.
Humanity. Grrr argh.
--------------------
His light was lifted just above the Law,
And now we have to live with what we did with what we saw.
--Dar Williams, And a God Descended
Obligatory Blog Flog: www.otherteacher.wordpress.com
Posts: 1423 | From: left coast united states | Registered: Apr 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Scots lass
Shipmate
# 2699
|
Posted
I agree with that, it's scary letting your guard down! A friend said to me a while ago that he thought it would all have been easier ten years ago, and my response to that was of course it would! Time adds knowledge of how much relationships can hurt, so the fear kicks in - which then gets in the way. I'm a bit terrified of dating in many ways, whilst also knowing I don't want to spend the rest of my life single and that means I have to get over it a little bit. Keep thinking of Mad Cat's great idea of how lucky they are to date you!
I did eventually manage to get a location out of my date last week, and had a really lovely time (wearing a cardigan, naturally). That was date two, I'm very much hoping there will be a date three but I rather think he needs to ask me this time! I asked him for the second date and have texted him a couple of times subsequently, date three needs to be his initiative I reckon. Unless we get to the middle of next week and he's not asked, then I might change my mind...
Posts: 863 | From: the diaspora | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
daisydaisy
Shipmate
# 12167
|
Posted
Great that you got a second date, Scotts Lass. Have you tried texting something like "another date would be great. I've had my choice twice now, so it's your turn for us to go somewhere you like". Mind you, there are some folk who haven't got a clue, they are natural followers, and that's what you might have here. You might then need to decide if you want a relationship where you do the initiating.
[pah to predictive text]
[ 02. March 2013, 08:31: Message edited by: daisydaisy ]
Posts: 3184 | From: southern uk | Registered: Dec 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
|
Posted
Just back from date two with the nice chap from the Large Dating Website. I was typically angst ridden beforehand, but enjoyed his company again. He suggested going to the exhibition of Iranian art at the National Museum, which I could hardly refuse. I don't think I fancy him, but he's a great chap. I'm having a go at not over-thinking things, and seeing how that works out.
My angst was over my lack of gratitude for this nice man's company. I was going out to meet him and wishing I was meeting the Silver Fox instead, who I find genuinely, fabulously attractive.
Silver Fox is, it seems, about 18 years my senior, which I am determinedly not over-thinking.
What are our thoughts on age-gaps?
--------------------
Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
I think it doesn't matter.
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Scots lass
Shipmate
# 2699
|
Posted
Age gaps aren't a problem if the people concerned aren't bothered by them. I can see it being difficult if one partner doesn't want to settle down and the other really does - but that's not an age thing! There's a ten year gap between my parents, and they've been together successfully for well over 40 years now.
Posts: 863 | From: the diaspora | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Hazey*Jane
Ship's Biscuit Crumbs
# 8754
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mad Cat:
What are our thoughts on age-gaps?
My recently acquired boyfriend is 11 years my senior. I was a little surprised when I found out as he looks young for his age (as do I). For the most part it doesn't bother me.
So far it isn't a problem, though there hasn't been anything much to test it yet. To be honest our life trajectories have some parallels (in terms of how we have reached our respective ages without being partnered up) and what seems to matter more is where we both are now, rather than where we've been, if you see what I mean.
Tell us more about the Silver Fox. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Posts: 4266 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
infinite_monkey
Shipmate
# 11333
|
Posted
My last relationship was with a man seven years my senior, and honestly, in a lot of ways, I was the grown up.
So I don't think the chronology is definitionally a problem.
--------------------
His light was lifted just above the Law,
And now we have to live with what we did with what we saw.
--Dar Williams, And a God Descended
Obligatory Blog Flog: www.otherteacher.wordpress.com
Posts: 1423 | From: left coast united states | Registered: Apr 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by infinite_monkey:
So I don't think the chronology is definitionally a problem.
I would agree that age difference does not in itself create a problem. However, I am unconvinced that the various factors a large gap may bring help a relationship. Situational, as are most things. Something to be thought about, but not obsessed over.
Observations from personal experience and observing others.
--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
infinite_monkey
Shipmate
# 11333
|
Posted
Yeah, there's definitely stuff worth thinking about. Like if a woman is past childbearing age but a younger man still wants that, or the unpleasant reality with older man/younger woman that one is pretty darn likely to outlive the other by a decent while.
Case by case, I reckon, like most other things--a weighing of pros and cons, and the fundamental truth that we can't KNOW how anything's gonna play out, in the end.
--------------------
His light was lifted just above the Law,
And now we have to live with what we did with what we saw.
--Dar Williams, And a God Descended
Obligatory Blog Flog: www.otherteacher.wordpress.com
Posts: 1423 | From: left coast united states | Registered: Apr 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
|
Posted
So this weekend I attended the Student Christian Movement conference. It was absolutely wonderful and I learnt a lot, and also made loads of new friends. One of them is a guy who I ended up being unexpectedly attracted to, and bolstered by Sunday morning's service talking about being bold (not sure they had romance in mind though!), I asked him for his number and he gave it to me. From that and his other behaviour with me, I think he might like me back but having never been in this situation, I just can't tell. I don't want to just ask him! We have texted a bit, just general chat and did arrange to meet up in the Easter break. Not sure what to do?
--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
infinite_monkey
Shipmate
# 11333
|
Posted
Take it day by day, little bit of contact by little bit of contact--no rush, just the unfolding pleasure of getting to know someone. It's most comfortable for me to match another person's pace:if I'm the one who initiates contact a couple times in a row, I might then step back and see when THEY step forward, just to avoid getting in a pattern where one person's always taking the lead. Don't overthink things, or think that this one connection is the only such thing that will ever be available to you. How great to meet a person you connect with: enjoy!
--------------------
His light was lifted just above the Law,
And now we have to live with what we did with what we saw.
--Dar Williams, And a God Descended
Obligatory Blog Flog: www.otherteacher.wordpress.com
Posts: 1423 | From: left coast united states | Registered: Apr 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Scots lass
Shipmate
# 2699
|
Posted
It's now been ten days or so since my date. He's replied in kind to the friendly messages I've sent but hasn't initiated anything. I'm thinking I will suggest meeting up again and wait and see what happens. Should I do it or not? Or do something completely different?
Posts: 863 | From: the diaspora | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Scots lass:
It's now been ten days or so since my date. He's replied in kind to the friendly messages I've sent but hasn't initiated anything. I'm thinking I will suggest meeting up again and wait and see what happens. Should I do it or not? Or do something completely different?
I would suggest meeting up again.
--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
|
Posted
Age gaps? I always used to prefer older men (and indeed my parents had a 12 year age gap), but looking back there are one or two things I missed at the time:
An older man who wants a much younger woman may not be emotionally mature enough to relate to women of his own age. For that reason, a May-December relationship may work as they may both be on the same level. But you may find that he is immature at times, and if the relationship lasts, you are more likely to grow up than he is. And his attraction will still be to younger women. And after a while that may no longer include your age range.
For a younger woman an older man can be exciting, knowledgeable, more experienced and steadier than a callow youth. I never had any attraction to young men - so full of energy and opinions, and so little knowledge or experience.
The age differences will probably show. The older person will have less physical stamina, for one thing, so don't expect a sizzling sex life. Also, everyone over 40 has baggage of one sort or another. Sometimes in the shape of an ex-wife, or teenage/student age children who may come to stay every other weekend.
If you want to date an older guy, go for it. They can be charming, sophisticated and experienced, they're usually not short of money (so you don't have to subsidize them), and you can learn a lot from them. But go into it with your eyes open.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
|
Posted
It is interesting to see that the majority of posts on age difference have the guy older. One of the people on my ever-increasing list of "Women Who Think I Am 'Quite The Nicest Guy Ever™' But Are Still Not Attracted To Me" was (and, for all I know, still is) 7 years my senior. When I indicated a desire for a deeper relationship than friendship, she trotted out an objection based on the age difference--i.e., that she was older. I pointed out that if I was the one 7 years older she probably wouldn't think there was anything odd about it.
To be fair, I think she was using the age thing as a convenient excuse to brush me off.
On the other hand, there was another woman who was only a few years older (3 I think--but I could be wrong). When she rejected me, age never came up.
The most recent woman that I am devoted to (although she shows no signs of being attracted to me despite considering me 'Quite The Nicest Guy Ever™') is 9 years my junior. That age difference never enters any of our discussions.
I think a certain level of age difference does not matter as you get older. What seems a huge difference when you are in your 20s does not seem so important when you are in your 50s. I am now 52 and I would think nothing of being interested in somebody 12 years younger than me. When I was 28, I wouldn't have even considered it...well, not seriously. ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
On the other hand, at this time I would still rule out of consideration any woman who was more than 20 years younger than me. I have nieces that age, so it would just freak me out too much.
I am not quite sure what my point is. I guess it is: age difference matters if it matters to you (or to the other person you are interested in).
--------------------
"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
daisydaisy
Shipmate
# 12167
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:
........I think a certain level of age difference does not matter as you get older. What seems a huge difference when you are in your 20s does not seem so important when you are in your 50s. I am now 52 and I would think nothing of being interested in somebody 12 years younger than me. When I was 28, I wouldn't have even considered it...well, not seriously. .
I think that the age difference can become an issue later in life though - my father's 2nd wife is a couple of years older than me and it came as a shock to her when he died.
Posts: 3184 | From: southern uk | Registered: Dec 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Hazey*Jane
Ship's Biscuit Crumbs
# 8754
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
quote:
Originally posted by Scots lass:
It's now been ten days or so since my date. He's replied in kind to the friendly messages I've sent but hasn't initiated anything. I'm thinking I will suggest meeting up again and wait and see what happens. Should I do it or not? Or do something completely different?
I would suggest meeting up again.
Agreed
Posts: 4266 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
|
Posted
Hedgehog,
I am in no way suggesting you change from being 'Quite The Nicest Guy Ever.™' However, you may wish to turn that light down a bit. Needn't turn mean, but roughen the edges up a bit. And do not be overly helpful.
--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
|
Posted
Sorry, should not offer unsolicited advice. To late to delete. Apologies ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688
|
Posted
Another thing to bear in mind if you are looking for a long-term relationship: 40 and 60 can look quite different to 60 and 80. A friend's mum married someone significantly older than her, she is now a young retiree while her husband is an elderly man in need of a lot of care. It's very difficult for her.
Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but worth bearing in mind.
--------------------
Rent my holiday home in the South of France
Posts: 3696 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
|
Posted
I think the crucial thing is about age expectation. An uncle married his first wife because she was getting to the age where she needed more looking after and he wanted to do that. She was actually a his friend's mother and had pulled him out of some very difficult circumstances. After she died he met someone about his age and they are now happily married. There might have been romantic love there but there was more than that.
On the other hand I split up from an older boyfriend because he wanted children and with the dynamics of the situation (we were not going to marry immediately) and my age that was never going to be possible. In other words I was too old for what he wanted even though I was younger than him. There were several other things about his imagined future that did not work if you knew me.
So yes age matters, but it is age expectations that matter rather than actual age difference.
Jengie
[ 07. March 2013, 12:03: Message edited by: Jengie Jon ]
--------------------
"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Sorry, should not offer unsolicited advice. To late to delete. Apologies
No problem!
--------------------
"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
|
Posted
Feeling a bit discouraged this evening as the interesting guy I'd exchanged emails with (another from the Large Dating Site) has gone quiet. This seems to be a pattern: the ones I really like aren't interested, and the ones I'm not interested in fire off winks and emails like there's no tomorrow!
I've been on a few dates with a nice guy (also met through aforementioned dating site). Now at the stage where he seems keener than I am, so I might have to let him down. He's great, but it's the usual thing. I'm just not feeling it.....
I was consoled yesterday by an article in the paper that made me think about the two Significant Lovely Chaps in my life. They are two lovely men who I probably could have married, had there been a sexual attraction. There wasn't, so we have negotiated friendship, and I'm delighted to say that I will be at the wedding of one of them this summer to his beautiful fiancee. Friends have said:"We always hoped you'd get together with......" and I wondered, should I have tried harder? Should I have rejected htis lovely man?? Now look at me, single, with my chance of children pretty much behind me???
But I believe I did the right thing. I wouldn't have loved either of them the way they deserved to be loved. And I would have hated myself for it, and for the pain I would have ultimately caused them.
The other good realisation, which I may have written about before, is that I'm not single because I'm monstrous, but probably mostly because I spent the years from the age of 24 to 39 being more depressed than I realised, and on medication. I don't suppose my libido is what it could be now, but it's better than it was.
All the comments on age gaps are interesting. My late beloved Grandad had a wonderful partner/lady friend who was, I think, about 15 years his junior. ISTM that 10 - 15 years either way is the 'tipping point'. More than that, and the older partner will be elderly when the younger is still of working age. I also wonder how significant the sex aspect would be for me. Hmm.
I said I wasn't going to overthink this didn't I.... ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
--------------------
Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mad Cat:
Feeling a bit discouraged this evening as the interesting guy I'd exchanged emails with (another from the Large Dating Site) has gone quiet. This seems to be a pattern: the ones I really like aren't interested, and the ones I'm not interested in fire off winks and emails like there's no tomorrow!
I've been on a few dates with a nice guy (also met through aforementioned dating site). Now at the stage where he seems keener than I am, so I might have to let him down. He's great, but it's the usual thing. I'm just not feeling it.....
Seems an obvious question I know, but what are you expecting to feel ?
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
quote:
Originally posted by Mad Cat:
Feeling a bit discouraged this evening as the interesting guy I'd exchanged emails with (another from the Large Dating Site) has gone quiet. This seems to be a pattern: the ones I really like aren't interested, and the ones I'm not interested in fire off winks and emails like there's no tomorrow!
I've been on a few dates with a nice guy (also met through aforementioned dating site). Now at the stage where he seems keener than I am, so I might have to let him down. He's great, but it's the usual thing. I'm just not feeling it.....
Seems an obvious question I know, but what are you expecting to feel ?
Attraction.
--------------------
Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
|
Posted
In fact, I don't really go on dates with any expectations as such, but I'm looking for attraction. If it's not there by date three, I don't think I should keep stringing the guy along.
--------------------
Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
|
Posted
So I was arranging a meetup with the guy from SCM in the Easter holidays. All fine...and then he asks who else we should invite ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif) I agree to invite others because I don't want to be difficult. And then when he signed off facebook he called me 'buddy'. BUDDY.
On a brighter note, I came out to my little Christian group at uni (not CU - shit would hit the fan) and everyone was fine and didn't bat an eyelid ![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Hazey*Jane
Ship's Biscuit Crumbs
# 8754
|
Posted
Don't write the situation off just yet. A few months before my first proper date with my boyfriend he sort of invited me out for a drink after dance class and when I realised it was just going to be the two of us I sort of panicked Miranda style and invited someone else along (who I barely knew). Even though I liked him. Even on our first actual date, there was sufficient ambiguity that I wasn't sure if it was just going to be the two of us until I turned up! So see how it goes!
Posts: 4266 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Printer-friendly view
