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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: A Truth Universally Acknowledged...
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
Sounds like he deserved it! I make a point of never giving my nieces or nephews noisy toys or weapons. I just make no such promises about messy things.
Very little chance of a reprisal coming my way.
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Little Miss Methodist
Ship's Diplomat
# 1000
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ad Orientem:
Somehow I feel like time is running out. I'm forty this yesr. Yuck! Especially if I want to start a family surely I need to find some one younger than me but who is going to fall for a forty year old.
I got married last year aged 35, my husband is 46. I know he never thought he would get married!
The age gap is not at all significant for us. Without ever meaning to I seem to have a history of relationships with men older than me, making the age gap between me and Mr Methodist one of the smallest! So, don't write yourself off...
Having said all that, I appreciate that it can make you feel a bit despondent, and I totally felt that way too. Around 33 or so I remember thinking that I should give up on the ideal of getting married / having a family, because I felt it was never going to happen for me.
It's easy for me to say "don't write yourself off" and less easy to do / feel when you are feeling frustrated and disappointed at how things are for you. I would honestly concentrate on doing things that make you happy, and making the most of life as you have it now - partly because someone who is interested and engaged with the things they are doing makes an interesting partner, but mainly because those things give you satisfaction and life and that is important to your well-being.
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Tell me where you learned the magic,
The spell you used the day you made me fall....
Posts: 1628 | From: Caretaker of the Overlook Hotel | Registered: Apr 2003
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Carex
Shipmate
# 9643
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
...We've burned so many of our 15 years together rehearsing our various character flaws and taking lumps out of each other...
Even at 30 years we're still discovering disconnects, where what one person considers supportive behavior is experienced as just the opposite by the other. That's not to say that relationships are hopeless, but rather that they require a lot of trust, openness, honesty, self-awareness and hard work to run smoothly.
Regarding the "job interview" aspect of dating - perhaps a change in approach would help? For myself it was a big shift when I finally chose to focus on doing something fun on dates rather than interviewing for a partner, such that both of us could have a good time even if we didn't hit it off as a couple. A side benefit was that it took a lot of the pressure off the "date" aspect and allowed me to relax and enjoy myself more.
Posts: 1425 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Ad Orientem
Shipmate
# 17574
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Posted
This internet dating thing is quite frustrating. It seems to be that the ones I'm interested in aren't interested in me and the ones that are interested in me I'm not interested in. Who would have thought it was so hard? ![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif)
Posts: 2606 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2013
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ad Orientem:
This internet dating thing is quite frustrating. It seems to be that the ones I'm interested in aren't interested in me and the ones that are interested in me I'm not interested in. Who would have thought it was so hard?
To be fair to the internet, that is my experience in in-person dating as well.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Zoey
Broken idealist
# 11152
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:
quote:
Originally posted by Ad Orientem:
This internet dating thing is quite frustrating. It seems to be that the ones I'm interested in aren't interested in me and the ones that are interested in me I'm not interested in. Who would have thought it was so hard?
To be fair to the internet, that is my experience in in-person dating as well.
True dat.
I recently spent a while moping 'cos I felt like I was getting rejected all the time (the one long-term relationship I've had ended more through their choice than mine, a couple of guys I went on dates with last year weren't interested beyond the second date, and so on ...).
Then I realised there have been guys who've messaged me on dating websites and, after a few messages, I've been the one to say I can't see it going anywhere. And then I remembered the kind-of odd guy I hung round with for a couple of weeks in the first year of uni before feeling the need to tell him that I didn't think we were going to become an item. So not all my romantic relationship opportunities have been closed down by the other person rejecting me, despite the fact I sometimes feel that way.
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Pay no mind, I'm doing fine, I'm breathing on my own.
Posts: 3095 | From: the penultimate stop? | Registered: Mar 2006
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infinite_monkey
Shipmate
# 11333
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Posted
A mere 24 hours remains for people to rant and rave about Valentine's Day! Come on folks, have we become this complacent?
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His light was lifted just above the Law,
And now we have to live with what we did with what we saw.
--Dar Williams, And a God Descended
Obligatory Blog Flog: www.otherteacher.wordpress.com
Posts: 1423 | From: left coast united states | Registered: Apr 2006
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
One of my bikes is named Valentine. Don't know about you, but I'll quite enjoy celebrating his day.
ETA: oh, almost forgot—it's Cheap Chocolate's Eve tomorrow! More to look forward to!
[ 13. February 2015, 17:17: Message edited by: Ariston ]
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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Ad Orientem
Shipmate
# 17574
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by infinite_monkey:
A mere 24 hours remains for people to rant and rave about Valentine's Day! Come on folks, have we become this complacent?
It's bollocks, innit. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posts: 2606 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2013
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
When I was married it was a nothing day. Since I've been single it's been a nothing day. It affects me about as much as today being "Public Broadcasting Day" according to Ye Olde Motherboarde's list.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
They say that Christmas is the most difficult holiday for single people to endure. For me it's Valentine's Day -- always has been. I feel like crawling into a hole sometimes.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
They say that Christmas is the most difficult holiday for single people to endure. For me it's Valentine's Day -- always has been. I feel like crawling into a hole sometimes.
What, in retrospect, was my most successful relationship was with a woman who truly did love me (and whom I drove away--my own fault, I admit it). Her birthday was (and still is, I guess) on February 14. So Valentine's Day is sort of a double whammy for me: not only am I alone for it, but it also must remind me of The One That Got Away (well, technically, was pushed away by the idiot child that I was).
And that is just one of the many reasons I truly hate, loathe and despise the month of February.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Clint Boggis
Shipmate
# 633
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Posted
I pop in here sometimes to read how peoples' lives are working out but it's pretty quiet. Is everyone too involved in pursuing relationship opportunities to report back, or (like me) just settled into resigned solitude and making the best of things while waiting for the End ?
![[Snore]](graemlins/snore.gif)
Posts: 1505 | From: south coast | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ad Orientem
Shipmate
# 17574
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Posted
Nothing to report. Had with internet dating. Waste of time. No one there.
Posts: 2606 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2013
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I have this whole agenda I have set for myself about waiting till my career and living situation is stable before dating seriously. i don't want to be somebody's project. Which means I have been lonely for quite a while.
I am also going through a period of psychosexual self-analysis which I won't bore you with here.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Zoey
Broken idealist
# 11152
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Posted
Got a first-date-with-somebody-met-via-internet-dating-website coming up for the first time in well over 6 months. I'm rubbish at dating and meeting new people, but have not resigned myself to singledom quite yet. Fortunately in some ways, work is currently a whirlwind, which leaves me less time to ponder in advance, and get worked up about, the madness of going on a first date again given previous failures.
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Pay no mind, I'm doing fine, I'm breathing on my own.
Posts: 3095 | From: the penultimate stop? | Registered: Mar 2006
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
I am married, but my single son has boomeranged back and is now living at home, giving me a close view of the singleton life. In the past 2 years he has not gone out on a date. (Always with the proviso that he may have done so, but carefully eluded his mother's observation.) In an effort to improve his social life he has joined some internet dating sites, but never progressed past a desultory conversation or two. He also joined the local Republican Party. To use this as a venue for meeting women is frantic folly; this is a state famed for originating the state-mandated trans-vaginal probe. Women dropped out in droves (and the state is rapidly turning blue), so that I doubt if there are more than a couple female members in the entire region.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
this is a state famed for originating the state-mandated trans-vaginal probe.
Mandated in what circumstances??? ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Huia
[ 17. May 2015, 09:16: Message edited by: Huia ]
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Kittyville
Shipmate
# 16106
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Posted
Sorry - posted in the wrong thread.
[ 17. May 2015, 11:41: Message edited by: Kittyville ]
Posts: 291 | From: Sydney | Registered: Dec 2010
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
psychosexual
For a moment, I thought you were talking about my dating history.
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
that's for you to say.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Jonah the Whale
Ship's pet cetacean
# 1244
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I am also going through a period of psychosexual self-analysis which I won't bore you with here.
I think you might be surprised by just how bored people in fact would NOT be.
Posts: 2799 | From: Nether Regions | Registered: Aug 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
As W. Somerset Maugham is reputed to have said:
quote:
My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
Except, where I am concerned, I'm not sure about the surprise bit!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Wayward Crucifer
Shipmate
# 152
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Posted
Bumping to avoid the hostly hoover, because this has been fascinating reading as I ponder this end of my life.
Also because, after about 18 months of nagging from a colleague, and it not clashing with things I'm already committed too, I'm putting a tentative toe in the Speed Dating thing tomorrow. It's a first for me, so have sympathy for all the ladies.
Wayward
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"it is folly -- it is madness -- to suppose that you can worship Jesus in the Sacraments and Jesus on the Throne of glory, when you are sweating him in the souls and bodies of his children. It cannot be done."
Frank Weston, Bishop of Zanzibar
Posts: 314 | From: Over here! | Registered: May 2001
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
They won't know what hit them! (Tell us how it went ![[Smile]](smile.gif) )
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
My son, age 26, lives at home and is ISO a mate. We also have a home Bible study, which meets in our family room once a week. This funnels off of our church -- if you join and are looking for a home group they refer you to one that is geographically near you. Yesterday we got a new member -- a 24 year old girl! Cute as a button, clearly a believer.
Only here, where I am certain my son does not come, do I dare confide my hope that she is a specific gift from God. He was not at the Bible study last night (he works nights) but always shows up for the once-a-month pot luck, which by good fortune is next Monday. I solicit all your prayers for that first encounter! Also I will cook something for that pot luck that will foster romance. Perhaps this is the moment for that triple-chocolate fudge cake.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Carex
Shipmate
# 9643
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Posted
Can you assign them together to the dish-washing detail?
Posts: 1425 | Registered: Jun 2005
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
Alright, now I'm picturing Brenda behind a big kettle brewing that magic luuurve potion Good luck!
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
It is too soon to do Smoking Bishop, which I have successfully foisted off onto the group by citing its mention in A Christmas Carol. (Candy is dandy, fat is where it's at, but alcohol lowers inhibition.)
Strawberries are no longer in season, which lets out strawberry shortcake, the quickest way to a man's heart. Perhaps peach trifle, if the peaches look good at the farm market. There is something about sweetened whipped cream mounded softly in a large trifle dish...
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
BC, I think the next time we have a name amnesty you'll have to change your Ship name to "Cupid".
Someone pass her the arrows!
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I will cook something for that pot luck that will foster romance. Perhaps this is the moment for that triple-chocolate fudge cake.
Wouldn't have been my choice for a romantic meal; seems a bit heavy. How about strawberries, pomegranates or oysters?
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
I'm sure Brenda will be going at this with super-extreme subtlety - or this girl's going to run a mile. Perhaps even not be there at some event they might both be at. Or is it just men who know that if some single-girl-at-church's mother smiles at them, it's wise to leave the engine running and never stay past verse 2 of the final hymn... ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
No, all I am going to do is shovel the food up. I won't even introduce them.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sipech:
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I will cook something for that pot luck that will foster romance. Perhaps this is the moment for that triple-chocolate fudge cake.
Wouldn't have been my choice for a romantic meal; seems a bit heavy. How about strawberries, pomegranates or oysters?
Romantic meal? They have not even met!
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
I'm sure Brenda will be going at this with super-extreme subtlety - or this girl's going to run a mile. Perhaps even not be there at some event they might both be at. Or is it just men who know that if some single-girl-at-church's mother smiles at them, it's wise to leave the engine running and never stay past verse 2 of the final hymn...
Women know it too. I'm in my 60s, but in an organization where I'm involved there's an absolutely lovely (and very wealthy) woman who has picked me out for her son. Luckily, I usually attend events with a friend who makes sure I'm never left alone with them. I really like the mother, but her son is a total loser.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Ad Orientem
Shipmate
# 17574
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Wayward Crucifer:
Bumping to avoid the hostly hoover, because this has been fascinating reading as I ponder this end of my life.
Also because, after about 18 months of nagging from a colleague, and it not clashing with things I'm already committed too, I'm putting a tentative toe in the Speed Dating thing tomorrow. It's a first for me, so have sympathy for all the ladies.
Wayward
Good luck.
As for myself, I had more-or-less completely lost hope after too many years of being single and desperate but I was unexpectedly introduced to a friend of a friend and we've been seeing each other for a couple of months now. I always used to stress about not having anything to say on a date but there was no awkwardness between us and we have lots in common. My feet are firmly on the ground but we do like each other and we enjoy each other's company, so who knows? It's been nice.
[ 16. September 2015, 17:11: Message edited by: Ad Orientem ]
Posts: 2606 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2013
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
My idea is that if it is meant to be then it will indeed be easy. There won't be any stress, it'll just grow. If you have to buck against the stream all the way, that's a sign -- the other way.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
Ad Orientem: As for myself, I had more-or-less completely lost hope after too many years of being single and desperate but I was unexpectedly introduced to a friend of a friend and we've been seeing each other for a couple of months now. I always used to stress about not having anything to say on a date but there was no awkwardness between us and we have lots in common. My feet are firmly on the ground but we do like each other and we enjoy each other's company, so who knows? It's been nice.
Wow, sounds good.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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MarsmanTJ
Shipmate
# 8689
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Posted
What do you do when someone who might possibly be of interest to you, yet was dating a close friend and was thus off-limits to even consider, becomes single again? I ask purely as a hypothetical, of course... ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
Posts: 238 | Registered: Oct 2004
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
MarsmanTJ: What do you do when someone who might possibly be of interest to you, yet was dating a close friend and was thus off-limits to even consider, becomes single again? I ask purely as a hypothetical, of course...
Go for it.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Gently moving a pawn forward to see what results is not overly bold. If there is no response, let it drop.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Scots lass
Shipmate
# 2699
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Wayward Crucifer:
Bumping to avoid the hostly hoover, because this has been fascinating reading as I ponder this end of my life.
Also because, after about 18 months of nagging from a colleague, and it not clashing with things I'm already committed too, I'm putting a tentative toe in the Speed Dating thing tomorrow. It's a first for me, so have sympathy for all the ladies.
Wayward
How did it go? Don't be put off if it wasn't great - I've been speed dating twice, the first time was terrible and when I was persuaded back by a friend 18 months later I met a really nice guy. We're getting married in just over a fortnight.
Posts: 863 | From: the diaspora | Registered: Apr 2002
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ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MarsmanTJ:
What do you do when someone who might possibly be of interest to you, yet was dating a close friend and was thus off-limits to even consider, becomes single again? I ask purely as a hypothetical, of course...
Dither and overthink until you've sent yourself nuts and close friend is no longer single? No? Just me then...
Posts: 1887 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
Hanging around after church, usually with some others, lots of lunches during the week, he declared "feelings," I said "just friends," half a year later he year mentioned it again, I said I'm not the type to settle down, two months later thought crosses my mind maybe I'd rather live with a backyard chicken farmer than travel the world - huh, where did that come from?
How sure should one be? Should I raise the subject Sunday or wait a bit to be more sure?
Didn't make it to Sunday. Friday he was dead, run over by a truck.
Next time (if there is a next time) - gonna grab him fast! Time can be much shorter than expected.
Gotta get out and circulate!
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Oh dear, well clearly it was not Meant. Yes, get on out there.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
Belle Ringer: Didn't make it to Sunday. Friday he was dead, run over by a truck.
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Oh dear, well clearly it was not Meant. Yes, get on out there.
Yes after the screaming protest shock diminished (I had marveled that love diminishes the importance of the negatives) I admit it would have been difficult. He was in poor health in a variety of ways. Maybe God spared me (and him) several years of difficult life. And yet -- sigh.
quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
quote:
Belle Ringer: Didn't make it to Sunday. Friday he was dead, run over by a truck.
Exactly.
The good part - they say he was probably unconscious immediately, and was dead within half an hour. That beats a lot of ways to die.
Life can change so suddenly, any age you can be hit by a truck or a diagnosis. I was rear-ended almost 2 years ago, still far from recovered, they now say I have not just traumatic brain injury but also stroke - crashes can do that!
Gotta get my health back and find me a man.
Anyone use Match.com or the like?
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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