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Source: (consider it) Thread: A Truth Universally Acknowledged...
betjemaniac
Shipmate
# 17618

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six years of singleness is getting rather dull I must say...

[ 16. May 2016, 11:23: Message edited by: betjemaniac ]

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And is it true? For if it is....

Posts: 1439 | From: behind the dreaming spires | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged
Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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Pulled the plug on the account. Looks like I'm going to hit my 10 year anniversary as a singleton after all.

Not that there was ever much doubt over that.

--------------------
I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

Posts: 3728 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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I genuinely can't remember how long it is for me, but it has to be around 10 years.

Far too long, and it wasn't as if the immediately preceding relationship was a particularly good preparation for anything long-lasting in the future.

I hate the thought that I seem to be solidifying into a perennial bachelor, but....

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

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ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346

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It's a fine line between not worrying and just getting on with having a life, and giving up entirely.

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

Posts: 1834 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
It's a fine line between not worrying and just getting on with having a life, and giving up entirely.

The first can bring the second by default. It's so long now since I thought of being part of a couple that the concept feels alien, like a feature of someone else's life.

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

Posts: 2147 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged
betjemaniac
Shipmate
# 17618

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quote:
Originally posted by ThunderBunk:
quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
It's a fine line between not worrying and just getting on with having a life, and giving up entirely.

The first can bring the second by default. It's so long now since I thought of being part of a couple that the concept feels alien, like a feature of someone else's life.
this.
[brick wall]

--------------------
And is it true? For if it is....

Posts: 1439 | From: behind the dreaming spires | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged
Yangtze
Shipmate
# 4965

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Thunderbunk and Betjemaniac....I don't know how old or what sexual orientation either of you are but come to some London shipmeets some time - there are a fair few singletons (of both genders) of varying ages around at them. You never know....

And they're fun anyway. Which reminds me, we don't seem to have had one for a while.

(Didn't mean to exclude Sipech, who I've just realised I met at not a London shipmeet so forget you are not a London Meet regular, or Arachnid (but not sure where you're based.))

[ 17. May 2016, 10:25: Message edited by: Yangtze ]

--------------------
Arthur & Henry Ethical Shirts for Men
organic cotton, fair trade cotton, linen

Sometimes I wonder What's for Afters?

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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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quote:
Originally posted by Yangtze:
(Didn't mean to exclude Sipech, who I've just realised I met at not a London shipmeet so forget you are not a London Meet regular, or Arachnid (but not sure where you're based.))

We've met? You have me at a loss.

I tend to avoid the London shipmeets as they tend to take place in pubs, which are places I can't stand.

--------------------
I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

Posts: 3728 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged
Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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We do walks and other things, not just pubs. We've been on the London Eye, a boat trip, Kensington Palace, Shakespeare's Globe and Folk by the Oak. Which reminds me, does anyone else want to go to Folk by the Oak this year?

And if we're discussing time single I think it's 16 years.

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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

Posts: 13597 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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Love to join you in the nation's capital, subject to the vagaries of public transport from the centre of the known universe (TM)

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

Posts: 2147 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Tell me about Folk by the Oak, please.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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LeRoc

Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216

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I went to Folk by the Oak with Curiosity Killed last year, I can strongly recommend it.

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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)

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ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346

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quote:
Originally posted by Yangtze:
Thunderbunk and Betjemaniac....I don't know how old or what sexual orientation either of you are but come to some London shipmeets some time - there are a fair few singletons (of both genders) of varying ages around at them. You never know....

And they're fun anyway. Which reminds me, we don't seem to have had one for a while.

(Didn't mean to exclude Sipech, who I've just realised I met at not a London shipmeet so forget you are not a London Meet regular, or Arachnid (but not sure where you're based.))

Thanks, Yangtze, if ever I'm in the right place at the right time a shipmeet sounds good. I'm based in West Yorkshire and attended a Huddersfield shipmeet last year (and had an excellent time).

I dislike doing things with the sole purpose of partnering up, but am partial to company of others.

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

Posts: 1834 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
LeRoc

Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216

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I'd love to meet again in London, which for me would be for non-partnering purposes.

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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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I enjoyed a London meet three years ago. I'll be there again next month -- if the timing is right, I'd love to join you.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9544 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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I need to add -- not for match-up purposes. I've been happily single for 14 years and have no desire to change that status.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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I don't think anyone would be treating the Ship or a meet as a dating agency. I just want to see what you bunch of freaks look like!

[Snigger]

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

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LeRoc

Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216

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quote:
ThunderBunk: I don't think anyone would be treating the Ship or a meet as a dating agency.
There have been specific dating threads on the Ship in the past.

--------------------
I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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I wasn't suggesting a dating meet either, I just like meeting people, and, although I'll do things on my own if I want to do them, some things are better in a group, however small.

London Meet thread started.

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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by ThunderBunk:
I don't think anyone would be treating the Ship or a meet as a dating agency. I just want to see what you bunch of freaks look like!

"Tigglet's Dating Agency" was probably before your time, but it seemed to work for some people (now happily married to other shipmates and most of them don't post any more).
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Snags
Utterly socially unrealistic
# 15351

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quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
Tell me about Folk by the Oak, please.

Folk by the Oak is an annual Folk festival at Hatfield House, just up t'road from here. It's on my "really ought to go one year" list that I never quite get around to crossing off.

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Vain witterings :-: Vain pretentions :-: The Dog's Blog(locks)

Posts: 1394 | From: just north of That London | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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I could be up for something like that. Always providing I'm not spending a third summer recovering from surgery.

That's not a whinge - my two hip replacements have been life-transforming and VERY GOOD IDEAS. Hopefully not a tradition, though.

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Yam-pk
Shipmate
# 12791

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I hate dating. I'm going to become a monk
Posts: 472 | From: The Grim North | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by ThunderBunk:
I don't think anyone would be treating the Ship or a meet as a dating agency. I just want to see what you bunch of freaks look like!

"Tigglet's Dating Agency" was probably before your time, but it seemed to work for some people (now happily married to other shipmates and most of them don't post any more).
Oooo!! Now that's almost giving me ideas - it's just a question of where to plant the seeds....

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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

Posts: 2147 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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In my area the women have a saying, that it is furnished with only three kinds of men. Men are either married, gay, or too weird to get married. This is usually not a problem for the men involved (we will put aside the complaints of area women), but I did hear of one downside last night. The man is one of my husband's work acquaintances, your classic too weird to get married fellow: a computer geek low on the social graces and uninterested in human interaction. He has gotten on magnificently by himself for fifty or sixty years, writing code fifty hours every week and being paid handsomely for it. But time is not our friend. He had a major health issue, and realized that there was nobody -- nobody to drive him to the doctor, nobody to get his prescriptions filled, nobody to help him in and out of bed at three in the morning. Suddenly, now, he is ISO a family.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Yam-pk
Shipmate
# 12791

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I would be out there extolling the virtues of internet dating but the women I've met through them, have all had, God love 'em, *problems* [Ultra confused]
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ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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I may, of course, be both too weird for marriage and too gay for marriage to a woman. Other forms of marriage, of course, are now available...

Disclaimer: this is neither a criticism of Brenda Clough nor an attempt to import a dead horse; just an observation on my own situation.

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

Posts: 2147 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged
moonlitdoor
Shipmate
# 11707

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I know several straight men, including myself, who have had little success in engaging the interest of women. I don't think any of us is all that weird, though that could be wishful thinking I suppose as we are clearly missing something.

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We've evolved to being strange monkeys, but in the next life he'll help us be something more worthwhile - Gwai

Posts: 2208 | From: london | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged
ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346

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You say weird like it's a bad thing [Biased]

I maintain that for a lot of us it's just very bad luck. I've had more than one person who knows me through work or church assume that I had a partner and/or children so I can't be walking around with 'freak' tattooed on my head.

There's nothing missing in us, we're just not in the right place at the right time.

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

Posts: 1834 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Zoey

Broken idealist
# 11152

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Why is the saying only applied to men, Brenda? I'm female and pretty sure I'm in the "too weird to get married" category.

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Pay no mind, I'm doing fine, I'm breathing on my own.

Posts: 3081 | From: the penultimate stop? | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
The man is one of my husband's work acquaintances, your classic too weird to get married fellow: a computer geek low on the social graces and uninterested in human interaction. He has gotten on magnificently by himself for fifty or sixty years, writing code fifty hours every week and being paid handsomely for it. But time is not our friend. He had a major health issue, and realized that there was nobody -- nobody to drive him to the doctor, nobody to get his prescriptions filled, nobody to help him in and out of bed at three in the morning. Suddenly, now, he is ISO a family.

I am trying to figure out why you posted this on a thread mostly used by single people.
Posts: 24429 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by moonlitdoor:
I know several straight men, including myself, who have had little success in engaging the interest of women. I don't think any of us is all that weird, though that could be wishful thinking I suppose as we are clearly missing something.

If you have a female friend or relative you feel you can trust, I'd suggest asking her advice about what would be helpful. If you feel comfortable enough to ask her to look over your written intro, or profile, or help you choose a good picture, that might be useful too. I appreciate you might not have anyone you feel you can ask this of, but it's worth a try.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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quote:
Originally posted by Zoey:
Why is the saying only applied to men, Brenda? I'm female and pretty sure I'm in the "too weird to get married" category.

Trust me, I know enough weird couples to state this is not necessarily the case. Oddness is more tricky.
Anything out of the ordinary lowers the odds, no pun intended, but there is always hope.
At least I hope so. I am weird and odd. The odd creates more issues than the weird.

quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
I am trying to figure out why you posted this on a thread mostly used by single people.

Because her friend is single? Because this is a thread in which his problem fits?
Her post is hardly the most irrelevant to the general theme posting we've had here, I think it fits.

--------------------
So goodnight moon, I want the sun
If it's not here soon, I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

- A. N. Parsley, D. Mcvinni

Posts: 17105 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by ThunderBunk:
I don't think anyone would be treating the Ship or a meet as a dating agency. I just want to see what you bunch of freaks look like!

"Tigglet's Dating Agency" was probably before your time, but it seemed to work for some people (now happily married to other shipmates and most of them don't post any more).
I was a dinner guest at that! But sadly not with the same success as the others you mention. I must be the 'too weird for marriage' kind of person (of the female kind) that Brenda Clough adverts to. Didn't realize it was an official category for single unattacheds. Maybe I was off school the day they did the innoculations against 'weird-unmarried'.

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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!

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Carex
Shipmate
# 9643

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The phrase used in Alaska, where some communities may have upwards of 5 single men per single woman, is:

The odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Posts: 1420 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346

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quote:
Originally posted by Carex:
The phrase used in Alaska, where some communities may have upwards of 5 single men per single woman, is:

The odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Yep, that's in usage in the UK too, in my experience in University science departments.

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

Posts: 1834 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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Some of us are going to take our ball back and go to play over here.

[ 06. June 2016, 21:20: Message edited by: Doublethink. ]

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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19194 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:

quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
I am trying to figure out why you posted this on a thread mostly used by single people.

Because her friend is single? Because this is a thread in which his problem fits?
Her post is hardly the most irrelevant to the general theme posting we've had here, I think it fits.

Irrelevance is not my complaint.
Posts: 24429 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:

quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
I am trying to figure out why you posted this on a thread mostly used by single people.

Because her friend is single? Because this is a thread in which his problem fits?
Her post is hardly the most irrelevant to the general theme posting we've had here, I think it fits.

Irrelevance is not my complaint.
Then what is?

--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

Posts: 7827 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Isn't there an inference that posting the details of an eligible bachelor will have all the single ladies asking him to put a ring on it?

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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

Posts: 13597 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged
Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
Isn't there an inference that posting the details of an eligible bachelor will have all the single ladies asking him to put a ring on it?

In this instance, real life does not reflect song lyrics.

The same was also true when I tried dotting my front yard with glasses of milkshake.

Posts: 3728 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:

quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
I am trying to figure out why you posted this on a thread mostly used by single people.

Because her friend is single? Because this is a thread in which his problem fits?
Her post is hardly the most irrelevant to the general theme posting we've had here, I think it fits.

Irrelevance is not my complaint.
Then what is?
The original post implies, though may not have intended to, that being single is a negative state likely to lead to a crap old age. Reading this when you are single and middle aged may lead to - shall we say - mixed feelings rather than a warm glow of feeling supported.

[ 08. June 2016, 09:47: Message edited by: Doublethink. ]

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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19194 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032

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I get the impression - maybe wrong? - that Ruth's post was a questioning of Brenda Clough's post about a man whom she describes as a 'too weird to get married' type; who in his less youthful years was feeling lonely, had health issues and was now looking around for practical companionship to alleviate said problems. Eg, 'he realized he had nobody' to do all those jobs that apparently (though I don't believe it is always necessarily the case) partnered people do have someone to do for them; as in, give lifts, fetch scripts, get them out of bed.

The inference very clearly is that now it no longer suits this 'too weird to be married' person to be single, he's looking out for a wife/partner to be his gopher.

Ruth - rather reasonably, I thought - asked, why this post would be of any use or encouragement on a support thread for the, generally speaking, reluctantly single unattacheds.

I do apologise if I've misread this, sincerely. But that is precisely how I read that particular post, too.

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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!

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lilBuddha
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# 14333

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But that is within the remit of this thread. It is not ours to judge too closely the motives of people seeking partners, not on this thread on this board.
Many people seeking marriage are looking for a helper as much as a partner. Brenda is putting it bluntly, but I've heard that scenario shaded with more grey and generally receive sympathy.
Not defending the subject of her post, just adding context.

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ArachnidinElmet
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# 17346

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I was accompanied during my weeding today by one of the visiting cats from next door. There are two visiting cats (Romeo and Twinkle) that like to follow at heel a la Nigel the dog from Gardener's World. They're partial to a bit of companionship.

I decided to stay outside and sit on my doorstep with a book in one hand and a cat in the other. A very calming occupation.

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

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ArachnidinElmet
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# 17346

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Very many apologies. This nonsense should have been posted on another thread.

As you were.

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032

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quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
But that is within the remit of this thread. It is not ours to judge too closely the motives of people seeking partners, not on this thread on this board.
Many people seeking marriage are looking for a helper as much as a partner. Brenda is putting it bluntly, but I've heard that scenario shaded with more grey and generally receive sympathy.
Not defending the subject of her post, just adding context.

I see the point you're making and have no problem with that. But I think it's fair to call Brenda Clough on her post.

Your first sentence states Brenda Clough's post is within the remit; then you immediately go on to say 'it's not for us to judge'. Which is precisely what BC's post is all about. Judging why a 'weird' single person would 'suddenly' want to acquire a family, just at the time when they realize they don't have anybody to run their errands for them.

As for 'putting it bluntly'. Of course, if BC had put her point in terms of how understandable it is for people who are single to regret some of the potential negatives of that circumstance, as they get older, and want to change that, who could gainsay that? But she didn't. She explicitly tells us about a person - too weird for marriage, apparently, whatever that means - who wants a family to lift and lay them. Presented in the slightly sarcastic and judgemental way it is, clearly, the lesson of the post is 'how selfish'. Of course, BC knowing this person may be totally right about this situation. May be.

But I'm with Ruth in wondering why such a post applies in any way to a thread where participants here are sharing experiences on singleness?

I'm sure it wouldn't be acceptable posting in this quasi-sarcastic judgemental way on a thread where married/partnered people are sharing challenges and difficulties, as if somehow the participants are meant to learn a lesson about the selfishness of being married, for example.

The only way BC's post could've been in context and within the remit - in my opinion - would've been if she was recounting her own personal experience either as the 'too weird for marriage' person, or the victim of that person.

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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!

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Welease Woderwick

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Hosting

I think I shall call enough on this tangent and suggest that if anyone wants to continue it to do so by calling Brenda Clough to Hell and sort it out there - remember that this is All Saints!

Thank you.

WW - AS Host

/Hosting

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Brenda Clough
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I apologize for upsetting everybody and won't do it again.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
I was accompanied during my weeding today by one of the visiting cats from next door. There are two visiting cats (Romeo and Twinkle) that like to follow at heel a la Nigel the dog from Gardener's World. They're partial to a bit of companionship.

I decided to stay outside and sit on my doorstep with a book in one hand and a cat in the other. A very calming occupation.

quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
Very many apologies. This nonsense should have been posted on another thread.

[Killing me] I was wondering if you were suggesting that cuddling the cat was a good way to strike up companionship with the neighbor!

Personally, I have found that the fact that cats tend to adore me does open doors. I am, for example, the primary cat-sitter for my beloved Penelope. Her prior cat and I were best buddies. The new kittens are still thinking about it, but they get friendlier each visit. And Penelope's delight when I take care of them brightens my heart.

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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